


As Long As You Love Me

by Zoeykaytesmom



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Break Up, College, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Getting Back Together, Smut, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-08 11:43:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 98
Words: 85,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14693543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoeykaytesmom/pseuds/Zoeykaytesmom
Summary: Okay, so while writing my last story, I started coming up with more ideas so I deleted it and I am starting completely over.





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey Ma,” Izzy Rossetti said as she walked in to her parents Bensonhurst Brooklyn home. “Hey, what brings you out of the city?” She held up her laundry bag. “Oh, I see. Well set it down.” “Thanks, Ma.” “How’s school going?” “Eh,” she shrugged. “If you and Erin would stay out of the bars, you might could study.” “We don’t do that. We’re only 19.” “Elizabeth.” “Yeah, okay. Hey, Ma, speaking of, her parents are going to Colorado for Thanksgiving, can I bring her here?” “Sure. Your brother is bringing his roommate, too.” “I thought he was from the Bronx.” “He is but his parents are going to Florida. He was gonna stay at school and study for finals, but Tony talked him into coming back here.” “Oh, okay.” “Hey big sister!” “Hey, Mikey. How’s the best-looking kid at I.S 96.” “Oh, well, you know.” “Where’s Bella?” “Her boyfriend’s, where else?” “She’s gonna end up pregnant.” “Don’t say that about your sister.” “You know I’m right.” “Are you really wanting to go there?” “Hey, this is 1999. I’m smart enough to carry condoms with me.” “Okay your brother doesn’t need to hear this and I just don’t want to.” Izzy was a sophomore at NYU. She had graduated from FDR High School in 1998, a year early actually. She had plans to go to law school like her big brother once she graduated. Erin Harris was her roommate/fellow troublemaker. She lived in Long Island all her life and like Izzy, graduated from Garden City High a year early.

 

“Erin Lindsay Harris, get your ass out of bed!” “What day is it?” “Thanksgiving, ya ass.” “What did we do last night?” “Keg stands.” “Oh, that’s right.” “What’s the plan for the day?” “Smoke some pot and then go to my parents.” “Sounds like a plan to me.” “My brother is bringing his roommate from Harvard with him.” “Is he hot?” “I don’t know. I’ve never met him.” “So, what’s going on with you and Halstead?” “Frankenteen? Nothing.” “Didn’t seem like nothing last night.” “I danced with you, too, doesn’t mean there’s something going on between us.” “I wouldn’t kick you out of my bed.” “Shut up.”

“Oh my god. I am starving.” “Be cool, bitch, damn. Ma! Pop!” “In here!” “Your pride and joy is here.” “As you see, Rafael, our oldest daughter is very impressed with herself,” her father, Anthony Sr said with a chuckle. The young Cuban with green eyes kind of laughed. “Who wouldn’t be,” she shot back. “Hey, little sister.” “Tony.” “Izzy, this is my roommate Rafael Barba. Rafael, my sister, Izzy Rossetti.” “It’s nice to meet you. Your brother has told me a lot about you.” “All lies.” “Bullshit.” “This is my roommate Erin Harris.” He shook Erin’s hand but kept glancing at Izzy. “How long before dinner?” “About 30 minutes.” “Shit.” “Shh!” Erin and Izzy were trying so hard not to laugh. “On Thanksgiving, really, you two?” “What, Pop?” “Like I don’t know when you’re stoned.”


	2. Chapter 2

Anthony was talking to Tony & Rafael about their plans for after graduation the following May. Erin and Izzy were eating, not paying too mention to everyone else. “Do you ever chew your food, Izzy?” Izzy looked at Rafael like he had lost his mind while Tony just died laughing. “Excuse me?” “Well, if I’m not mistaken you swallowed a turkey leg whole.” “You’re hysterical, Rafael.” “I thought it was funny.” “You want to find a new apartment, Erin?” “You guys don’t live in the dorms?” “They got kicked out, Rafael,” Tony laughed. “We didn’t get kicked out. It was either leave the dorm or leave school. We choose education.” “Yes, so now Erin’s parents and my parents split the rent and utilities on their apartment.” “Jealous, Junior?” “Don’t call me ‘Junior’.” “Fine, Indiana, whatever.” 

 

Erin and Izzy were at a bar not too far from her parents. “Thank God for fake IDs,” Erin laughed. “No lie.” “Your brother’s roommate is cute.” “Yeah, he’s not bad.” “Not bad? Did you see those green eyes? What am I saying, how could you not? He couldn’t take them off of you.” “Shut up.” “You’re going to tell me you didn’t notice.” “Eh,” she shrugged. “Buy you two beautiful ladies a drink?” “Move a long, Guido.” “Oh, come on, one drink.” “I said no, thank you,” Izzy said as she glared at the guy with too much gel in his hair. “I don’t take no for an answer, baby,” he said as he grabbed her arm. His friend was practically breathing down Erin’s neck. Izzy sat for a minute before reaching back and knocking the guy to his ass. Erin followed behind with his friend. “You bitch!” Izzy’s elbow went to the dudes forehead knocking him down again. The bouncer came and grabbed her & Erin. “Put me down!” “I think you ladies have had enough.” “Us? We were minding our own business.” “We only had one drink, Rogaine failure.” “Out!” “Can you believe that shit?” “That son of a bitch grabbed me, and we get kicked out? That’s some bullshit.” “Oh shit, Izzy, everyone is fighting now.” “Let’s get the fuck out of here,” she said as she and Erin took off running. They got far enough away before they stopped and just died laughing. “I thought I heard my sister laughing.” “What do you want, Tony?” “We were just heading to Vinnie’s for a drink.” “I wouldn’t do that.” “Why not, Izzy?” “We might have started a tiny fight.” “Why am I not surprised?” 

 

“Can you two behave yourselves in here,” Tony asked as they walked into a different bar about 8 blocks away from where they had been. “We’ll do our best.” “Your best isn’t good enough.” “Ugh, Rafael how do you share an apartment with this asshole?” “It’s not easy.” “Thanks a lot, roomie.” “I just answered honestly. Come on, how much trouble can they get into with us here?” “Don’t ever ask that question. Trouble finds them.” They found a booth while Tony & Rafael went to grab some beers. “Watch him and tell me he’s not checking you out every chance he gets.” “Will you stop.” “You’re crushing on Halstead.” “No, I’m not.” “Then go for it.” “He’s 25.” “So?” “Here they come. Drop it. Thanks, bro.” “Just don’t make me regret this.” She rolled her eyes as she took a drink of the Fat Tire he brought her. Erin & Tony were playing pool leaving Rafael and Izzy alone. “So, Izzy, your brother tells me you’re studying Criminal Psychology.” “I am, Barba.” “And you plan on going to law school?” “That’s the plan for now.” “They look pretty friendly.” “Don’t even get me started on those two. Nothing will cause you to seek therapy faster than seeing your brother’s naked ass in your kitchen at 2 in the morning.” “So, she’s the girl he talks about whenever he’s coming home?” “Yeah, they just screw. They don’t date.” “I see. What about you?” “What?!” “I mean are you dating anyone?” “Oh, no. College is too early to be tied down. What about you?” “I date but I haven’t had an actual girlfriend since my Junior year of college.” “What? She couldn’t handle the 3-hour distance or something?” “Basically, and she ran into the arms of my oldest friend in the world.” “Wow. I’m sorry, Rafael.” “Don’t be. I have plans and I’m kind of like you. Not ready to be tied down.” “What are your plans?” “Were you that stoned at dinner,” he laughed. “That would be a yes. So, tell me.” “The past two summers I clerked for the Brooklyn DA, which I’ll do this summer after graduation and I’ve pretty much been promised a job as soon as I pass the bar.” “Wow.” “Your brother is promised a job in Yonkers.” “Really?” “Wow. You need to lay off the pot,” he laughed. She had to admit, there was something cute about him. It wasn’t just his eyes. He had this smirk on his face that drove her crazy.


	3. Chapter 3

“Hey, Erin and I are heading back to your apartment.” “Seriously, Tony?” “You knew this was going to happen.” “Ugh, fine. That takes care of Tony’s sleeping arraignments. Rafael you are more than welcome to come to our apartment. I have a futon in my room.” “Uh, okay.” “Don’t try anything with my sister.” “I’m more scared of her than I am you.” “I get that a lot,” Tony laughed. The four of them got a taxi and headed back to Erin & Izzy’s apartment. “See what the FDNY and FDR High school pay half on, Rafael?” “Tony, will you shut up? Mom & Dad pay part of your stuff, too.” “It’s nice.” “See you guys in the morning,” Tony laughed as he & Erin went to her room. “So, my room is this way.” “Okay.” “You want a beer?” “Uh, sure.” She grabbed a couple of Bass’ from the fridge and led him in her room. “This is a pretty nice apartment.” “Yeah, the best thing about it is our rooms are separated by the kitchen and living room, so I don’t have to hear when she’s having sex; especially when it’s with my brother. Actually, I’m gonna turn on some music because we might still hear them,” Izzy laughed. “Do you mind if I get comfortable?” “Not at all. I have the private bathroom; knock yourself out.” “Thanks.” She turned on her stereo to try and drown out anything they might hear coming from Erin’s room. He came out of the bathroom in his boxers and a white t-shirt. “Okay, my turn,” she said as she grabbed her tank top and pajama shorts. She decided to leave her bra on to keep her boobs from falling out. When she walked out, he couldn’t help but admire her legs. Yes, she was about 4 inches shorter than him, but it still seemed like her legs went on forever. “Nosy much?” “I was just admiring your movie collection. All the Lethal Weapon’s, The Godfathers, Full Metal Jacket, The Marx Brothers, Rocky Horror?” “Hey, that movie is great, and I make a hell of a Frank-n-Furter.” I’m sure you do,” he laughed, “What about music?” “It’s mainly Queen, Billy Joel, Elton John, Duran Duran, Korn, Marilyn Manson, Metallica, NWA, Beastie Boys, a bunch of 70s and 80s compilations.” “Uh, *NSYNC?” “Don’t even think about it. Lance Bass is so hot.” “And so obviously gay.” “No, he’s not!”

 

They stayed up for hours talking and drinking beer. “You are too cute,” he slipped out before he could stop himself. “Cute? I’m cute? Puppies are cute.” “Well, what am I supposed to say to my roommate’s little sister, ‘you’re fucking hot and sexy as hell’?” “At least that’s honest.” “Fine. You’re fucking hot and sexy as hell.” “You’re pretty hot, too, Barba.” “You think so?” “Oh yeah. Why don’t you come up here on the bed with me?” He got up and came over to her. They just stared at each other. He finally moved in and kissed her. She had never had a kiss like this. There was so much passion in it. She ran her hands through his dark brown hair as they made out. He laid her back on her bed. “I’ve never done this before. I’m virgin.” He stopped, “Are you serious?” “Oh my god, Barba, are you really that gullible? How are you going to be a prosecutor?” “You are not funny.” “I beg to differ.” They kept making out as his hand made it down into her shorts and panties. He ran his thumb over her clit, making her shudder. Apparently, she had been with some very inexperienced guys. He took two fingers and pushed the, inside of her. Her whole body started tingling. He started on her neck and worked his way down. He pulled her shorts and panties off and started in on her. “Oh…my…god… Rafael.” “Shh, we don’t want anyone hearing us.” She tried to remain quiet as he flicked his tongue faster against her clit. She finally grabbed her pillow and covered her face at what she was sure was her actual very first orgasm. “You okay,” he said as he kissed her, letting her taste herself. “I’m…wonderful.” He got undressed and finished undressing her. “I don’t have…” “I’m on the pill.” “But still.” “Okay,” she said as she reached into her nightstand and grabbed a condom. “You want to put it on me?” “Sure.” She started rolling the latex down on his cock and wondered if it would be big enough for his size. “Sorry, I don’t keep Magnums around.” “It’ll work,” he said as he pushed his lips to hers. He pushed into her very slowly, so she could adjust to him. He started off with slow strokes, while kissing her legs that were wrapped around his neck. “Oh my god, fuck me, Rafael.” He picked up his pace while holding her ass. “You are so hot and tight, putita.” “I think I’m almost there.” “I’m going to make sure of it.” He fucked her until her entire body went numb. Her walls clinched around his huge cock and he soon followed and filled up the condom he was wearing. “Oh, wow. That was amazing.” “Thank you,” he laughed. She had never been with anyone that made her body feel like that. He put his arms around her and they fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

*KNOCK,KNOCK* “Hey why is you door locked?” “My door’s always locked, Tony!” “Well tell Rafael to get up so we can go back to Brooklyn, shower, and change.” “Okay, gimme a minute.” Rafael was still asleep next to her in her bed. “Barba.” “Hmm?” “Wake-up.” “What’s wrong?” “My brother wants you guys to go back to Brooklyn.” “Oh, okay.” He threw his black pants & green sweater back on. “I want to see you again before I go back to Harvard.” “Rafael…” “Please?” “Can you get away from my brother?” “I’m sure I can.” “Do you have a cell?” “Of course.” “Here’s my number,” she said as she wrote it on a piece of paper. “Call me.” “I will,” he said as he kissed her before walking out of her room.

 

  
“You didn’t touch my sister, did you?” “Are you kidding? She would’ve killed me,” Rafael laughed as they walked down the stairs of Erin & Izzy’s building. “Oh my god, did you seriously not do anything with him,” Erin asked as they did yoga in their living room. “Okay, if you tell my brother I will kill you.” “You fucked him!” “No, he fucked me, and it was amazing.” “Oh my god!” “I mean it. Do not say a word to Tony.” “It’s in the vault.” Izzy told Erin about her night with Rafael. “And he wants to see you again?” “Yes!” “Wow. I told you he liked you.”

 

“Hey, I’m here,” Izzy said as she ran up on Jerome Avenue in the Bronx to meet Rafael. He didn’t say a word and just kissed her. “Wow.” “You hungry?” “I could eat.” “Pizza sound good?” “It does. Pepperoni or Supreme; no mushrooms though.” “Are you serious?” “Mushrooms are disgusting.” “Fine,” he said as he kissed her again. “You are a damn good kisser, Barba.” “I try. You’re a pretty good kisser as well, Izzy.” “You’re good at other things, too.” “I’m glad you think so.” “Hell, I know so.”

 

  
“So, what would you think about me coming to Manhattan every other week or so,” Rafael asked after they had sex for the second time. “For what?” “To see you, bebita.” “Really?” “Yes.” “I thought you didn’t want to be tied down.” “Who said anything about being tied down?” “So, I could still date and sleep with other guys?” “I didn’t say that.” “So, are you wanting me to be your girlfriend?” “Something like that.” “What will you tell my brother?” “Let me handle that. Can Erin keep quiet?” “She knows I can beat her ass.” “That’s not what I asked.” “Yes, she can.” “Good,” he said as he started kissing her and working his way back between her legs.


	5. Chapter 5

She hadn’t seen Rafael since Thanksgiving. They talked on the phone almost every night and he would send her flowers every once in a while. “So, what are you plans for Christmas, Erin?” “I guess I’m going to meet my parents & brother in Gstaad.” “Are you fucking kidding me?” “No. I hate that bullshit, but they want me & Steven there. He’s not very happy about it. What are you doing?” “I’ll be at my parents Christmas Day.” “And before?” “What do you mean?” “Your boyfriend not coming home?” “Shut up.” “Like I don’t know what’s going on.” 

 

Rafael’s train was arriving at 10:30 on Christmas Eve. Izzy couldn’t help herself when she saw him step off. She ran up to him and jumped into his arms. “I’ve missed you, mi amor.” “I’ve missed you, too.” They just stood there kissing on the platform. “Come on, Izzy. Let’s get back to your place.” They got back to her apartment, barely keeping their hands and lips off each other. He got her in her bedroom and made love to her. He wasn’t fucking her. He was taking his time, kissing every inch of her body. He put his unsheathed cock into her. “Rafa…” “It’s okay, mi amor. I know you’re not trying to have a baby right now.” “Okay.” He rocked his hips back and forth. “You want to try something new?” “Sure, Rafael.” He turned her over onto her knees. “I thought you said…” “We can make love like this, too, mi Corazon,” he said as he lined up with her opening. He went deep inside of her. “Rafael, you’re so big.” “Keep talking, princesa.” “Harder. Faster,” she moaned as he listened to her commands. He put his hand around her neck and started squeezing. “Rafa…” “Do you trust me?” “Yes.” “Then shh.” He squeezed harder the closer she got. She felt like she had passed out for just a minute, but she had a mind-blowing orgasm in the process. “Oh my god, Rafael.” “Did you like that?” “I did.” “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” “Not at all. What brought that on?" "I overheard some guys talking about it one day in the library," he shrugged. "If I ever do something that you're not comfortable with or hurts you, tell me, please." "I will." p>


	6. Chapter 6

“Shit. It’s 5:00 already?” “Somewhere you gotta be?” “Brooklyn. Mass. If I miss it, my mother will harp on it for a month. Aren’t you going?” “I guess I better. Wouldn’t want to disappoint my Abuelita.” “So, I’ll see you tomorrow?” “I’ll be here.” She walked him to the door. “Oh, I almost forgot,” he said as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a long box. “I thought we said…” “I know but I still wanted to get you something. It’s nothing too fancy.” It was a white gold chain with a small diamond on it. “Rafael…” “I saw it and thought it would look good on you.” “Thank you but don’t spend your money…” “I do have a job and know how to manage my money.” “It’s beautiful.” He leaned in and kissed her. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“You’re late.” “Ma, I got here as fast as I could.” “I’m sure you did. How do you think you did on your finals?” “Pretty good, I think. My Perception final was a bitch, but I think for the most part I got a high ‘B’ or a low ‘A’.” “Good. Where’s your shadow?” “Skiing.” “Must be nice.” “Oh, here we go.” “What?” “If you didn’t have to pay for all this stuff for me & Tony, maybe we could go on vacations again.” “I didn’t say a word.” “No, but you were thinking it.” “Well, speaking of money, your cell phone was $400 this month.” “Oops.” “Who have you been talking to every night for hours at a time?” “Just somebody I know.” “You have a home phone, don’t you?” “Yeah.” “Start using it or wait until after 8 before making your calls.” “Okay.” 

After opening presents, Izzy got ready to head back to her apartment. “Hey, when’s Erin gonna be back?” “I don’t know, Tony. Tomorrow, Monday? She said she wasn’t staying long.” “Well, tell her to get ahold of me when she gets back.” “I am not facilitating your booty call. You’re grown.” “Just…okay?” “Fine,” she said as she rolled her eyes. “What are you going to do while you’re home?” “Hang out with some friends from high school. Remember Stacy?” “Stacy Wilson?” “Yeah. I’m gonna try and set Rafael up with her.” “Uh no.” “Why not?” “He’s not her type.” “How do you know?” “She was such a whore.” “So? I’m not trying to get him married, just laid.” “Leave the guy alone. He doesn’t need your sloppy seconds.” “I never did anything with her.” “You’d be the only one in the neighborhood that didn’t.” “Seriously, if Erin gets back, you guys should go out with us Friday night. It’s New Years’ Eve.” “I might. The world ending and shit.” “Are you really buying into that Y2K shit?” “Not even a little bit.”

“Have you seriously recorded every episode of ‘Sex and the City’ just so you can rewatch it,” Rafael laughed as they cuddled in her bed. “This show is great. Have you never watched it?” “That would be a no.” “All they do is drink, have sex, and then talk about it afterwards.” “So, older versions of you & Erin?” “Pretty much,” she laughed. “So, your brother’s wanting to go out Friday night.” “Yeah, I know he told me.” “I told him I wasn’t sure yet.” “Why not?” “Well, I thought maybe we could stay in. Order some food. I’ll even watch bad TV with you.” “This is not bad TV. I have tapes of ‘Friends’ and ‘Seinfeld’.” “I’d rather watch those than Sarah Jessica Horseface.” “That is so mean!” “And the redhead just scares the shit out of me.” She rolled away from him, pretending she was mad. “Oh, come on. I’m just playing.” “No, don’t touch me.” He started kissing her neck as he ran his hand along her thigh. “That’s not going to get you anywhere.” He turned her head toward him and kissed her. “What about that?” “It’s a start.”


	7. Chapter 7

Izzy walked out of her bedroom to find Erin in the kitchen. “Hey, when did you get in?” “About 30 minutes ago.” “Why didn’t you tell me you were here?” “You sounded…busy. Is he that good?” “You have no idea.” She told Erin about Christmas Eve. “You’re kidding? I knew he had a kink of some kind.” “Shut up. My brother wants you to get ahold of him by the way.” “I know. He left me a message about going out New Years’ Eve. No offense, but I don’t feel like being in a crowded bar with all these morons waiting on the world to explode.” “Right?” “What are you going to do?” “Rafael said something about ordering food and just staying in.” “Really? Ring in 2000 the right way.” “Is that all you can think about?” “Whoa. Who are you and what have you done to my roommate?” “What do you mean?” “You really like him.” “What?” “I’ve known you for two years and you never act like that unless you really like the guy you’re seeing.” “Act like what?” “A prude.” “I am not acting like a prude. He choked me to an orgasm the other day. That’s far from being a prude.” “You know what I mean.”

 

“Hey, you two might want to stay in your room.” “Why, Erin?” “Your brother’s kinda coming over.” “Erin!” “Well, when I told him I didn’t want to go out, he suggested on coming over here.” “And you said ‘yes’ knowing Rafael was here?” “I had a weak moment.” “Fine. When will he be here?” “About 30 minutes.” “I’m going to kill you.” “Were you really planning on coming out of your room anyways?” “That’s not the point. Tony will kill him if he finds out.” “Well, we just have to make sure they don’t cross paths.” “Well, we can eat in my room, that’s not a problem.” “I’ll get Tony out of here first thing in the morning, I promise.” “You better.” “So, your brother’s coming?” “Yep and I’m going to kill my roommate.” “Do you think he’d be that mad if he found out about us?” “Uh yeah, he would.” “So, are we just going to hide the whole time?” “We’ll tell him eventually.” “Well, I hope this doesn’t ruin your New Years Eve.” “Laying in bed with a handsome 25-year-old? There’s a lot worse things I could be doing.” “Like getting in a bar fight?” “Oh no, those are fun.” “How do you two stay out of jail?” “Her brother Steven is a Lieutenant for the NYPD. We just usually call him.” Rafael just sort of laughed as he shook his head. She climbed onto his lap. “What are you doing, hermosa?” “Nothing,” she said as she started kissing his neck. “I like your idea of nothing.” “It’s going to get even better,” she said as she pulled her scarf off her nightstand. “Wanna play?” “You’re serious?” “One of these days, when you’re old & gray, sitting behind a desk, you can think of when you were 25 and dated a 19-year-old that tied you up and rode you till you exploded.” “Well, by all means,” he said as he took off his shirt. She traced her hands over his lightly tan chest. He obviously took care of himself. She pulled off his pajama bottoms and boxers. He was already hard as rock. She lightly ran her fingers up and down, causing his eyes to roll back in his head. “Oh fuck,” he screamed as she put him in her mouth. His hands were tied together with the scarf, which made it almost impossible for him to touch her the way he wanted. She brought him right to the edge before stopping. “Oh, that’s not fair.” “I’m not finished. I just need you to settle down a little bit.” She got up and took her clothes off. She slid onto him slowly. She had to remind herself not to call his name while she rode him hard and fast. “Are you sure you’re only 19,” he asked after they caught their breath. “Positive. That’s not a problem, is it?” “Has it been yet?” “No.” “I just haven’t been with anyone my age that fucks like you do.” “Maybe you just bring it out of me.” 

 

Izzy’s Christmas break was spent in bed with Rafael for the most part. A week after New Years it was time for him to leave. “What time is Tony picking you up?” “2, so I gotta get back to the Bronx. I need to say good-bye to my parents anyways.” She was trying to keep herself from crying. What the hell was wrong with her? She hardly ever cried over a guy. “Hey. Don’t do that.” “I’m sorry.” “I’ll be back in two weeks. I promise. Okay?” She nodded. “We’ll go to dinner, maybe a movie, make love.” “You are such a girl,” she laughed. “Okay, we’ll fuck. Is that better?” “A little.” “I’ll miss you.” “I’ll miss you, too, Rafa.” “No one’s ever called me that before. I like it.” He kissed her and left. “Oh my god.” “What, Erin?” “I have never seen this side of you. He’s really getting to you.” “No, he’s not.” “It’s okay to admit it.” “Yes, I like him, okay. A lot. More than I should, more than I need to.” “Why? Cause he’s your brothers best friend?” “No because eventually, it’s going to end.” “How do you know that?” “He’s 25, I’m 19. What kind of future could there be? I mean I still have to get into law school. He takes the bar in a matter of months. Our lives will always be on a different track.” “You don’t know that.” "I can't even think about that stuff. It's way too early."


	8. Chapter 8

“Hey, Rafael? You mind if my sister & Erin come stay with us this weekend?” He tried hard not to smile when Tony asked. “Uh, yeah sure.” “I thought we could take them to the party Steinberg’s throwing.” “Yeah, that’s fine. I thought you & Erin…” “Lemme tell you something, while we may not be dating, that 19-year-old rocks my fucking world. She’s the one that doesn’t want to take it further, though. You need to find you a young one.” “I’m good.” “Dude, you haven’t been on a date in 4 months. We’re about to graduate in two months. When was the last time you got laid?” “I have no idea,” he lied. “Then that’s our mission for the weekend.” “No. I’ll be okay.” “You know, it’s been five years. Are you still not…” “I’m over Yelina. It’s not that. I mean I like somebody, but I don’t know.” “You are never at a loss for words. You okay?” “Yeah. I just got a headache.” “We got Professor Stevenson in an hour.” “Don’t remind me. That is one motherfucker I will not miss when we finally we get out of here. I gotta make a phone call before class.” “The girl you like?” “I’m starting to see why your sister gets annoyed with you.” “We’ve shared an apartment all these years and you’re just now figuring it out? Wait.” Rafael rolled his eyes as he walked in his room and shut the door. He & Izzy had been seeing each other for 4 months and for the first time since Yelina, he was in love. He wanted to tell her every time he saw her or talked to her, but he was so scared. “Hey, handsome.” “Hey, are you busy?” “Just walking to Abnormal Psych. What’s up?” “I heard you’re coming down this weekend.” “Erin and I will be there Friday around 5.” “This is going to be hard, you know that, right?” “We’ll figure it out.” “Okay, well I’ll let you get to class. I miss you.” “I miss you, too. See you Friday.” 

Erin took Tony to his room to “help her” with her luggage when they got there to give Rafael & Izzy a few minutes alone. He grabbed her and kissed her like he hadn’t seen her in months; even though it had only been two weeks. “God, I missed you.” “I know.” He slapped her ass. “Hey! Watch it.” “So, how are we going to make this weekend work?” “I have no idea. I guess we’re just gonna have to play it by ear.” They heard Erin and Tony talking as they came up the hall and quickly pulled away from each other. “So, we’re going to a party tomorrow night.” “Okay, I don’t have plans of my own, Tony.” “You don’t. You don’t know anybody here but us.” “So, where’s this party at?” “Just across the parking lot. The apartment with blue chairs on the balcony.” “Wow, pulling out all the stops, are ya, bro?” “See, Barba, this is why you should be glad you’re an only child.” “Yeah but Mom & Dad planned to have me. You were an ungodly accident, Tony.” “You’re so funny.” “I can kick your ass, too.” “Try it.” “You wanna go? Right now.” “Can you two please just try to get along this weekend? I’d like to get my security deposit back.” “God, we were just kidding, Dad.” “Seriously, Izzy?” “I thought it was funny.” “I’m sure you did.” 

Izzy was laying on the couch when Rafael came out of his room. “Your brother asleep?” “I think so or Erin killed him.” “Get in here.” “You know, the thought of us getting caught, makes this so much hotter.” “We have to be quiet.” “I’ll try. You don’t make that very easy.” “So, so sorry.” They were really getting into it when Tony knocked on his door. “Hey, Rafael, you awake?” “Fuck.” “Just pretend to be asleep.” “He will stay there till I wake up. Just shh. What’s up, Tony?” “Have you seen my sister?” “Uhh, last time I saw her, she was on the couch.” “Huh. Well, she’s not out here now.” “Tony, she’s grown. I think she can take care of herself.” “Yeah, you’re right. Okay. Later.” Rafael got up and cracked his door to make sure Tony had went back to his room. “That was fucking close.” “Yeah, no shit.” “No, you don’t understand. He usually will just walk in my room without knocking.” “He has never had any boundaries.” “Maybe we shouldn’t do this tonight.” “Oh, okay.” “Hey, it’s not that I don’t want to but…” “I know. With my brother down the hall…” “Right and I kinda don’t want my face bashed in.” “I would hate that myself.” “How about tomorrow night, we lose those two at the party, and come back here to be alone for a little bit?” “Think that will work?” “Oh yeah. He’ll start playing drinking games and Erin will have to drag him out of there at dawn.” “Sounds good.” “Mind if I watch TV with you for a little bit?” “Not at all.”

The party was loud with shitty music. Tony introduced Izzy & Erin to a bunch of their classmates, including Rita Calhoun. “I hear you’re applying to law school here in two years.” “No, I’m applying to Columbia. My brother wants me to come here but I have no desire to leave New York.” “Yeah, the only reason I got her out of there this weekend was with the promise of free booze.” “Leave me alone.” “Ignore your brother. I always do.” “Teach me how, Rita because he’s made it impossible for me for the last 19 years.” She noticed Rafael talking to a couple of guys in one corner. Tony took Erin to the room where beer pong was being played. “Are you ready to go?” “Have we been here long enough?” “Oh yeah, he won’t miss us.” “You go out first.” “I will wait for you at the end of the stairs.” They got into the apartment and couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. They didn’t even realize his blinds were still open. “What the hell…” Tony said as he ran out of the party with Erin on his heels.


	9. Chapter 9

Tony had forgotten his keys and was pounding on the door. "Barba! I saw you through the window! I saw what you were doing to my sister, now get out here!" Rafael and Izzy both jumped up, luckily they weren’t completely undressed. Rafael had started opening the door to the balcony. “What are you doing?!” “Oh, I’m going on the lam.” “Come here. I can handle Tony.” Rafael stood behind her as she opened the door. "Hey Tony, what's up, bro?" Tony and Rafael stared at each other before Tony started chasing him. “What the hell are you doing? I thought you were my best friend! This is my sister! I can’t believe this!” “It’s not like that, okay! We’re not just messing around, I’m in love with her.” “What?” “What?” “What?” He came from the other side of the table where Tony had him cornered. “I’ve been looking for a way to tell you for a while now. I’m in love with you, Izzy.” “I…I…I’m in love with you, too.” He didn’t dare try to kiss her with Tony standing there. “You guys are serious?” “Have you known me to be anything but?” “Oh my god, my best friend and my sister! Dude, you’re gonna be my brother in law one day.” “Whoa, whoa, Tony. I’m only 19.” “I didn’t say tomorrow.” “So, you’re okay with this, with me being with your sister,” Rafael asked as he put his arms around her. “Yeah. I think I am. I just don’t want to hear anything coming from your room.” “We’ll keep it down, bro.” He shot his sister a look that showed he was not amused. “Or we just won’t do it at all.” “He’s banging my best friend and not even dating her. He doesn’t get any say over my sex life.” “And something tells me, you knew about this the whole time, didn’t you, Erin?” “Well duh.” “Does anyone else know?” “Just you two at the moment.” “Well, I feel a little special and not as betrayed now.” “Tony.” “I’m just kidding, Izzy. Just be good to him, okay?” “You’re not going to tell him the same thing about me?” “No,” he laughed, “I don’t have to worry about that with him. Just don’t get her pregnant.” “I will do my best.” “I will buy you a case of condoms just to make sure you don’t. She’s got plans.” “I know. So do I, if you’ll remember.” 

 

“Okay, you can stop making out with my sister and let her get in the car.” “I don’t know if I can.” “Okay, don’t abuse the power just because I gave it to you.” “See you in two weeks, mi amor.” “Looking forward to it.” “I love you. Be careful and call me when you get home.” “I love you, too. I will and I will.” She climbed in the drivers side of her 1998 silver Honda Accord so she and Erin could begin their 3 hour trip home. “*NSYNC or Backstreet Boys?” “Are you really gonna ask that question?” “’No Strings Attached’ it is.” Tony and Rafael could hear the music as they walked back to their apartment. “You sure you want to be with her?” “The boy band thing will fade eventually. I’ll deal with it.” “Man, you must really love her.” “I do.” “Just take care of her, okay?” “Not a problem. So, how do you think your parents will react?” “Oh, they’ll be fine with it. When you came to Thanksgiving, my mother wanted me to fix you up with Izzy.” “So, why didn’t you?” “Honestly, I thought she was too wild for you.” “She is that, for sure, but I think I need a little excitement in my life.” “You mean the bar fights and stuff, right?” “Yeah, of course. What else would I be talking about?” “Come on, I’ll buy you a beer.” “No, I’ll buy you one since I’m sleeping with your sister.” “You get one of those a year, Barba.” 

“Are you still working on that paper?” “Yes, Rafael. I’m almost done, I promise.” “I go back to Massachusetts tomorrow.” “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been working on this the whole time you’ve been here.” “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t act like that. I know your education is important to you. Astounds me with the way you act that you still have good grades, actually.” “Oh, ha ha.” “Just come to bed when you’re done, okay? I’ve missed you.” “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” She went back to her computer and looked at the words on the screen. She had written a 10-page paper for her Human Sexuality class and it didn’t seem to make any sense. She could hear the TV in her room going, sounded like one of her favorites, “Dogma” was playing. Rafael had taken the last train from Cambridge Friday night just to see her, climbing into bed with her as she was asleep when he arrived, and she had spent all day Saturday working on her paper, that counted for 60% of her grade, basically ignoring all his advances. She hit the save button and exited out of Word. “Hey.” “Hey. You already done?” She shook her head, “I can finish it tomorrow. Want some company?” “Sure,” he said as he scooted over on her bed. “You know something I have never done?” “What’s that?” “Had sex on that futon.” “Seriously?” “Seriously, not once.” “Well, let’s break it in.” She loved feeling his body on hers. “Se siente tan bien estar dentro de ti, mi amor.” She had no idea what he said but it sounded sexy as hell coming across his lips as he slowly thrusted into her. “Te amo, primcesa,” he said after she came all over him and he spilled into her. “I love you, too.”


	10. Chapter 10

“So, Harvard Law School graduation is this weekend.” “I know, Erin.” “You’re finally meeting his parents?” “Yes.” “Why has he waited so long to introduce you, I wonder.” “He doesn’t have a good relationship with his dad at all.” “Really? What about his mom?” “Please. Only child.” “Mama’s boy?” “A little.” “Did I hear him say that he & Tony are taking the bar next week?” “Yep. They were approved because they had all their coursework done. Rafael is #1 and Tony #2 in the class. He may not even have to clerk this summer if he passes. He had his last interview with the Brooklyn DA and all they’re waiting on is his test results.” “Like he’s not gonna pass.” “I know he is and he knows he is.” “What’s up with the big party after?” “I’m not sure. Tony said it has a beach theme or something.” “I just wanted to know what I should or should not wear.” “Why don’t you two just give it up and go out?” “Just because we have chemistry in the bedroom doesn’t mean we have chemistry out of it.” “You two get along just fine when you’re not screwing.” “As friends.” “Fine. Whatever.” 

 

“Well, I’m sorry but I looked at the calendar wrong and I told Jay I could take his shift Saturday.” “Do you realize how important this is to me? To your brother?” “I am trying to fix it.” “You only work when they need you as it is,” Rafael said referring to Izzy’s job at a sports bar not far from campus. “And Jay never takes off, but his brother is graduating from medical school. I didn’t realize it was the same day as yours when I said okay.” “Fine. Come, don’t come. It’s just the biggest day of my life.” “I’m trying to find someone else to cover it.” “Is this about Jay in some way?” “What do you mean?” “Like I haven’t seen him flirting with you.” “He’s just a friend. Nothing more.” “My mom told me I shouldn’t get serious with someone so much younger than me.” “Whoa. What the fuck does that mean?” “Nothing. I gotta go work on my speech,” he said as he hung up. They had never fought like that. Sure, they had petty arguments but nothing like this. 

 

“Are you sure you’re not going?” “No.” “You’re going to make me drive up there by myself?” “You don’t have to go, Erin.” “I’m sure if you went everything would be okay between you.” “He hasn’t called.” “You haven’t either.” “He hung up on me. I’m not chasing after him; especially after he said he shouldn’t have gotten serious with someone so much younger than him.” “No, he said that’s what his mom said.” “Well, obviously he agrees with her.” “He was upset. You went through all the trouble to get someone to take Jay’s shift, quit in the process, and now you’re just going to sit here while the man you love and your brother graduate from law school?” “No, I’m not going to just sit here. I’m going to get drunk.” “Yeah cause that will make the situation that much better. Well, I better leave if I want to make it in time. I can take your car?” “Yeah, yeah. Keys are on the table.” “Is there anything you want me to tell him?” “Tell my brother I’m sorry.” “And Rafael?” “He knows where to find me.” “Okay.” 30 minutes later Erin came back. “Get dressed, fix your hair, and put on your make-up.” “I told you I’m not going.” “Yes, you are. You two are going to fix this. And if you don’t want to go for him, go for your brother.” “Fine.” “If you hurry, we might not miss much.”

 

“Fuck where is all the traffic coming from?” They were already 30 minutes late. “Go over there. No back over there!” “Erin! Who’s driving?!” “Well, drive, bitch.” “I’m trying but these fuckers won’t move!” They finally made it, but graduation was over. “Run.” “Erin, might I remind you these are Manolo Blahnik Mary Janes. I am not running in them.” “Take them off.” “Fine,” she said as she rolled her eyes. They found her parents and Tony. “You’re late.” “Sorry, we got stuck in traffic.” “Well, you’re here at least.” “Ask him. You know you want to,” Erin whispered. “Where is uh…” “He went to eat with his parents and grandmother.” “Do you know where?” “Sorry, sis. He was going to eat and then he said he’d meet me at the party.” “Is he going to the apartment before?” “Probably.” Erin, Tony, & Izzy went to eat after Stella, Anthony, Bella, and Michael headed back to Brooklyn. They got back to the guys apartment and Izzy was hoping Rafael was home but he was already gone. “Maybe I’ll just stay here.” “No, get in your bathing suit and bring your ass with me & your brother.” “Yeah, that’s probably where he is, sis.” “Okay.”


	11. Chapter 11

Izzy was walking around the party with Erin. There were so many people, it was hard for her to look for Rafael. “Are you religious cause you’re the answer to all my prayers,” some tall blond guy said to her. She & Erin just died laughing. “Oh, I am embarrassed for you,” Izzy said as she wiped tears from her eyes. “Hey, come on, you can’t blame a guy for trying. Let me get you a drink.” “Uh no thanks. I have one.” “Well, how about you two join me and my friend in the hot tub?” “I’m actually looking for someone at the moment.” “Really? Who?” “Me,” Rafael said coming from behind the girls. “Oh, Barba is this your woman?” “Yes, she is,” he said as he took her hand. “Fair enough,” the guy said as he threw up his hands and walked off. “That is, if she’ll still have me,” he whispered to her. “I’ll leave you guys alone.” “Of course.” “I am so sorry for how I acted and for the things I said.” “Well, it’s nice to know how your mom really feels about me, without having met me.” “Mi amor, all she said was for me to be careful because you might not want the same things I do. She just worries about me. She’s going to love you. I promise.” “I wish I had made it in time today.” “You’ll make it up to me.” “Is that right?” “After I make it up to you for my behavior,” he said as he put his arms around her waist and kissed her. “Aww, you guys made up, I see.” “Yes, we did, Tony.” “In fact, I think we’re going to go make up properly.” “Barba, what did I tell you?” “Sorry.” “You two better be asleep when we get back. I don’t want to hear shit coming from your room.” 

They got back to the guys apartment. “You know, I’m fixing to be a lawyer and yet I’m contributing to the delinquency of a minor as I hand you this beer.” “I’d never turn you in.” “I see you naked all the time, but you are damn sexy in that bathing suit.” “You think so, Papi?” “Papi? Really?” “You like that?” “I do,” he said biting his bottom lip, “how can Papi make up for his bad behavior?” She sat up on the kitchen table after taking off her bottoms. “Are you sure?” “Oh, you have to work for it.” He sat in the chair in front of her. “Does this belong to Papi,” he asked as put two fingers inside of her. “Yes.” “And it’s only for Papi, Si?” “Yes, Papi.” “Such a naughty little putita.” “I thought Papi was making up for his bad behavior?” “He’s still gotta have some fun,” he said with that smirk on his face. He pulled her closer to his face and started in on her. “Oh my god.” “That’s it, mi amor. Come for Papi,” he said as he started going faster. After getting her to her first orgasm of the night, he stood up, lined up with her, and slowly pushed into her. “Tell me what you want.” “Fuck me, Papi.” “You want it fast or slow?” “Fast and hard.” He did as she commanded.

 

They laid in his bed watching “Saturday Night Live”. “So, Tony and I are moving out of here in two weeks.” “Really?” “Yep and I’ve already found an apartment in Prospect Park.” “Oh, I see.” “That could give us some privacy at least.” “True but I have to come across the bridge.” “I’m not worth it?” “Eh.” “You are such a pain in the ass. I kinda figured you’d be there most of the summer anyways.” “I’m taking classes this summer.” “Since when?” “I finalized my schedule after finals.” “How many hours are you taking?” “18.” “How many semesters will that leave you?” “Let’s see, I’ll have 6 finished after the summer. So two and possibly just 4-6 hours after. It’ll depend on my class load.” “You’re really trying to get to Columbia, aren’t you?” “Well, I’ve actually been doing some thinking.” “What about?” “I’m thinking after I graduate college I might go into the police academy.” “Are you serious?” “Yeah. You know each borough has opened up sex crime units. I might join one of those.” “Is that something you’d really want to do?” “Well, all the psychology classes I’ve been taking have got me to thinking that maybe I’d be better suited for actually catching criminals rather than prosecuting them.” “Well, I mean, if that’s what you want to do. It is a dangerous job though; but if anyone could handle it, it would be you.” “You think so?” “I know so.”


	12. Chapter 12

“Well, what do you think?” “It’s got potential,” Izzy said walking around Rafael’s new apartment. “Tony and I split up the furniture; he got the kitchen table, I got couch, he got the recliner, and I got the coffee table.” “He got the kitchen table?” “Yeah when he asked about it all I could think was ‘I fucked your sister on it but by all means’.” “Oh, that’s so funny,” she laughed. “So, when do you get your results from the bar?” “About another month.” “So, you’re just working as a clerk until?” “Yeah. I need the money. Bad thing is, I won’t make much more once I’m licensed, but in 10-15 years, I’ll almost double my salary,” he laughed. “There’s the silver lining I suppose.” “So, I thought we’d go to the Bronx this weekend.” “Uh, okay.” “Is that okay?” “Yeah, that’s fine.” He saw the apprehension in her face. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” “This is still about what my mom said about our age difference?” “She clearly doesn’t approve…” “I sat her down and told her that neither of are looking to get married any time soon. I want to be settled in my career before that happens and you have to finish law school.” “I have to get accepted first.” “You will. You’ll have to have a letter of recommendation and you just happen to know Brooklyn’s newest up and coming ADA.” “That’s if you passed the bar.” “Please,” he scoffed. “Well, I still have 6 months before I apply. I gotta get this summer knocked out. This is the biggest class load I’ve ever taken.” “Are you & Erin going to have time for your extracurricular activities?” “Oh, we’ll make time.” 

 

“Are you nervous?” “No, why would I be nervous?” “It’s going to be fine,” he said as they walked up 6 flights of stairs in an apartment building in the Morris Heights neighborhood of the Bronx. He knocked on the door and a short, gray haired lady with glasses opened the door.” “My sweet boy,” she said hugging him tightly. “And this must be the girl I’ve heard so much about.” “Yes, Izzy, this is my Abuelita, Catalina Diaz.” “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Izzy.” “You, too, Mrs. Diaz.” “Lina, please. Well come in, come in. Are you hungry, mijo?” “We’re fine, Abuelita. Gracias.” “So, Izzy. Rafael tells me that you are going into your Senior year at NYU in the fall?” “As long as I pass the summer semester,” she laughed. “Then you’re going to law school, too?” “That’s the plan for the moment.” “It seems like I know everything about you. He’s done nothing but talk about you since he met you.” “Really?” “He would always talk about how beautiful you are and how smart you are.” “Aww.” “Abuelita,” he whined. “Well you did. I can see why. So, have you taken her to see your Mami & Papi yet?” “No. She thinks Mami doesn’t like her even though she’s never met her.” “What did you tell her that would make her think that?” “Me?” “Well, there’s got to be a reason she thinks that.” “I made the mistake, during an argument, of telling her Mami said she worried about me getting serious with someone 6 years younger than me.” “Aye, Rafael, por que le dirias eso (why would you tell her that)?” “I didn’t mean to and it really came out wrong.” “I should say so. Izzy don’t let my daughter get to you. She’s a little overprotective of her only child sometimes. She will love you.” They stayed for about an hour while Lina showed Izzy baby pictures of Rafael, much to his chagrin. “Well, Abuelita. I hate to leave but she’s got to study for a few tests.” “Okay. Well, it was so lovely to meet you, Izzy. I hope to see more of you.” “It was nice to meet you, too, Lina.” “Ella es tan bella. Agarrate a ella (she’s so beautiful. Hang on to her),” she said as she hugged her grandson. “I will. Te amo, Abuelita.” “Te amo, mijo.” “See? That wasn’t so bad.” “Why did you bring me to meet your grandmother first?” “So, she can grease the wheels with my mother, so to speak.” “Sneaky.” 

 

Rafael met her as she was walking out of class one afternoon. “Hey, why aren’t you working?” “I asked for today off. I knew my nerves would be too bad.” “Oh, that’s right. So?” “I passed.” She dropped her books and threw her arms around his neck. “Congratulations!” “Thank you. I thought we’d go celebrate.” “Well, of course. Passing the bar is a big deal.” “That’s not all we’re celebrating.” “What else?” “I officially begin my career as an ADA next week.” “Wow. That’s wonderful.” He helped her pick up her books. “Izzy!” “Jay!” “Hey, you got those notes for Social Neuroscience?” “Uh yeah. Jay you remember my boyfriend, Rafael Barba?” “Of course, how are you,” he said shaking his hand. “Good, Jay.” “He passed the bar and starts his job as an ADA in Brooklyn next week.” “Wow, congratulations, man.” “Thanks.” “Here you go.” “I owe you one.” “The test wasn’t that bad.” “Thanks again. I’ll see you guys later.” “He can’t take his own notes?” “He can, he just can’t read them.” Rafael was more than a little jealous of Jay Halstead. He was tall, handsome, and in really good shape. “Rafael? What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” “Will you stop being jealous of Halstead?” “I’m not.” “You are, too.” “No, I’m not.” She just looked at him. “You could have him if you wanted him. I see it in the way he looks at you.” “Probably but I don’t want him. I want you. So, what did you want to do tonight?” “I thought we would go to dinner.” “Okay. Where?” “That part’s a surprise.” “Really?” “You know that black dress you wore to the graduation you missed?” “Yes,” she laughed. “Wear that.” “Wow, really?” “Yep.” “Well, okay.” He walked her to her building not far from campus.” “So, I’ll see you at 7.” “I’ll be waiting.” “Okay, I love you.” “I love you, too.”


	13. Chapter 13

“I can’t believe you’re seriously considering not going to law school.” “Tony, it’s Thanksgiving. Can we not do this,” Stella asked. “And you guys are fine with this?” “Your sister can choose her own career.” “And you, you’re letting her do this,” he asked Rafael. “In case you don’t realize it, I don’t own your sister. I can’t make up her mind for her.” “How about everyone stop talking about me like I’m not here,” Izzy said slamming her fork down as she got up and walked outside. “Thanks, Tony.” “What? Have you even tried to talk to her? She might actually listen to you.” “She’s not going to listen to me anymore than she will you. I’m not happy about it but if it’s what she wants, I can’t stop her.” “Marry her.” “You can’t be serious.” “Boys, boys. Stop. Now, Tony, Rafael is right. Your sister has a mind of her own,” Anthony said, “Rafael go check on my daughter and Tony, I don’t want to hear anymore about what your sister wants to do with her life.” “Hey,” Rafael said joining Izzy on the back porch. “Hey.” “You okay?” “Oh, I’m fine. My brother just wants to choose my life for me.” “He just worries.” “I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.” “I know this.” “Do you?” “What does that mean?” “Well, you didn’t exactly defend me and my choice.” “Well, I’m not exactly happy about it myself.” “You told me 6 months ago I could do it.” “Yeah, you could do it. You’d also be putting yourself in danger.” “I’m putting myself in danger when I cross the street.” “It’s not the same.” “Can you just respect my decision? Support me?” “Yes. Just because I’m not thrilled with the idea, doesn’t mean I won’t support you, I won’t take care of you, and that I won’t be sitting in the front row the day you graduate.” “Thanks.” “Come on. We’ve been together for a year. Don’t you know me at all by now?” “Yes.” “Come on. Let me take you home.” “My home or yours?” “Hmm, mine?” “Give my neighbors a break, huh?” “Something like that,” he laughed.

Izzy graduated with honors from NYU, with everyone there to support her. She had already began the process of joining the police academy, along with Erin. They would start the academy after their 21st birthday’s in October and November. “So, have you given any thought to, you know, the future?” “What do you mean, Rafael?” “Well, we’ve been together almost 2 years. You’re about to go to the police academy and then have a job.” “Are you talking about getting married?” “Well, not right away but maybe in a few years. Once you make detective and I get more established at the DA’s office. What do you think?” “I think I’m not even 21 yet and marriage is something I wasn’t going to think about until I got closer to 30.” “I just said not right away.” “Well, we can talk about it after we do the things you said.” “Deal. I just want you to know that I want a future with you.” “Okay,” she smiled. “Now, if you want a future with me, you’re going to have stop stressing yourself out or you won’t be here to have one,” she said taking the file out of his hand and sitting on his lap. He grabbed her by her ass and pulled her close to him, pushing his lips onto hers. “Does Papi want to come out and play?” “Not today. It’s just me.” “I can handle that, too,” she said as he laid her across the couch and started undressing her. 

 

“Okay, I’ve got get to work,” Rafael said as he rushed out of Izzy’s apartment, kissing her. “I love you. I will see you after court.” “Okay.” “You two make me sick.” “Shut up, Erin.” “He does look damn good in those suits. How can he afford them on his salary?” “He was smart with his scholarship money and student loans, plus his job at the school library while he was in college. He has actually saved quite a bit of money. And hell yeah he does.” “I’ve never seen a man that can pull of pink suspenders and a pink tie.” “You should see his socks.” “Those polka dot ones crack me up. What the fuck was that noise?” “Where is that smoke coming from,” Izzy asked looking out their balcony window. “That’s the World Trade Center.” “Holy shit turn on the news and see what happened.” They turned on New York 1, who at the time just a knew a plane had flown into the North Tower. Around 15 minutes later, on live television, another plane struck the second tower. They both sat, like the rest of the world, in complete shock. “I’ve got to call Rafael.” She tried his cell and his office; no answer. “Phone lines are probably jammed. I’m sure he’s safe.” Izzy was sick to her stomach. She tried for hours to get ahold of him. She was able to talk to her parents. Izzy was a nervous wreck. She could not sit still. “What if some debris fell on his cab, or on him as he went to catch a cab?” “Okay, you’re thinking way too far outside the box.” “Why can’t I get ahold of him?” “They’ve closed the bridges, phone lines are down, he is probably just as worried as you are right now.” Around 6:30, he came in. “Oh thank god, you’re safe,” Izzy said grabbing him. “I tried calling but the phone lines are down. I’ve been stuck on the subway. It lost power then it was operating at a crawl just to keep everybody safe.” “I’m just glad you’re here.” “They’ve closed the office until further notice. I don’t know when I’ll be able to get back to Brooklyn but I just wanted to be with you.” “Well, you’ve got clothes here.”


	14. Chapter 14

“You know, the academy is doing wonders for your body.” “Rafa!” “I’m just saying, you’re more of hard body than you already were.” “You’re just trying to get into my pants.” “What else is new? So how much longer do you have?” “One month. If I don’t kill Louise Campesi first.” “She still giving you shit?” “Yeah. I can’t help it she sucks at test taking. She’s got some of them thinking that I’m getting ahead because my boyfriend is an ADA.” “Just ignore her. She’s just jealous of you.” “Well, duh. I’ve picked out my gun.” “And what did you decide on?” She kind of smiled. “You didn’t.” “I feel comfortable with it.” “You are way too obsessed with ‘Lethal Weapon’.” “The first two are some of the best movies ever.” “Okay, so you’re going to carry a 9MM Beretta like Riggs? Just don’t act like him.” “I make no promises. I took Doom down today.” “Isn’t he like 6 feet tall?” “Yep. I had his ass on the ground in less than 3 minutes.” “Hey, are you two ready,” Erin said knocking on Izzy’s door. “Yeah, we’re coming.” They met Halstead and some of their classmates at a bar for Halstead’s going away party. He was joining the army. “Can’t believe you two are going to be cops,” he said to Izzy and Erin. “Us? You’re joining the fucking army.” “We’re going to war. They need all the help they can get.” “I suppose.” Barba had ran into one of his friends from high school and was talking to him. “Your boyfriend too good for us,” their friend Antonio Dawson asked Izzy. “Dawson, really? He’s always been nice to you.” “I’m just giving you shit.” 

 

They were standing around, drinking, and talking when some drunk girls practically ran them over, causing Izzy to drop her beer and Erin to be thrown against the wall. “Hey! Watch where the fuck you’re going.” “What are you gonna do about it, blondie?” “Don’t test me bitch! I’m not one to be fucked with.” “Oh yeah,” the girl with the thick Staten Island accent said as she pushed Izzy. “Oh, shit, go find Barba,” Jay said to Dawson. It didn’t take but a minute before Izzy had the drunk girl on the ground, Erin had thrown her friend against the wall. They were thrown out and the cops were called so Erin called Steven. The patrol cops were waiting on Lieutenant Harris before they did anything. “What did you two do now?” “Those bitches over there started it.” Rafael had been talking to the owner, telling him he was their lawyer and he would personally insure they paid for any damages. He finally agreed not to press charges as long as they all left; including the girls that had started it. “Counselor, good news?” “Yes, Lieutenant. They’re free to go.” “You two are about to graduate from the police academy and you pull this shit?” “Sorry, bro.” “Yeah, sorry, Steven.” “Just be thankful your lawyer was with you.” 

 

“Officer Rossetti, this is Captain William Dodds,” Steven said introducing the dark headed man as he walked into his office. “Captain.” “Officer Rossetti, I’ve heard good things.” “Really?” “Your test scores were some of the highest the academy has ever seen.” “Yeah, I’m pretty smart,” she laughed. “Now, most officers are sent to patrol after graduation, but I think you would be a better asset to Anti-Crime.” “Really?” “There’s usually about 5 out of each graduating class that don’t have to start completely at the bottom. This class there was only three. You, Officer Dumas, and Officer Harris.” “Are they going anti-crime too?” “No, there’s other departments that could use them.” “So that means no uniform.” “Correct but the band t-shirts are a no-go.” “Damn it.” “You will dress business casual. You will be partnered with a Junior detective. You have been placed on the fast track by 1PP. Work Anti-Crime, and you’ll be a detective before you know it.” “Thanks, Captain.” “Here’s the address of the precinct you will report to Monday morning at 0800.” “Thank you, sir.” “Welcome to the NYPD.” “Anti-Crime? Where’s Erin going?” “Computer Crimes.” “And Doom?” “Special Operations.” “Damn, well okay.” “I am not allowing you and my sister in the same precinct. It would implode.” “You act like we get into trouble.” He just looked at her. “Yeah okay.” 

 

Izzy & Rafael were at her parents on the Saturday before her first day. “Are you excited?” “I am, Pop. I gotta start somewhere and at least I’m not starting in patrol.” Bella and Michael were arguing about something, they couldn’t really understand. “Slow down, you two. Now what’s the problem?” “Michael keeps using my conditioner, which like everything else in my bathroom is not cheap.” “Except you.” “I am not cheap, Izzy.” “Fine, free, whatever.” “Daddy!” “Izzy leave your sister alone.” “Hey, she leaves herself open.” “But do you have to take the shot every time?” “That would be a yes.” “You really don’t.” “Eh, well,” she shrugged. “Do me a favor, will ya?” “What’s that, Pop.” “Be careful out there.” “I will. I promise.”


	15. Chapter 15

“Happy 5th anniversary,” Rafael said, kissing Izzy’s neck to wake her up. “Good morning,” she smiled. “So, what shall we do today?” “I can think of a few things.” “Well, besides the obvious, mi amor.” “Can we just take it easy?” “We can do whatever you want. Have you given any thought to what we talked about?” “Yeah, a little.” “Well, what do you think?” “I mean, we basically spend every night together as it is, so it makes sense.” “Erin can afford that apartment.” “I know. We’ve lived together since we were 17.” “I know that. I know you guys have always seen yourselves like Rachel & Monica, but just like Rachel & Monica, you guys have to grow up, too.” “Ha ha.” “I just think, we’ve been together 5 years, we’ve discussed a future and what we want. We’re moving forward in our careers. You just got promoted to Detective, you know you’re on the Sergeant track. Why not? You’re 24, I’m 30. It’s the perfect time to keep moving forward.” “I told you I’d think about it.” “Okay, it’s only been two days since I brought it up.” “Is there an expiration date?” “Well, if we approach a month and you haven’t given me an answer…” “By the end of the week, okay?” “Okay, mi amor. I can deal with that.” “Now, get over here and do me.” “Damn, I can’t even have coffee first?” “No, you cannot. I should be enough to get you going.” “You most definitely are,” he said sucking on her neck. “Rafa!” “I didn’t do anything.” “Dodds gives me so much shit when you mark me up like that.” “Tell him to fuck off. He’s probably not getting any so he’s gotta hate on someone that is.” She had been promoted to Detective and moved to Narcotics, which included a lot of undercover work with her partner Nick Amaro. He was Cuban just like Rafael. He was married to a woman named Maria, who served in the military. Izzy had met Maria several times and they got along really well. Maria wasn’t the jealous type. Barba was another story. He was incredibly jealous when it came to Nick, whether he was married or not; even though Nick looked at Izzy like a little sister. He protected her anytime they went under. He even promised Barba that he would always have her back and make sure to get her home safely to him. Even after 5 years, Barba could be incredibly insecure about his looks. Izzy never understood why, neither did Erin for that matter. 

“I can’t believe this,” Erin said crying, as they packed up Izzy’s stuff, “it’s like the end of an era!” “I know and now I have to leave and go live with a boy,” Izzy said as she cried. “I’m standing right here, girls,” Rafael said carrying a box out of Izzy’s room. “Sorry.” “Erin, you are more than welcome at our place anytime. If you have any separation anxiety, I have a couch.” “Thanks, Barba. I’m actually surprised it’s taken you two so long.” “Talk to Izzy.” “Hey, anything else need to go on the truck?” “Couple of more boxes, Tony.” “And the stuff in the truck goes to storage, right?” “Yes.” “Why aren’t you putting your bed in his other room,” Erin asked. “That’s his home office.” “Oh, I see.” “That’s why I said I have couch if you come over. Hello.” “Don’t be a smart ass, Barba.” “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” “I’ll be fine, Izzy. You don’t have to worry so much. Even though we’ve seen each other almost every day for…7 years,” she said as she started crying again. Izzy & her hugged as they both cried. Tony, Michael, Anthony, and Rafael all laughed. Rafael finally pulled Izzy away from Erin. “Erin, come over for dinner tonight.” “No, you guys need your alone time.” “I insist. This might make it easier for the two of you.” “Aww, you’re so sweet,” Erin said as she hugged Rafael, which caught him by surprise. “You’re really gonna let Erin cock block you on your first official night of living with my sister?” “She’s never stopped us before.” “That’s your one for the year.” “You brought it up, Tony.” 

“How was your day,” Izzy asked as she handed Rafael a glass of scotch. “Not too bad,” he shrugged. “You know we’ve been living together almost a year and I still can’t get used to you handing me a drink while you’re cooking dinner. Well, at least when you’re home before me.” “Well, I gotta take care of my hard-working man.” “So, what’s for dinner?” “Lechon Asado.” “Really?” “Yes, I called tu Abuelita and she told me how to make it.” “Aww. You are amazing, did you know that?” “Yes, I did.” He laughed at her less than humble response. “I’m gonna marry you someday. You are aware of that?” “Not until I see a ring on my finger.” “In time, my love.” “We’ve been together almost 6 years. You want me to go all Charlotte York and start screaming ‘set the date’ at you?” “I’d say let’s go to Vegas this weekend if that was the case.” “Ew no, tacky.” He laughed as he kissed her. “Are you not having a drink?” “No. Not right now. I have to concentrate.” He started kissing her, harder and with such fire behind it. “Rafa?” “Si, carino?” “I’m pregnant.”


	16. Chapter 16

“You…you’re…we…baby?” “Wow, Rafael Barba speechless? Never thought I’d see the day.” “We’ve always been so careful.” “Last month, I was on antibiotics for strep and we had sex once my symptoms were gone? Those antibiotics were pretty strong and apparently they overpowered my birth control.” “Oh god,” he felt dizzy and sat down at the kitchen table. “Rafael are you okay?” “I, uh, I…are you sure?” “Four First Response tests are all positive so, yeah.” “What are we going to do? We didn’t plan this. We said no kids until we had been married a year. We’re not even engaged!” “A lot of people have babies before they get married.” “Yeah, that’s gonna go over so well with our families!” “Are you really going to make this about religion?” “We were both raised Catholic. You know what our parents will say; not to mention your brother, Abuelita.” “So, what?” “We have to get married as soon as possible.” “What?! No. We are not getting married because I’m pregnant.” “Yes, we can get married then tell everyone you’re pregnant. I can get one of the judges to…” “No, absolutely not.” “Will you just listen to me?!” “No! You are being ridiculous!” “Am I?” “Completely! I don’t want to get married because I’m pregnant.” “I don’t see another way around it. I won’t let our child be born out of wedlock.” “Do you hear yourself right now?” She took the food out of the oven and then grabbed her jacket. “Where are you going?” “Out. I need some air.”

She got to her old apartment and knocked on the door. “Hey! What are you doing here?” “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” “You know better than that,” Erin said hugging her, “I’m guessing he didn’t take the news well.” “No, he didn’t.” Izzy told Erin about the conversation. “Just give him some time to get use to the idea.” “He’s insisting on us getting married just because I’m pregnant.” “He’s not thinking straight. That’s a lot to take in.” “He’s more worried about what our families will say or think. He’s actually bringing Catholicism into this; like either of us are so religious. We go to church for Christmas and Easter and then whenever our mothers guilt us into it.” “Just let him calm down, then go home, and talk about it.” “I mean, I didn’t plan this either. I’m almost 26. I didn’t plan on having kids until I was at least 30.” “Just breathe.” *KNOCK, KNOCK* “Hang on, I’ll be right back.” “Erin.” “Barba.” “Is she here?” “Come in and see for yourself.” “Mi amor?” “What?” He bent down in front of her. “Come home. Bring you and our baby back home. I’m sorry I freaked out like I did. I was just scared. We don’t have to get married anytime soon. We can do this however you want and everyone else can deal with our choice.” “If I choose than how is it ‘our’ choice?” “This baby is growing in your body, not mine. Whatever you decide, I will stand with you. If our families don’t like it, well, it’s not their decision. We’re adults with good careers. We can more than provide for this baby. We don’t have to be married to be a family.” “Barba…” “You haven’t called me that in a long time,” he laughed as he kissed her. “Again, I’m sorry for flipping out. I love you and this baby is just a product of our love.” “Oh my god, could you two be any more disgusting ?!,” Erin hollered from the hall that lead to her bedroom. “Nosy ass!”

“So, we’re going to have a find a bigger apartment before the baby comes.” “We have plenty of time, Rafael.” He took the ultrasound picture off the fridge and smiled. “You seem like a pretty proud Papa already.” “How could I not be? I have everything I’ve always wanted. A good career, a beautiful woman who loves me and I that love more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and now that woman is giving me a child.” Her phone rang, “Sorry. Hey, what’s up Nick?” Rafael rolled his eyes. “I laid it on your desk. Uh yeah, I did! Fine look on my desk. See? I told you it was on yours. Maybe if you’d organize your desk, you could find shit. Yeah, whatever.” “Do you really have to hold his hand to find something on his desk?” “Stop it.” “Have you told him or Murphy yet?” “I will once I get out of my first trimester.” “You don’t need to be going undercover while you’re pregnant.” “I’ll tell Murphy. You know I’ll be on restrictive duty.” “I know but you’ll be safe and so will the baby.” 

“Hey, partner, you feeling okay?” “Yeah, Nick. I’m just hurting really bad.” “How far along are you?” “7 weeks.” “What kind of pain is it?” “Uh…” “I’m asking because when Maria got pregnant before, she experienced pain, she said it was like her cramps and she ended up miscarrying.” “I’m not bleeding or anything.” “Well, then everything’s probably okay but you might should call your doctor.” “I will, Nick. Thanks for looking out for me.” “No problem.” She called her doctor and she wanted her to come in as soon as she could, so Murphy let her leave. They did some bloodwork and an ultrasound. Rafael had been in court most of the morning, but he was finally able to leave and meet her at the doctor’s office. “Is everything okay?” She looked up at him and he knew. “Are they sure?” “Yeah.” He pulled her into his arms. Neither of them said a word. The doctor came in and explained to them what to expect, gave her a prescription for pain pills, and sent them home. After she took a nap, she went to find Rafael. She found him in his office, holding the ultrasound picture in his hand while tears streamed from his green eyes. She didn’t say anything and gave him the time to grieve the loss alone. She had never seen him cry like that in their almost 6 years. She didn’t know he was even capable of that.


	17. Chapter 17

A few months had gone by since the miscarriage and things had completely changed between them. Izzy was moved to Homicide, which she actually kind of hated but Erin had been moved there, too so that made it better. Rafael had some function at Gracie Mansion he had to attend, leaving Izzy to her own devices. He had told her she wouldn’t want to go because it would be boring, and he would be basically be attached to the DA all night. “He was probably telling you the truth,” Erin reasoned as they drank beers at Brady’s. “I don’t know. Things have been different between us for a while.” “Since the miscarriage?” “Pretty much.” “Have you talked about it?” “We did a little bit after it happened but not since.” “You’ve just hit a rough patch. You’ll get through it.” “Will we?” “You’ve got to. If there were two people that more meant to be together than the two of you, I’d like to meet them.” Izzy kind of laughed. 

“Rafael, can we talk?” “Uh, sure,” he said as he set down the file he was reading on the couch. “Things have been different with us for a few months.” “I’ve been really busy…” “You always made time for us before. We don’t really talk. When we have sex, we don’t connect like we used to.” “Things change. It doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving you.” “I know. We used to talk about the future, but we haven’t in months.” “What are you saying?” “I think,” she took a deep breath as her voice cracked, “I think we need to take some time apart.” He felt like someone punched him in the stomach. “What?” “We just to take some time to figure things out.” “What’s there to figure out?” “How we feel about each other. Where we stand? I mean we’ve been together so long, I don’t know who I am without you.” “What’s wrong with that,” he asked with tears in his eyes. “I just think this is what’s best for right now.” “Look, we can go on vacation. Just get away from work and be alone.” “That’s not going to work. Yeah, things might be fine for a month but then we’ll be right back where we are now.” They were both crying at this point. He took her in his arms and held her, knowing it would be the last time. “I will always love you, you know that, right?” “I know, and I’ll always love you, Rafa.” He kissed her passionately for the first time in months. After she left that night, he laid in the bed they once shared, and cried. He reached over into his nightstand and pulled out the 3-carat diamond ring he had bought for her. 

“All you’ve done is work and sleep the entire month since you moved back in. We are going out tonight.” “Erin, I really don’t feel like it.” “And I really don’t give a shit. Halstead’s in town so Dawson called, we’re all going out.” “Erin.” “No. No excuses. You have got to start moving on with your life. It’s been a month, you wanted this.” “Fine,” she said as she got up. They met the guys at a sports bar near Times Square. “Izzy, you look good.” “So do you, Jay.” “What about me?” “I see you all the time, Dawson.” “And you never tell me I look good.” “When have you known me to lie?” “Ooh, let me get you some ice for that burn,” Jay laughed. They played pool and drank beer. Izzy was actually having a good time. “I’m sorry to hear about you & Rafael,” Jay said as they sat in their booth waiting on more drinks. “That’s life,” she shrugged, “so, how long are you in for?” “A few days then I’m off to Chicago.” “So, are you done with the army?” “Yeah. I decided not to re-up. War really is hell.” “I bet. So what are your plans?” “I’m not sure. Thought about joining Chicago PD.” “Seriously?” “Yeah. If you & Erin haven’t caused the NYPD to collapse, I think I have a decent shot,” he laughed. “Oh, very funny.”


	18. Chapter 18

“Why don’t you come out to Chicago for the weekend?” “I can’t right now, Jay.” “I haven’t seen you in a month.” “I just got moved to Bronx SVU. I really don’t need to be out of pocket.” “Well, how about I come to New York?” “Uh, sure yeah.” “Izzy, what’s going on?” “Nothing.” “We’ve been dating for 4 months, we were close in college, I know when something’s bothering you.” “Nothing. It’s nothing.” “You think things are moving too fast.” “I didn’t say that.” “Look, we said this was casual. I’m not trying to get married anytime soon and I know you’re not, either.” “Okay.” “Okay as in okay, I can come to New York this weekend?” “Yes.” “Great. I will book my flight and let you know what time I’ll be there.” “Sounds good.” “So, Halstead coming in this weekend?” “Yeah.” “You don’t seem very excited.” “Eh.” “Call him.” “I can’t.” “Why not? You’re still not over him almost 6 months later.” “Things wouldn’t be the same.” “How do you know that?” “I just know.” 

She finally started opening up to Jay little by little; although she still thought about Rafael all the time. One day, she was walking around his old neighborhood, after talking to a witness when she ran into his mother. “Izzy?” “Lucia!” “How are you, mija,” she said as she hugged her tightly. “I’m good, how are you?” “Good. Good. School’s keeping me busy. What are you doing in the Bronx?” “I work in SVU over here. I was questioning a witness.” “Always working so hard. I miss seeing you. So does Mama.” “I miss seeing you guys, too.” “Someone else misses you.” “He does?” “Oh yeah. You can see it all over his face. It’s been a year, but I know you’re never far from his mind. I wish it would’ve worked out.” “Me too.” “He said after the miscarriage, he just shut down and he pushed you away in the process. Are you seeing anyone?” “I am, yeah. A cop from Chicago.” “Oh,” she said looking disappointed. “Well, Lucia, I need to get back to the office.” “Of course. We should have lunch sometime.” “I’d like that.” “So, I’ll call you?” “Sounds great.” She waited to get around the next corner before leaning against the wall and breaking down. She pulled out her phone, but she couldn’t bring herself to push ‘send’ when she arrived at his number. 

“Guess who I ran into today.” “Who, Mami?” “Izzy?” “Really?” “Yeah. She was in the neighborhood, questioning a witness. We visited for a little bit. She’s still just as beautiful as ever.” He smiled. “You still love her, why don’t you call her?” “I can’t. I acted horribly toward over something that wasn’t her fault. She’s probably seeing someone anyways.” “Well, she is but he lives in Chicago.” “Chicago?” “Yeah, he’s a cop.” He knew who it was. Jealousy and anger shot threw him so fast. “See? There you go.” “Come on, he lives in Chicago. How serious can it be?” “If it’s who I think it is, they went to college together and he always had a crush on her.” “So?” “Just call her.” “I might.” “Do you still have the ring?” “Yes.” “Then call her and give it to her.” “It’s not that simple.” “It doesn’t have to be complicated.”


	19. Chapter 19

{2007}   
“Detective Rossetti?” “Yes,” she answered as Chief of D’s Muldrew walked to her desk. “I need to speak with you.” “Yes, sir,” she said as she followed the bald man into her Lieutenants office. “I have a new assignment for you, Detective.” “And that would be?” “Manhattan SVU.” “Okay.” “They’ve been having some issues over there and I need a fresh face in the building.” “Copy that, Chief.” “I want you to report to Sergeant Munch at 0900 tomorrow morning.” “10-4.” “Pack up your desk and take the rest of the day off. You’re going to need your rest.” “Is this permanent?” “More than likely. Is there a problem?” “None whatsoever, Chief.” “Good. You’re dismissed.” This was actually her dream assignment. That was where she had wanted to be since she joined the academy. 

“Can I help you,” a tall brown-haired woman asked as Izzy walked into the 16th precinct. “Uh, I’m looking for Sergeant Munch?” “You must be the new detective from Bronx SVU.” “Izzy Rossetti.” “I’m Detective Olivia Benson. I have to say I am so glad I am no longer the only woman here,” she laughed. “I know exactly what you mean,” she laughed. “Come on, Munch is in the Captain’s office.” Munch was a tall, slender, gray-headed man. He was acting commander as Captain Cragen was transferred due to his supposed failure to supervise due to the actions of his detectives that were brought to light by a case involving Detective Odafin (Fin) Tutuola’s step-son. Munch partnered Izzy with Fin, who was his former partner before he took command. It wasn’t long before Cragen was back in charge after Munch botched up a case involving a suspect that was faking Dissociative Identity Disorder.

“So, we’ve been together two years now.” “I know this, Jay.” “Why don’t you move to Chicago?” “What?” “I can talk to my CO and get you into my unit. You’d be perfect for it.” “Jay, come on.” “I know you love your job, but you can do the same thing there.” “No, I can’t.” “You wouldn’t have to go through the academy again or anything.” “Yeah, I know that, but I don’t belong in Chicago.” “There’s more to life than New York.” “So you say.” “Why can’t you see…” “Just drop it, Halstead.” “Oh my god.” “What?” “You’re still in love with Rafael.” “What are you talking about?” “I can’t believe I didn’t see this until now. That’s why you won’t leave here. You are still hoping to end up with him.” “You’ve lost your mind.” “Have I? What else is keeping you here?” “My family? Erin?” “You’re going to tell me you won’t move for a chance at real happiness because of your family and your best friend?” “Jay…” “You broke up with him. Yet, you still want to be with him.” “I’m not having this conversation.” “You can’t even be honest with yourself. How can I expect you to be honest with me?” She just stood there in her bedroom as Jay grabbed his suitcase and started packing his things. Neither of them spoke. “I really hope you get him some day,” Jay said as he walked out the door.


	20. Chapter 20

{2010}  
None of the detectives in SVU could stand Dale Stuckey, the newest forensics tech. He was so annoying, especially with his “Bing, bang, bong” catchphrase. A woman was found with several lacerations and her child with the word “innocent” on her forehead written in blood. If hadn’t have been for Dale co-mingling the DNA evidence, resulting in the charges being dropped, the case would have been open and shut. “I’m going to kill him,” Izzy said. “I’ll dump the body,” Stabler responded. “Let’s not pollute the Gowanus Canal any more than it already is,” Cragen told them, even though he felt the same way. The suspect, Peter Harrison, was very paranoid and into many conspiracy theories. Another victim was found knifed to death on Coney Island, same MO, and Harrison’s figure print was found on a soda can near the victim. Elliot & Izzy talked to Harrison’s art professor who told them his illness was getting worse. “Stabler, look at this,” Izzy said pointing to one of his recent collages. “’Madman On The Loose’? That’s from yesterday’s paper.”

 

“So, red paint, blood,” Stuckey started in as they looked at it in the squad room, “That’s obviously a knife. It’s pretty clear, right? I mean, the faces of the guys he’s going to kill next. Looks like he’s just getting started.” “And you’re obviously in wrong building,” Cragen interjected. “Stuckey’s solving our crime for us,” Izzy joked. “As per usual,” Stable scoffed, “why don’t you put that down before you contaminate more evidence?” “But this looks like Izz, a little younger…” Izzy didn’t think twice before she grabbed ahold of Dale, “You’re an obnoxious little jackhole, you know that?” “Izzy let him go.” “Let him go,” Liv repeated Stabler’s words. “Get out of here,” Izzy said as she pushed him away. “Captain, she just assaulted me. You have to write her up.” “The only one getting a rip around here is you, Dale.” “She just accosted me.” “If Izzy puts your head through a wall, I’m going to have to do a lot of tiresome paperwork. Get out of my squad.” Liv & Izzy were going through records after Harrison’s lawyer and Judge Donnelly were poisoned. “Huh.” “What’s up, Liv.” “Stuckey just answered Elliot’s phone and said that Elliot and Ryan went for sushi.” “And?” “Elliot hates raw fish. I’m gonna go down there.” “You need cover?” “Nah, I got it. He probably just misunderstood.” It turned out that Dale had killed Ryan when the DNA from the mosquito in Harrison’s lawyer’s car came back to him, not Peter. He knocked Elliot out and then tied him to a chair. Liv, using the powers of female seduction, was able to subdue Stuckey and save Elliot.

 

Izzy had been at Manhattan for 2 years now. She worked closely with Benson and Stabler for the most part. Bronx SVU had nothing on Manhattan; mainly because a lot of the cases got kicked to Manhattan. Days before the trial of a suspected rapist, Luke Ronson, Annette Fox, the primary witness, was shot point-blank in front of her daughter Jenna as they were shopping for prom dresses. Ronson, now a haircutting volunteer at a homeless shelter run by Sister Peg, maintained the sex was consensual. The detectives searched his house and found a gun and black hoodie similar to the one Fox's killer wore. However, owning an unloaded gun without a permit was a misdemeanor, not enough to keep Luke in holding, and the gun did not match the murder weapon, upsetting Jenna. Fin and Stabler followed Luke to the shelter and watched him argue with a man, Eddie Skinner, who earlier said he saw Luke with a gun the night of the murder. When Eddie saw the detectives, he bolted and was arrested. Luke said he hired Eddie to scare Annette, not kill her, but Eddie said he and Luke never agreed to that. Izzy believed Luke, but with no murder weapon, SVU had no case. The current ADA arrested Luke for witness tampering and Eddie for assaulting a police officer. Later, Skinner was taken by the ATF because he was the key to busting a cigarette smuggling ring. Stabler worked with Skinner undercover with the exchange, but it got botched and Eddie escaped during the gunfire. The detectives tracked Eddie to Luke's apartment, where he held Luke at gunpoint demanding money. Stabler convinced Eddie to put the gun down and arrested both men. Eddie admitted to killing Annette by himself and in exchange for a lesser murder charge, told the detectives where he got the murder weapon from. ATF agent Greer was arrested as an accessory to murder and put in holding with Luke and Eddie. Sister Peg visited the station to drop off a picture of Jenna and Annette with an address written in Eddie's handwriting. Izzy called Jenna into the squad room so she could see the three men behind bars. She left but surprised everyone by returning with a handgun and firing wildly into the holding cell, killing Ronson and Greer. As Benson and Izzy pled to Jenna, Stabler took cover behind his desk and reached for his gun. Jenna fired one shot at them, hitting and killing Sister Peg. Shocked, she stopped, but a provoking comment by Skinner infuriated her again. As she aimed her gun at him, Stabler was forced to shoot her. As she lied on the floor, Jenna said she bought the gun off the street before dying in Stabler's arms. That was one of the worst days in Izzy’s career.


	21. Chapter 21

{2012}  
Stabler took his pension after shooting Jenna Fox, even though it was cleared by IAB as a good shoot. Nick Amaro had transferred over, much to the delight of Izzy. He had always been her favorite partner A detective from Atlanta, Georgia also came up, Amanda Rollins. Captain Cragen had been set up by a pimp, Bart Ganzel, who Liv’s ex-boyfriend/ex-SVU detective Brian Cassidy was working for as security. Cragen woke up in his bed with a hooker dead. Cassidy was actually UC while we worked for Ganzel. The squad was taken over by (now) Captain Steven Harris. Cragen had called escorts but never for sex. He just wanted company in the past. Ganzel’s competition, Delia Wilson, made a deal and started naming names. Many ADA’s resigned as well as the Head of the DA’s Public Integrity Unit, seven member of the VICE squad, two state senators, and two deputy mayors were arrested. Cragen was cleared but still had to be cleared by 1PP and IAB.

Author Jocelyn Paley, who had written the book “25 Acts” made “50 Shades of Grey” look like a Disney movie. She had appeared on Adam Cain’s political talk show to talk about the book. After their date, Adam had taken a belt and put it around Jocelyn’s neck. He pulled it so tight that it left marks. They all discussed the case, thinking it might not be what Jocelyn said; until Cain raped her again in an elevator. Izzy was running very late as she met Harris, Rollins, and Benson on the steps of the precinct. “Detective, you’re just in time.” “For what?” “To meet the DA,” Liv laughed. “I thought they all lawyered up…” “I’ve got one,” Steven laughed. “Can I at least put my stuff down?” “I’m going to say no. Let’s go, now.” She followed Harris, Benson, & Rollins to the courthouse. They walked into the courtroom as he was finishing up arraignment. She immediately knew his voice. “Captain Harris. Bring your daughters to work day,” he said smiling. “Rafael Barba, detectives Benson, Rollins, and…” “Rossetti,” he interrupted as he took her hand. “I lied and told them you know your way around a court room.” Izzy and Rafael couldn’t stop staring at each other. It had been years since they had seen each other. Damn, he still looked so good, she thought to herself. He thought the same thing about her. “This girl, she appears credible,” Barba asked as they followed him into his office. “She's concerned about perception, but she was raped twice.” “I didn't ask if she was raped. I asked if she appears credible.” “Okay, I know you have to ask that,” Izzy started before her ex interrupted her. “Reason being we had a case about two months ago, Red Hook. Guy strangled a girl so hard, her eyes had petechial hemorrhaging. Punk tells the jury they met in a bar, she's into S&M. It's a complete lie. The jury deadlocks. Later we find out that half of them read your victim's book.” He was as snarky and arrogant as ever. Half of Izzy wanted to punch him in the throat, the other half wanted rip his clothes off. The three detectives turned to walk out, “Detective Rossetti, can I speak to you for a moment?” “Uh, sure. I’ll catch up,” she told Amanda and Liv as she turned back toward Barba. “You never called,” he said as the arrogance faded. “Neither did you.” They both stood in silence, neither of them knowing what to say next. “You look good.” “I do, don’t I?” “There it is.” “What,” she asked. “You haven’t changed a bit.” “Did you really think I would? I gotta go talk to Jocelyn.” 

“Izzy, can I see you a moment?” “Sure, Captain.” “Are you going to be okay working with Barba, given your past?” “Yeah, it should be fine. I just don’t want the squad knowing. Nick knows, and I’ve already talked to him about it.” “I won’t say anything. You have my word.” “Thanks.” “Hey, Izzy, can I have this yogurt?” “Nick, what’s my one rule?” “New is always better?” “My other one rule?” “Never trust a guy with hair past his shoulders?” “My other one rule?” “Never wear a brown belt with black shoes?” “My other one rule?” “If you reserve it, you deserve it?” “Ding! My names on that.” “You know, I think you’re a bigger pain in the ass than you were in Narcotics.” “Anything’s possible.” “So, uh, are you going to be okay with…” “Nick it will be fine. Stop worrying so much.” “You and I spent a lot of time together when you two were together. I know how you felt about him and how he felt about you.” “It’s been 6 years.”

“More questions? Why?” “We're worried the defense is going to produce the man that you based the book on,” Izzy told Jocelyn as they sat in Barba’s office. “I told you, it's fiction.” “But, Jocelyn, it's so specific, you must have experimented with submission.” She and Barba both had a look on their faces, remembering their own experimentation. “Well, in college…” “Not with Craig. Come on, the only knots he's ever tied was when he was in the boy scouts.” “Yeah, not Craig. Another guy.” Oh, so you cheated on him,” Barba asked. “What? No.” “No?” “I did a semester abroad. The character's based on someone I met in the villa. He was into bondage. Why does any of this matter?” “Where'd you meet him? A hotel? His home? Do you have his address?” “I don't. What is this, 20 questions?” “No, Jocelyn, just one. Who wrote the book,” Izzy asked. “You found out? How?” “I told you the first day the one thing you decide not to tell us is the one thing the defense is gonna use to destroy you. What were you thinking?” “Barba, she gets it.” Nick had figured out that one of Jocelyn’s professors had actually written the book and gave Jocelyn money to put her name on it. “I wanna drop the charges. I can't testify.” “Drop the charges, and your secret's gonna come out anyway when I indict you. Lying to the Grand Jury? That's a crime,” Rafael told her as he slammed the book on his desk. “You'll indict me?” “You don't testify, you're looking at perjury.” “I can't,” Jocelyn said as she ran out. “That was hardball.” “I wasn't playing.” “Yeah, I got that. Does this in any way possibly help us? You were worried that the jury was gonna hold the book against her, but she didn't write it, so…” “They'll see her as a liar.” “I could write a book about you, ya know,” Izzy said trying to break the tension. “You wouldn’t dare,” he snickered. “You were quite experimental in your…younger days.” “My younger days, huh?” “Well, you are almost 40.” “I’m still more than capable of experimenting, Detective.”


	22. Chapter 22

“You should’ve been in court today,” Nick said walking up to Izzy’s desk. “Why?” “I’m surprised you haven’t heard.” “What happened?” “Your ex got Adam Cain to show the real him.” “What do you mean?” “He took off his belt, put it around his neck, had Cain grab it and pull it. Cain wasn’t pulling it very hard, so Barba kept goading him until…” “You don’t even have to finish,” she laughed, “that fool.” “He’s got some balls for sure.” “Well I have some news, too.” “What’s up?” “Harris just told me Cragen’s coming back.” “Finally. I mean I know Harris is your mentor or whatever but he’s an ass.” “He’s just by the book. He’s not so bad once you get to know him.” “His sister still over in Queens?” “Yeah, Robbery. She seems to like it okay.” “She seeing anyone?” “Why do you ask, Nick?” “Just curious.” “You haven’t been separated that long. Don’t push it.” “You’re right. You’re right.” “As always.” “And you’re a smartass.” “Yep.” 

“Heard you won your case,” Izzy said walking into Barba’s office. “I did.” “Heard about your little stunt, too. Have you completely lost your mind?” “There’s this school of thought that says the more entertaining lawyer wins a jury trial. I think I proved that to be true.” She rolled her eyes. “You wanted to know how the belt around the neck excited Cain about sex? What excited you about using your hand on my neck?” They were both leaning across his desk, inches away from each other. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” “I asked, didn’t I?” “And I might tell you one day.” He was leaning closer to her. Just as she was about to let him make his move, she moved away. “I gotta go meet Erin.” The look on his face was nothing but priceless. “Looking forward to working with you more, Counselor,” she said with a smirk on her face as she walked out. 

A month or two went by, the two of them going back and forth at each other. They were both too stubborn to admit they wanted to be together. “So, what’s going on with you & Barba,” Amanda asked as they sat at Brady’s drinking. “Nothing.” “Nothing?” “That would be correct.” “I see the little looks you two give each other, the little touches he sneaks in, not too mention, the tension when you two are in the same room.” “You, my friend, are drunk.” “I’m not the only one that’s noticed. I mean you two obviously knew each other…” “He was my brother’s roommate in law school. That’s how we know each other.” “You two never, you know snuck behind your brothers back…” “No.” “Okay, if you say nothing happened or nothing’s going on, I’ll believe you. But he wants you.” “Well, yeah who doesn’t?” 

“Lassiter wasn't an isolated predator. We're looking at three decades of sexual abuse, a dozen victims and counting. At least four of the teachers were serial abusers all under the previous headmaster,” Amanda was explaining their current case to Barba. “Terrific graphic work. Any of this happen in the last five years?” “No.” “Are any of the victims under 23 now?” “No, but we've got…” “Okay, different states do have different statutes. Did any of this take place on a field trip or a sports team road trip? Connecticut, Massachusetts?” “You ever think about going off caffeine,” Izzy asked as she was getting very frustrated with her ex. “That'd be a no. So why are you here again?” “If you'd let me or Rollins get a word in, counselor.” He politely nodded to Izzy, which Amanda grinned so big at. “Thank you,” she said as she went on explaining. “Nothing between the two of you, my ass,” Amanda said as they walked down the stairs of 1 Hogan Place. “Shut up.” “Just admit it, you like him.” “Amanda, that man drives me crazy.” “Yeah but it’s a good crazy.” “No, it really isn’t because most days I just want to stick my foot up his ass. Smug, arrogant, snarky, ugh!” She slammed her phone into her desk drawer when they got back and walked to the bathroom. “What’s wrong with Izzy?” “She & Barba were at it again, Liv.” “Those two need to get a room.” “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear you say that,” Fin laughed.


	23. Chapter 23

Izzy was laying on her couch, watching “Glee” in her pajamas, while Erin was out with whatever guy she was dating at the moment. Amanda had tried to get her to go out, but she just wanted to relax for once. She was almost asleep when a loud knock woke her up. She was too tired to look and see who it was. “Asleep already, Detective?” “I was until I was woken by a very rude ADA. Don’t you know how to call before just dropping by somebody’s apartment? What if I had moved?” “You leave this rent-controlled apartment? Right.” “Come in.” “Doesn’t look much different from the last time I was in it. I see a few upgrades, though.” “What are you doing here, Barba?” “Just thought you’d like to know how it went at Manor Hill.” “Liv already called.” “Of course, she did.” “Anything else?” “You’re gonna be rude and not offer me a drink?” “You’re serious?” “It’s the polite thing to do when you have a guest.” “An uninvited guest.” “Never needed an invitation before.” “Things change,” she said handing him a glass of bourbon. “Not all things,” he smiled. “What are you insinuating?” “Like I haven’t seen you checking me out in the courtroom.” “Okay, I think one drink is plenty.” He put his arms around her waist. “Are you going to tell me that there is nothing between us anymore? Even after all these years?” “You’re pretty arrogant to assume there is.” “Okay, then. If that’s how you feel. I’ll see you at work.” There was plenty between them, but she wouldn’t admit it. She was scared that if they did back together, things would end up like before.

Fin, Nick, Liv, Brian, Amanda, Barba, & Izzy went out one night after work. Things had been uncomfortable between Izzy and Rafael for a few weeks since he showed up at her apartment. She & Nick were playing darts when a blond, no more than 25 walked up and kissed Rafael. Izzy felt sick. Was she actually jealous? She just tried to ignore the bimbo practically sitting in his lap. “Hey. Izzy?” “What?” “Your turn.” “Oh yeah, sorry, Nick.” Nick had known Izzy long enough to know she was more than bothered by Rafael’s date. “Hey, don’t let that get to you.” “I’m not.” “Come on, let’s turn the tables,” he said placing his arm around her waist. It definitely got Rafael’s attention. He tuned put his date as he watched Nick whisper in Izzy’s ear. Nick knew what he was doing was working. “Did any of you know that Nick and Izzy…”, Fin started. “What the hell is going on over here?” “Hey, Counselor.” “Is there a problem, Barba,” Izzy laughed. “Oh, just the fact that if something is going between the two of you could compromise our whole case.” “I don’t think it’s really any of your business.” “Okay, fine. If that’s how you want to be about it. I’ll talk to Cragen.” “Go for it.” Rafael and his date left. Izzy followed close behind. She stopped by the precinct to look up Barba’s address. She didn’t care if the fake blond was there or not, she was gonna give him a piece of her mind. “Park Avenue,” she muttered to herself, “son of a bitch.” She flashed her badge at the doorman who let her in. “Do you have to knock so loud? I have a doorbell, you know?” “Like I care.” “Where’s your boyfriend, Detective?” “Nick is not my boyfriend. We were just giving you a taste of your own fucking medicine.” “I beg your pardon?” “You think I don’t know what you were doing with her? Is she here cause, I’d like to tell her what kind of guy she’s dating.” “You’ve made it clear that there’s nothing between us anymore.” “No, I never said that. I just said it was arrogant of you to assume there was.” “So, then I was right and there is.” “I’m…you…” “That’s a ‘yes’.” “Oh, kiss my ass.” “Tell me you haven’t missed this,” he said as he kissed her. It was as if no time had passed. She ran her hands through his perfectly fixed hair. “Bedroom,” he asked as he caught his breath. “As if you had to ask.”

It was close to midnight. “Don’t go,” Rafael whined. “I’ve got to. I have to work tomorrow.” “So do I.” “Yes, but my clothes are on the other side of town.” “Stay just a little longer.” “If I do, I’m going to fall asleep.” “Did I work you that hard?” “Something like that,” she laughed. “Have dinner with me Friday night.” “Where?” “You pick.” “Okay. I’ll let you know.” She finished getting dressed and kneeled back on the bed to kiss him before she left. “Hey, I love you.” “I love you, too, Rafael.” She caught a cab back to her apartment. “And just where have you been?” “Out, Erin.” “Out? You were going to the bar with your squad and that was at 6. You never stay out this long.” “Okay, Mom, jeez.” “So, where were you.” “Just…okay?” “Oh my god.” “What?” “You were with Barba, weren’t you?” “What?” “Don’t even try to lie to me. You can tell me no, but that mark on your neck says different.” “Fuck me. I’m gonna kill him.” “So are you two…” “I don’t know just yet. We’ve got to talk about things.” “All this back and forth for the last 4 months has been ridiculous. You two just need to give it up.” “I’m going to bed.”


	24. Chapter 24

Izzy woke up feeling like she had been hit by a truck. She didn’t drink much the night before, so she wasn’t hungover. Her body ached, she could tell she had a fever. She went to work anyways. “So, did our little ploy work?” “Shh, Nick.” “I can see that mark on your neck says it did.” “Shut it.” “Izzy, you don’t look so good.” “I feel even worse, Liv.” Liv felt her head. “You are burning up. You need to go to the doctor.” “Nah, I’ll be fine.” “If you don’t go to the doctor, I’m telling Cragen.” “Go tell him, I don’t care.” “Have it your way.” Cragen came to her desk. “Elizabeth?” “Ugh, my actual name? Really, Captain?” “Go to the doctor and take a few days off. You’ve been running yourself ragged and now you’ve gotten yourself sick.” “But…” “That’s an order. You show up here before you’re released by a doctor and I will write you up for insubordination.” “You wouldn’t.” “Haven’t I before?” “Fine. I’m going.” She walked passed Olivia, “Tattletale.” “I’m just looking out for you and everyone in the building,” she laughed. “Yeah, yeah.” 

“How did you get the fucking flu?” “I don’t know, Erin.” “This means no dinner Friday, huh?” “Yeah. Oh well, we can go another time.” *KNOCK, KNOCK “Get in bed. I’ll see who that is.” “Shut my door, Erin.” She heard faint talking and then Erin opening her door. “You have a visitor.” “I don’t want any visitors.” “Well, you don’t have much of choice,” Rafael laughed. “What are you doing here?” “Benson said you were sick and would be off work for a few days. So, I got everything necessary to get you better.” “You’re sweet. You don’t want to see me like this.” “Mi amor, we were together almost 7 years. I’ve seen you like this and worse. Here, you need to eat.” “Aww, you remembered my favorite soup.” “Again, almost 7 years. God, you are still burning up. When was the last time you took anything?” “I don’t know, 4-5 hours ago.” He handed her a bottle of Gatorade and some advil. “You don’t have to do this.” “Why wouldn’t I?” She shrugged. “I know things are up in the air, but I meant what I said before you left my place.” “I know. I did, too.” “So, I’m going to get out of this suit, crawl in bed next to you, and we can watch whatever you want. Tomorrow, after work, I will do the same thing since we won’t be going to dinner.” “Can we watch ‘Glee’.” “Why am I not surprised you like that show?” “What’s that supposed to mean?” He looked at her with his eyebrow raised. “Eat,” he laughed as he got up and out of his suit. After she finished her soup, he got a cool rag to put on her head and let her cuddle up to him. She fell asleep as he lightly stroked her back. 

“Hello?” “Hey, how are you feeling?” “Like shit. How do I sound?” “Like shit,” Rafael laughed. “What time do you think you’ll be done?” “Missing me already?” “I need some real food.” “What do you want me to bring?” “Chinese is fine. You remember what I like?” “Yes, I do. Do you mind if I bring some clothes?” “Uh, no. You can stay the weekend.” “Are you sure? We haven’t talked…” “I said you can stay, Rafa.” “Okay. I’ll see you this evening.” “Okay.” “I love you.” “I love you, too.” Yeah, they spent the last 4 months flirting and fighting, slept together the night before she got sick, so they hadn’t had the chance to actually talk but there was no denying everything they felt before was still there. She slept most of the day. “Hey, asshole, I’m home.” “Good for you, Erin.” “Barba coming back tonight?” “Yes.” “Aww.” “Just let him in when he gets here, please.” “Do I look like Hazel?” “Do I look like I care? And shut my door!” Izzy fell back asleep. She woke up to find Rafael cleaning up her room. “Babe, what are you doing?” “Just picking up for you. You’re messy when you’re sick.” “Ha ha. What time is it?” “7:30. You think you can eat?” “Most definitely.” “Erin told me to tell you she was going out and not to expect her home until tomorrow or maybe Sunday.” “Okay.” “After you eat, how about I run you a bath?” “Sounds good,” she smiled.


	25. Chapter 25

Izzy woke up feeling better the next morning. She wasn’t 100% but she didn’t feel like she had a constant hangover. Rafael was still sound asleep, one arm draped over her. She scooted in closer to him and he seemed to lock his arm around her, but she didn’t mind. “How are you feeling,” he asked as he kissed her cheek. “Better actually.” “Good.” “Thank you for taking care of me.” “Of course.” “I’m gonna make some coffee.” “I can do it for you.” “No, I’ve got it,” she smiled, “you’ve been plenty busy the last two days.” She got up and went to the kitchen. “Fucking Erin.” “What’s wrong?” “I told her to get coffee and do you think she did? Nope.” “Tell you what. Starbucks isn’t far, so I’ll get dressed and go get it.” “I can…” “It’s 37 degrees outside and you’re fighting the flu. You need to stay where it’s warm.” “Okay.” He was gone maybe 20 minutes. She was sitting on the couch, flipping through the channels. Being Saturday morning, there was nothing on. She grabbed a DVD set of “House” and turned it on. “Now this I can live with,” Rafael joked. It was season 7 where Cuddy & House finally admitted their feelings for each other and were trying to figure out how to navigate their relationship with their jobs. After the first 3 episodes, Rafael spoke up. “I think we need to address the elephant in the room, don’t you?” “What do you mean?” “Are these episodes not hitting a little too close to home?” “A little.” “So…” “So what?” “What are we doing?” She really didn’t know how to answer. “Well, what do you want?” “No, it’s not my decision. You left me, remember?” “Rafa…” “I know I should’ve talked to you after what happened instead of shutting down the way I did. I have hated myself for the last 6 years because of that. When you said we needed to take a break, I honestly thought it would be temporary.” “Why didn’t you ever call me?” “I wanted to, but I felt that you needed your space. Then, when I found out you were dating Halstead of all people, I just got angry. I tried harder than ever to get over you. I couldn’t do it. You walked in the courtroom with Harris that day, I wasn’t even paying attention to Rollins & Benson. I just saw you.” “What happened to that girl…” “Alicia? I met her two weeks ago. We went out like two times, but you were right, I was using her to make you jealous. Not my finest moment, I know, but after I tried to kiss you in my office after the Paley case…” “Yeah, that was kind of wrong.” “Wrong? That was downright fucked up and you know it.” “Rafa!” “Well? Then when I came over here and you were, I hate to say it, but you were a bitch to me.” “You were just so…ugh…you!” “I think you loved that for almost 7 years.” “More like 13.” “So, what are you saying?” “If we do this, we have to be honest, communicate about anything and everything that goes on.” “I can do that.” “Also, the jealousy was cute when we were in our 20s, but we’re in our 30s now.” “I understand.” “I meant it. Nick is my partner again, so you’ve got to deal with that.” “I will.” “Okay.” “Okay as in, we’re giving us another shot?” “Yes. Don’t fuck it up this time,” she laughed. He leaned over and kissed her. “I’m sick.” “I got my flu shot unlike somebody else. You think you’re well enough to handle me?” “Oh, I can handle all 8 inches of you.”

“Welcome back, Detective. Feeling better?” “Much, Sergeant. Thank you.” “Well you are in luck on your first day back.” “Why’s that?” “Got a case. Grab your partner and go to this address.” “Okay, so Micha is more worried about what’s getting said on her Twitter feed than putting in Caleb in prison?” “Pretty much, Barba.” “She thinks she’s in love.” “Hey guys, Caleb is Tweeting again,” Rollins said, “BBC Update: My girl’s been shaftmatized; with a photo.” “That’s the bedspread from Micha’s room,” Izzy pointed out. “Is that OOP still in effect, Barba?” “Absolutely, Nick.” “Rossetti, you and Nick go.” They got to Micha’s hotel room. Caleb opened the door as they pushed their way in, “Yo, worry about your own bitch.” “Get your clothes on, Romeo,” Nick said as he threw a shirt at Caleb. “Does that look like 1,000 yards to you,” Izzy asked. “I told him he could be here!” “It’s not up to you!” Izzy was dumbfounded as Micha called after Caleb telling him she loved him, and she was sorry. The case was terrible. Brass, Micha’s mentor & producer called Fin the night of Micha’s release party. Caleb had snuck in the back door. In the middle of the call, Fin heard Caleb arguing with Brass then the phone went dead. By the time they all got to the party, everyone had fled, guns laid everywhere, and Brass was dead. Micha swore she didn’t know anything; until she saw Brass’ wife & son leaving Barba’s office. She finally agreed to tell the truth to the grand jury, implicating Caleb in the murder. However, the next day, she said Izzy & Barba had confused her, put words in her mouth, etc. Of course, Munch knew that wasn’t true. They grabbed coffee and head back to the precinct. “You even been in love like that?” “Like the guy kills somebody in front of me, sends me flowers, and I let it slide? I think you know better.” “11th grade. Lauren Sullivan. She could’ve massacred my entire family I would’ve looked the other way.” “Oh, you told me all about her.” “Don’t get jealous, mi amor. You’re the only one for me.” He gave her a quick kiss before they walked up the stairs. “He went old school,” Nick said as they walked in, “One-hour phone call from a burner cell.” “Probably told her he loved her and couldn’t live without her,” Barba scoffed. “Her latest tweet,” Rollins handed her phone to Izzy, “Private jet to Bermuda. Counting on each other. Love rules overall.” “That was fast.” “Now what?” “We wait, Nick,” Izzy answered. “Wait for what?” “The inevitable,” Liv said. Two days later, they all sat around the squad & Barba sat around the TV in the squad room, watching news coverage of Micha’s death. Barba noticed how tense Izzy was and instinctively rubbed her shoulder. Fin was the only one who seemed to notice.

“Who are the flowers from?” “Mind your business, Rollins.” “I bet I know.” “I bet you don’t.” “Oh, I bet I do,” she laughed, “They wouldn’t be from a certain Cuban ADA that wears very expensive suits?” “Shut your pie hole.” “They are!” “Will you be quiet,” she said pushing her toward the bathroom. “What’s up with those two,” Fin asked. “Who knows. Probably gossiping.” “So, tell me…” “Okay, I’m going to tell you the truth, but you can’t say a word.” “I swear I won’t.” “Barba and I dated for almost 7 years. From 1999 until the beginning of 2007.” “You’re kidding.” “No.” “How much older is he than you?” “6 years.” “That’s it?” “That’s it.” “You two were together that long, were you engaged or anything?” “We lived together but that was it.” “Wow. That blows my mind.” “Not a word, Amanda.” “I swear I won’t say anything.” “I will kick your ass if you do.” “You’ve got to disclose to Cragen.” “We will, in due time.” “So, what’s he like, you know…” “Amanda!” “Come on. He’s wound so fucking tight, he’s got to let loose somewhere in his life.” “He does indeed.” “Oh my god!” “Shh!!! Keep it down!” “He’s a freak, isn’t he?” “I think you need to get laid. Asking me all these questions.” “I will stop asking if you will tell me one thing.” “Okay, you get one.” “There’s a reason he’s so cocky, isn’t there?” “If you tell him…” “I’ve told you 100 times I’m not going to say anything.” “Yes. That reason is about 8 inches long.” “Are you serious?” “100%.” “Holy shit. Hey more power to ya. I wouldn’t know what to do with one that big.” “I still don’t sometimes.”


	26. Chapter 26

“What are you going to do with your day off?” “Oh, sleep, be bored until Barba gets finished; whenever that may be. Nick and I had to work a double on this fucking case; it’s that fucking bad, Erin.” “How is Nick, by the way?” “He’s making it the best he can. He at least gets to see Zara.” “Well, enjoy your day off. I’ll see you tonight.” Izzy laid on the couch and fell asleep within 15 minutes. After her nap, she got up, did some laundry, and a few other chores. She decided to text her boyfriend and see how his day was. Of course, he was not having a good day. *Is it anything that 2 glasses of scotch and a blow job could fix?* *Possibly.* *Come over.* *I’m really busy.* *I said come over.* *Look, woman I can’t have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.* *Is that a no?* He didn’t respond for 6 minutes. *I’ll be there in 20 minutes.* *Door will be unlocked.* He came in her apartment and his briefcase hit the floor hard. She went to meet him. He didn’t even let her speak as he kissed her forcefully and backed her into her bedroom. “Rafael…” “Papi didn’t say you could speak, did he?” “No.” “Then don’t.” He started taking off his tie and rolling up his sleeves. He pushed her against her door, slipping his hand into her shorts. She moaned as he put two fingers inside of her, moving them slowly in & out. “You can’t go a day without Papi’s cock, can you?” “No, Papi.” He pulled off her shorts and panties and went to his knees. As soon as his tongue made contact, her knees went weak. She started to put her hands into his hair, but he grabbed them and held them against the door as he kept going. He got her to her first orgasm. It was so intense, she felt like her legs were going to come out from under her. He grabbed her by her waist before they could. “Don’t fall out on me. I’m not finished with you, just yet.” “Are we going to the bed?” “Nope,” he said as he got undressed. He came back over to her and took off her shirt. Then he took his tie and wrapped it around her wrists. Before she could wrap her head around what was happening, he had her in his arms, her legs around his waist, with her arms that were tied around his neck. He started off slowly. He eventually sped up as much as he could while holding her steady against the door. They came together, moaning each other’s names. 

“Are you not going back to work?” “No,” he said shaking his head, “This case has been kicking both of our asses. We haven’t got to spend any time together and right now, there’s nothing I can do at this point. It all depends on your squad before I can move any further.” “Well, in that case, what shall we do for the rest of the day?” “To be honest, I’m having trouble holding my eyes open right now,” he laughed. “Aww, did you get worn out?” “I did all of the work.” “Boo-hoo.” He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. She relaxed into his hold. “How did I get so lucky to find the love of my life not once but twice?” “You are tired,” she laughed. “I’m serious. 6 years ago, I thought I lost you forever. It’s been two months and I can’t think of anything that could break us apart this time.” “Your mouth.” “Funny. I’m serious. You know this is it, right? Endgame, right here.” “Get some sleep, Rafael.” She didn’t fall asleep as quickly as he did. She kept playing his words over in her head. If the squad ever saw this side of him, his reputation would be shot to hell for sure. Something told her he probably wouldn’t mind. She finally fell back asleep against his chest. If there was one place she always felt safe, it was in his arms. 

“Rossetti?” “Yeah, Captain?” “I need you in my office. Now.” “Okay,” she said, feeling like she was being sent to the principal’s office. “Have a seat.” “What’s going on, Captain?” “When did you plan on disclosing the fact that you’re dating the ADA?” “Uh…” “May I remind you about Olivia & David Haden?” “Captain, it’s not like that. We had a relationship before.” “When?” “1999-2006.” “And you didn’t find that pertinent to disclose?” “Harris knew so I didn’t really think about it after the fact.” “I see. And how long has this been going on?” “Three months.” “Well, here’s the deal. Chief of D’s wants you transferred out.” “What?! Captain…” “If I want to keep you, I have to come up with a damn good reason, one he will buy. I gotta tell you, excessive force, insubordination, it doesn’t look good for you. Also, while I try to figure out how not to lose another detective, you’re on leave.” “For how long?” “Until I say. If I was you, I’d stay away from the DA’s office during your leave.” “Fine.” “You’re dismissed.” She went to grab her things. “Hey, what’s going on,” Amanda asked. “He found out about me & Barba.” “How?” “I don’t know. I never thought to ask. Chief of D’s knows, and he wants me out of here.” “Wait, you & Barba?” “It’s a long story, Liv.” “Listen, we will go to bat for you.” “Don’t put yourselves out for me.” “No, this is bullshit. It’s been going on for three months, you’ve remained professional because obviously no one but me knew.” “How did Amanda know?” “She told me.” “Oh, well, thanks, Izzy.” “Liv, it’s not that a big a deal.” “I kinda figured it out and then she told me.” “Look, go home and try not to worry about this. We’ve all got your back.”


	27. Chapter 27

Izzy listened to Cragen and just went home. She pulled out a bottle of scotch and sat down on her couch. She couldn’t figure out how Cragen found out. She had text Rafael but no answer. He was probably in just as much trouble as she was, if not more. Everything had been going fine and now they could both lose their jobs. Was it worth it? Is that why he wasn’t answering her? Erin came home about three hours after Izzy. “You’re home early.” She told Erin what was going on. “What the hell?” “I know.” “And he hasn’t answered any of your text or calls?” “No.” “That’s bullshit.” “Erin! Where are you going?” “I got some business to handle.”   
Erin stormed past Julie, Rafael’s secretary and into his office. A younger ADA was in there. “You can’t just go in there.” “The hell I can’t.” “Detective Harris. It’s fine, Julie. To what do I owe the pleasure?” The other ADA excused himself. “Do you not know what’s going on?” “Uh, no?” “When was the last time you talked to your girlfriend?” “This morning when we left my place for work. Is she okay?” “You really don’t know?” “Erin, stop talking in fucking code and tell me what’s going on.” “Cragen found out about you two.” “And?” “And?! Chief of D’s wants her transferred.” “What? Where is she?” “At home. She’s been texting you and calling you. Why are you acting like this is no big deal?” “McCoy came to me about it this morning, I told him it was true, I have the paperwork right here for her to sign. End of story.” “So, McCoy’s fine with it?” “Well, he said we’ve kept it professional because obviously nobody knew. As long as it stays that way, he doesn’t see a problem.” “So, what’s up the Chief’s ass about it?” “I can’t find my fucking phone. Go home. I’m going to talk to McCoy, tell Izzy I will be there as soon as I can.” 

“Hey,” he said walking into their apartment. Benson had stopped by to tell her McCoy had came to the office to talk to Cragen. “Wow, Barba. I didn’t think you made time for a life,” Benson laughed. “I make time for her. Big difference,” he said with that smirk on his face. “I’ll leave you two alone. Hopefully it won’t be too long.” “Where’s your phone?” “It was on silent in my briefcase. I never took it out when I got the office this morning. I was a little preoccupied with our shower this morning.” “So, Erin said McCoy came to you this morning.” “Yeah. Someone saw us walking through the park Sunday. He asked, I answered honestly, told him everything, he gave him this paperwork for us to sign, and that’s it.” “Did he tell…” “No. The Chief came to him. After Erin came by and yelled at me, I went and talked to McCoy again and told him what was going on on your end of the deal. He said he would talk to Cragen and that he will help him with the Chief when it comes to you staying in SVU.” 

Two days went by before she was told to be in Cragen’s office. “It’s going to be fine, mi amor.” “I’m glad you think so. I’m probably gonna get shipped to Community Affairs or back to the fucking Bronx.” “I doubt that.” He walked her to the precinct. “Coming up?” “I better not, this time.” “I get it.” “Call me as soon as your meeting’s over.” “Okay.” “I love you.” “I love you, too.” She walked up the stairs, trying to keep her nerves at bay. “I’m here, Captain.” “Yes, come in, Detective.” McCoy and the Chief were there, too. “Have a seat.” The Chief didn’t even let Cragen speak before he can began. “You know that while it’s not forbidden, it is frowned upon for a detective and an ADA to carry on an intimate relationship, especially two that work as close as you and Mr. Barba. I understand that you two had a prior relationship?” “Yes, sir.” “Did you work together during at that time?” “Once or twice. Not much.” “You’ve been working together 7 months, back together 3, am I correct?” “Yes, sir.” Captain Cragen and Mr. McCoy are convinced that you two can remain professional. Until you two prove otherwise, I will trust their judgement. Understood?” “Perfectly.” “Mr. McCoy, Captain, do you have anything to add?” “I think you covered it, Chief.” “I agree with Jack.” “Well, then. Cragen has some paperwork for. I want on my desk in 24 hours.” “Yes, sir.” He walked out, leaving Izzy with Cragen & McCoy. “I wasn’t going to say with in front of the Chief, but it does seem like you’ve calmed down since Barba’s been around.” “He’s always been a calming influence so to speak, Captain.” “I’m fine with my detectives having lives outside of this job because you need them. I just don’t want a repeat of Nick & Maria in my squad room.” “Copy that, Captain.” “Jack? Anything you’d like to say?” “Try to keep him in line.” “Easier said than done.” “Here,” Cragen said handing her a folder, “take this home and get it done so I can take it to 1PP in the morning, when you return to your desk.”


	28. Chapter 28

“It’s a Sunday. What could Rollins possibly want with us?” “Your friend is running out of favors with me fast,” Rafael said, very frustrated. They had been invited to join Jack and his companion on his yacht for the day. They had spent most of the day on the Hudson and had just docked when Amanda called with a case. “Oh, come on. Let’s see what she found.” Everyone was in the precinct when they arrived. Amanda had called everyone on their day off. “Where’s the fire, Rollins?” “Where have you two been? On your yacht,” Liv asked. “Not my yacht,” Rafael smirked, “what are we looking at?” “William Lewis, unemployed drifter. We have three witnesses who saw him expose himself in Central Park.” “Really? And you called me in here for a class "B" misdemeanor because you wanted to use up all your favors in one fell swoop?” “It's not like that, okay? This guy is hard-core.” “How bad is his record?” “We don't know. We can't run his prints because his fingers are burned, and if you ask me, he did it deliberately.” William Lewis turned out to be one of the toughest cases most of them had faced. He raped and tortured one of the witnesses for 18 hours, branding her with keys, burning her with cigarettes. She later died of a heart attack from the stress of her attack. The case wasn’t taking its toll on just the squad but Rafael & Izzy, too. It was like the details of the case just made them not want to touch each other at all. To make matters worse, Lewis’ DNA was tested on the same tray as the forensic sample, making it inadmissible; leaving Barba with no witness, no DNA, resulting in a mistrial. It upset them all. “Tell you what, who wants to come with me and just shoot the son of a bitch? I haven’t had an orgasm in weeks because of him.” “Rossetti.” “Don't worry, Captain. I'll take her out to get something to drink. Barba will have to handle the other part. Anybody else, while my wallet is open,” Fin asked. Everyone but Amanda passed and the 3 of them went for a beer.

Cragen had given Olivia two days off since she seemed to take the Lewis case harder than anyone. Brian showed up in squad room saying it hadn’t heard from her in two days. Fin, Amanda, Nick, & Izzy went to her apartment. There was take-out menus and mail outside her door. Izzy busted the door open and the place had been ransacked. They all knew it was Lewis. He had raped his defense attorney’s mother and made Liv watch before taking her to a house on Long Island. He force fed her alcohol and drugs, tortured her for days. It took them four days before they found her. Rafael felt responsible since he was unable to prove his case and Lewis went free. “Don’t beat yourself up.” “It’s hard not to.” “You didn’t test the DNA samples on the same tray. You couldn’t fight that.” “What if it had been you?” “What do you mean?” “Instead of Olivia, what if it had been you that he went after. That’s what keeps going through my head.” She held his hand as he sat on her couch, staring at his empty glass. He finally put his arm around her and kissed her forehead. “It’s times like these, I wish you had went to law school,” he half-way laughed. “Well, too bad. I’m a cop.” “I know. So, I’ve been thinking.” “Why do I get worried when you say that?” “Seriously, we spend nearly every night together. We’ve been together for 7 years in total now.” “Yeah?” “Why don’t we move back in together?” “Really?” “Yeah. I mean, I don’t plan on waking up or falling asleep next to anyone else for the rest of my life.” “Does it have to be your place this time?” “Are you going to kick Erin out?” “Well, no, I’m thinking, that if we do this, we should pick a place together; not on Park Avenue.” He laughed. “Okay, you got a deal. We will pick at a place that’s ours.” “Will we buy or rent?” “We’ll see what’s available and just go from there?” “Works for me.” “I know a realtor, so I’ll call him in the morning.” “I need two bathrooms.” “Okay.” “And a balcony of some kind.” “Okay, mi amor.” “And…” he interrupted her with a kiss as he laid her back on the couch. They were pretty into their little make-out session, so much so, they didn’t hear the door open. “Oh my god, can you two not keep your tongues to yourselves for like 5 minutes. You’re in your 30s.” He hung his head, “Nice to see you, too, Erin.” “Whatever you do, do not stand up right now, Barba.” “Why are you still friends with her?” Izzy just shrugged. “So, Izzy, I need to talk to you.” “I actually need to talk to you, too.” “Okay, you go first.” “Well, Rafael and I have decided to get our own place.” “What? That’s amazing! I totally thought you were gonna say you were pregnant, but this is so much better.” “Well, I’m not wearing this shirt anymore but thank you. So, what’s your news?” “I’m moving to Chicago.” “What?” “I’m taking a job with the Intelligence Unit.” “Wow, uh, okay. What brought this on?” “I just feel like I need to move on.” “Well, I can’t say I’m excited about this but if that’s what you gotta do.” “Are you sure?” “It’s your life.” “I’ll be back when you guys finally get married.” “One thing at a time, Erin.” “I can’t believe we’re leaving this apartment after 14 years.” “Whoever rents it next is going to pay like three times what we’ve been paying,” Izzy laughed. 

“What time does your flight leave?” “5.” “All your stuff made it, right?” “Yes, Izzy. I can’t believe what I had to pay to ship everything. All of your stuff…” “Nick, Brian, Rafael, Fin, & Tony are unloading it as we speak.” “It really is the end of an era, isn’t it?” “It is.” “Here, I got something for you.” “Erin, you didn’t have to get me anything.” “Come on. You’re my best friend. We’ve lived together for 15 years. I had to cap the end off with something. It’s not much.” It was a framed picture from one of their first days in their dorm at NYU. “God, look how young we were. Oh my God, you can see the *NSYNC poster in the background.” “You were gonna go to law school, marry a handsome lawyer, and live happily ever after; I had no idea what I wanted to do.” “I didn’t go to law school.” “No, but you’re going to marry a handsome lawyer that you met when you were 19.” “We’re not there yet.” “It won’t be long, and you know it.” “Well, it just so happens, I got something for you, too.” Izzy & Erin had the same idea. “Our first night living here. After we got busted having a kegerator in our dorm.” “Like we were the only ones,” Izzy scoffed. “Dawson & Halstead had a pot plant in their closet,” Erin laughed. “Izzy?” “Hey, babe.” “Everything’s unloaded at our place. Are you ready?” “Uh yeah.” She and Erin started crying as they hugged. “Take care of yourself in Chicago.” “I will. Take care of yourself out here.” “Call me when you land.” “Okay. I’m going to miss your ass.” “I’m going to miss you, too.” “I love you.” “Love you. You called a cab?” “It’ll be here in 10 minutes.” “Okay.” “Barba take care of our girl.” “I’ll do my best.” “Besides me, you were the best thing that ever happened to her.” He laughed as he gave her a small hug. “Be safe out there. We have a spare bedroom with your name on it.” “Thanks. Okay, enough tears. Get out of here. You have a lot of unpacking to do.” “God don’t remind me. I mean it. Call me as soon as you get there.” “I will.” “Come on, mi amor. It’s time to go home,” Rafael said, taking her hand. They walked into their apartment on East 38th. The first thing Izzy did was put the picture Erin gave her on the mantle above the fireplace.


	29. Chapter 29

Munch had put in his papers for retirement and Cragen asked Olivia to take the Sergeant’s exam. The New York Mayoral election was days away with Barba’s oldest friend, Alex Munoz being the front runner. Their other friend, Eddie Garcia was being accused of rape by some crazy blond. He was arrested with 2k in his pocket, Nick & Izzy felt something was off. Rafael went to Liv to ask them to do some digging because he didn’t believe Eddie was guilty either. Eddie said the girl, Lindsay, was pregnant and the money was for an abortion. Even though Eddie’s wife had left him 3 years prior, he was still loyal to her. When Izzy & Nick questioned Lindsay again, she said she met Eddie when he was with his wife and that she wasn’t pregnant. She made an excuse for Izzy to leave so she could try to play Nick. Nick started to piece together that Alex was involved with Lindsay and Eddie was sent to pay her the money to keep her mouth shut. Rafael didn’t like being involved in any way with the case but since he knew Alex, Jack wanted to him to stay on it. “Did you ask Alex if he was involved with this woman?” “We did, and he gave a categorical denial,” Nick answered as the three of them walked of 1 Hogan Place. “What about Eddie?” “He's been ducking us ever since his release.” “Even you,” he asked Izzy. “Even me.” “I can make a call.” “Actually, I was going to suggest going the other way. Have you thought about formally recusing yourself, counselor?” “Believe me, I would like nothing more.” “But?” “The D.A. Has asked me to stay on it.” “Oh, so he's hanging you out to dry.” “He's asked me to stay on it. Given the optics, he wants to be kept in the loop.” “Oh, so you can keep Munoz in the loop?” “You're out of line, detective.” “Am I?” “Guys, please. We'd like to keep digging, Rafa.” “Go ahead. But we're ten days away from an election. If you're gonna take aim at the frontrunner, make sure you don't miss.” “You’re gonna be hung out to dry with him,” Nick said as they left. “Nick, stop. I understand you’re going through a lot, but Barba is not hindering our investigation.”

Amanda had set up a honeytrap online to get Alex to exchange photos with her. Rafael honestly didn’t want to believe his friend capable of the things he was being investigated for. Rafael confronted Alex with the pictures he sent Amanda, but he wouldn’t admit to anything; said he was hacked and blamed Wall Street.” What, you told him we were looking at his account?” “I gave him a chance to get out in front of this.” “So now not only is he tampering with witnesses, he has you covering it up for him.” “Nick, please.” “Did you find any evidence at all that Lindsay is shaking him down or that he's paying to hush her up?” “There's nothing so far on the public sites, but we'll keep checking,” Izzy assured him. “Do that.” “You know, counselor, hold up,” Nick said following Rafael out the door. “What?” “Look, her Facebook page is scrubbed clean. We can get a warrant, have TARU go through all his accounts. They might find something.” “A warrant for suspicion of sexting? That's not going to happen. Speaking of texts, our D.A. wants to be briefed. This should be short, but not sweet.” “You know, what you did, tipping off Munoz, you could be charged for obstruction yourself. Go ahead, report me. See where that gets you.” “But it's not just about the sexting. We sit on all this till after the election, it'll look like we were carrying the water for him too.” “And if we take him out now based on innuendo, it'll look like a political hit. Are we done? You driving me to the DA's office, detective? Thank you,” Rafael smarted off as Nick got in the elevator with him. “I am not cutting Munoz a break just because he's my friend.” “No, I get that. It's not about friendship. It's about you. You're afraid to go after Munoz, because while he stayed in the hood, in el barrio, and played man of the people, you went off to Harvard and pretended you were one of the gringuitos, having a white girlfriend.” “I know where I come from. And you leave her out of this.” “Yeah, so does Munoz, and he's playing you, mi socio, and making you feel like a sellout.” “Thank you so much for the Bodega psychoanalysis, Detective. Compay. No te equivoque conmigo.”

Rafael was very quiet as they sat at their kitchen table, eating the homemade lasagna Izzy had made for dinner. “What’s wrong?” “You need to ask Cragen for a new partner.” “Don’t start this.” “Oh, I haven’t yet. Who the hell does he think he is, telling me to recuse myself? Accusing me of obstruction?” “He’s going through a lot.” “Don’t make excuses for him!” “Rafael Eduardo Barba, don’t you ever raise your voice to me like that again,” she said with a quiet anger in her voice as she got up, threw her plate in the sink, and slammed the bedroom door. She text Nick to meet her for a drink because she was not happy with him either. His attitude and accusations were causing problems in her relationship. She grabbed her keys and walked out without saying a word. She sat at a bar, drinking a 7 & 7 when Nick showed up. “What’s up, partner?” “Have a drink, Nick.” He ordered a beer. She sat quietly, trying not to explode. “You’re being quiet. You text me and tell me to meet you for a drink but you’re not saying anything.” “You want me to say something, Nick?” “Well, unless we’re just going to sit in silence.” “Okay. Your attitude and your accusations toward Rafael are cause problems between me & him and I don’t like it. I’ve always enjoyed having you as a partner but right now you’re making it really hard.” “I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention, but you know how arrogant your boyfriend is.” “Oh, I’m well aware but he’s not doing anything to help Alex, I can assure you.” “Fine. I’ll lay off.” 

“Where’d you go,” Rafael asked as Izzy walked in the door. “Out.” “I’m…” She held up her hand, “I really don’t want to hear it right now. I’m taking a shower and I’m going to bed.” “Can I…” “No,” she said as she went in the bedroom, got his pillow and a blanket, and threw them on the couch. “Sleep tight,” she said slamming the bedroom door. He knew the more he talked, the more he would piss her off, so he just left her alone for the night. The next morning, she got dressed as he took his shower. She was out the door, before he was finished getting ready. “Coming in alone this morning, Detective?” “Don’t ask, Fin.” They were finding more messages Alex had exchanged with at least 10 other women, including strippers and a porn star. He had given them money, helping them get jobs. It just went deeper and deeper. Rafael talked to Eddie who rolled on Alex to avoid prison. It turned out that Alex was also giving money to a 15-year-old girl in Yonkers, after exchanging nude pictures with her, putting him in possession of child pornography. He tried to talk him into suspending the campaign, but Alex wouldn’t budge. Liv, Nick, Izzy, & Rafael sat at Forlini’s watching Alex’s press conference on live television. Izzy & Rafael still weren’t speaking but Liv made her go. “I have been set up by powerful special interests who have used a corrupt NYPD Detective, who's been the subject of two I.A.B. Investigations, including prostitution, a female detective who has been investigated for excessive force many times, who also happens to be the significant other of my old friend, ADA Rafael Barba, who has proven that he is the lapdog of this city's aristocracy.” “Anthony, turn that son of a bitch down, would ya,” Izzy asked the bartender, who obliged. “He still thinks he has a shot,” Nick scoffed. “Alex, he's a brawler. I gave him a chance to go quietly. But he wouldn't take it.” “Well, I will.” “Me, too,” Liv decided. “Good night, you two.” They still sat a stool apart. He finally scooted into the empty one next to her. “Still not gonna talk to me?” “I might get yelled at if I do.” “I’ve tried to apologize but you won’t talk to me so it’s kind of hard.” “Do you blame me?” “No. I shouldn’t have taken my frustrations with Nick and Alex out on you.” “No, you shouldn’t have.” “I’m sorry.” “I’ll accept it this time.” “Let’s go home.” 

She had changed into her pajamas, grabbed a blanket, and sat on the chaise on the terrace. “Can I join you?” “Sure,” she smiled. He settled in behind her as she rested her back against him. “It feels good out here.” “It really does,” she agreed. “I really am sorry about the other day.” “I know.” “When I did that, it scared me. I mean it reminded me of my father.” “You’re nothing like him.” “But in that moment, I was every bit his son. I hated it.” She turned around and sat on his lap. “You would never do any of things to me that he did your mom or you. Our kids are going to have a wonderful father.” “Kids, huh?” “We talked about it before, didn’t we?” “Yeah.” “Well, I didn’t think that had changed.” “It most certainly has not. When do you want to…” “Well, not any time soon, but that doesn’t mean we can’t practice as much as possible.” “How about right now?” She started to get up, but he pulled her back down. “Here?” “The sun has almost set and we’re 11 stories up,” he said kissing her neck. She took the blanket and covered them as they undressed. She didn’t take off her tank top but everything else. She guided him into her slowly. “Oh fuck,” he whispered as she took all of him in. As she was riding him slowly, their tongues staying intertwined, it started raining. “Should we go in,” she asked breaking away from his mouth. “No. Let’s stay here.” She moved up and down him as the rain fell onto them. The rain, the thunder, her hands in his hair, his hands holding her ass, the deep kissing drove them to the most mind shattering orgasms they’d ever experienced.


	30. Chapter 30

If it wasn’t one thing, it seemed to be another for the squad after the Alex Munoz debacle. A friend of Amanda’s from GA, Lena, murdered her lover, putting Amanda at odds with most of the squad; especially Nick. “You went undercover to an A.A. meeting?” “You don't know this guy.” “Spying on my life!” “Calm down.” “Calm down? Really? Does that work with Maria?” “Rollins, look. I went out with some of the other guys from the group. All right, they said Nate preys on women new to the program. They call him a ‘13th-stepper’.” “Yeah, I know what a 13th-stepper is. It's not him.” “So, it's one of the other 12 steps, to sleep with your sponsee?” “You know what your problem is?” “What's that?” “Maria left, you're alone, and you can't stand to see anybody else happy.” “You know, you don't seem happy to me.” “I don't wanna take your inventory. But you're jealous, Nick. You are jealous of Olivia and Brian, Izzy and Barba, even Cragen. I mean, you are so addicted to your own misery. I'd recommend help, but they don't have a 12-step program for self-pity.” Nick hated to do it, but he told Barba that Nate, Amanda’s sponsor, was sleeping with both her & Lena. Rafael used the information when he cross-examined Nate. Amanda left the courtroom in tears and Izzy followed. “Amanda.” “I’m okay, Izzy.” “You sure?” “Yeah. The truth was going to come out sometime, right? Tell Barba I’m not angry with him.” 

The trial of William Lewis was even worse. He represented himself. Izzy hated when she had to take the stand. “Detective Rossetti. Isn’t true you’ve been investigated for excessive force in the past?” “Objection.” “I’ll allow it.” “Yes.” “How many times?” “3.” “So, it’s safe to say that you don’t believe your Sergeant used excessive force to subdue me?” “I wasn’t there.” “I see. Let’s see, all of your charges of excessive force didn’t lead to injuries of my extent. So, would you not agree that Sergeant Benson shattering my knee cap, collapsing my lung, and the various other injuries I sustained constitute to excessive force?” “Sergeant Benson feared for her life. She did what she had to do to get out of there alive.” “And what is the nature of your relationship with ADA Barba?” “Objection! That has no bearing on this case.” “Mr. Barba is right. Keep the questions about this case, Mr. Lewis.” “No further questions then.” He was found guilty and sentenced to 25-life. 

Nick ended up with problems of his own. After another get together celebrating Liv’s promotion, he & Amanda ran into two UNI’s chasing who they believed to be an armed suspect. Nick ended up shooting a 14-year-old boy, paralyzing him. His house got shot at, while his mother & daughter were there. The grand jury ended up not indicting him and he was able to keep his job, even though he had to go through mandatory retraining and would be on desk duty. “Until when?” “Well, until Benson says you're not.” “What are you talking about?” “All right, everybody, listen up, please. I didn't want to announce this until Nick's situation got resolved, but it's done, and so am I. I'm leaving.” “What? Now? Hey, is this part of the deal? Was this their pound of flesh? Because if it is…” “No, no, no. No. This is my call.” “Where you gonna go, captain,” Fin asked. “Around the world, actually. Eileen has two tickets for a six-month cruise, and I have enough accrued leave to take me through my mandatory retirement date. If I stay, I make less than if I leave.” “Captain, a cruise? Okay. If anyone's earned it…” Amanda was trying hard to cry. “I'm proud of my time here. And I'm honored and grateful to have worked with the finest unit of detectives I've ever known. Nick, you're gonna get through all this. You're too good a cop and too good a man not to. Amanda, I was never sorry that I brought you up from Atlanta. I would do it again. Izzy, with your foul mouth and dirty jokes, you livened this place up. I say this being completely sincere, don’t ever change. And Fin. What can I say? For a guy who never should have been an SVU detective, you're okay.” “Right back at you, captain.” “Nobody could ever take your place,” Izzy said. “Well, for the meantime, detective Benson will. She's ready. Now, it's not easy going from player to coach, so don't bust her chops. But if they do, you bust 'em right back.”

“Oh my god, you feel so good, mi reina,” Rafael whispered as he made love to Izzy one night. She had his legs wrapped tightly around him as she ran her hands through his hair. “Don’t stop, Rafael.” “Te quiero mas que a nada, hermosa.” It was slow, sweet, perfect until he made a big mistake. “Oh my god, marry me.” “WHAT?!” “What?” “What did you just say?” He bit his bottom lip as he just kind of looked at her. He rolled off her and she got up and got dressed. “Mi amor…” She ignored his plea and went out on the terrace. “Hey.” “Really, Rafael? You ask me to marry you while we’re making love?” He ran his hand through his dark brown hair, like he did when he was nervous. “Have you that little respect for me?” “Of course not.” “Sure seems like it.” He walked back into the apartment and upstairs to his office. He came back and turned the light to the terrace on. He handed her a small box. “I bought this for you 10 years ago.” “10 years?” “I have wanted to marry you since we were still practically kids. I’ve been wanting to finally give it to you. I’ve been trying to plan it out, make it perfect, like you deserve. I guess, it just, it slipped out because of how perfect everything was in bed…until I screwed it up.” She couldn’t bring herself to look up at him because she did want him to see the tears in her eyes. No matter how it came about, it was perfect. “Baby look at me,” he said lifting her face by her chin. “Are you okay?” “Yeah.” “Come on, let’s go back inside. I’m sorry.” “Rafael?” Hmm?” “Ask me again.” “What?” “Ask me again.” “We’re in our pajamas.” “Do you want me to change my mind?” He got down on his knee and opened the box. “Elizabeth Michelle Rossetti, love of my life, will you marry me?” “Of course, I will.” He placed that 3-carat round cut diamond set on a platinum band, that he held onto all those years, on her finger. He stood up and kissed her. “So, shall we continue what we were doing before you had to screw it all up?” “Oh, I screwed it up, huh,” he laughed. “I guess not.” “I cannot wait to marry you,” he said as he moved her hair out of her face and kissed her again.


	31. Chapter 31

“Oh my god, I cannot keep staring at this computer screen. I’m gonna go fucking blind,” Izzy said rubbing her eyes. “Sergeant wants us…wait…what the hell is that?” “What, Amanda?” “On your finger?!” “Oh, this little thing?” “Little, my ass. Fin come look at this.” “Whoa. Maybe I should’ve went to law school.” “Hey, guys, do we not have work…let me see that!” “Liv, you’re hyperextending my elbow here.” “When did he ask?” “Uh, two nights ago?” “Did he take you to dinner, walk-in the park, how did he do it?” “Uh, well,” Izzy started laughing, “he actually first asked in the middle of sex.” “You must be good,” Amanda laughed. “He must be if she accepted,” Fin chimed in. “It wasn’t that easy. I was pissed at first, but I calmed down once he told me he bought the ring 10 years ago.” “Awww,” Amanda & Liv both said. “Okay. Okay. Let’s not get all girly. But yeah it was pretty hard to say no even though his initial proposal came while he was about to give me my fourth orgasm of the night.” “Okay, too much!” “Sorry, Fin.” “Well if he can give you that many in one night, I don’t see how you could ever say no.” “Right, Amanda?” “He was trying to plan this whole big night for you…” “You knew, Liv?!” “Yeah. He wanted my opinion, my help.” “No heads up?” “Um no! He wanted it to be a surprise, hello!” “You couldn’t even tell me?” “Amanda, you have a big mouth and you know it. You would’ve told her.” “I kept their relationship secret for three months until Campesi turned them in.” “Wait, what?” “You didn’t know it was Louise Campesi that went to 1PP after she saw y’all kissing in the park?” “That fucking bitch.” “You two have history?” “Don’t get me started, Liv. It goes all the way back to the academy.” “Well, everything turned out fine.” “For now. She’s on my list.” “Okay, no negative, back to the positive. Have you thought about what kind of wedding you want?” “I’m not sure. My parents and his mother are going to insist on a church wedding and I’m just not all for that.” “What about when?” “Jeez, Amanda we’ve only been engaged for two days.” 

 

Rafael had been coming home late due to a case that crossed over to New Jersey. Amanda & Nick were doing most of the work on it, since Fin & Izzy had logged too much overtime. It was about 8:00 one night, she had been on the phone with Erin who gave her an idea. “It’s cold as hell outside though.” “You have a long coat, don’t you?” “Well yeah.” “So, put the outfit on, put your coat on, and haul ass to his office.” “Yeah, okay. He hasn’t seen it yet. I was going to save it but yeah, you’re right.” “Of course, I am.” “Okay. Well I better get dressed or undressed so to speak.” “I want details.” “Maybe.” “Maybe, my ass. And set the date already!! “Good-bye, Erin.” Izzy put her phone down and pulled out the hot pink & black corset, black pleather boy shorts that came with it. She grabbed her black knee-high boots, grabbed her coat, and headed to 1 Hogan Place. Everyone was gone, except the janitorial staff and the night guard. “Detective.” “Hey, Joe.” “He’s still in his office, slaving away.” “I figured as much,” she laughed. He was on the phone, looking out the window, when she came in and shut & locked the door. He gave her a puzzling look as she closed his blinds. He kept talking, while pacing back & forth. She undid the buttons of her coat and threw it on the chair. That got his attention. He just stood there, no longer engaged in his conversation. He motioned for her to come over to him and sit on his desk. “Yes, I’m still here,” he managed to say as she massaged his dick slowly. She pulled his suspenders down and undid his pants. “No, I totally…totally understand,” he said to the Federal lawyer on the other end of the phone, as his fiancé took out his cock and started blowing him. “Can…we…revisit this tomorrow? I have something…I need to take care of.” He hung up his phone and threw it behind him, not caring if it broke. He took off his shirt as Izzy stayed busy on her knees. “You are amazing.” She stood up and he pulled the shorts off turning her around, bending her over his desk. “Didn’t I tell you I had work to do?” “Yes.” “Yes, who?” “Yes, Papi.” “You don’t listen very well,” he said as he smacked her ass, causing her to moan loudly. “You want more?” “Yes, Papi.” He smacked the other side. He grabbed her by her neck and pulled her to him. “When I tell you I have to work that’s exactly what I mean, putita,” he said biting her neck. He bent her back over and slammed himself into her so hard, her knees buckled. He pushed faster and harder with each moan she let out. They were both covered in sweat by the time he filled her up after she came twice herself. He sat back in his chair as he came down. “Okay, sitting in this leather chair, covered in sweat was probably not a good idea,” he laughed, “What got into you tonight?” “I got tired of sitting at home alone.” “I’m sorry. I am trying to get this closed, but Rollins was late meeting me in Jersey and it just threw everything for the rest of the day off. I actually should’ve been home two hours ago. So, I haven’t seen this outfit before.” “I was saving it for something special.” “Like our honeymoon, perhaps?” “Maybe.” “Well, you have to set a wedding date before I can book that.” “I’m working on it.” "You just have to give me the time and place and I'll be there." "How is it, we can go from dirty sex on your desk to talking about our wedding?" "That is true intimacy, mi amor," he laughed.


	32. Chapter 32

March 29, 2014 was the big day. Izzy was able to throw together the small intimate wedding in 6 weeks. They had decided they had been together long enough, no point in dragging it out. They were both ready to start their family. Izzy would be 34 October 27, with Rafael turning 40 just three days before her. They had booked the Greenpoint Loft in Brooklyn. Erin flew in to act as maid of honor. Tony was best man, of course. “You’re actually wearing white?” “Shut it, Erin.” “So, when are you going to tell everyone?” “Tell everyone what?” “That, you know.” “I’m not pregnant!” “Then why the rush to get married?” “8 years, Erin. 8 years. We are wanting to start a family and neither of us are getting any younger. I should’ve put your ho ass in black.” “Your brother’s still single, I see.” “Don’t go there. What about Dawson?” “Shit, I forgot I brought a date. I see you two kept it pretty small.” “We didn’t feel the need to go huge on this. I mean this wasn’t cheap by any means because of the rush, but we didn’t want everyone we know coming.” “Did you invite Stabler?" "I did but I never heard anything from him, so I doubt he’ll be here.” She put on the simple strapless white Vera Wang dress. “Can we come in?” “Of course, Lucia.” “You look so beautiful.” “Thank you.” “Izzy, do you have something old?” “My mom was trying to find something of my grandmothers, but she’s misplaced it.” “Here,” Lina said handing her a box. There was white gold chain with a diamond on it. “My husband, Rafael’s Abuelito, bought this for me over 50 years ago.” “Thank you, Lina. I will make sure to…” “No, it belongs to you now, mi hermosa nieta.” “Izzy.” “Ma.” “I looked everywhere…” “It’s okay. I got something. Lucia, Lina, you remember my mother Stella?” “Of course. Can you believe these two finally made it?” “It took them long enough, Lucia. They’ve been together since she was a teenager.” “I remember when Rafael told me how old she was. I was like…” “Okay, okay. That’s long enough trip down memory lane for now, ladies.” “Okay. Mama, Stella, I believe there’s a handsome detective waiting to escort us to our seats. Erin are you still single?” “Lucia.” “We’re leaving,” she laughed.

“Almost 15 years later and we finally did it,” Rafael laughed as they sat in their first-class seats on their way to St. Barts, “and now a much need week away from New York.” “No suits, no ties for you, no heels for me.” “We do have a private pool, so I’m thinking this week will be clothing optional.” He started kissing her. “You know, there’s something that we’ve never done.” “What’s that?” He motioned toward the bathroom. “You want the first time we have sex as husband and wife to be on an airplane?” “There’s not that many people up here. No one would notice.” “Meet me there in 5 minutes.” He looked as a giddy as school boy when she said that. “You’re going to be very quiet.” “Then don’t be rough.” “I’m only rough when you need to be taught a lesson.” They kept their lips together to muffle their sounds as they joined the mile-high club. Izzy went back to her seat first. Both of them had such guilty looks on their faces. “Well, we can mark that off our list now,” he laughed.

Two days in their honeymoon, Amanda called. “What is it, Rollins?” “Sorry to interrupt what I’m sure is your fourth or fifth time to have sex today.” “Third. We got up late.” “I thought you’d want to know, William Lewis escaped from prison.” “What?” “That forewoman from his trial snuck drugs into the prison in food by the way, they thought he was dead, ugh, it’s just a big mess. Declan Murphy is acting commander right now.” “Okay, keep me informed and keep a close eye on Liv.” “I will.” She hesitated a minute and called Murphy. He told her the same thing Amanda did. “We can get a flight back.” “Izzy, I know you’re worried about your Sergeant, but we have it under control. Do not cut your honeymoon short. That’s an order.” “Okay.” “Look, I will keep you and Barba posted as soon as we get him.” “Okay, so what is going on that you answered a call from Amanda and then called Declan Murphy on our honeymoon?” “William Lewis escaped.” “Fuck.” “We need to go home.” “If Murphy told you not to…” “Rafael…” “I know you’re worried. She’s your friend, she’s my friend, too but he’s not going to be magically apprehended if we go back to New York.” Just then, his phone rang. “Barba? Yes. I was just explaining that to her. Exactly. Okay. Yes, just keep me in the loop. Thanks, Lieutenant.” “Oh, Murphy had to call you?” “He was saying just what I just said. They have everybody in the 5 boroughs after him, Liv has a security detail to keep her safe. Okay? He said he will keep me in the loop since it is my case.” “Okay.” “Now, we have 4 days left. Let’s enjoy ourselves. How about a walk on the beach?” 

After a walk on the beach, and stopping for a few drinks, they came back to their villa. “I know we know have reservations tonight but how about we just stay in, order room service, get in the pool, make a baby,” he said kissing her neck. “Rafa!” “What? We both agreed we didn’t want to wait very long and I know you didn’t bring any birth control pills with you.” “Going through my things?” “I had to get the sunscreen for you the other day, remember?” “You know I have been on that since I was 17. It can take a while to get out of my system.” “Maybe not. We had an accident once. Do I need to get you sick and on antibiotics again,” he laughed. “You’re terrible.” “When were you gonna tell me you stopped the pill?” “When I got pregnant,” she laughed. “Man trap!” “Shut up!” They fell on the bed laughing. He caressed her face, “You make me so happy, you know that, right?” “I know. You make me happy, too. Now, let’s try to make that baby.”


	33. Chapter 33

They were awoken by Rafael’s phone ringing. Izzy was still half asleep and didn’t really hear the conversation. "Izz?” “Yeah?” “That was Murphy.” “Did they catch him?” “No. Liv slipped her security detail. He’s got her and the Doctor’s daughter.” “We need to go home.” “Murphy said just to sit tight.” “We’re 5 hours away.” He knew his wife wouldn’t give up. “I’ll see what I can do.” He came back about 45 minutes later. “The soonest we can get a flight out is in 6 hours. So that would put us 11 hours out.” “Damn it.” “She’s going to be fine. She fought him before.” “Yeah but it took so much out of her.” “She’s a fighter and you know that.” “Why did we have to rush the wedding?” “Stop that. We couldn’t foresee this.” They tried to keep their minds off of the situation in New York, but they were constantly checking their phones. It was hours before they heard anything. Nick called Izzy from the hospital and gave her the basic rundown but more to the point, William Lewis was dead and Olivia was safe.

After the events with William Lewis, Olivia found her salvation in becoming foster mom to a baby boy the squad had rescued months earlier. His name was Noah. The squad had arrested his mother, Ellie Porter, but ultimately tried to help her; until she was murdered. Nick, then dealing with Maria taking Zara to California beat the hell out of an artist that had a torture chamber built across from a school. Everything they were doing was now being scrutinized by 1PP. Nick had been bumped down to patrol at the 116. Rafael & Izzy had been married 5 months and were still no closer to starting a family. Izzy took a few days off in August to have some tests done. True, she wasn’t 34 yet but she had experienced problems when she was younger. “5 months and they’re still not pregnant?” “It could take a while, Amanda.” “I know Izzy’s got to be frustrated.” “That’s not even the word from what Barba said.”

“That ADA Barba, he’s a piece of work,” a tall slender man with a heavy Staten Island accent said to Amanda, “I mean I saw the ring on his finger. What woman could possibly stand to be married to him?” Izzy slammed her purse on her desk upon hearing this. Fin & Amanda just got quiet. “That would be me. Detective Izzy Rossetti-Barba. Who the hell are you?” “Uh, Detective Dominick Carisi Jr, but everyone calls me Sonny.” “I’m sure they do,” she said walking to Benson’s office. “You fucked up now, Junior,” Fin laughed. “Well how was I supposed to know his wife was a detective here? I’ve only been here a few days, and nobody told me.” “Let me give you some advice. Izzy & Fin are basically Liv’s #2’s. Don’t piss either of them off,” Amanda told him. “So, when will you know anything?” “About a week. I met the new detective.” “Oh, he’s a gem, isn’t he?” “Yeah, I walked up on him talking shit about my husband. Only I’m allowed to do that. When’s Nick coming back?” “I’m working on it. For now, you can be with Fin.” “Good, stick Amanda with the new guy. I’ll end up shooting his ass.” “And you want to be a mother,” Liv laughed, “Well, at least with your toughness and their dad’s mouth, no one will mess with your children.” “Exactly.” “I’m sure everything’s fine. You know, sometimes the pressure of trying to conceive can hinder the process.” “Yeah, that’s what my doctor said."


	34. Chapter 34

Nick was finally back but Olivia kept Fin & Izzy together as partners, which neither of them seemed to mind. Amanda & Nick got stuck with Carisi most of the time. “Better them than us,” Fin would laugh. “No shit. He drives me crazy.” “I think your husband’s blood pressure goes up just by seeing his face.” “And I wonder why I can’t get pregnant. At least I know who to blame now.” “All your tests were normal?” “Yeah. I don’t know what the holdup is. I’m not getting any fucking younger.” “Who is?” “Definitely not Barba.” “Listen to you talk about your husband like that.” “He doesn’t look like he’s about to be 40 and he knows it.” Carisi came in blabbering to Barba about something. Izzy could tell by the look on his face, her husband was less than enthused. “Izzy, I was just telling your husband about…” “You know what, Carisi, I don’t give a fuck.” “What?” “Yeah, you heard me. That’s why I don’t have an ulcer, cause I know when to say ‘I don’t give a fuck’.” “Okay, okay,” he said walking to his desk. Rafael and Fin were both stifling laughter. “I got the alert on my phone,” Rafael whispered. “Oh! Time for lunch. I’ll be back in an hour, guys.” Luckily, they didn’t live but 15 minutes from the precinct. “Come on, come on.” “Give me a minute. I’m not 25 anymore,” he laughed as he tried to get all of his clothes off. 

“What did you have for lunch, Izzy?” “I had a quickie, Rollins. You?” “A sandwich. I have to say I’m rather disappointed.” “Do we want me to invite you next time?” “I’m good. I’ll settle for a sandwich next time, too.” “Rollins, Rossetti…” Izzy looked around when Liv called her by her maiden name. “Excuse me, Rollins, Barba you’re needed at the courthouse to prep Tiana for her testimony against Shakir.” “On it.” “You and Barba; that still blows my mind.” “Please, with my tits and his dick, we could rule the world; Pinky & the Brain style.” Amanda bowled over in laughter as they got into the elevator to head to the courthouse. “Look, I know I have to do this, but I had to take an express bus and a taxi to get here.” “Okay, we can reimburse you for that,” Izzy told her. “And that's it?” “Is everything all right, Tiana,” Rafael asked. “I just…forget it. Just tell me what you and Mr. Bauer want me to say.” “We want you to say exactly what happened.” “Lemme look at what I said before, and I'll get it right.” “Okay, then, tell us,” Amanda started before Rafael interrupted her. “What did you mean when you said you'd say what Orion Bauer wanted you to say? Orion Bauer gave you a bonus to keep quiet about the initial complaint, isn't that right?” “A bonus. Uh-huh, right.” “Are you saying he didn't make a payment? What,” he snapped, noticing Tiana looking him up and down. “How much is that suit? Two grand?” “I beg your pardon,” Rafael was more than shocked at her question. “And that tie? Please, I work retail. You don't think I know?” “Okay, Tiana, what does that have to do with this,” Izzy was growing increasingly frustrated. “Oh, hello, white girl. Orion Bauer paid me half-assed what he paid those other girls.” “And how do you know this?” “I heard it on LMZ. Do you think I'm stupid? He paid them five grand. So maybe you call him and make it right, then I'll remember better.” “And he paid them for what? To keep quiet about the rape?” “Please. All I know is, I got paid to say Shakir raped me.” “Are you saying Shakir Wilkins did not rape you?” “I'm saying you get Mr. Bauer to give the right amount, the fair amount? I'll say whatever you want me to say. Hell, I'll do you nasty like I did Shakir in that dressing room, but you got to man up, and pay up.” “What did you say to my husband?” “Your husband? That figures.” “What?” “Izzy.” “No, I want to know what she meant by that.” “All you white girls, you know how to find money, especially outside your race.” She started toward the stand before Rafael grabbed her. “Detective.” She was still tense. “Baby, it’s not worth it,” he whispered. “Fine. Get her out of my sight.” 

“Heard what happened with Tiana.” “You want me to finish on you, Carisi?” “No, I’d rather you didn’t.” “Then leave it alone.” “I was just going to say, I don’t blame you.” “Proposition my husband then make a crack about white women being able to ‘find money’, especially outside my race? She better be glad my husband stopped me, or I’d be in front of Tucker right now.” “I’m surprised he was able to.” “He’s about the only one who could, outside of Nick and Fin and Liv’s old partner Elliot.” “You’ve been here a long time, haven’t you?” “Not as long as Fin and Liv but yeah I’ve been here a while.” “Does it ever get to you?” “Sometimes.” "Well, his whole case is a crock. I mean, I kinda called it. Hello? Yeah, we still don't know what happened but how do you ever really know what happened? I mean, a man and a woman, alone in a room There's a hundred different stories how that plays out and most of them aren't criminal.” “Carisi, remind me why you're SVU, again?” “I worked homicide, couple years. It's it's the women who get you. I mean, they're dead, but their hair's clean, they're nicely dressed, they're made up. And that means their husbands, or their boyfriends did it. It's like they knew. They knew it was coming, they don't even look surprised. Just finished. It doesn't, you know, make me treasure every moment or any of that crap, but…” “Okay.” She could at least respect his honesty.


	35. Chapter 35

“Izzy, you okay?” “I’m fine, Fin. Why?” “You’re looking a little green.” “I’ve been fighting a headache the past few days. Nothing’s helping it. I haven’t had a migraine in years.” “Jeez, married 6 months and Barba’s already broken you?” “Funny.” “You don’t think you might be…” “You think?” “Well, when Teresa was pregnant with Ken, she had the worst headaches starting out.” She thought about it for a minute and she realized she was in fact late. “Tell Liv I had to leave.” “I got your back. Don’t even worry about it.” She went to the drugstore closest to their apartment and bought a box with 2 tests. She took the first one and then the second 30 minutes later. Both of them were positive. Finally, she thought to herself. It was finally happening. Rafael had called and offered to bring dinner home so she wouldn’t have to cook, which she was fine with. “Hey,” he said placing a kiss on her cheek. “How was your day?” “Wall to wall meetings. Liv said you weren’t feeling good?” “Yeah, I’ve had a bit of a headache.” “Still? Have you been wearing your glasses?” “Not as much as I should.” Just then the smell of the food hit her wrong and she ran to the bathroom. “Are you okay,” he said rubbing her back. “Yeah. I’m fine,” she said as she rinsed her mouth out. “Has your headache gotten that bad?” “Um, no. It was the food.” “But you haven’t eaten yet.” “I know. It was the smell just hit me.” He looked at her confused. “Uh, I’m pregnant.” “Really?” She nodded. “Finally,” he said sounding relieved as he held her. 

In January 2015, they found out their first child was going to be a girl. Rafael would talk to her all the time, sometimes in English and sometimes in Spanish. Izzy had been put on desk duty as soon she told Olivia, but she would still let her interview witnesses. Rafael came in one night, talking on the phone. “Okay. Okay. We’ll come by tomorrow.” “What’s going on?” “Abuelita fell again.” “Is she okay?” “Mami said it’s a very small fracture. She’ll be in the hospital for a week or so. I told her we’d come by tomorrow after work.” “Okay. Hey, what’s wrong?” “She doesn’t need to live by herself anymore. It’s not safe.” “Honey, she’s 85 and she’s lived in that apartment since you were born.” “I know but what if it’s something worse next time? I’m gonna have to talk to Mami. This can’t be her decision anymore.” “You’re a good grandson.” “No, I’m not. I’m overcompensating. What are you going to be doing when you’re 85?” “Still squabbling with you?” “Wouldn’t that be nice?” “Although, if you’re still alive at 91, I’m gonna demand a medical explanation.” “Funny,” he said rolling his eyes. 

Author Walter Briggs became the center of a visitation battle between his wife and his daughters. He suffered a heart attack, the wife took him out of the hospital in the dead of winter, trying to take him to Canada. He ended up suffering another heart attack which proved fatal. That wasn’t the worst detail of the case. “Rectal probe electroejaculation? That sounds like a sex crime in and of itself,” Barba said with a pained look on his face. “We talked to the nurse on the ward in Westchester. In the middle of the night after he died, his daughters had just left. His wife called in a specialized company to extract his sperm. They're used to emergency calls,” Carisi answered. Izzy sat with a quizzical look on her face. “You’re already pregnant,” Rafael said looking at her sternly. “But if you die tomorrow, I might want another…” “Don’t even think about it.” “Yeah, when it’s something electrical you have a problem, but if it’s my finger it’s okay.” Carisi and Amanda died. “She has never done that.” “No, I haven't. I’m kidding,” Izzy said before mouthing “Yes I have” at Amanda, who laughed that much harder. “Hey it’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with it. You know, you get right there and a woman…” Carisi started before being interrupted. “Can we not talk about…” Rafael couldn’t finish the sentence before he started laughing. The four of them were in tears. “You’re gonna laugh yourself into premature labor if you don’t stop,” he told Izzy, as sternly as his laughter would allow. “Okay, we have to get serious here.” “You know what we're looking at here. She tormented this guy, all right? The blue pills, the flight from the hospital.” “It pains me to say this, but you're right, Carisi. She killed him.”


	36. Chapter 36

Rafael and Lucia had taken Lina to tour one of the more high-end retirement homes in New York. She was not at all enthused about it. It was a constant argument, but they started packing her things to prepare for the move. Izzy was stuck at work with under a mountain of paperwork when she got a text from Rafael saying there was an emergency and to meet him at Lina’s apartment. It took her about 30 minutes to get there. She had seen an ambulance leave as her cab pulled up. She couldn't exactly run but she walked in as fast she could. The 6 flights of stairs were hell on her now that she was putting on weight. Lina’s door was open, so she lightly knocked and walked in. He came around the corner, eyes red and puffy. “What happened?” “She said she wanted to die in her home and she did.” She pulled him into a hug. “It’s my fault.” “No, it’s not.” “I was forcing her out of her house.” “You were just trying to make sure she was safe and taken care of.” “I should’ve left it alone, but I had to keep pushing. I pushed her and Mami, neither of them wanted this.” “Izzy?” “Hey, Mami. I’m so sorry.” “Thank you. It was just her time. She wasn’t going to let us move her. Mama was stubborn,” she half-way smiled, “she was going to do things her way.” “Do they know…” “Best the coroner could tell, her heart gave out in her sleep. At least, it was peaceful.” “That’s true.” “I’m gonna go home for the night, start making phone calls. We can make the arrangements tomorrow.” “Mami, we’ll pay for it.” “No, Rafi, you don’t have to…” “Yes, I do. You know she didn’t have a burial policy.” “I can handle it.” “Mami, please?” “Okay. There’s no mistaken where he got his stubbornness from.”

It had been a little over a month since Lina’s funeral and they cleaned out her apartment. Izzy was 5 ½ months, but felt she looked like she was 7. “Look it,” she said as she sat at her desk, balancing a water bottle on her belly. “You look like Fin on his nights off,” Nick laughed. Rafael walked up and sat the water bottle on her desk. “Oh, hey there.” “Here, I brought you lunch.” “Oh my god,” she said finding her favorite pastrami on rye in the bag, “thank you! I am starving.” “I didn’t think the leftover Chinese would be enough for you today.” “Please, that didn’t make it past 9:00.” “Did you at least heat it up?” “Uh yeah. I’m not an animal,” she said with her mouth half full. “And this is our daughter’s role model,” he said as he rolled his eyes. “You picked the wrong woman to have kids with if you’re worried about your daughter being ladylike,” Carisi laughed. “I’ve known my wife for almost 16 years, Carisi. I know she has no manners. I’ve known that since the very day I met her.” “I resent that. I wasn’t talking with my mouth full.” “No, you and Erin were just inhaling everything in front of you. In your defense, you were both stoned.” Everyone started laughing. “I was in college,” she rolled her eyes. “Did you already finish that sandwich?” “Sure did.” “God, you are so gross.” “You married me so what does that say about you?” “That maybe I need to seek professional help?” Nick walked into the break room and Amanda followed. “Hey, you okay?” “Yeah. You know, I just see how Izzy and Barba act with each other. They can joke around with each other, but everyone knows how much they love each other. I mean they’re not just husband and wife, they’re best friends.” “Yeah?” “I sometimes think, maybe if I had been a little more laid back with Maria, joked around more, not taken everything too seriously, I wouldn’t have lost her. I mean Barba’s the most uptight person I know, he gets around Izzy and that’s all gone.” “Maybe you were just supposed to be with Maria to have Zara and your person that you can be like that with is still out there.” “Maybe.”

Izzy had taken a shower, put on a light purple pajama set, and got in bed. Rafael came in about 30 minutes later. “Are you already in bed, mi amor?” “Yeah, I’m tired.” “Did you eat?” “Yeah, too much. I put the leftovers in the refrigerator for you.” “Okay. I’m going to eat and look over this file one more time and I’ll come to bed.” She was half asleep, but she could hear him brushing his teeth and taking out his contacts. He climbed in bed and slid over to Izzy. She could feel the cool metal of the crucifix he always wore against her neck. “Cariño?” “Hmm?” “What’s been bothering you?” “Nothing.” “¿Por què sientes que tienses que mentirme (why do you think you have to lie to me)?” “I’m not lying.” “Yes, you are. You haven’t let me touch you in a month. Anytime I’ve tried, you pull away. Did I do something that made you uncomfortable the last time? I was being pretty gentle because of the baby.” “It’s not you. It’s me,” she said as she started crying. “I’m fat. I feel you only did it with me last time because I was all over you and you’re actually repulsed by me.” “Are you kidding me? What made you feel that way?” “You just didn’t seem into it as much as usual.” “Bebita, I was worried about hurting you or the baby. I mean, I’m not exactly small in that area. If I seemed distracted, that’s why. And you are not fat.” “Yes I am.” “You are carrying our child. There is nothing more beautiful than that, I promise you,” he said, kissing her, “I just worry that with my size and how we like to get, I might do something that hurts one of you.” “The worst you could do is give her dimples.” He laughed as he pulled her under him. “Let me inside you,” he whispered as he started on her neck. It was too hard for her to say no considering she was extremely horny herself.


	37. Chapter 37

Amanda & Izzy spent one Saturday shopping and going to lunch. “So, 2 months, huh?” “Yeah.” “You know it’s so funny thinking back to when he first came here. He was such a prick.” “What do you mean ‘was’?” “Well, he still is but he has to be in the courtroom. Now, he’s a husband, about to be a father. And you? I really thought, when Nick & Maria separated, you two would end up together.” “Ew, no. He’s like my brother.” “No, I know but you guys went way back.” “So, what exactly is going on with the two of you?” “We’re just friends. I thought it could be more at one point but after the AJ Martin case, it just, you know.” “I get it.” “It’s better this way.” “What about you & Declan?” “Murphy? We hung out a little during the blizzard back in February. I haven’t spoken to him since.” “So, you just hung out?” “Yes.” “Amanda?” “Izzy.” “Okay, if you want to stick with that story.” “Have you guys finished the nursery,” Amanda said changing the subject. “It’s painted. We still have to get the crib, changing table put together. Every time we go into some shop, Rafael finds something else he thinks we just have to have. I told him we didn’t need half the stuff he bought just yet, but I wasn’t arguing with him.” “Like what?” “The walker, the wooden potty chair, the $500 high chair. He goes nuts. Toys, books, you name it, he grabs it.” “Sounds like he’s already a proud Papa.” “She’s going to be so spoiled by him.” They walked into Izzy & Rafael’s apartment to the sound of laughter coming from the nursery. “Rafael?” “Hey!” Nick, Fin, & Carisi followed out behind him. “What are you guys doing here?” “The counselor invited us over to help finish putting our niece’s room together,” Fin said half drunk. “And I’m guessing he broke out the scotch?” “The good stuff, too.” “That’s all we have in this house, Fin,” Rafael laughed, “you want to see?” “Sure. It’s all put together correctly, right?” “Yes,” he rolled his eyes. Everything had been put together and arranged. Toys and books adorned the shelves. “Did we do good?” “It’s perfect. How much have you guys had to drink?” “I might have lost count.” “I think you guys need something to eat.” “That would probably be a good idea. Nick is drunk.” “I don’t think you’re sober,” she said taking his glass. The guys sat around the table eating the Thai food she had ordered for them as a thank you for helping with the room, although they all said the expensive scotch was enough. Izzy decided to have a little fun with them. She poured some of her water on the floor, “Oh my god! The baby’s coming!” “What?!!” “Ha ha! Suckers!” “That is not funny,” Nick said as he tried to calm down. “Oh, it was for me.” “Me, too,” Amanda laughed. “You’re going to keep doing that and when you really go into labor, I’m not going to believe you.” “Oh, that’ll teach me,” she mocked.” “She’s done this to you before?” “Twice, Carisi. This makes the third time. None of them were amusing.” 

“There’s big mama.” “Hey, Erin.” “I can’t even hug you with that big belly in my way.” “Shut up.” “Sergeant Voight, this is my best friend, Detective Izzy Barba.” “I’ve heard good things about you, Detective. So, your Sergeant said you have the file on Yates.” “Yeah. Has he been found yet?” “No. We’re waiting on two other detectives and we’re going to meet your squad. Here they come now.” “Damn, Izzy you got fat.” “I’m pregnant, Dawson, you ass.” “I’m just kidding.” “Hey, Jay.” “Hey, Izzy. Congratulations, on everything.” “Thank you.” “Okay, that was Amaro. They think they know where he is.” Yates had been on a spree starting in Chicago and he’d been very smart. He finally got sloppy and was caught in New York. He was a very disturbed man. He got off on torture. He was disgusting. The only murder, however, he could be charged with was that of Nadia Decotis, an employee for the Chicago PD who Jay happened to be dating. Yates was representing himself. When Jay took the stand, Yates questioned him about Nadia’s past as a heroin addict. Rafael would object when he was able, but apparently it wasn’t good enough to suit Jay. “You just gonna let him get away with smearing Nadia like that?” “There's a limit to how far he can go. When he exceeds it, I'll object.” “You'll object?” “Is there a problem, Halstead?” “There shouldn't be. He's a murderer and a rapist.” “We all know that, but no offense to your legal acumen, the jury isn't privy to what we know. They all see the same charming man whose smile lured dozens of women to their deaths. Tell me, is that what this really is about?” It was hard not to find him guilty. “You coming out with us?” “Not tonight, Erin. I’m 8 months pregnant and I just want to put my feet up.” “I understand. I just never get to see you.” “Who’s the one that moved to Chicago?” “I know, I know. I want to know the minute you go into labor. I’ll be on a plane in an hour.” “You got it.” “Love you.” “Love you.”

“Johnny Drake, aka Johnny D, has run out of delaying tactics. We are proceeding to trial on 17 counts of rape, assault, trafficking, and kidnapping.” “Nice work taking this from the Feds.” “You'll need us to testify?” “I'm assuming that won't be problem.” “Not at all,” Fin answered. “Lots of witnesses. It's gonna be a long trial,” Izzy moaned. “I want him put away for life.” “All right, what can we do?” “Means you got to re-vet every witness no surprises. Mi amor, walk me out?” “A little help?” Rafael helped Izzy out of her chair. “What’s up, babe?” “Are you up to this?” “Yeah, why?” “You’re due any day now. I’m thinking of calling you first. You were second on the scene after Liv. The sooner I get your testimony, the sooner can you start your leave.” “I’m going to be fine. Liv is the one you need to worry about. With Johnny D being Noah’s birth father.” “And she’s insisting on naming him on the birth certificate against my advice.” “She doesn’t like lying.” “I know. Can you handle talking to Timmer? He actually trusts you.” “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” “Okay. We’ll go to Sing-Sing this afternoon. I love you,” he said giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Liv. Hey, you got a minute?” “Yeah, Nick, of course. Come in. What's up?” “Fin mentioned you're up for lieutenant and that you might need a new sergeant.” “Right now, that's just talk.” “Well, deadline's Friday. Same with the sergeant's exam. I just registered.” “Oh.” “Yeah. I'd like to try moving up the ranks. After watching Munch, and you, it's a track I can see myself on.” “Of course. Just so you know, I had to approach Fin & Izzy first, cause they have seniority.” “I get that. Izzy doesn’t want to do it with the baby coming and Fin told me he's not interested in the administrative part of the job and, well, I am.” “Okay. Start studying.”

Tucker told Liv that there was no possible way Nick would ever move up and that 1PP wanted either Fin or Izzy as her official #2. The case started falling apart with one witness, Selena murdering Timmer on their way into the city. Then one of the trafficked girls, Pilar recanting her testimony on the stand. When their star witness, Ariel was testifying, some of Johnny D’s girls stood up in the gallery calling her a lying a bitch and god knows what else. It was enough of a distraction for Johnny to flip the table over, grab a female court officer and her gun, shooting another officer and Judge Barth. Nick followed Johnny out into the hall. Nick took Johnny out, getting shot in the process. Amanda rode in the ambulance with him, while Izzy & Carisi drove behind. Liv came in, followed not long by Tucker. “Amaro's okay,” he asked. “Considering.” “Johnny D?” “He's dead. The court officer, too. A judge and another CO got hit.” “What was he thinking? Grabbing a gun, shooting a judge? No way he was getting out of that building alive,” Amanda asked, shaking her head. “That's exactly what he was thinking,” Izzy said. She felt a sharp pain. “Are you okay?” “I’m fine. She must just be moving…ow!” “Okay. Okay. Amanda, Carisi you two stay down here. Tucker, will you help me get her to Labor & Delivery? Fin, call Barba.” “Come on, kid. You’re gonna be okay,” Tucker said putting his arm around her. 

Liv and Tucker sat in the room with her while she waited on Rafael. “Hey.” “Fin, where’s Barba?” “He’s in a meeting with McCoy, absolutely no interruptions but I told Carmen that this was absolutely an emergency and he needed to be interrupted. So hopefully, she’ll have some balls, and go get him.” “Fin get my phone.” “Who do you need me to call?” “Call Erin, my mom, and Rafael’s mom, please.” “You got it.” Fin went outside to make the phone calls she asked him to make. “Fin!” “Hey, man.” “She okay?” “Yeah, Liv & Tucker are with her right now. She’s in a lot of pain.” “Okay, thanks.” He walked in as Liv was rubbing her back and Tucker was holding her hand through another contraction. “I’m here.” “Okay, what do you need me to do,” Liv asked letting Rafael take her spot on the bed. “Uh, all of our stuff is in the closet in the nursery.” “Okay, we can go and pick it up.” “Okay, thanks, Liv.” “Oh my god, it hurts. It hurts so bad.” “It’s going to be okay. Just breathe.” “I’m trying.” Amanda and Carisi came by to check on her. She had been in pain for 7 hours. The Demerol wasn’t working but she wasn’t far enough along for an epidural. “I just wanted the glow, the one that they promise you on the cover of those magazines. I’m calling bullshit! Pregnancy sucks. Making a human being is really hard. I’ve had no control over my body or my emotions. Rafael, I’m sorry. All I wanna do is punch you in the face but I love you so much.” He tried not to laugh cause he knew she was in pain. Erin was the last one to show up. Izzy dilated fast and was unable to get her epidural. Erin and Rafael were both allowed to stay with her. “Okay, okay, I want you to imagine that your uterus is like a tube of toothpaste and you're just trying to squeeze out all that minty-fresh gel, but instead of minty-fresh gel inside, there's a little half Cuban baby.” That distracted Izzy for all of about 5 seconds. “Erin, you’re not helping. Come on, baby, you can do this.” “No, I can’t.” “Yes, you can. I’m right here.” “You do it for me.” “I would if I could. Come on. She’s almost here.” “Izzy come on, the next contraction is in 20 seconds.” “I can’t push anymore! Oh my god! Twenty seconds my ass!” It didn’t take very much longer before Harper Grace Barba finally made her appearance. She was cleaned up and handed to Izzy. “Wow.” “She’s beautiful, just like you,” Rafael said placing a kiss on Izzy’s forehead as tears fell from his eyes. “She’s looking at you. She knows your voice,” Izzy smiled. Erin went out to give the three of them some privacy and to tell Liv, Amanda, and everyone else that she was here and perfect.


	38. Chapter 38

Everyone got together to celebrate Liv’s adoption of Noah. Harper was only two weeks old. “So, Counselor, when should we expect the next one?” “A while, Carisi,” Rafael said as he walked to Noah’s room to check on Harper. “Yes, we want her at least almost out of diapers before we even think about another one,” Izzy laughed. “I didn’t think you could drink if you were breastfeeding.” “I’m not breastfeeding, Carisi. If she’s anything like her dad, I don’t need that.” “And the dirty jokes never cease,” Liv laughed. “Yeah, like Izzy was gonna give up her scotch any longer than she had to.” “Thanks for that, Fin.” “What did I miss?” “You don’t want to know, Barba.” “Oh, let me guess the nipple joke? Yeah, I’ve heard it. She’s so funny.” “You want me to take her?” “No, I got her. She’s just hungry,” Rafael said going to sit on the couch. “I remember not too long ago, asking him to hold Noah and you would’ve thought he was scared of him. I guess it’s different since with his own.” “He’s been so amazing. He does the 2 am feedings, rocks her to sleep. The first night at home, I didn’t think he was going to put her down.” Nick and Amanda finally showed up. Nick had taken a bullet to the knee and was having to use crutches. “Hey, Izzy, can I talk to you for a minute?” “Sure. You want to go out in the hall?” He hobbled out behind her. “What’s up?” “I just told Liv and I want you to be the next to know. I’m moving to California.” “What?” “I can retire now, put in for 3/4 pay, tax free, and start over again in California. Zara's in LA. Gil's in San Diego. I mean, it makes sense. Besides, we both know I’m not going anywhere out here.” Izzy teared up a little. “I’m gonna miss you, Nick.” “I’m gonna miss you, too. I know we’ve had our issues, but I’ve been closer to you all these years than I am to my actual little sister. I felt the same way when we were in Narcotics. You have always been there for me when I needed someone. When I found out about Gil, when Maria left, the shooting, just everything. You were there.” “I’m still here, even thousands of miles away.” He pulled her in for a hug. “I love you, Nick Amaro.” “I love you, too, Izzy Barba.” 

“Por què tan ruidosa, princesa (why so loud),” Rafael said, picking Harper up from her crib. “What time is it,” Izzy yawned. “6:00. Go back to sleep.” “No, it’s okay. I’m up. You change her, and I’ll go heat up some formula.” After she was fed and burped, Rafael put her on her mat for tummy time, getting in the floor with her. He would talk to her and she’d pick her head up as much she could and just stare at him. She’d make little noises back at him. He was loving every minute of it. About 8:00, their doorbell rang. “Are we expecting company?” “Not to my knowledge.” “Stay right here, princesa, Daddy will be right back,” he joked as he got up to answer the door. “Liv? Hey.” “Hey guys, I know you’re on maternity leave for another 4 weeks and believe me, I wouldn’t be here if this wasn’t an emergency.” “What’s going on.” “It’s Yates.” She handed the file to Izzy. Another body had been found at Yates’ burial ground. “This girl is redheaded. Yates liked brunettes.” “Yeah, I know, Izzy but we have two options. One is bad. The other one is worse. Either we missed one…” “Or Yates has a copycat,” Izzy finished Liv’s sentence. “So, what do you want with me?” “You know as well as I do, he’ll only talk to you and Rollins.” “Even though we’re blonds,” she chuckled. “And you need me because I put him away.” “Right.” “Liv, we haven’t found a nanny yet.” “I know that, Barba, so I talked to Lucy and if you guys are okay with it, she has no problem taking care of Harper while we work this case. Izzy, please. I will give you extra time off once we figure what is going on.” “Fine. We have to shower and get dressed.” “So, I’ll have Lucy come by in about 2 hours?” “That’s fine.” “Thank you both, so much, and again I am so sorry.” 

“Yates wants to touch his fiancée, Susie Frain? Hasn't he touched enough women already,” Rafael scoffed. “Look, they've been together for 20 years. He's never hurt Susie,” Izzy answered. “And she's ok with conjugal visits?” “She called about it twice,” Amanda chimed in. “Every pot has a lid.” “Lovely. You do realize how this would look if word got out, right? Yates is already on the hook for multiple rapes and murder. Now he wants to trade crime tips for conjugal visits.” “If Yates is telling the truth, there could be another serial out there. So, pick your poison, love.” “Fine. Bring the fiancé upstate. Let them conjugate and then interrogate both of them afterwards. You two better be right about this,” he said pointing two fingers at Amanda & Izzy. Fin, Carisi, Amanda, & Izzy went to Green Haven. “Anyone else getting nauseated listening to that,” Izzy asked as they stood outside the conjugal visit trailer. “Yeah, I think that’s enough,” Fin agreed. The guard made them stop. Yates offered up information, but Rollins & Izzy were not happy because they knew Barba was gonna have their asses. “Accusing the Deputy Chief ME of rape and murder? And they offered this conspiracy theory right after their conjugal visit.” “Yeah, I know.” “He worked you two. You know better,” he said pointing at Izzy. “Or the fiancé worked us. Give Yates points. That's a bold move,” Fin interrupted. “Okay, we were wrong so now what?” 

Izzy got home around 7. “Lucy, thank you so much for doing this.” “It’s not a problem, Izzy. She’s a good baby. I have some friends that their kids have gotten too old for a nanny or the families have moved. I can get you their resumes if you’d like.” “I would love that, thank you.” “Okay, I will see you tomorrow after I drop Noah at pre-school.” “Sounds good. Were you a good girl for Lucy?” Harper kicked her feet and made the funniest face. “I’m sorry Mommy & Daddy had to go back to work so soon.” She heard keys in their door. “Hey.” “Hey,” he said kissing both of his girls on the forehead. “I’m sorry if I came down on you a little hard today.” “It’s okay. It’s seemed far-fetched until Carisi made his point.” “I just hope this isn’t true, but I know it is. So many cases will have to be re-opened and Yates will have a good chance at an appeal.” After dinner and Harper’s bath, and getting her to sleep, they got in bed themselves. “I think I need a little stress relief, mi amor.” “It’s not time yet,” she pouted. “Can we do anything else?” “Well, there is something we haven’t done in a very long time.” He bit his bottom lip before kissing her. “You really want to?” “I offered, didn’t I?” “On your side or your back?” “It always feels better when I’m on my back.” “I agree,” he said as he rolled over to the night stand. He was very generous with the lube on both of them, knowing his size was always an issue. He started in very slowly, letting her adjust to size. She couldn’t control her moans, it had been so long since they had done this, and she forgot how good it felt. As soon as he was able to be all the way in comfortably, he started thrusting into her ass, sending what could only be described as shocks through her body. She pulled him down onto her as he moved faster and harder causing a leg weakening orgasm to wash over her as he came at the same time. He laid his head on her as he came down before rolling off of her.


	39. Chapter 39

A lot more evidence started piling up, proving Yates was telling the truth; including Rudnick dressing in drag to lure the redheaded victim out of her shelter. “Olivia & Izzy are headed to 1PP now to get the okay to bring Rudnick in for questioning.” “Call them off. We'll ask forgiveness later. For now, I'll find a pretext to invite him to my office.” “So, while he's with you, how about a warrant for his house. You know, knives, dresses who knows what we'll find,” Amanda asked. “Fine.” 

“Please come in. Dr. Rudnick, just so you know, everything in this room is recorded. Have a seat. Um, Yates is appealing his conviction, so this conversation may be discoverable as part of that process.” “Of course, I also record everything. How’s the baby?” “She’s good, thank you.” “Detective Barba. How’s motherhood treating you?” “Not too bad but I’ve been pretty much dragging the last few days,” she said with a smirk, earning a glare from her husband. “I’ve been feeling that way myself lately.” “I’m sure you have.” Olivia came in about 5 minutes after Izzy and they started questioning Rudnick. He finally caught on that he was a suspect in the murder of his ex-fiance and the redhead found at Pelham Bay and asked for his lawyer. He posted his $2 million bail almost immediately. Susie Frain then washed up in Pelham Bay and Rudnick was in the wind. “So, after Rudnick posts bail, a potential prosecution witness is found in pieces with the morning tide?” “We're well aware of the problem, Counselor,” Liv answered. “Where the hell is he?” “This is all we know, okay,” Izzy said going over to the white board, “He was last seen posting bond at 8:00 p.m. last night. Uber driver confirms dropping him off at his Harlem town house. So, sometime between last night and this morning, he goes to Susie Frain's apartment, he dismembers her, he bags the body, dumps her in the water at Fort Tilden, and then he disappears.” “We've got a BOLO out on his car, his credit, his bank cards. So far, no hits. No sightings, no traffic cams,” Fin added. “Does everyone know he dresses in drag?” “We've alerted state troopers and the FBI.” “Oh, they already know! The ME's office, the mayor's office, the people in my office…people are falling over themselves to point fingers…” “Okay, I get it. It's a mess, all right?” He held his finger up to his wife as he answered his phone, “Yes, I'll hold for the governor. Find him,” he said as nicely as he could before walking away. “Okay.” “Wow. Somebody needs a vacation.” “You can’t blame him, Carisi. I had to drag him & Izzy off of maternity leave for this,” Liv shot back.

They finally found Rudnick, posing as Ellie Howard, trying to get to Canada. Carisi & Izzy met his bus in Buffalo to bring him home. “We aren't actually going to drive all the way back to Manhattan, are we?” “Shut up,” Izzy moaned, already tired of hearing Rudnick’s constant chattering. “You took the bus up here anyway, right?” “Yes, when I was traveling incognito.” “What were you thinking, anyway, skipping out on a $2 million bail,” Izzy asked. “Well, what were they thinking? They charged me with two murders, then let me go. Who wouldn't run?” Liv had called Carisi to see what their ETA was and to let them know they found Rudnick’s car. “They found his car.” “Why are you whispering, Carisi? Rudnick, they found your car.” “Well, give yourselves a gold star.”

“Hey, what are you doing home?” “I had to get out of that office. I needed some time with my girl. How was your trip?” “I wanted to throw myself from a moving vehicle because of Rudnick & Carisi. Neither of them would shut up.” “Carisi not shutting up? There’s a shock.” “Guess what I found out today, though.” “What’s that?” “Amanda’s pregnant.” “Seriously? Nick?” “She said no. I think it’s Declan.” “Murphy?” “Yeah. Remember that blizzard back in February?” “Yes, I do,” he said smiling. “Shut up. Anyways, a few months ago she told me they had ‘hung out’ during that. Something was hanging out alright.” “Mi amor, you’re terrible. Mamà tiene una menta sucia (mommy has a dirty mind).” “Don’t tell her that.” Rudnick really liked talking to himself; so much so, he had confessed to himself out loud on camera to the murders. He pled guilty and that was the end of that for the time being. Rafael & Izzy could go back to their maternity leave, with Liv & McCoy giving them an extra two weeks.

“What do you think about going away for the weekend?” “Now?” “After this whole Terrance Reynolds thing, the grand jury indictments, I just want to get away.” “What about Harper?” “Molly said she would be more than happy to stay for the weekend with her. I offered her a pretty good bonus.” “Where did you want to go?” “I was thinking a cabin upstate. We could leave out Friday around 2, be there by 7.” “She’s only 3 months old.” “And she’ll be fine. She’ll be with someone she knows and that she’s comfortable with. You know we can both use it.” “Book it.” 

“Are you okay,” Rafael asked as they drove to the cabin he rented. “Yeah, I’m fine.” “Izz, I know you’re worried but she’s fine.” “No, I know.” “It’s good for us to get away once in a while. Yeah, we’re parents now, but we’re still us, too.” “You’re right. Okay, no more worrying.” “Bullshit but it’s okay to worry. I’m worrying about her, too.” “We’re gonna have a good time this weekend.” “Yes, we are,” he smiled. “How much longer till we get there?” “About 30 minutes. Why?” “I had an idea.” “Really?” “Uh-huh,” she said as she started rubbing his cock through his shorts. “I’m trying to drive, mi amor.” “So? You know how to multi-task.” She undid her seatbelt and leaned over and started sucking his earlobe. “You’re looking for trouble,” he groaned. “Keep your eyes on the road, Counselor.” She undid his shorts, he scooted them down just enough for her to have access to his rock-hard dick. It took everything he had to concentrate on the road as she moved her mouth up and down, at first slowly, then she quickly picked up the pace. He held her by her hair as she kept going. “Oh my god, I’m gonna come,” he managed to get out as he slammed his hand onto the steering wheel. “Thank god for cruise control,” he kind of laughed.


	40. Chapter 40

“Detective are you okay?” “I’m fine, Dodds. Why do you ask?” “You’ve seemed distracted today.” “It’s nothing, Mike.” She was lying but she didn’t know Sergeant Mike Dodds well enough to talk about what was bothering her. A few weeks after their trip upstate, Izzy had been feeling run down, nauseous all the time. She thought maybe it was the change from summer to fall. She had went to the doctor a couple of days before and had some blood work done to make sure it wasn’t her iron or some vitamin deficiency. After Harper was born, her ob/gyn had started her on a different birth control and maybe it was getting to her. Her doctor had called with the results of her bloodwork that morning and it weighed on her mind all day. “Izzy?” “Yeah, Lieutenant?” “You okay?” “Why does everything think there’s something wrong with me?” “You’ve been unusually quiet today. You’ve forgot to sign off on these DD-5s, which you’re more anal than your husband when it comes to paperwork, so it raises some concerns.” “I’m fine, Liv. Harper’s had a few rough nights because she’s teething, that’s all.” “Well, sign these and go home. I understand what it’s like to have a baby that won’t sleep.” “Thanks.” 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” “No, Molly. You go ahead.” “Okay. See you in the morning blondie,” Molly said running her hand over Harper’s head. Izzy watched as her 4-month-old sat in her oscillating chair, grabbing at her feet and laughing when she grabbed one and she just started bawling. How was she gonna break the news to Rafael? They were prepared for almost anything but not this. “Hey.” “Hey, you’re home early.” “Well, Dodds & Carisi are chasing a Trojan horse and I’m not dealing with it right now. How are you feeling?” “Tired.” “Have you heard back from the doctor?” “No,” she lied, “it could take up to a week, considering every test she ordered.” “You want me to order dinner?” “Yeah. Whatever you want is fine.” “Okay.” She took Harper to be bathed while they waited on the food. “I’m disappointed,” said taking her in a towel from Izzy. “Why?” “I was really hoping she had have green eyes, but they keep looking like they’re going to be brown like yours.” “Is that so wrong?” “No. She’s still perfect. Just like you." 

After dinner, they watched a little TV after Harper went to sleep, then headed to bed. Rafael started lightly running his hand along Izzy’s thigh while kissing her neck. “Not tonight, okay?” “Come on. It’s been a week.” “I have a headache.” “That’s been your excuse for a week.” “It’s not an excuse.” “Then what is it?” “Nothing, okay. I just don’t feel like it! I’m allowed to say no!” “Fine,” he said as he rolled over. The distance between them in the bed was very unusual. She laid on her side, feeling awful about the way she was shutting him out, practically lying to him. He deserved to know what the doctor had told her. It was going to affect him, too. Maybe more so. She started crying, thinking about how the future they had planned was about to change drastically.


	41. Chapter 41

Neither of them really slept that night. Rafael was hurt because of how cold Izzy was acting toward him. After 16 years, he still had trouble getting her to open up and he knew something was bothering her. He got ready for work as she laid on the couch after feeding Harper. “Are you not going to work?” “No. I already talked to Liv.” “Oh, okay. Well, I’ll be home this evening.” He went over and kissed Harper. “Te amo, princesa. Cuida de tu mami por mi (take care of your Mommy for me).” He came back and kissed Izzy on the forehead. “I love you.” “Love you.” Molly showed up and took Harper for a walk so Izzy could sleep. She didn’t do much of that. She just laid in bed and thought of ways to tell Rafael what the doctor had told her. 

He came in around 4, much earlier than usual. “Hey, Molly. Is my wife around?” “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom. She’s been asleep most of the day.” “Okay. Do you mind staying for a little bit?” “Not at all. I’m here until you guys tell me to leave,” she laughed. He came in the bedroom and sat on the bed. “We need to talk,” he said with his back to her. “What about?” “What is going on with you?” “What…” “Don’t insult me by asking what do I mean. After 16 years, I know you better than you know yourself. I know when something is eating at you, so what is it?” She sat up, pulling her knees to her chest. “I heard from the doctor yesterday.” He turned to her. “And what did she say?” “She, uh, she…” “Are you sick? What’s wrong?” She couldn’t speak because of the tears. “You’re scaring me. Please tell me what is going on.” “I’m pregnant.” “Wha-what?” “Yeah. Our weekend upstate apparently.” “Oh my god.” “I’m sorry.” “Why are you sorry? Our plan was to have kids as soon as possible.” “Yeah but Harper is only 4 months old.” “So? We have a wonderful nanny, not to mention, you’re not giving us enough credit.” “By the blood work, I’m due in May.” “So, our kids will be exactly a year apart,” he laughed, “birthday’s will be a lot easier, unless this one is a boy.” “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” “Of course. When did you find out?” “Yesterday.” “Why did you feel the need to wait to tell me? You couldn’t wait with Harper.” “I didn’t know how you’d react at the fact it’s so soon.” “It’s going to be fine,” he said kissing her, “but with the third one, let’s try to wait at least two years.” “Deal.” “Come on. Let’s go spend some time with our daughter.” 

Amanda had given birth to a baby girl named Jessie. Harper’s birthday was May 6th and Barba baby #2 was due May 22nd. “You guys timed that perfectly,” Mike laughed. “Yeah and I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t tell your dad.” “You think I’m a ‘daddy’s boy’, don’t you?” She just kinda scoffed, “How else did you get this job?” “Izzy, my office for a minute?” “Fine, Liv.” “Look, I know you have all these hormones going through you but when it comes to Dodds, lay off a little.” “But Liv…” “Look, I asked you to take the Sergeants exam and you turned me down, so here’s where we are.” “Ugh, fine.” “I know he’s not Nick but try to get along with him.” “I’ll do my best. I just don’t make any promises that he won’t meet the butt of Riggs.” “Izzy, you’ve kept from beating Carisi all this time.” “Yeah, that’s because he brought me food when I was pregnant with Harper.” “I’ll pass that advice along to Mike.” “Don’t. He’d probably bring something healthy like kale. I don’t eat food that my food eats.”


	42. Chapter 42

After Rafael received an indictment against Gary Munson, a CO at Rikers who was accused of raping female inmates, things got a little scary. Izzy, against Rafael’s wishes, arrived at the courthouse with Mike & Liv to escort him out. They were confronted my several CO’s from Rikers. “Okay, you’ve said your piece, now get the fuck out of our way,” Izzy said pushing through the men. “Barba, you don't know me or who I am, but we know a lot about you, things people would want to know.” “Is that a threat?” “Threat? No, a threat would be right here, right now, I shove you down these steps and get your skull cracked open, bleeding to death. Your little blond princesa and the bebita on the way grow up without their Papi.” “Right here, in front of all these people? Maybe they wouldn't be able to save me, but they sure as hell would catch you. So, amiguito, I'll tell you what. You want to kill a DA, right here, surrounded by all these cops and cameras? Spend the rest of your life in prison? Here, here's my home address. You come by any time you want. My wife’s always packing.” The guy had ran off but Liv saw the worried look on Barba’s face. “Hey. Everything all right?” “Not really. Someone just threatened to kill me.” “What?” “Who was it?” “Just a face in the crowd. Tell the squad to watch their backs. This is just the beginning. And you. I want you on maternity leave now.” “I…” “It’s not up for discussion.” “Liv?” “Yeah, it’s fine.”

Rafael was threatened by the same guy in an elevator at the courthouse just a few days later. Izzy had been at the office for Mike’s going-away party since he was moving on to Joint Terrorism when Rafael called Carisi. Olivia & Mike had went to Munson’s house to help his wife get her things to leave. Amanda, Carisi, & Izzy went to Rafael’s office. “Why aren’t you at home?” “I was at Mike’s going away party when you called.” “Yeah and you should’ve went home after that, not come here.” “Just show us the footage from the elevator.” Izzy recognized him as soon as she saw him. “Amanda, you don’t remember him?” “He looks familiar.” “BX9.” “We put his brother away for gang-raping that girl a few years ago. I’m calling Intel to get you a security detail.” “Is there someone there you trust? I’ve been getting threats since I indicted the three cops that shot Terrance Reynolds.” “And you didn’t tell me about this?” “The threats were to me, not you. You didn’t need the stress, especially being pregnant again.” “I can’t…I…” Izzy just turned and walked out. “Izzy…” “Let her go, Carisi. She has every right to be upset with me.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about the threats?” “I didn’t…” “Don’t. Just don’t. Someone threatens you, they are threatening the four of us.” “I never thought about it like that because you were never mentioned.” “That doesn’t matter.” “I know. I should’ve told you.” “There’s more.” “What do you mean?” “I can see it on your face. Something else happened with Felipe, didn’t it?” “When he threatened me at the courthouse, I gave him our address.” “You what?!” “I’m sorry.” “You’re sorry?! You gave a gang member who threatened to kill you in front of God and everybody our address, so he could come here and do it privately? Are you suicidal?!” “Thoughtless.” “Thoughtless? Because of your ego, now not only are you in danger, but so am I and Harper, not to mention your unborn daughter.” “I’m sorry.” “You’re sorry?” “He knows I’m married to a cop. Do you think he would be stupid enough…” “Yes!” Her phone rang in the middle of their argument. “Amanda, how’s Mike?” “He had a major stroke. He’s gone.” “What?” She & Amanda talked, both in tears. Mike hadn’t always been their favorite person, but he had earned their respect in his short time in SVU. “Fin, Carisi, & I are going after Felipe. Liv told us to start busting in doors until we find him.” “Keep me informed, please.” “I will. Liv thinks it might be best for y’all to stay in a hotel…” “No one is running me out of my house. My gun’s loaded.” “She figured you’d say that so there will be a security detail on the two of you until we get him.” “Fine.”

To be safe, Lucia came and took Harper. Izzy still wasn’t happy with Rafael. “Are you going to speak to me at all?” “When I can do it without exploding.” “I said I was sorry.” “You’re sorry,” she scoffed, “Well that just makes everything better, doesn’t it?” “I know…” “You have no idea what you have done. Do you know what I’m thinking right now?” “No because you won’t talk to me.” “I’m seriously thinking about taking Harper and leaving.” “What,” he felt like someone had punched him in the chest when she said that. “I have never been so angry with you in the almost 17 years I’ve known you.” “You can’t leave me. Not again.” “You have put us in so much danger.” “Do you want to hit me? Hit me, slap me, kick me, whatever might make you feel better. Just please don’t take the 3 most important people out of my life,” he said with tears in his eyes. “Why weren’t we important enough to take into consideration before you gave Heredio our address?”


	43. Chapter 43

He spent hours begging her not to leave. She’d put clothes in a suitcase, he’d take them out. “Will you stop?!” “No! I’m not letting you leave me because I made a mistake. I fucked up. I know you’re angry and you have every right to be, I’m not denying that. You’ve been angry with me plenty of times and you’ve never once tried to leave.” “This is different.” “How?” “Really?” “Yes, really? I made a mistake, yes, a huge one. Are you going to tell me it’s worth throwing everything between us away?” She couldn’t answer as tears filled her eyes. “I’ve been in love with you since I was 25. Do you know how much I missed you for those 6 years we were apart?” “Yeah, you’ve told me.” “I stayed in bed for a week after you left.” “What?” “You heard me. I laid in bed, on your pillow for a week. I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. Nothing mattered except the fact that you were gone, and I couldn’t bring you back.” “You never told me that.” “I wasn’t exactly proud of it. Look, I know I let my ego overload my mouth, but I would never let anything happen to you or Harper or this one we have yet to name,” he said placing his hand on her belly. The baby started kicking immediately when he touched her. He put his hand behind her neck and pulled her in for a kiss. All the anger she had been holding onto for hours melted away. “I will never do something like this again. I promise. Okay?” “Okay.” 

“We got him.” “Is Liv around?” “She’ll be in later.” “Keep him in interrogation. I want a shot at him.” “Izzy.” “Amanda don’t fight me on this.” “Okay.” “Where are you going?” “They’ve arrested Heredio. You need to come do a line-up but not before he answers some questions.” “You’re not…” “You bet your ass I am.” “You don’t need…” “I’ll be fine. Come on.”   
“Well, well, well. Felipe Heredio. I should’ve known we’d be seeing you again.” “You missed me that much, mamacita?” “Oh, you know it. So, who sent you to threaten my husband? Did they pay you?” “$250.” “Oh, so you made $500. You got ripped off, pal. Who was it?” “I could tell you but that wouldn’t be near as fun.” “This is a game to you?” “Calm down, sexy.” With one quick move, she kicked his chair out from under him. “Crazy bitch!” “Call me a bitch again and I’ll cut your nuts off, salt them, and feed them to the seagulls.” “Detective!” “I’m fine, Lieutenant.” “My office now!” “I was almost…” “You are on maternity leave. Why are you questioning a suspect that’s accused of threatening your husband?” “I want answers.” “And we will get them. You are not supposed to be here.” “Fine.” “Look, I know the last few days have been hard for us all but you can’t come in while you’re on leave and…” “Okay, okay.” “Stay in here until Barba ID’s him.” “What the hell were you thinking in there?” “I was being a detective, Rafael.” “By pushing the chair out from under him, leaving him only held by the cuffs on the table?” “It worked, didn’t it?” 

“Rafa?” “Yes,” he asked as he rubbed her legs while they watched “It’s Always Sunny” on the couch. “Get this baby out of me.” “You’re not due for another 3 days,” he laughed. “So? I’m tired of being pregnant and the more we have sex…” “Mi amor, we made love this morning and nothing’s happened.” “You didn’t try hard enough.” “Excuse me?” “Yeah, I said it. Two orgasms? Are you slipping in your old age?” “I am only 41, thank you.” “Still.” “I’m not falling for it.” “Falling for what?” “I know what you’re doing.” “I’m not doing anything.” “Is that right,” he said as he moved over closer to her and started kissing her neck. “That’s right,” she said as shivers went through her body. “Telling me I’m old because I only got you off twice this morning?” “I usually get three or four.” “Not always,” he said as he moved to her lips, “you are awfully spoiled.” “And whose fault is that?” Things were getting pretty heavy. “Rafael!” “What?” “My water just broke.” “Really?” “Really.” “I am GOOD!” “Shut up and call your mom while I go change.” Lucia made it from the Bronx in about 20 minutes. Rafael had gathered up their stuff and kissed Harper good-bye, “We’re going to get your little sister. Be good for Abuelita.” Izzy took one of the bags from him so he wasn’t loaded down. He kissed her as they waited on the elevator, “Let’s go have a baby.”


	44. Chapter 44

“Oh my god!!!!!” “Breathe, cariño.” “I’m trying,” Izzy said as tears streamed from her brown eyes, “Why did I let you do this to me?!” “Mi amor, this was both of us.” “Oh semantics! I hate you!” Dr Long came in and gave Izzy some Demerol. “Dr Long, please don’t make me give birth without an epidural with this one.” “I will be back every 30 minutes.” “Thank you.” “You are doing great, my love.” “Rafa, I don’t hate you.” “I know Elizabeth.” “Hey!” “I distracted you, didn’t I?” “Yes,” she laughed as she kissed him. “OW! OW! OW!.” “Breathe, Love, breathe.” “I should’ve taken the Lamaze classes.” “Cariño, you’re doing fine.” “You are the love of my life, you know that?” “Of course, mi amor.” “Okay, remember that when I die having this kid.” “Baby, stop. You’re doing fine.” “Harper didn’t cause this much pain.” “I am here. Break my hand if you have to.” “You are so wonderful to me.” “You and this baby are going to be fine.” “Oh…my…god. We haven’t picked out a name!!” “Shh. We will when we see her.” “Izzy, you’re dilating too fast. We missed the epidural again,” Dr Long told her. “No, no, no. I can’t do this.” “Yes you can, mi Corazon. I’m right here, holding your hand.” “Rafael, I need you to hold her leg. This baby is coming out now.” “What about your shirt?” “I can buy a new one, my love. Just get our daughter out.” Izzy pushed through the pain. “Can’t I have a c-section?” “It’s too late for that, Izzy. Keep pushing.” “I can’t!!!” “Yes you can, cariño. Keep pushing.” “Oh my god!! You’re not touching me ever again!!!” “Come on Izzy. One more good push and she’ll be here.” “Oh my god, I hate you. I hate you. I hate you!” “Here she is.” Dr Long held up the dark headed girl before taking her to get cleaned up. “You did it, mi amor,” Rafael said as he kissed Izzy. “I didn’t mean…” “I know baby,” he smiled. “Who wants her first?” “Give her to her Daddy,” Izzy smiled. Rafael took their new baby girl with brown hair in his arms. “Thank you, Izzy.” “What for?” “Making all of my dreams come true.” “So, what’s her name,” the nurse asked. “Rafa, you pick.” “Okay. She looks like a Khloe. Khloe Luciana Barba.” “I love it,” Izzy smiled. Rafael went with Khloe as they took her footprints, gave her shots, and all of that ‘fun stuff’.” 

“Heard someone had a baby.” “Oh my god, Elliot?!” “How are you, Izzy?” “I’m great,” she said as she hugged Stabler after all those years, “How are you?” “I’m good. I’ve been working as the investigator for Yonkers, under your brother, actually.” “Wow, he never told me.” “Hey.” “Rafa, this Elliot Stabler. El, this is my husband Rafael Barba.” “The one that got away.” “She found me again,” Barba laughed, “I’ve heard a lot about you, Elliot. It’s nice to finally meet you.” “You too, Rafael. I’m glad someone could finally calm this one down.” “So how are Kathy and the kids?” “Kathy & I actually got divorced.” “Really?” “Yeah, you know how life goes.” “Well, how are the kids?” “Great. Kathleen is going to school to be a psychologist, Maureen is going to nursing school, Dickie is in the Marines, with plans to join the NYPD afterwards.” “Why don’t you come back?” “I can’t, Izz. You know that.” “It hasn’t been the same without you. I’m the only one with anger problems now.” Elliot laughed, “So how is Liv?” “She’s great. She’s dating Ed of all of people.” “Tucker? Are you fucking kidding me?” “No, she isn’t,” Rafael laughed. “After all the shit he put us all through?” “El, trust me, I was just as shocked as you are.” “He’s not the father of her son…” “No, Noah was adopted.” “I always thought Liv would be a good mom.” “She is, El.” 

“Two cribs,” Rafael laughed. “Are we sure want 3 kids,” Izzy asked. “It’s up to you, mi amor. I’m happy with our girls.” “Would you consider getting a vasectomy?” “Of course, I would.” “Really?” “Yes, mi amor.” He took her by the hand and lead her out of the girl’s room. “Khloe is 6 weeks old, my love.” “I know this, Rafa.” “Come on.” “You are so bad.” “Why? Cause I want to fuck my wife,” he said as he bit down on her neck. “Hmm. I’m still leaking milk.” “I’ll stay away from your tits this time. I want to go somewhere else.” They went into their bedroom and undressed each other. Rafael licked and sucked his way down Izzy’s body. He got to her opening, “Tan hùmedo para mi (so wet for me).” “Si, Papi.” That spurred him on as tongue flicked against her clit before taking the whole nub in his mouth. “Rafael.” “Si Mami?” “No te detengas (don’t stop).” “Amo cuando hablas español, mi amor (I love when you speak Spanish).” He was licking and sucking her as she moaned his name. “Oh my god, Rafael. I’m gonna come.” “I was counting on it,” he said as his tongue flicked faster and harder against her clit. “Oh my god, Rafael,” Izzy screamed as she came all over his face. He didn’t mind it all as he moved up to her lips. She could taste herself on her husband’s mouth, but she had never cared. Rafael Barba brought out the best of her; sexually and non-sexually. “Fuck me, Counselor.” “Hmm, Counselor, huh?” “Do you prefer Papi?” “Papi,” he smiled as he bit his bottom lip. “Then fuck me, Papi.” He slowly put his dick inside her,“ Eres tan apretado y caliente (you’re so hot and tight).” “Damelo, Papi.” After that he started pounding her harder and faster. “Oh god, Rafael!!!” “Keep saying my name, mi amor.” “Rafael! Give it to me! Fuck me!” After about 45 minutes, they both came together.


	45. Chapter 45

After Dodds was killed, Fin & Izzy basically flipped a coin to see who would take the Sergeant’s exam. Izzy “won” two out of three, much to Fin’s delight. “I got your results.” “So, give me the bad news, Liv.” “Oh, there is none. You passed. 33 out of 8,000.” “You’re kidding.” “Nope and with such a high score, you get to pick your assignment.” “Can I stay here?” “Of course. Dodds already figured that’s what you’d say. So, congratulations, Sergeant Barba.” “Thanks, Lieutenant.” “Okay, head to your husband’s office. You got trial prep.” “I’m on my way.” 

“Hey.” “Well, hello, Sergeant.” “Liv already told you.” “Yep. Congratulations,” he said kissing her, “We should celebrate.” “It’s not that big of a deal.” “Are you kidding? You’ve been wanting this since you became a detective.” He kissed her harder. “Counselor, we have work to do.” “We can work on it at home after we get the girls to bed. Come on. I am going to take my beautiful wife to a romantic dinner.” They sat in a booth close to the back of Izzy’s favorite Italian restaurant il Buco. “You looked so sexy today,” Rafael said as nibbled on her earlobe and running his hand up her skirt.” “Counselor, I’m starting to think you had ulterior motives tonight.” “Well, we never get any time alone, but I really did want to take you out to celebrate your promotion, just us, before Liv throws some big dinner party.” “Where does your hand think it’s going?” He smiled with that smirk coming across his face as he moved his hand further up, pushing her panties to the side, slowly putting two fingers inside her. “You are looking for trouble, Counselor.” “Am I,” he asked as he moved his fingers in & out of her faster. She pulled her napkin up to cover her mouth and try to keep quiet. He got her almost there before he stopped. “Get the check.”

He led her around the corner to the side of the restaurant and pressed her up against the brick wall. “Here?” “Right here,” he said as he lifted her just enough as he undid his belt. “You know this a Class B Misdemeanor?” “I’m sure we could call in a favor,” he said as he pushed into her. “Well, that was certainly a way to celebrate my promotion,” she said as she straightened her clothes. “I thought so.” “So, Khloe is three months old now. We haven’t really discussed where we stand on having another kid.” “I wouldn’t mind having another one but if you want me to get a vasectomy I will. If you want another one, though, I want to wait at least a year or more,” he laughed. “Oh, I agree.” “So, we are gonna have one more?” “Yeah. We always said 3, right?” “We did. We’ll have to buy a bigger place.” “We have plenty have time.”

“Oh my god, Carisi, dude, stop singing! Your life is not a fucking episode of ‘Glee’.” “Sorry, Sarge.” “Because of you, I had ‘Mamma Mia’ stuck in my head for three days last week.” “Hey, that’s a catchy song.” “You know what else is ‘catchy’? Herpes but I don’t want those either.” “Khloe teething?” “Yes, which means my two moods for the day will be ‘hello’ and ‘I’ll fucking stab you’.” “Where was the counselor?” “He fell asleep on the couch, in his clothes, with a file in his hand. Amanda, how’re things with Dr. Dave?” “Oh, you know. They’re sailing along.” “That good, huh?” “I haven’t brought him around Jessie yet but maybe one day. The other day, his ex-girlfriend sent him a picture of her in the bathtub; so being the bitch I can be, sent her a picture of me giving him a blow job.” “That sounds like something Izzy would do.” “Given the opportunity, yeah I definitely would.” “Speaking of, do you think semen can infect an impacted wisdom tooth?” “Amanda go get that taken care of!” “Okay, enough locker room talk,” Liv said as she came out of her office, “We have a problem.”


	46. Chapter 46

Sean Roberts had been released 16 years after being falsely imprisoned for a rape he didn't commit and now he was the only suspect in the rape and murder of the old victim’s daughter Ashley. Carisi and Izzy went to the apartment building across the street and met Charlie Dobkins who had apparently been watching and taking pictures of Ashley when she’d undress from the roof. He tried to run when Carisi and Izzy found him on the roof but didn’t make it far. They also found the kitchen knife that was used to kill Ashley. “Alright, let’s go.” “I want to call my mom.” “Okay, sure, Charlie. But first you need to talk to us about that love nest on your roof.” “And then I can call her?” “One thing at a time, Charlie. Did you take this picture of Ashley through her bedroom window?” “She was always standing in front of it, like she wanted me to see.” Even though the kid was pretty creepy, he had an alibi for the time when Ashley was murdered; he was having sex with his girlfriend and there was lots of video of it. He had actually found the knife after it was tossed. They took Charlie back to the roof, so he could walk them through seeing the suspect and going after the knife. "You were standing here, right? Now tell me tell me exactly who you saw,” Carisi started as he stood with the kid by the ledge. "I saw a white man. And he dropped something in the trash bags, and I wanted to know what it was, so I went down and got it." "Right, the knife," Carisi asked, and Charlie nodded. "Right That's great, Charlie," Izzy smiled softly, "We got that, all right? So, let's think about something else, maybe Like, what about the time? You said you saw the man after Shyvon got here." "Yeah." "Good, now was it before or after you and Shyvon had sex? Before, maybe." Izzy asked. "Uhhhhhh." "I need you to be sure." “After. It was after. I'm not good with times. Befores and afters like that." "Okay, you know what, Charlie? I like you, and I know you want to cooperate, right? Listen, so I need you to focus." Izzy pulled out her phone, "I'm gonna show you these pictures one at a time. All right, you just you let me know who you saw." She brought up Sean’s picture. "Uh, if I say yes, would... would that be helping Ashley? And you?" "We just want the truth, Charlie. Okay? That's all we want." "Don't say yes if you're not sure." Carisi advised. "Yes, I'm sure." 

When Buchanan was able to cross-examine Charlie, everything he went to hell. "I think so. It looked like him. Sergeant Barba...uh uh, yeah, I'm positive." "Plus, Sergeant Barba? Did she tell you to say something?" Buchanan looked happy. "No, not really. I said I thought I saw Sean's face." "And she encouraged you to say it was Sean? Maybe she nodded or smiled." "She patted me on the shoulder and told me it was okay." He nodded, "I thought she wanted me to say it was him." "Did she help you figure out what time you saw him, too?" "I guess." Barba looked over his shoulder at his wife, obviously pissed as Carisi shook his head. “I...I...I wasn't sure if I saw Sean leave before or after Shyvon and I had sex." "But she... She what? I know she's attractive. But don't look to her for help. Look at me, Charlie." Buchanan gained Charlie's focus, "Why did you say what you did?" "I thought she would like it if I said after. And she was really nice." "So Sergeant Barba encouraged you, no flirted with you, even though she’s married to the prosecutor, to say you had seen Sean Roberts leave Ashley's home at 1:15?" "Objection: Mr. Buchanan is putting words in this witness's mouth." Barba quickly stood. "Overruled," the judge looked over, "Answer the question." "No. I just wanted her to like me. And she needed to solve her case." "So Sergeant Barba encouraged you to see Sean Roberts, then you made her happy by saying you had seen him at 1:15 exactly?" Buchanan pushed on. 

"We got a guy on trial who was wrongfully convicted on bad eyewitness testimony, and you don't tell me that the kid waffled on the ID or the time." Barba held back his voice from the yelling he wanted to use. "He waffled. He did not lie," Izzy shot back. "There is a big difference? Now you're parsing degrees of deceit," He spat back at her, “You know that Buchanan is gonna turn this into you manipulating the kid to defend Fin." "Charlie's telling the truth. He saw Sean leave the house, toss the knife after he and his girlfriend had sex, which was around 1:15 or so. That's the truth," Carisi spoke up. "I can't help it if the kid has a crush on me, or..." Izzy interrupted. "Hold on so you were aware that he had an affection for you, that he had a desire to make you happy?" "Captain, listen,” Carisi turned to Liv as he realized Barba wasn't going to listen, "I was there, all right? Izzy didn't lead him." "Don't make excuses for her. That's not what the jury thinks." Barba’s words hit Izzy in the stomach like a Mike Tyson punch. She couldn’t believe how he was speaking to or about her. Carisi finally had enough and turned to Barba, "You know what, Counselor? It's not your wife’s fault that Buchanan spun that kid upside-down and you didn't know how to stop him." "Okay, thank you." Liv motioned for them to leave, "We're done. So where do we go from here?" Izzy and Carisi walked down the courthouse steps. "He can't talk to you that way and..." "Carisi, it's fine." "No, it isn't! We handed him a solid case and he is not going to blame you or me..." "Just calm down. He'll figure something out." 

Izzy got home just as Molly had gotten the girls to bed. She had picked up Greek on her way home, but she really wasn’t hungry. Rafael came in about 15 minutes after Molly had left. He sat his stuff down and tried to kiss Izzy, but she turned away from him. She gave him his food and went to take a shower. He came in the room as she was blow drying her hair. “Are you not speaking to me?” “I’m going to bed. There I spoke.” He got undressed and into his pajamas. “I’ll be in my office.” “Fine.”

Two days later, they still weren’t speaking. She wouldn’t even answer his texts while at work. Sean had pled guilty and it was finally over. Izzy was in the girls room, playing with them in the floor. “Hi, Papa,” Harper said as Rafael stood in the door way. He came over, sleeves rolled up, tie loosened, and sat down with them. Harper walked right over to him. Neither Izzy or Rafael spoke, they just played with the girls. Khloe was trying so hard to crawl. She’d get in position and just kind of bounce. She ended up making herself laugh for some reason which made Izzy & Rafael start laughing. “I’m sorry,” he finally said. “I’m sorry, too.” “Why? I understand why you gave me the silent treatment. I deserved it. I shouldn’t have talked to you that way in front of Liv & Carisi, or period for that matter. Part of it was jealousy when Buchanan insinuated you were flirting with Charlie; especially with him pointing out that you’re my wife.” He leaned over and kissed her. “I love you.” “I love you, too.”


	47. Chapter 47

Harper turned 2 and Khloe turned 1 in May of 2017. “So, are we about ready for #3,” Rafael asked as they cleaned up the kitchen after dinner one night. “Are you ready or are you just tired of using condoms since the doctor took me off the pill?” “Hmm a little of both,” he said pulling her into him for a kiss. “Well, I don’t see the harm in trying.” “Maybe, we can start in the shower,” he said as he kissed her neck. Just then her phone went off. “Ugh, what now?” “It’s Amanda. She’s needing to talk and wants me to meet her for a drink.” “Go be a good friend. Our shower will be here when you get home.” “Can you handle the girls?” “I think I’m more than capable.” “Okay, they still need their baths.” “I’ll take care of it. Don’t stay out too late.” “I will do my best, but you know Amanda.” “Behave yourselves. You are mothers, you know.” “Oh, we’re aware.” 

“Okay, Amanda I just gave up awesome shower sex to be a good friend. What’s going on,” Izzy said as she sat on a stool at some hole in the wall bar in Long Island City. “Dr. Dave & I broke up.” “Oh, I’m so sorry.” “I thought things were going great, until he left his credit card statement out and it turns out, while I’ve been working late, he’s been running around with escorts.” “Wow.” “You know, we’ve counseled hundreds of women, but when it happens to you, you wonder what do they have that I don’t?” “And you know as well as I do, he’s the one with something lacking, not you.” “Too bad I wasn’t lucky enough to meet the love of my life when I was 19.” “Amanda, you still have plenty of time.” “You know…no…it’s stupid.” “What?” “You know who would be good for me?” “Nick?” “No!! Sonny.” “Carisi?!” “What other Sonny would I be talking about?” “How many have you had to drink?” “I’m serious.” “Then why don’t you go for it?” “If it didn’t work out, I’d lose the best friend I’ve ever had, well besides you.” “Or you could end up being happier than you ever have been.” “Don’t say anything, okay?” “Not a word. So, I interrupted shower sex, huh?” “That was the plan. We’re fixing to try for the last child I’m willing to have.” “Aww how exciting!!” “You need to get with Carisi and have another baby yourself.” “Shut up.” “Come on. The kid would have a Staten Island/Georgia accent. You’d never understand a word.” “Oh, and what about yours? They’ll talk so fast, you’ll only be able to understand their smartass remarks.” “That’s what happens when you procreate with Rafael Barba.” 

“Everything okay?” “Yeah. She found out that doctor she was dating was fucking around with escorts while she’s been working.” “You’re kidding.” “Nope.” “That’s terrible. Maybe now she’ll give Carisi a shot.” “What? Did you have me bugged?” “No, why do you ask that?” “She mentioned…I’m not supposed to say anything.” “It’s obvious he has a thing for her. There’s more tension between the two of them than there was us for the first four months after I came to Manhattan.” “Speaking of things, you need to get yours out and inside of me now.” “Well, that was straight and to the point.” “You want baby #3, don’t you? I’m not getting any younger. I will be 37 this year.” “You don’t look a day over 30.” “Get in the bedroom and get your pants off, now.” “Yes, ma’am. You’re not wasting any time, are you,” he laughed as she walked into their bedroom, undressing herself. “There’s no time to be wasted,” she said laying on their bed. “I thought we were…” “Nah, we’ll be fine right here. Now, get over here and put a baby in me.” He took his time with her that night. He didn’t leave an inch of her body unkissed or untouched.


	48. Chapter 48

Another negative test hit the trash can so hard, it almost tipped it over. “Negative again?” “Yep.” “Don’t get discouraged, mi amor. It took us what, 6 months to get pregnant with Harper?” “I know it just didn’t take near as long with Khloe.” “Well, we didn’t exactly try for her.” “Poor kid is the product of a bottle of MacAllen 35-year and an all-night thunderstorm during a weekend in the Catskills,” Izzy laughed. “Maybe we should do that again.” “After you put Byron Marks away, maybe?” “I’m trying, cariño. With the Cuban government stepping in, it’s just turned this into a bigger nightmare.” “How are your headaches?” “They go away once I step in our door. Can I tell you something?” “Of course.” “I think I’m starting to get disillusioned with my job.” “Rafa, you love being a prosecutor.” “I thought I did but I have worked in the DA’s office since law school, almost 21 years. Maybe I should move on.” “What would you do?” “Well, I could teach. Maybe private practice.” “We are trying to have another baby, looking at buying a bigger house, and you want to change careers?” “Stupid, huh?” “No,” she laughed, “I’ll support you no matter what, but we really need to think about everything before we go any further.” “I tell you what, let’s have another baby, buy a new house, then if things…” “Listen, I don’t want you staying at the DA’s office if you’re unhappy just so we can have another baby. We can wait if you want to find something else.” “You know, I think it’s this case and the Samra case. They just have gotten to me.” 

“Well, you got your guy after all these years.” “Yeah, thanks to Karla.” “Well, it’s over. Come over here.” She went behind his desk and he sat her down on it in front of him. He put her face in his hands and started kissing her. She let out a soft moan as he pulled them closer together. Her hands roamed his back and neck as they kept going. “Hey, Counselor. Whoa! Sorry.” “What do you want, Carisi?” “First of all, if you’re gonna make out on your desk, maybe you should lock the door.” “I’m not a fan of repeating myself, detective,” he said never breaking his gaze with Izzy. “Okay, I was just coming to drop off these finished files and Rollins, Fin, Liv, & I are going out for drinks.” “Set the files on the chair and we’ll meet you there.” “Okay.” “Hey, Carisi.” “Yeah?” “Lock Rafael’s door on your way out and keep your mouth shut.” “Copy that, Sarge.” “Now, where were we?” He laid her across his desk and continued what they were doing before they had been interrupted. They were both on top of his desk, “Thank God this is sturdy,” she joked. He stood up, taking the light blue suspenders off, and dropping his pants. She sat up and undid his tie. He reached up her skirt and pulled her panties off and climbed back on top of her. They were more than determined to have another baby.

Close to Thanksgiving, they finally got the news they had been waiting for. “7 weeks. Why don’t we go ahead and do an ultrasound?” “This early, Dr Long?” “Yeah, I just want to look at something.” “Should we be concerned.” “No, not at all. Your hCG were slightly higher than with Harper and Khloe.” “Oh, okay.” “Nothing to be worried about.” Rafael noticed as soon as it popped up on the screen. “I remember with Harper and Khloe, there was just one…am I seeing two?” “You are indeed. Congratulations. I’ll leave you two alone.” They both sat in shock. “We definitely need a bigger place now,” Izzy laughed. Rafael was just still sitting, speechless. “You okay?” “Huh? I…I’m just in shock. We said one more and, and now…” “It’s going to be fine.” “I know we had Harper & Khloe within a year of each other, but this is so different. Okay, I can’t breathe. I have to get out of this room.” She got dressed and found him outside. “Hey.” “Can we do this?” “Why couldn’t we?” “We’re jumping from 2 to 4 kids. We already have two that are almost exactly a year apart, now we’re going to have two that are exactly the same age.” “Okay, you’re freaking out. It’s okay.” “Is it? Why are you laughing?” “Because I like seeing you freak out. It’s humorous to me.” “I’m glad you find it so damn funny.” She pulled him in for a kiss. “It’s going to be fine.” He finally relaxed a little. “You’re right. I’ll call a realtor in the morning. We are going to have to have more room.” “Who knows, maybe one of these will be a boy.” “No, my luck we’ll have twin girls and I won’t be able to tell them apart and really screw up their lives.” “Oh come on, I’ll buy you a drink, Daddy.”


	49. Chapter 49

Sheila Porter, Noah’s maternal grandmother had hired a private investigator, and shown up in New York; trying to vacate Olivia’s adoption. They were able to compromise, and Olivia let Sheila into their lives. It would turn out to be a big mistake. Liv came out of her office, near tears. “The closest precinct to the Mall of Manhattan. I need an answer!” “Midtown South,” Izzy answered. “Okay, I need all available, ASAP. Missing kid!” “You okay, Liv?” “No, I'm not. It's Noah.” They searched the mall with Sheila offering her “help”. Izzy didn’t trust her from the moment she had met her, and she knew something wasn’t right. Her suspicions proved right when she tracked the purchase of a car seat to a store called “Awesome Baby.” The cashier pulled up the credit card receipt. She called Liv immediately, “Liv listen to me. It’s her. Sheila took Noah.” Liv & Fin went to her apartment, but she was gone. Liv blamed herself. Sheila’s gardener had helped her get Noah out of New York. Against Rafael’s protest, Izzy went to New Hampshire with Liv to the cabin Sheila had taken Noah to. “I’m going in, you stay out here. If I can get Noah out, he needs a familiar face.” “Got it.” Izzy had called local police & EMT’s. Carisi & Amanda were on their way as well. Izzy didn’t hear anything for a while until she heard the door open and Liv tell Noah to go. “Go to Aunt Izzy, now.” “Aunt Izzy!” “Come on, baby boy. Let’s go.” She got him into the ambulance for him to be checked out. “Where’s Uncle Rafa?” “He’s at home with Harper & Khloe.” “Mommy said you are having two more babies?” “We are,” she smiled as she hugged him. “I hope you have a boy.” “Why’s that?” “Cause all we have in our family is girls.” 

“We close on the condo next week,” Rafael said as they ate dinner one night after the Sheila Porter debacle. “Don’t remind me.” Just then his phone rang. It was a very short conversation. “What’s going on?” “That was Jack. Ben Stone passed away.” “Oh wow.” “Yeah. I haven’t seen him in years.” “Didn’t his son pitch for the Cubs?” “Yeah. I think he’s a lawyer in Chicago now. Anyways, the funeral is in two days.” “Same day as our ultrasound.” “Yeah but the funeral is in the morning, so that gives us plenty of time to make our appointment.” “Okay. Well, I’m sure I have something I can fit my fat ass into.” “You’re not fat, you’re carrying two babies this time.” “And you are getting a vasectomy after this.” “Agreed.” “You know I’m more than likely going to have to have a c-section.” “Dr. Long said that’s not always the case with multiples.” “Yeah but I don’t want them shooting out of me like I’m some sort of water slide.” “I love the colorful ways you describe life.”

“Well, another girl and finally I’m getting a son,” Rafael said as he put the ultrasound picture on the refrigerator. “We’re moving in a month. You should put that in your office.” “Yeah, you’re right.” There was a knock on their door. “Did you invite someone over?” “Nope.” “I’ll get the door, go get out of that suit.” Izzy opened the door and was pleasantly surprised. “Oh my god, Nick! Erin! What are you two doing here, together,” she asked as she motioned for them to come in. “Well, we actually ended up working together for the LAPD.” “I thought you were doing mostly UC, that’s why I hadn’t heard from you?” “I was but they finally let me come up and I’m done.” “So, are you two…” “No, no. Just friends,” Nick laughed. “Look at you.” “Please don’t.” “Nick, Erin?” “Hey, Barba.” “How are you, Amaro,” he said as they shook hands. “Great. I see you guys didn’t waste anytime giving Harper siblings.” “We most certainly did not.” “So, what are two guys doing out here,” Izzy asked. “Well, California isn’t for me I’ve decided, so my brother is going to help getting me back with NYPD.” “You didn’t want to go back to Chicago?” “No. After Dawson and I broke up, I had to get out of there.” “What about you Nick?” “Well, Maria took a job in Albany and Cynthia missed her family so they both moved back with Gil & Zara.” “What are you going to do?” “I’m talking to Erin’s brother about that actually. I can work part time while still receiving my pension.” “Hang on. Rollins is calling. Rollins, you will never believe who is in my living room. Really? Oh, okay. Yeah we’ll be there as soon as we can get there.” “What’s going on?” “Mr. Householder surrendered. They’re bringing him in now. The baby is headed to the hospital.” “I’ll go get redressed,” Rafael said, rolling his eyes.


	50. Chapter 50

Drew Householder was born with mitochondrial DNA depletion syndrome. He couldn’t see, he couldn’t hear. Machines were breathing for him and he was only 10 months old. His mother, Maggie wanted to let him go. It was killing her watching her son suffer but her husband Aaron wasn’t ready and had taken him. “Christ,” Rafael muttered as they watched Maggie & Aaron try to talk. “Nobody's forcing you to prosecute,” Izzy told him. “If I don't, I'm telling the world that baby Drew has no rights.” “What about his right to die?” “Unfortunately, that's not in the Constitution. Okay, uh, let's find out if daddy's little excursion yesterday caused the baby any harm.” “So, you can let Aaron go with a clear conscience,” Liv asked. “So, I can prosecute, and maybe get some sleep in the next decade or so.” They got home and all he wanted to do was hold the girls. “What are you going to do?” “My job. I don’t have a choice. I keep thinking what if there’s something wrong with one of the twins; what would we do?” “I honestly don’t know.” “We’re probably two of the most liberal Catholics I know but I still don’t know what would be the right answer if something was wrong with one of them and we could end their suffering before it started.”

The next night, Rafael was in his office, having a drink, staring out the window. “We don't pay you to think, we pay you to work,” Jack said as he walked in and pointed to the bottle, “Sure, I'll have one. You know, I always wish the law was more like chemistry. You heat up water to 212 degrees, and the son of a bitch boils.” “Sans bias, sans judgment.” “Sans conscience. So, what's so interesting out that window?” “My father; almost seven years ago, Dad went into a diabetic coma and he was on life support for six weeks.” “Ah, I'm sorry.” “No, don't be. He was not well-liked. By anyone. Especially me. My children aren’t missing anything without him around. Still, I was at the hospital every morning before work, and every night, until the nurses threw me out. The doctors said that there was nothing they could do for him. There was no brain activity. They highly recommended that we end it. And I said, ‘No. Where there's life, there's hope’. I could've eased his suffering, but I didn't. And I told myself that it's because Father Mike wouldn't approve.” “I'm sure he wouldn't.” “I was selfish. I hated the man. But still, I didn't want the burden of being the reason that he took his last breath. I was selfish. I let him suffer.” “Prosecute Aaron Householder.” For doing the same thing that I did to my dad?” “The law is what the statute says it is.” “It's a shame. No matter how hard we try, we can't legislate morality.” “We're not in the compassion business, Rafael.” “Sure. Why not?” “Cut a deal. Offer him probation. Go to church. Say three Hail Marys. Then come back here and finish off that bottle. Or better yet, go home to your wife, daughters, and two unborn children. Having a family is a privilege one shouldn’t squander.” 

Rafael had called Izzy to tell her he was going to the hospital to talk to Aaron and he would hopefully be home by 9. She kept waiting for him, but he didn’t show. She called and text but no answer. She finally fell asleep, assuming like many nights before, he was at his office, probably doing the paperwork on the case. She felt him sit on the bed and saw it was 1:30 in the morning. “Rafa?” “Did I wake you,” he sniffled. “What’s wrong?” “Drew’s gone.” “Oh, honey I’m sorry.” “I did it.” “What do you mean?” “Maggie couldn’t shut off the machines, I sent her out of the room and I…” he couldn’t finish his sentence before he broke down. “Okay, okay,” she said as she held him close to her and ran her hand through his hair, “Okay, I got you.” He clung to her like a child. She was doing everything she could not to cry. “I’m sorry.” “Shh.” Nearly 20 years and she had never seen him such a mess. “Where have you been?” “I, uh, I went to talk to Jack.” “And?” “I have to turn myself in at 9am.” “What? On what charges?” “I’m not sure yet. Manslaughter or Second Degree Murder. How could I have been so thoughtless? We just bought a new house, we have two more kids on the way and….” “Okay, stop. Come here.”


	51. Chapter 51

“Take as much time as you need but I have to fix this.” “Liv, you can’t help him.” “I can try. We can try. Come on.” Izzy & Liv went to the courthouse after Rafael had been arraigned and ROR’d. “Mr. McCoy, hi. Colleagues get to call me Jack, Lieutenant. Sergeant, you look as lovely as ever.” “Thank you, Jack.” “I suppose you wanna talk to me about ADA Barba.” “He's the best ADA that I've ever worked with. He is honest and honorable.” “But I can't have my ADAs running around killing people. It's unbecoming.” “He did what he thought was right.” “Izzy, I know that. You know that. Let's hope the jury agrees with us. Oh, here comes my dinner date. Lieutenant Benson, Sergeant Barba say hello to Peter Stone. He's the hotshot out of Chicago who's going to be special counsel in the People v. Rafael Barba.” “It's a pleasure,” Stone said as he extended his hand. “I sure hope you suck,” Izzy said as she & Liv walked off.

Izzy was getting some things from her desk since she was taking some time off to support her husband. He had hired Randy Dworkin of all people to handle his defense but he had a good plan. “Elizabeth Barba?” “Yes?” She knew what the man was handing her. “What is it,” Amanda asked. “Stone is calling me to testify.” Benson came up with her own subpoena in her hand. “Stone calling you, too?” “Yeah. That means, one of us has to leave the house until I testify.” “You and the girls can come stay with Uncle Fin,” he offered. Fin & Rafael helped her pack some things for them. “Fin can you give us a minute?” “Sure, counselor. I’ll take my girls and get them strapped in.” Rafael kissed and hugged them before Fin took them to the car. “I hate I put us in this position. I should be the one to leave.” “No, it’s fine. You did what you thought was right. You were so brave.” “I’m glad you think so. That’s one thing I’ll need if I go to prison.” “Have faith, my love,” she said as she kissed him while tears fell from both of their eyes. “I love you.” “I love you.”

Luckily, Stone called her second. “Sergeant Barba, have you spoken to your husband?” “Actually, the law says I can't. I had to take our two daughters and leave our home because of my having to testify.” “I do apologize but look, forget the law for a minute. Look into his eyes, talk to him. That man lives in a place that the men who wrote the law don't even think about. Well, down here amongst us mere mortals, he's a Class A felon.” “You don't have kids, do you?” “No, I don't.” “Yeah, well, their pain is your pain. Rafael knows that. Look, I know exactly why my husband did what he did. And I understand completely.” “So, if we as a society ignore it, we are saying that murder is no longer absolutely wrong. Condoning it in one case would allow us to condone it in any case, and that would be capricious.” “I'm talking about a decent man who did a decent thing.” “They shoot horses, Sergeant, not people. What if little Drew didn't have MDDS? What if he had Down Syndrome? Or Leukemia? Or a sore throat? What if he didn't have physical pain at all? What if he was just unhappy?” “That's the thing about you lawyers. You're always talking about the reasonable man. Let me tell you something. You wouldn't know a reasonable man if he fell out of the sky and he landed at your feet.” Rafael couldn’t help but smile a little at the way his wife handled Stone’s line of questioning. Dworkin even laughed a little. “Sergeant Barba, I just have a few questions for you. Do you think your husband is a good father?” She teared up a little, “Yes, I do. Our daughters are very lucky to have him.” “And you have two more on the way, correct?” “Yes, a boy and a girl in June.” “When he told you what he had done, did you at any time, regret having children with him?” “No. He did what he thought was right.” “Thank you, Sergeant. That’s all.” Outside the courtroom, Rafael was finally able to hold his wife for the first time in days. “You did good.” “I just told the truth.” “Sergeant Barba?” “Yes, Mrs. Householder?” Rafael walked away to talk to Liv. “I am so sorry about all of this. We didn’t want this,” she said as she pointed between her & her husband. “Maggie and I both pleaded with the DA…” “Thank you.” “We really hope everything works out. Your husband just did what we weren’t strong enough to do. He helped us. He gave us closure.” Next thing she knew, Maggie was hugging her. Maggie was not happy when she testified. Stone told her he was sorry about having to do it and her answer was “Then why are you doing this?” 

The next day, Rafael took the stand. Erin and Nick came and sat on each side of Izzy during his testimony. “There were these, um, flowers on the table, next to Drew's crib. Orange roses. He would never know how wonderful they are. He couldn't smell them. His mom was playing one of Bach's cantatas, from her phone. The eternal Bach. Drew couldn't hear it. He'd never see a cloud. A rainbow. Um, the sun. The moon. The bottom line is that he would never even know that these things existed. He didn't know if he was hungry or thirsty. He couldn't recognize the faces of his mother or his father. All that he did know, all that he would ever know, is the pain that was his so-called life. How do you know? The doctors say that his brain had stopped functioning.” “So, he was dead already?” “So, to speak.” “Surely, you, as a man of the law, must be able to make a distinction between who is dead and who's alive.” “Courts have only dealt with this issue tangentially. In Roe v. Wade, the court implied that an unborn baby was alive when it could survive on its own.” “Could Drew Householder survive without being hooked up to all those machines?” “His doctors say that he could not.” “So, in effect, the life you took from Drew Householder wasn't really life to begin with, was it?” “Objection.” “All I know is that when I looked in his crib, I saw a baby who couldn't form the most basic thought of his own. He couldn't love. Or, or hate, or, or hope. And when I saw the pain that that the unutterable suffering that his existence was causing the two people who loved him most, I had to do something. Whether that meant going to prison or not.” “What if it was one of your children? Could you do the same thing?” “It would be hard, but I wouldn’t let any of my children suffer.” “Do you feel guilty for what you've done?” “Do you feel guilty for what you're doing?” “I'll ask again, do you feel guilty for what you've done?” “I did what I thought was right.” “Mr. Barba, do you feel guilty, sir?” He hesitated before answering, “I do.” Izzy was in tears by the time he finished. Nick & Erin each held her hands. 

“Will the defendant please rise? Have you reached a verdict?” “Yes, we have, your Honor.” Izzy was sitting there with Erin, Liv, Nick, & Carisi. “On the sole count of the indictment, murder in the second degree, we find the defendant, Rafael Barba Not guilty.” Rafael looked like he was about to fall over. Izzy and the rest of them breathed a huge sigh of relief. “Members of the jury, you are excused. The court thanks you for your service.” Rafael turned and grabbed Izzy from the gallery and just held her. “It’s over, love.” “Thank you for being here.” “Of course. Come on, the girls miss you.” “I miss them.” They all walked out of the courtroom. “Mr. Barba?” “Yes, Maggie?” “Thank you.” “No, please…” “No, Drew is no longer in pain. That is the one thing that can help us heal,” Aaron Householder told him as he shook his hand. “Good luck with your twins,” Maggie half smiled. “Thank you.” Dworkin came out, “Let me take you two to dinner.” “You’ve done enough, Randy.” “I insist. Besides, it’s your money I’ll be spending.” “Izz?” “I’m pregnant and starving.” That was the first time she had seen Rafael laugh since everything had happened. “Well, there’s your answer, Barba,” Dworkin laughed. The three of them went to dinner and then Fin brought the girls home. “Did you have fun with Uncle Fin?” “Yes. We played Call of Doody,” Harper laughed. “She has her mother’s sense of humor,” Fin laughed. “Thank you, so much, Fin.” “Not a problem at all, Counselor. I’m glad the jury knew what we all did.” He hugged the girls and Izzy and left. “Oh, mi bebitas. I have missed you so much.” “Mami said you were going to jail.” “Mami said ‘maybe’, Harper.” “But I’m not. I’m here to stay.” “Yay!!!” “Papi is not going anywhere.” “You promise?” “Prometo, princesa.” “Te amo, Papi.” “Te amo, Harper.” “Me?” “Yo tambièn te amo, Khloe.”


	52. Chapter 52

“I can’t thank you enough for standing beside me…” “Babe, it’s over. It’s time to move on.” “Yes, it is.” “What do you mean?” “I think I’m going resign.” “Are you sure?” “I think it’s time. We have enough in our savings to get us through for a while.” “Whatever you want to do.” “I paid the first three payments on the new house in case I went to prison, so you wouldn’t have to worry about it for a little bit. We made a good profit on this one, so we’ll be okay for a while.” “You really did that?” “Yeah, I had caused you enough problems. I just wanted to take care of you one last time.” “So, are you going to be a househusband like John Lennon?” “Something like that,” he laughed. “I love you, Rafael Eduardo Barba.” “And I love you, Elizabeth Michelle Barba.” “So, Molly took the girls to the park. They should be gone about an hour.” “Well, follow me, Counselor.” It had been since before the trial that they had made love. It was amazing. It was something they both needed. The closeness, the release. 

“You do realize half my job is stopping people who work here from doing something stupid,” Jack said as he walked in on Rafael packing up his office, while holding up his resignation papers. “Well, now you have one less person to worry about.” “You don't have to do this, Rafael.” “I know.” “Listen. You’re not going to be disbarred. The most the New York Bar Association is willing to go with is a 90-day censure.” “What?” “I might have a few friends and I might have called in some favors.” “Jack you really didn’t have to…” “Are you kidding me? You did what you thought was right. I don’t deny that, many of your colleagues don’t deny that. You have one of the best records in this office. I have never regretted practically begging you to move over here from Brooklyn.” “So, what are you saying?” “Take your censure and a 90-day suspension, with pay. If you still want to resign after that, I’ll accept it.” “Okay.” “Unpack these boxes. This is still your office and it will be for years to come I think.” “We’ll see.” 

“So, what are you going to do?” “I’m not sure but I have three months to decide. I heard there’s an opening at Columbia and one at…Fordham.” “What? Have a hard time getting that word out without gagging?” “Carisi would never let me live it down if I took a position there.” “Whose fault is that?” He just rolled his eyes as he rocked Khloe to her nap. “We still haven’t picked out names for the twins.” “I still like Quinn for a girl.” “Quinn? Really?” “I’m not saying that because of Quinn Fabray. I like the name and Quinn’s actual name was Lucy.” “Oh, I remember. What about the boy?” “Didn’t you say you like Connor the most out of the ones we picked?” “Yeah, I was kind of thinking Connor Anthony.” “Why Anthony?” “Well, if hadn’t been for your brother, we might have never met.” “That’s sweet.” “What middle name would go with Quinn?” “Rhiannon? Hadley?” “I’m glad this is the last time we have to name children.” “Harper & Khloe were so easy,” Izzy laughed, “you know you can go lay Khloe down.” “No…I can’t,” he smiled as the brown-haired girl slept with her head on this shoulder. Izzy got up to get something to drink, not before going to Rafael, bending down, and kissing him. “You are the most amazing father.” “They make it easy.”


	53. Chapter 53

They got moved into their new house around the first of March. Erin was occupying their guest room while she waited to be placed in a department and looked for an apartment of her own. “Sergeant, can I see you in Benson’s office?” “Sure, Chief.” “Chief Dodds, to what do I owe the pleasure”, Liv asked as Izzy followed him in the office. He handed them each a folder. “Captain’s exam?” “Lieutenant’s exam?” “Yes. I put the two of you on the preferred list. I think it’s time you move up.” “We just got promoted two years ago, plus the Sergeant’s exam was full of irrelevant questions.” “This is coming from the Commissioner himself. He feels that if someone is going to run a department, they need to hold the rank of Captain.” “Okay, so why do I…” “It would be pointless for Benson to move up and you stay at Sergeant.” “I’m guessing we don’t have much of a choice, do we?” “Sorry, Benson. Start studying ladies,” Dodds said as he walked out. “Dick.” “I heard that, Sergeant!” “It’s not like I whispered it, Chief!” “Well, Brian will be surprised…” “Brian?” Liv just sat with a guilty look on her face. “Spill it.” “It’s still new.” “It’s never new with you & Cassidy.” “This time, it just feels different. You know what I’m talking about.” “That I do. It’s the same but the feelings are different. Stronger.” “Exactly. Who knows, maybe third time will be the charm.” “Mami!!” “Hey, Harper. What are you doing here?” “I thought I’d take you to lunch, if that’s okay with the Lieutenant,” Rafael said as he came in with Khloe. “Please, Auntie Liv?” “How can I say no to that face,” she said picking Harper up and putting her into her lap, “Did you throw away your razor, Counselor?” “My wife likes it.” “Yes, I do.” “Okay, you two. Go, take your wife to lunch.” “I need to get my jacket,” Izzy said as she walked into the breakroom, finding a surprise. “Pardon me.” Amanda & Sonny quickly broke away from each other. “Uh…” “Hey, Sonny, next time you want to make out in the breakroom, maybe you should lock the door.” “Funny, Sarge.” “What’s going on in here,” Rafael said coming to find Izzy, “oh, I know that look anywhere. Considering I used to wear it a lot myself.” “Nice beard, Counselor.” “Jealous, Carisi? Don’t worry you’ll hit puberty soon enough.”

“Rollins & Carisi? Are you serious?” “Yes, Erin. I walked in on them in the breakroom.” “Well, it’s only fair. How many times did he walk in on us in my office?” “That is true, Rafael.” “He walked in on you two in your office? Don’t you know how to lock the door?” “He never caught us actually doing it. Just when we were about to do it. When things escalated, I would lock the door. Not like Carmen didn’t know what was going on,” he laughed. “You realize you two like middle age now?” “And? As long as I can get it up without medication, I’m going to do so.” “Obviously,” Erin laughed pointing at Izzy. “What can I say? I don’t half-ass anything.” “What’s that you used to say, Izzy. Never half ass two things…” “Whole ass one thing. Yes, one of my lovely drunken thoughts from college.” “Speaking of, when I packed up my stuff in California, I found the infamous quote book.” “I wondered what happened to that.” “I’ve been meaning to bring it out, hang on.” “Okay, I’m gonna check on the girls. Let you two enjoy your trip down memory lane.” “Oh, I have pictures, too!” Rafael went upstairs as Erin came back to the living room. “What did you just go dig this out of storage or something?” “Pretty much. I’m not working, and I had nothing else to do. Check this out.” “Oh my god. Look at how young we were.” “And your dark red hair?” “Ugh.” “I was shocked to find out you were actually blond.” “My parents could’ve killed me when I dyed my hair my senior year.” “Wonder if Rafael would’ve fell in love with you if you had red hair when you met?” “Yes, Erin. I would’ve,” he said coming back with the girls. “I don’t remember this picture,” Izzy said finding one of her & Rafael asleep on the couch in her & Erin’s old apartment. “You wouldn’t. Remember that weekend he came in and it was snowing. You two piled up on the couch and watched movies, while I was sick in my room. I came out and found you two asleep and grabbed my camera. I thought it was sweet. I was saving it for your wedding, but I never could find it so when I did, I decided to save it for your 25th anniversary.” “Papi, you didn’t have any gray hair,” Harper pointed out. “That’s because I had only been with Mami a very short time.” “Oh, ha ha!”

Erin had found her an apartment and thanks to Olivia, was placed at SVU. Carisi & Amanda were trying hard to keep their blossoming relationship under wraps, but Izzy couldn’t help but mess with them when she got the chance. “So, your censure and suspension is almost up. Any idea what you’re going to do?” “Not really. Columbia did offer me a pretty good salary, plus the benefits.” “But would you really be happy teaching?” “I think I would, plus no more long nights.” “Well, if that’s what you want to do. First help me off this couch.” “Not too much longer, mi amor.” “I know. They just kick each other so much when they’re not kicking me. I’m never going to lose all this weight.” “You’ve only gained 40lbs, you didn’t gain that much with Harper & Khloe.” “What?!” “That came out wrong. I meant to say you didn’t gain that much with the girls and you lost the weight really quick. I don’t see that being a problem this time.” “I hope not.” “And if you don’t, well, that’s okay too. I wouldn’t mind if your ass got a little bigger. I mean there’s nothing wrong with it, never has been anything wrong with but that has always been one of my favorite parts of your body.” “The girls are still awake.” “Ugh, okay. So, when will you know if you passed the Lieutenant’s exam?” “I have no idea to be honest.” “I’m sure you did.” “You’re probably right."


	54. Chapter 54

“So, this is what you really want to do, Rafael?” “It is, Jack. I think it’s just time for me to go down a new avenue.” “Well, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed, but I understand. I mean, is it the money? I’m sure…” “It’s not the money, Jack. The money’s fine.” “I can lower your caseload.” “I appreciate it, really.” “Well, it has been a pleasure working with you.” “You as well, Jack. I learned a lot from you.” “Now, it’s time for you to use everything you learned from me and shape the minds of the future lawyers of this country.” Nick, Fin, & Sonny had come to help move the boxes from his office. “Want to do it one last time on my now former desk?” “It held us up in the past, but I don’t think it would now,” she laughed. He picked up the last box and they started to walk out. He turned once more and looked at the empty office. Izzy waited for him in the doorway. “Hey. You okay?” “Yeah,” he smiled as he turned off the light and shut the door as they left. 

Izzy was in the middle of yet another argument with Stone over their latest case when she went into labor. “Uh, come on. Let me get you to the hospital.” “Don’t touch me! I don’t need your help!” “Sergeant, I mean Lieutenant you need to let me help you.” “Oh yeah, you’re a great help.” “As I’ve explained before, I was only doing my job. I was looking forward to working with him actually.” “Stop talking,” Izzy said they walked to the elevator. Peter hailed a cab as Izzy tried to get ahold of Rafael. He had a meeting at Columbia to finalize his contract, discuss which classes he would be teaching and going over how to design his curriculum. Stone actually stayed with her until he called. “Hey, sorry…” “I’m at the hospital.” “What’s wrong?” “Did you not read my text that said I’m in labor?!” “No, I just saw where you called 6 times and called you back.” “Get here, now.” “I have to get the…” “Erin can get that stuff or Amanda. Get here.” “Okay, okay. I’m on my way.” “Stone, thank you for getting me here but you can leave.” “I’ll leave when Barba gets here.” “You are such a pain in the ass.” “Coming from you, I’ll take that as a compliment.” “Go to hell.” “Okay, I’m here. Stone?” “She kind of went into labor in my office so I wanted to make sure she got here safely, and I didn’t want to leave her alone.” “Thanks.” 

She was 3 weeks early, but the babies were in proper position that she wouldn’t need a c-section, but she finally was able to get an epidural. She was only in labor for about 5 hours before they were born. Quinn came first, weighing 5lbs 3oz then Connor weighing 5lbs 7oz. They were both 17 inches long. Quinn had blond hair and a lot of it, Connor’s hair was dark just like his dad’s. “I finally have one that looks like me,” he laughed as he held Connor. “Khloe has brown hair.” “Not near as dark though.” She looked at Rafael as tears fell from his eyes. “Are you okay?” “I’m fine, mi amor. I’m perfect actually. For once in my life, everything is perfect.” 

“So, is Barba ready for his first day?” “He is, Carisi. I think he’s actually excited.” “Professor Barba,” he kind of chuckled, “Gotta feel sorry for his students.” “I think you learned a lot from him, Carisi.” “No, I did.” “Lieutenant, can I speak to you for a moment?” Izzy still wasn’t used to being called that. “Barba!” “Oh, sorry, Liv! What’s up?” “I have some news.” “Okay?” “Brian & I are taking in a foster child.” “Really?” “Yes, a girl. She’s 7 months old.” “Wow, so things are really moving a lot for you two?” “Yes, they are.” “Well, congratulations, Liv.” “Thank you but that’s not the only reason I called you in here.” “What’s going on?” “Chief has approved me for 8 weeks maternity leave. Which means…” “I’m going to be in charge?” “Wipe that grin off your face,” Liv laughed, “I will be back. Don’t move my office around too much.” “So, when do I take the reigns?” “Tomorrow.” “That soon?” “Yes. We are picking the baby this afternoon. Oh, and also, we are getting another detective.” “Don’t we have enough?” “Well, he’s just going to be part time.” “Where’s he coming from?” “Retirement.” “What?” “Your old partner’s coming back.” “Nick? Seriously?” “Yes, I am.” “Wow, it’s almost like the old crew is back.” “Almost.” “Okay, get out of my office.” “You can have it tomorrow. Oh, and Lieutenant?” “Yep?” “You and the Professor stay off of my desk.” “Copy that, Captain,” she laughed as she walked out.


	55. Chapter 55

“Liv’s leaving you in charge of Nick, Carisi, Amanda, Fin, and Erin?” “Yes, she is,” Izzy said as she picked up Quinn. “Was she drunk?” “Funny.” “I’m just saying you being in charge of Amanda and Erin doesn’t bode well for the department.” “Rafael!” “You know I’m right. The three of you working together is already one sign of the apocalypse.” “Shut up and feed your son. Do you know what she actually said to me?” “What?” “For us to stay off her desk.” “Okay, well that was just stupid on her part. You tell us not to do something, what are we going to do?” “I know. I know. Seriously, do you think I can handle this?” “Are you kidding? You’ve been preparing for this your entire career. Plus, it’s only two months and you have a decent squad under you. I don’t think you’re going to have any problems.” “Just wish I had a better ADA to work with. You know, a handsome one with green eyes, whose ass looks amazing in his suits, a huge ego…” “Mi amor, we’ve been over this.” “I know and I’m excited about your new job. I just still can’t get used to the fact that you’re not there anymore. I hate walking to that door and seeing Stone’s name instead of yours.” “So, he finally moved in there?” “Yeah I guess while I was on maternity leave.” “Well, if he really pisses you off, you can always tell him about all the times we had sex on his desk, against his wall, in his chair once, on that couch.” “I don’t think we left an inch of the office untouched,” she laughed. “I have a new one we have to break in now.” “Oh, I’m aware.”

A few weeks into her command, everything seemed to be going pretty smooth. Rafael seemed to be enjoying his new career, teaching Criminal Law & Procedure at Columbia. He was home every day by 5:30. The squad didn’t have a case, so they decided to sneak into his 10:30 class one morning. They stayed slumped in seats closest to the back as possible. “He’s going to see us.” “Shh, Carisi don’t you know how to whisper?” He was lecturing and answering questions when Carisi decided to let their presence be known. “You know when I was studying law at Fordham…” “No one cares, Carisi,” he said without even turning his back. The 6 of them died laughing. “Ladies and gentlemen, as I mentioned a few days ago, if you go to work for the DA, you want to work with a squad you can trust. The 6 people taking up the back row were mine.” “Which one’s your wife, Professor?” “The blond on the end.” “Nice. Sorry,” the dark-haired guy said when Rafael looked at him. “So, you had nothing better to do so you came to crash my class?” “Yes, and we would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for Carisi’s big mouth,” Nick laughed. “I saw an opening and I had to take it.” “That’s what he said about Amanda, too.” “Izzy!!” “When’s your next class?” “In an hour. Right now, I have to go to my office and try to make sense of some of these kids’ assignments. I swear I don’t know understand how half of my students even got accepted here.” “He’s back,” Carisi laughed. “You guys go on. I’ll meet you at the precinct in a little bit.” “Sure you will.” “Shut it, Erin.” Izzy walked to his office with him. “So, Professor…” “Yes?” “I don’t think I did so good on my assignment. Is there anything I can do for extra credit?” “I might can think of something,” he said as he moved his laptop from the center of his desk, “is the door locked?” “Yes.” He motioned for her to come over to him. He stayed in his chair, “On your knees,” he demanded. “Yes, sir.” “You want extra credit, you have to earn it. Now, take my dick out, put it in your mouth, and you don’t stop until I come. Is that understood?” “Yes, Professor.” “And I can pull your hair as much as I want and as hard as I want. ¿Entiendes?” She nodded.

Amanda, Izzy, & Erin went out for a few drinks after work. “Okay, so I have some news.” “You’re pregnant?” “Erin, she’s drinking beer.” “I don’t know how they do things in the South.” “Ignore her dumbass. What’s going on?” “Carisi is wanting to get married.” Izzy choked on her bourbon, “Uh, what? How do you know?” “I found the ring in his drawer at my apartment.” “Why would the moron not keep it at his apartment?” “You answered your own question, Lieutenant.” “You guys, stop. This is my future husband you’re talking about,” Amanda laughed. “So, when he asks you’re going to accept?” “Why wouldn’t I? I love him, he loves me, he loves Jessie, Jessie loves him.” “I just hope he doesn’t ask you in the middle of sex,” Izzy laughed. “You still said yes.” “After I made him get out of me and then yelled at him.” 

“Did you girls have fun?” “We did. How are the kids?” “The twins are asleep, Harper & Khloe should be about half-way there.” “How long did Molly stay after you got home?” “Not very long.” “You handled all 4 kids alone?” “No, not totally alone.” “Then…” “Carisi came by with Jessie, so I put him to work.” “Good job. Speaking of Carisi, he wants to marry Amanda.” “I know.” “What? How do you know?” “I went with him when he bought the ring.” “And you didn’t tell me?” “That would be a no. You can’t keep secrets from Amanda or Erin.” “I can too.” “How long was it before you told them what you did to me in my office today?” “5 minutes after I got back. What’s your point?” “I think you just made it for me.”


	56. Chapter 56

Olivia, Izzy, Amanda, & Erin got together for a small get together a week before the wedding. Izzy was maid of honor and Rafael was Sonny’s best man. Amanda wanted to go to her favorite country bar. “I am so not dressed for this,” Izzy laughed as they walked in referring to the black & green sweater that tied with a white shirt underneath and black skirt with her knee-high boots. “Oh, come on. It’s going to be fun.” “So, what are the guys doing?” “Nick was pushing for a strip club, but Rafael told him no.” “Nick did what?” “What do you care, Erin?” “I don’t, Liv.” Olivia and Izzy just shared a knowing look. “They’ll be next,” Liv whispered.

“Really guys, duct tape?” “That’s the only way to make the you don’t put down your cup,” Nick laughed. “Aren’t we a little old…” “Nonsense. This is a time-honored tradition,” Fin laughed. “But guys, we’re getting married next week. I thought the bachelor party was the night before?” “You really want to stand at the end of the aisle hungover?” “You did yours the week before, Barba?” “Uh, yeah. If I would’ve showed up to my wedding hungover, that blond Italian I’m married to would’ve killed me.” “You always make her seem so much worse than she is,” Carisi laughed. “I am legitimately terrified of my wife and I am not ashamed to admit it. When we fight, I sleep with one eye open, if I don’t lock myself in my office or the guestroom. Hell, I’ve used the kids for protection.” “Everyone knows that fighting is just foreplay for the two of you,” Brian laughed, “that’s why you had 4 kids in 4 years.” “Hey, none of my children were made out of anger. One was made out of alcohol, however.” 

The girls had gotten a little tipsy and after Amanda rode the mechanical bull, they decided to head somewhere else. Erin started to call Nick. “Hang on. I’m going to track Rafael’s phone and see where they’re at.” “You track your husbands phone,” Liv laughed. “I’m NYPD, sometimes it’s necessary. Those bastards are at a strip club 9 blocks from here.” “Tell me it’s not some skeevy dive where you need a hazmat suit to go into,” Amanda laughed. “What strip club do you not need a hazmat suit to go into?” “I say we bust them,” Liv half slurred. “Right behind you, Captain,” Erin laughed. “Are you mad cause Nick is…” “We are just friends, Izzy.” “Yeah, okay.” The bouncer didn’t want to let them until they all flashed their badges. “Do you see them?” “I’m looking, Erin. Jeez. It’s not exactly very bright in here,” Izzy said as she scanned the room.

“Hey, guys. Guys!” “What is it, Fin,” Nick asked as they were all surrounded by the so-called entertainment. “We’ve been busted.” They all looked around the women surrounding them to find four very unhappy female police officers. The four of them turned and walked out. “How long before they coming running out,” Amanda laughed. “If I know my husband and I do, I’m going to say in 5, 4, 3, 2…” All of them came running out, blaming each other while apologizing. “You guys are disgusting. That’s all I’m going to say,” Izzy laughed. “So you guys aren’t mad,” Cassidy laughed. “No, no. As a matter of fact, we were just headed to, what’s that place called again, Erin,” Liv asked. “Get Punished I think is the name of it.” “Oh, no you’re not,” Rafael said grabbing Izzy’s hand. “You can have half naked women all around you, but we can’t go see half naked men?” “You can see a completely naked man at home.” “I do like to see that completely naked man, too.” “Okay, you two aren’t the ones getting married next week,” Fin laughed. “Come on, what do you say we go to Forlini’s for a few more drinks?” “Nick finally has a good idea," Rafael laughed. "Guys can we at least take this cup off my hand," Carisi asked. "It's going to hurt like hell," Nick laughed. "Is it that bad, Barba?" "Oh, I wouldn't know. No they didn't do that to me. We were just fucking with you to see if you'd go along with it."

They sat drinking and talking about work, Amanda & Carisi’s wedding. Around 12 they all decided to go their separate ways. Izzy & Rafael were the last ones to leave since they picked up the tab. “Wanna get a car?” “Why don’t we walk,” she suggested. He took her hand in his as they started home. “Can you believe next November will be our 20th anniversary?” “Minus the 6 years we were apart,” she laughed. “You know what I mean.” “Yeah, I do. I was really wondering that night in my room if you were going to kiss me or not.” “I wanted to kiss you at that bar, but I figured your brother would kill me.” “I remember when you finally did, your hands were shaking.” “I was nervous. I mean what I felt in those hours we had spent talking, I hadn’t felt with anyone. Not even Yelina. There was something different about you.” They were about 3 blocks from their place when it started raining. “Stop.” “It’s raining, Rafa.” “And,” he said as he kissed her passionately. “Wow. Uh, why don’t we continue this upstairs, Professor," she said gathering her thoughts. “Gladly.”


	57. Chapter 57

7 weeks after their wedding, Amanda announced that they were expecting. “You didn’t waste any time,” Izzy laughed. “I believe you were the one that told me that I didn’t need to wait too much longer.” “Now, it’s Erin’s turn.” “My turn for what?” “Huh? Nothing.” “I’m not having kids. Ever.” “I don’t know, Nick is pretty fertile.” “So?” “There it is!!!” “Busted!” “There’s nothing going on…oh fuck it. Okay, fine. Nick and I have been dating for a few months. Happy?” “The truth will always set you free,” Izzy laughed. “So, when will Benson’s new office be done? I am sick of the pounding and drilling.” “Except when it comes to Nick, right.” “God, Izzy how old are you?” “38. So?” “Who’s getting the new desk?” “I am,” Liv said walking up, “I know there’s an ass print on my soon to be old one that I just can’t see.” “Oh, there’s more than an ass print,” Izzy laughed. “How do you not just walk around pregnant?” “Thanks to his vasectomy after the twins, we don’t have to worry about that.” “I’m really surprised.” “Well, speaking of, I do believe I am going to surprise him between classes since all of my paperwork is done.” 

Izzy walked into his office to find a brunette standing awfully close to her husband, laughing at something he had said obviously. “Uh, hey?” “Izz, what are you doing here?” “I thought I’d take you to lunch.” “Oh, well, that sounds wonderful, mi amor. Tiffany, this is my wife. Izzy, this is my TA, Tiffany.” “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Barba. The Professor talks about you and your kids constantly.” “It’s Lieutenant Barba and nice to meet you, too.” “I’ll have these case files done by 3, Professor.” “Thank you.” “Well, you two seem awfully chummy.” “Stop.” “What?” “Don’t get jealous.” “She was standing a little too close to you. What is she, 23?” “I guess. I never asked.” “Hmm.” “Come on, let’s go to lunch,” he said as he took her hand. 

“Come on, he would never cheat on you.” “You should’ve seen this girl. If her shirt was cut any lower, she would’ve fell out of it. Not that she had much to fall out like I do.” “See? That’s the spirit,” Liv laughed trying to cheer Izzy up over drinks, “Look, he loves you. You have nothing to worry about.” “You should’ve seen the way she was looking at him when I walked in.” “You have a handsome husband, you can’t stop girls from looking at him.” “I’ll cut that bitch, that’s all I’m saying.” 

It had been two months of constant fighting between Rafael & Izzy; which was highly unusual. She was stressed with case after case. She was having to take command more often because the baby girl Brian & Liv were fostering was sicker than Noah ever had been when he was a baby. She was having to go through surgery after surgery. Brian was very protective over her and would hardly leave her side. Izzy couldn’t count the times she’d run into the TA at her husband’s office. It bothered her more and more. “I am not going to fire her just because you don’t like her. You never had a problem with Carmen.” “Carmen didn’t undress you with her eyes right in front of me.” “You are being ridiculous.” “Oh, this coming from the man that wanted me to tell Cragen to remove Nick as my partner because you two disagreed on a case?” “That was different.” “Whatever you say.” He grabbed his keys. “Where are you going?” “Just out. I’m tired of fighting. I need to clear my head.”


	58. Chapter 58

Three days later, Izzy’s life changed like she never expected. They sat at dinner, Rafael just picked at his food, which he had been doing the past few days. “Are you not hungry?” He kind of shrugged. “Harper why don’t you and Khloe go play on your IPads before bed.” “Papi.” “Papi necesita hablar con Mami (Daddy needs to talk to Mommy), okay?” “Si, Papi. Come on, Khloe.” “What’s going on?” “We have been fighting so much lately. I’m stressed, you’re stressed, it’s been bad. I mean we haven’t even made love in two months.” “I know.” “The, uh, the other night, when I left. I went to my office. I just sat in there and had a drink.” “Okay?” “Tiffany showed up. I forgot she was still working on some things.” Izzy immediately felt sick, “And?” His voice cracked. “And well, we had a couple of more drinks…” “Oh my god.” “I stopped, okay? It was maybe two minutes and I couldn’t…” “Don’t finish that sentence,” she said as she went to their bedroom in tears. “Mi amor…” “You don’t get to call me that right now.” “I am so sorry.” “You expect me to believe that you forgot she was there?” “I did! I was upset over our fight and I just needed to go somewhere quiet.” “You could’ve went to Sonny & Amanda’s, your mother’s, walked through the park.” “I told you it didn’t…” “Oh because you didn’t finish that’s supposed to make it better?” “Please, just…” “No. I can’t even look at you right now.” “I will do anything…” “You can start by leaving.” “What?” “I can’t sleep in the same bed with you let alone under the same roof.” “I don’t want to lose you.” “You should’ve thought about that before you fucked a 23-year-old.” “I didn’t…” “Stop! You still put your dick in someone that wasn’t me. It doesn’t matter for how long.”

It had been 6 weeks. She wouldn’t speak to him unless it was about the kids and she was very short at that. He had sent her flowers, which she would throw away or put them somewhere in the office. She’d let him come see the kids, but she would leave. She did miss him, and everyone knew it. “You can’t forgive him?” “Are you seriously defending him, Nick?” “Do you know how hard that had to have been for him to stop?” “Nick, that’s not the point.” “I understand but he had a lapse in judgement, but it didn’t take him long to realize he would lose everything.” “And he did. I’ve already spoke to a lawyer.” “You can’t throw almost 20 years…” “Get out of my office, Nick.” “Fine but as one of your oldest friends, I think you’re making a mistake.” “Nick, I am 38 years old. I’ve given birth to 4 kids. How am I supposed to feel when my husband screws someone almost half his age?” 

“You’re seriously considering filing for divorce?” “Liv, I don’t know what else to do.” “How about talk to him?” “I can’t. It’s been two months and I’m still so angry.” “Then maybe you need to seek outside help. If anyone’s marriage is worth saving, it’s yours.” “You know, my dad cheated on my mom once. I was in the ninth grade. I never understood how she forgave him like she did.” “Maybe you should ask her.” 

“How are you, Izzy?” “I’m fine, Ma.” “No, you’re not. You look like you haven’t slept or ate. How are my grandkids?” “Adjusting.” “Have you talked to him?” “Not really. Ma, can I ask you something?” “You want to ask me about when your dad cheated on me.” “Yeah. How were you able to forgive him?” “Well, it wasn’t easy. It sort of come out the same thing as Rafael’s indiscretion. Stress and the two of us fighting all the time. I’m not saying that’s a good excuse. Don’t get me wrong. I hated your dad for what he had done. It took a lot of praying on my part.” “For what?” “For answers. For what I should do. I didn’t talk to your grandmother about it because she didn’t believe in divorce. One day, I was sitting in church and I overheard a couple talking to the priest and they were having such worse problems than your dad & I. I don’t remember what, but I remembered that your dad was a good man and a good father. He made a mistake; he’s human after all.” “And he never did it again?” “No. It took a while for him to regain my trust, but we’ve been married almost 45 years and I love him just as much as I did the day I married him. Just talk to Rafael, not about the kids. Talk about what he did and how it made you feel. Not just the anger.” “Okay, Ma.” “It’s going to be fine. I promise.”


	59. Chapter 59

“Papi, when are you coming home to stay instead of visiting on the weekends while Mami goes out?” “I don’t if I am, Harper.” “Why not?” “Papi messed up. He hurt Mami.” “You hit her?” “No, baby. I hurt her heart.” “Why?” “It’s hard to explain, bebita.” “Don’t you love Mami anymore?” “Yes, I do. Very much. Your Mami is the only woman I’ve ever loved the way I do. I will never stop but she just can’t be around me right now.” He didn’t know Izzy heard everything he said. “I’m back.” “So, I will see you kids next weekend, okay.” “Okay.” They all hugged him. “We love you, Papi.” “I love you guys, too. So much.” Izzy watched as he walked out of the room. For the first time in years, she decided to kind of take her Mom & Liv’s advice. “Rafael?” “Yeah?” “You want to stay for dinner?” He smiled, “I’d like that.” He went back to play with the kids some more while she started working on the lasagna. She would cut the tomatoes before crushing them to make the sauce. She was distracted and ended up cutting her finger. Rafael heard her yell when she did it and came to her. “You okay?” “No! I cut my damn finger.” “Here, let me help you.” He took a hand towel and wrapped her finger to stop the bleeding. They both just kind of stared at each other. “There. Is that better?” “Yeah. I’m gonna go, uh, wash my hands and find a band aid.” “Okay.” She came back in the kitchen to finish what she had started. Rafael had seen her cook enough over the years, so he stepped in. “I got it. Thanks,” she said taking the knife from him. “Are you sure?” “Yeah. I’m fine.” It wasn’t long before the knife was on the counter and they were in each other’s arms. Her hands running through his hair, his hands in hers. “Please forgive me,” he said with tears in eyes as he kept kissing her, “I miss you.” They finally broke away from each other. “I…I…” “Can we just talk?” “After dinner, okay?” “Okay. Are you sure you don’t need any help?” She smiled as she shook her head.

He helped the kids get bathed and in bed after dinner. “Hard to believe Harper is about to be 4, Khloe will be three, and the twins will be 1.” “Yeah, they’re growing up.” “Quinn is the only one with green eyes,” he laughed. “Well one out of four isn’t bad.” “Do you mind if I have a drink?” “Not at all. Pour me one, too.” “So, you said we could talk after dinner.” “I did,” she said as she sat on one of their bar stools with her drink in her hand. “You can’t hate me anymore than I hate myself.” “That’s the problem. I don’t hate you. I love you.” “I know I broke your heart. I tried to rationalize it but in the end, I broke a vow, I shattered your trust, and I destroyed our family. If you’ll let me, I will spend the rest of my life repairing the damage I’ve caused.” “It’s not that simple. I can’t just let you come home and pretend nothing happened.” “I know.” “You’ve opened yourself up to sexual harassment…” “I turned down the contract for the 2019-2020 year.” “What?” “Jack’s been calling me non-stop for three weeks. Apparently, Cutter is taking a job in Dallas. I’ve been offered his position as Chief ADA.” “You’re kidding.” “No. I can’t lie, I did enjoy teaching and maybe I just needed a break because I miss prosecuting.” “Well, if that’s what you want to do. I need you to understand something. This hurt me because not only did you did break my trust, but it was the fact that I’m 38 and…” “Stop. You are the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I want no one but you. For the rest of my life.” “It’s going to take time before I will be able to trust you again.” “I know.” “We have a lot of rebuilding to do before I can let you come home.” He nodded. 

“Where are you heading, Lieutenant?” “Uh, I’m not sure. I just know that a car is picking me up at 6 so I need to go home and get changed.” “Ooh, date night.” “It’s only been a month since we started talking again, Amanda. We haven’t even slept together. I’m not ready.” “Maybe you will be soon.” “I don’t know.” “Well, have fun.” Erin and Nick were babysitting for the night and were already at her apartment. “Your clothes are on the bed.” “Did I ask you to pick out my clothes, Erin?” “No but I thought the outfit I picked out would be appropriate for tonight.” “Okay, what is going on?” “I can’t tell you. Just go get dressed.” She found her favorite gray blazer, her Clash t-shirt, and her favorite black skirt. She then remembered she wore an outfit very similar on Thanksgiving Day 1999. “Okay,” she said as he kissed each of her kids, “be good for Uncle Nick & Aunt Erin. Mami will you see you later. I love you.” The Uber pulled up right at 6. Once the car crossed the Verrazano, she knew she was going to Brooklyn. The driver dropped her off at the sports bar she, Erin, Tony, & Rafael had went to the first night. He was sitting in that same booth, dark green light sweater, black pants, just like that first night. “Hey,” he said as she sat down smiling. “What are we doing here?” “I got a little sentimental I guess.” They sat in awkward silence while nursing their drinks. She noticed, as she had several times before, he still had his ring on. He had never taken it off after they separated. “So,” he finally broke the silence, “I saw Rita today.” “Oh?” “Yeah. She said you had came to her about filing for divorce?” “It’s been a few weeks back.” “I haven’t received anything.” “Because I haven’t filed, duh.” “You know you could clean me out since we never signed a pre-nup.” “Oh, I know,” she laughed, “but I wouldn’t do that to you. Child support alone would kill you.” He loved that his wife was such a smartass.

A few drinks and a dance or two later, they were both feeling good. It wasn’t the alcohol, they were intoxicated by each other. After dancing to “Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word” by Elton John, which brought them both to tears, they shared a kiss that made both of them weak. “You want to go back to my hotel?” “Sure.” He had been living at the Four Seasons since they split in hopes that they would work it out. It had been so many months since they had last made love. He took his time. His touch and soft kisses all over her body were enough to send her over the edge if she allowed. He held her hand as he slowly pushed into her. Instead of talking dirty to her in Spanish, he said everything in English; telling her how much he loved her, how much he missed her, how beautiful she was. It was hours before they finished. Izzy checked on the kids. Erin had a good feeling about what was going on and said if she didn’t make it home, it was fine. She laid on Rafael’s chest and he wrapped his arms around her. “I never want to lose you again.” “Then don’t.”


	60. Chapter 60

She still didn’t let him move back in right away or even stay the night. She would let him come over for dinner and help get the kids to bed. “So, same time tomorrow?” “Of course.” “Why don’t we take a trip with the kids?” “Rafa…” “It’s been a long time since you’ve called me that. I’m not saying a vacation is going to fix everything but maybe just some time with the 6 of us alone. Before I go back to the DA’s office in July.” “I’ll think about it.” “Okay, fair enough,” he kissed her after she walked him to the door. “I love you.” “I know you do.” “Are you ever going to be able to say it to me again?” “I just need time.” “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Mami, when is Papi coming home?” “I’m not sure, Harper. We still have some things to work out.” “Papi said it was grown up stuff.” “Exactly. We’re working on it, though. I promise.” “Okay.” “Now, eat your breakfast. Molly will be here soon and Mami has to go to work.” “Go catch the bad guys.” “That’s right, Khloe. Mami has to go catch the bad guys. Along with Uncle Sonny, Uncle Nick, Uncle Fin, and Aunt Erin.” “Where’s Auntie Liv?” “She’s having to take care of baby Brittany.” “I hope she gets better soon.” “We all do, Harper.” 

“Lieutenant? “What’s up, Nick?” “Stone’s sister has been kidnapped from the facility in Westchester.” “Grab everybody, get your vests, and make sure you’re loaded. I’ll call CSU.” “Should somebody call Stone?” “He’s the one that called, Carisi.” She called Rafael to tell him she didn’t know if she would be home any time soon, but he said he’d order pizza for the kids and wait for her. They were led to an abandoned warehouse, Stone insisted on coming and Izzy didn’t feel like arguing with him. She threw a vest on him as they stormed in. They had been having problems with a Mexican cartel and they had taken Pam. She suffered from schizophrenia and always thought Peter was their father Ben. Guns were fired right as Pam finally recognized Peter as she called for him. He sat there as his sister died in his arms. It took Izzy & Nick to get him to let her go when the coroner got there. 

A few days later, Izzy went by Peter’s office to check on him. “Peter I’m…I'm so sorry.” “I was nine playing stick ball with my buddies in the schoolyard. Pam showed up with a bloody lip. She said Billy Collier pushed her down the stairs. I beat the living hell out of him.” “Peter you have to know that there was nothing you could have done. Nothing.” “The last thing Pam said was Peter,” he said he broke down in tears. They had never really gotten a long over the last year he had been there but in that moment, she couldn’t help but hold him as he cried over his sister. She had no idea Rafael was in the building, finalizing his new contract with Jack. He watched as Izzy’s mothering instinct took over and she placed a kiss on the back of Peter’s head while she held him. He seethed with anger but instead of busting into his old office, he just left.


	61. Chapter 61

“Mami?” “Yes, Harper?” “Is Papi not coming over tonight?” “I’m sure he is. He’s probably just busy packing his old office. We’ll call him.” She called but no answer. “Hey, it’s me. Kids were wondering where you are and I am, too. So, uh either call or text me.” Two hours went by and nothing. She was trying to trust him, but he never didn’t call or text her if he missed one of hers, unless he was working, and she knew he wasn’t. She fed the kids the dinner she had made for all of them. She got the kids ready for bed. “I hope Papi’s okay.” “I’m sure he is Harper. I’m sure he’s got a good reason for not coming tonight. Try to get some sleep, okay?” “Okay.” The kids had finally fell asleep when he came in, drunk. “I made it!” “A few hours late. The kids are in bed.” “Oops!” “You think this is funny? You can’t call or text me to tell me you were going to be late? How do you expect me to trust you again…” He went to the liquor cabinet, but she grabbed the bottle of scotch out of his hand. “Okay then,” he said going for the bourbon. “Nope.” “Oh, come on. Just one.” “You’ve had enough I think.” “You’re right and obviously so have you.” “What?” “I saw you with Stone. I get it. That’s why you won’t let me move back into my house that I own, you won’t go on vacation, you can’t even tell me…you love me.” “What are you talking about?” “If you think he’s going to come into my house and take my kids, you’re wrong.” “You can either go to your hotel or go to the guestroom and sleep this off. Then maybe we can talk when you’re sober.” 

The next morning, she was so pissed. She made as much noise through the house as she could knowing Rafael would be hungover. The kids didn’t know he was there. Molly took the girls to their swimming lessons and Stella came and got the twins. “Is there any coffee?” “Yep,” she said as she took a pan and threw it in the stainless steel sink as hard as she could. “Okay, you’ve made your point.” “Have I? What the fuck was that all rambling about Stone?” “I saw you in his office yesterday,” he said as he sat at the kitchen table. “I was comforting a co-worker whose sister died in his arms. I would’ve done the same for Nick, Fin, or Carisi.” “Them I can understand.” “Do I need to remind you who it was that got me to the hospital when I went into labor with the twins?” “I know but seeing him in your arms, then you kissed him.” “I kissed the back of his head. He was sobbing like a child. It was the mother in me coming out. You can’t imagine what he just went through.” “I’m sorry.” “Do you know how upset your children were when you didn’t show up, when you didn’t return my call?” “I’ll make it up to them.” “You better. You have never been so selfish.” “I just want to be home with my family.” “You have to earn it after what you did.” “How long are you going to keep punishing me?” “You broke us!” She finally said it. She had been easy on him, but she finally said what she actually felt. “I know that,” he said quietly. “You think it’s just going to be easy to put it all back together?” “I know it’s not but I’m trying.” “Try harder.” 

She didn’t let him come around for about two days. She was still angry at him, but he had pretty much begged her to let him see the kids. She finally gave in after her phone almost died due to his text messages. “Hey.” “You have a key, you didn’t have to knock. They’re in Harper’s room.” “Can we…” “Not right now. Okay? Just go be with the kids.” She did some housework while he spent time with the kids. “Are you ever coming home?” “Grown up problems are very complicated, Harper.” “We miss you. Mami misses you.” “She does?” “Yeah. She was crying the other day and when I asked her why she said she was sad cause she misses you.” “Well, we’re trying to work through our problems.” “I hope you do it soon. I just want my whole family back.” “So do I, Harper. So do I,” he said hugging his oldest daughter and trying not to cry. "Go play and I'm gonna go talk to Mami." He came into the kitchen where she had just finished loading the dishwasher. "Did you need something?" She was actually sort of polite when she asked. "I love you." "Rafael..." "I just wanted you to know." "Okay." He went back to be with the kids and she received a text from his phone. The Killers were one of her favorite bands, he had even gotten tickets for her & Erin in 2013 after they had gotten back together because he didn't really consider them quality music. He had sent her the link for their song “Here With Me”. She broke down in tears as the song played.


	62. Chapter 62

She went into their bedroom and shut the door. She sat on the bed, with her earbuds in, replaying the song while she cried. She didn’t hear him knock so he just came in and sat beside her. She threw her arms around his neck. “I love you.” He breathed a sigh of relief as she finally said it again after so many months. “Come home.” “Are you sure?” “Yes. We can’t fix things being apart.” He held her so tight against him, “I swear to God I will never hurt you again.” “You’ll have to answer to Nick if you do,” she laughed through her tears. “And Fin,” he joked back. “Not worried about Sonny?” “Please,” he laughed. “Okay, I’m gonna go and get my things.” “You need some help?” “No, I can get it. Why don’t you get the kids ready and when I get home, we’ll go do something?” “Okay.” He walked over to her jewelry box and brought out her rings. “I think these belong to you,” he said putting them on her finger as he kissed her. 

“So, this is our third session” Dr Lindstrom said as they sat on his couch, “and I think it’s time for the two of you to tell each other what you’ve told me. Is that okay?” “It’s fine, yeah,” they both agreed “Okay, Rafael, I want you to tell Izzy why you believe you cheated.” He sat quietly for a minute. “I was having some kind of psychotic break,” he laughed. “What did we talk about when it comes to deflection?” “You’re right. Sorry. After the Householder case and I left the DA’s office, I wasn’t sure who or what I was anymore. You started working more since Liv had to take off so much, but I am in no way blaming you. I know the kids come first. It felt like it was the kids, your job, then me. I know that’s selfish, but I’d try to make love to you and you’d blow me off. I started to feel unwanted. Then we started fighting all the time, which is not like us. I knew, deep down, that Tiffany had a crush on me. She wasn’t exactly subtle. I know I’m going to sound feminine, but you used to always tell me how sexy you found me, and you stopped. I mean I’m getting older and it’s showing. She was there that night after we fought, told me the stuff I wanted to hear, and I made a mistake. Like I said, two minutes into it, I had to stop. You meant more to me than having my ego stroked. I can’t blame the alcohol, but it certainly didn’t help. I’m so sorry, Izzy.” They were both crying. “Izzy, do you want to tell Rafael how it made you feel when he cheated?” “I felt it was because of my body.” “What?” “I know I haven’t lost all my weight from the twins, after all this time. I’ve been ashamed of my body and that’s why I wouldn’t have sex with you.” “Mi amor, I’ve told you so many times I find you beautiful. A little extra weight doesn’t change that.” “When you slept with someone half your age, it made me that much more insecure.” “I will never forgive myself for any of this.” “Rafael, you have to,” Dr. Lindstrom instructed, “you can’t keep hating yourself.” “It’s hard. I’ve been in love with her for nearly 20 years and I promised I’d never hurt her.” “Well, it’s time to move on. If she’s let you come home, then the only place to go is forward.” 

“A week at the beach with the kids and Carisi, Amanda, Jessie, and the baby?” “It’ll be fine, Rafa. It’s just Florida.” “Okay. You’re right.” Amanda had given birth to a baby boy, Michael Dominick Carisi during all the drama with Rafael & Izzy. “We’re taking a 4-year-old, a 3-year-old, and two 1-year-olds to Florida.” “And Molly is coming, too.” “Well, thank God for that,” he laughed. “I can’t wait to see you back in your suits next month.” “You just like the way my ass looks.” “Among other things.” “Alright now. The kids are awake.” She rolled her eyes. He was going through his emails on his laptop. “Can you believe this?” “What?” “The dean of Columbia is still trying to get me to reconsider. I guess my performance reviews were that good.” “You could always teach part-time, couldn’t you?” “And take time away from my family? Not an option.” “Like you’re gonna be trying so many cases as Jack’s #2.” “That’s not the point. The kids are getting older, the girls start school in the next two years and I don’t plan on missing much.” “I love you.” “I love you, too. Thank you for giving me another chance.” “Rafa, what did Dr. Lindstrom say?” “I know. It’s just those 6 years we were apart doesn’t compare to the months we were separated. I mean there I was, Miguel Barba's son following right in his footsteps. It makes me sick to my fucking stomach. You know I will never hurt you again, right?” “I’m getting there.”


	63. Chapter 63

“Wow, this place is beautiful,” Carisi said as he admired the condo Amanda & Izzy had rented. It had a pool and a hot tub plus the beach wasn’t far. The realtor explained everything to Amanda & Izzy as the guys unloaded the kids and luggage. The fridge and cabinets were completely stocked with food and alcohol. Amanda & Sonny had brought their nanny along as well. They had been there about an hour when Erin & Nick showed up. “I didn’t approve time off for you two.” “Benson did.” “That just leaves her & Fin.” “Mi amor, no worrying about work this week, remember?” “Yes, Rafa,” she said as she rolled her eyes. “Plus, Uncle Nick & Aunt Erin can help out with the kids.” “You’re not staying here for free.” “We paid Carisi our part.” “No wonder it was so cheap,” Rafael laughed. Molly and the Carisi’s nanny, Courtney took the kids to the beach. “Check out this stereo,” Carisi marveled. “Dibs,” Izzy called. “Oh, that’s bullshit!” “You didn’t call dibs.” Izzy blue toothed her phone to the huge sound system, starting with “Gives You Hell” performed by Rachel Berry from “Glee”. Rafael immediately grabbed the scotch out of the cabinet and poured a drink as she, Amanda, & Erin started dancing & singing in the kitchen. “Are we really having to listen to ‘Glee’?” “Yes, Nick. Leave my wife alone.” After a few drinks, Rafael grabbed Izzy and started dancing & singing with her to the mashup of “Umbrella” & “Singing in the Rain” featuring Gwyneth Paltrow. Amanda & Sonny and Nick & Erin soon joined them. Rafael and Izzy both could sing when they wanted to. “I never thought I’d see Rafael Barba singing songs from ‘Glee’,” Sonny laughed. “When you’re married to a ‘Gleek’ it soaks into your brain.” “That show is the only reason I know most of the newer songs of the last few years.” “Yeah, someone is stuck in the 80s & 90s.” “Like you’re not, Barba.” “Excuse me, Barba?” “They’re back,” Carisi laughed.

The guys had gotten in the pool while the girls changed. “Izzy, I don’t care what you say, you can’t tell you’ve had 4 kids.” “Well thank you, Amanda. You don’t look so bad yourself.” “I wouldn’t kick either of you out of my bed,” Erin laughed. “Do you how many times I’ve heard that from that tease,” Izzy laughed. They walked out to find their grown men acting like kids. “Stop,” Rafael said to Carisi as he saw Izzy coming to the pool. “You look amazing,” he said pushing his lips onto hers. “Okay, are we going to have to see that this whole week?” Rafael didn’t break away from his wife but still flipped Carisi off. “I think they’re sweet,” Amanda said, “All those years together and they still can’t keep their hands off each other.” “You think that will be us when we’ve known each other almost 20 years?” “They had a 6-year break, Sonny.” “I want you,” Rafael whispered in her ear. “How bad?” He took her hand to feel of his rock-hard dick under water. “Damn, Counselor.” “You know, I’ve actually missed that. I mean ‘Professor’ was nice but when you call me ‘Counselor’ that’s another story.” “Well, why don’t we go to our room?” “I have to adjust first,” he laughed. “Don’t I know it.” She got out and wrapped a towel around her and he finally came out behind her. They got into their room and he put his iPhone in the dock. “What are you doing?” “Remember that CD I made for you like 19 years ago?” “I do.” “I might’ve made a playlist with all of all those songs.” It was songs like “Let’s Ride” by Montell Jordan, “My Body” by LSG, “Nice & Slow” by Usher; all those sexy R & B songs from the 90s. He started kissing all over her as he untied her top. “Oh, Rafael,” she moaned as she ran her hands through his hair. He went all the way down. She loved the way his scruff felt against her skin the lower he went. He licked her clit in long strokes at first before taking it in his mouth, making her moan his name. He went lower and started fucking her with his tongue. She was trying so hard to hold her orgasm back. She kept pulling his hair the deeper he went with his tongue as he rubbed her clit. “Come for me, mi reina.” When he spoke any kind of Spanish in bed, it was hard for her not to obey. Her legs wrapped tightly around his head as she came in his mouth. “Are you ready for another one, mi amor?” “Fuck yes.” He pushed into her slowly. “Oh my god, I love you so much, mi amor,” he said as his hips rocked back and forth, “you are the only one for me.” They came at the same time, sending shockwaves through their bodies. 

“Enjoy your nap,” Erin laughed. “Who said anything about a nap,” Izzy shot back. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” “I’m glad you guys worked things out.” “Thanks, Nick.” “If he ever does something like that again, though, I’ll kill him.” “He knows that, Nicky.” “You’re the only one that can get away with calling me that, Elizabeth.” “Oh, hell to the no.” “Nick, I’m never going to hurt her again.” “Tù major no (you better not).” “Lo prometo, Amaro. Me mata que la lastime para comenzar con (It kills me that I hurt her to begin with).” “Solo date cuenta de lo que tienes (just realize what you have).” “Lo sè y nunca voy a romper su confianza o amar de nuevo (I know and I will never break her trust or love again).” “Bueno.” “Usted sabe que puedo entenderlos a ustedes dos ¿verdad? (you know I can understand you two, right),” Izzy answered in perfect Spanish. “Well, excuse us,” Nick laughed.  
Molly & Courtney got the kids ready for bed after dinner and their parents bathed them. Erin rolled out a damn karaoke machine. “What the fuck are you doing with that?” “Come on! This was our favorite thing in college.” “That was almost 20 years ago, dude.” “Don’t ‘dude’ me, Izzy. Come on, the kids are in bed. It’s time for some adult fun.” “Fine.” Nick sang “Somebody that I Used to Know”, Sonny followed with “Crazy” by Aerosmith. Knowing his wife was such a big fan of The Killers and their lead singer, Brandon Flowers’, Rafael picked one of Brandon’s solo songs, “Crossfire”. In a way, it fit their situation. Izzy couldn’t help but cry when he sang that song to her.


	64. Chapter 64

“Sleep good, Rollins?” “Either that or Carisi finally knocked me unconscious last night, trying to keep up with you & Barba.” “Sorry about that.” “Maybe for the remainder of our vacation we need to work out a schedule, so it doesn’t feel like we’re having some kind of unofficial four-way.” They both just started laughing. “What are you two talking about” Sonny asked as he kissed Amanda and headed to the coffee maker. “Having a four-way with her & Barba.” “WHAT?!” “Oh, come on, Carisi, you don’t think it would be fun,” Rafael joked as he walked in the kitchen. “WHAT?!” “Relax. It was only a joke.” “Did you know that they were joking?” “I could tell by your wife’s inflection that she meant that as a joke, idiota.” “I’m just not awake enough yet for sex jokes.” “Well, you kept Amanda up with one last night,” Barba said with that damn smirk on his face. Amanda and Izzy almost fell off their barstools from laughing so hard. “Funny, Papi.” “Oh, you want to go there, Dominick? ‘Everyone calls me Sonny’. I guess that doesn’t apply when you’re having sex.” “Okay, boys, that’s enough. It’s too early for ‘who’s got the biggest dick’,” Izzy said rolling her eyes. “We know who’d win,” Barba whispered in her ear. “So, what’s the plan for the day?” “Molly & Courtney are taking the kids to some aquarium for a little while and then to lunch,” Izzy said. “They’re earning their money,” Amanda laughed. “Well, Molly asked if they could have the evening off if they took the kids out this morning. I didn’t see it being a problem.” “Not a problem with me,” Amanda laughed. “I think I’m going to get changed and go lay out by the pool for a little bit.” “I think I’ll join you,” Amanda said as she got up. “You know, it’s been nice not being weighed down by a gun,” Amanda laughed, “I’m surprised your ass isn’t bruised from all the smacking we heard last night.” “Oh, it probably is, you just can’t see it.” “He’s gonna have a heart attack one of these days.” “Yeah but what a way to go,” Rafael said as he walked out the door, handing them each a beer. “Aww, thank you, love.” Carisi walked out. He was testing the water in the pool. Barba couldn’t help himself as he walked by and just pushed him in with one quick motion. Amanda choked on her beer. Barba didn’t even say anything as he just walked in back into the house. “He never fucked with me this bad at work.” “Come on, Carisi, you’re like the little brother he never had.” Carisi kinda smiled when Izzy told him that. Nick & Erin finally joined them.

“So, Molly got the kids to sleep,” Rafael said as he joined Izzy outside. “Good.” “You want to go for a walk?” “Sure.” The moon was hitting the ocean perfectly as they walked along the shore. “You want to get in the water?” “At night? What about sharks and jellyfish?” “Man up, would ya?” “Barba!” “Talking to yourself again? You really need to see someone about that.” “You are such an ass.” “Your point?” She took off her tank top and shorts and he took off his t-shirt. The water felt perfect. They played around in the water like two teenagers. “Oh my god, will you grow up,” Izzy asked as she tried to catch her breath from the last time Barba threw her under the water. “Come here,” he said pulling her onto him. He tried to kiss her, but she turned her head. “Rude!” “Me?” “Hey, you started the horseplay. Don’t get mad because I finally overpowered you.” He pushed his erection against her. “Are you sure you’re in your 40s?” “You’re only as old you as feel. Tonight, I feel 30.” “You certainly look like you’re in your 30s.” “Late 30s, maybe.” He was pushing against her harder each time their lips met. She let him push her bottoms to the side and slide into her. The water and waves weren’t allowing for quick movements despite how hard they tried to stay in rhythm with each other. “I got an idea,” he said sliding out of her and fixing her bottoms. He picked her up, wrapping her legs around him, and carried her to the shore. “Shall we continue?” “Indecency and lewdness…” “There’s no one around, mi amor. When did you get so lame? Aren’t you the same woman that drug me into a dark alley and had me fuck you against a brick wall of a bar one night?” “I believe that was your idea.” “No, I remember that night very well.” “Yeah and it was your idea. Shut up and finish what you started.” He made love to her in the surf, white foamy water splashing all around them. “We need a shower,” he laughed after they came together. “You think?” “Come on. Let’s get back.” “Where have you two been, and why does Izzy have mud…you know what. You don’t have to say anything,” Rollins said as she realized she didn’t want the answer to her own question. “We’re going to take a shower,” Rafael laughed. “You guys should go out to the ocean. The water feels good tonight,” Izzy said as they ran upstairs. “They both have to be taking handfuls of Viagra,” Carisi laughed. “I could go for a late-night swim.” It wasn’t long before Sonny and Amanda ran out the door.


	65. Chapter 65

“Lieutenant, I have something you want to see,” Amanda said as she walked into her office. “No more porn, Amanda. I can make my own.” “No, I did a little digging. That TA Barba slept with, she apparently has a habit of that.” “Why doesn’t that shock me?” “She has been in college at some of the top schools in the country. She sleeps with a TA and ends up with a settlement from the schools.” “She didn’t get one from Columbia.” “She did but it wasn’t because of Barba. It was due to the Professor whose place he took.” “Wow. What a whore.” “You’re not kidding. Good thing he came back to the DA’s office.” “No lie.” 

The squad and Barba went out for drinks one night to celebrate Liv & Brian’s adoption of Brittany and their recent engagement. Rafael couldn’t keep his hands to himself. “What are you doing,” she whispered as he put his hand up her skirt. “What? I’m not allowed to touch my wife?” “You are but we are with our friends.” “So,” he asked as he pushed two fingers inside her hard, causing her to gasp loudly. “You okay Izzy?” “Uh, I’m fine, Erin.” She tried to pull his hand away, but he was too strong and apparently on a mission. He was still drinking his drink as he his fingers were going at her. She text him, “I’m gonna come if you don’t stop.” “I have no intention of stopping until you do.” She found herself discreetly grinding against his hand to get her there faster. She kept herself quiet as she released onto his fingers. He took one of his fingers, dipped it in his drink, and then sucked it off. The taste of his wife mixed with scotch was almost too much for him. “Meet me in the bathroom in 5 minutes.” He excused himself and she followed. “Thank god the Counselor had a vasectomy,” Carisi laughed. “They’re not…” “Bet you $50, Fin.” “I will never understand white people.” “Neither of them are white,” Nick laughed.

She locked the bathroom door behind her. He didn’t waste any time. Suspenders and pants were down, and he bent her over the sink. “Watch me make you come, cariño,” he whispered as he bit down on her neck and slid into her hard, causing her knees to buckle. “Estás tan apretado y mojado mi amor (you are so tight and wet).” He thrusted hard and fast to get them both there. “Fuck me, Papi.” “You guys done in there?” “Go away, Carisi!” “Don’t let him distract you,” Rafael said as grabbed her neck and squeezed. “Oh god, Rafa.” She passed out for a second, but he kept a hold of her as she came to and came harder than she had in a long time with him following. He took his tie and wiped his release off of her legs after it had leaked out. She went out first and he followed. “Where have you two been?” “Talking,” he lied. “$50, Fin.” “Ugh, fine.” “What the hell,” Izzy asked. “Barba is covered in sweat and his hair’s mess and it didn’t sound like talking.” Izzy grabbed the $50 bill out of Sonny’s hand. “Then this is mine. Bet on my sex life again.” Fin laughed, “Now that was worth $50.” Barba and Nick went to play pool and the guys followed; they knew the ladies would be discussing the upcoming wedding. Liv wanted Izzy’s help since she planned her own in 6 weeks and helped Amanda do the same. She wanted something small like they had. “Well hello, Professor.” Barba turned and saw her. “Uh, hey.” “Don’t you look handsome.” “What the fuck,” Izzy said when she saw who he was talking to and walked over to her husband. “Can I help you?” “Oh, I didn’t know she was here.” “I’m his wife.” “Maybe if you had been doing your wifely duties, he wouldn’t have came to me.” Badge be damned she thought as she knocked that college bitch to ground with one punch. She got up and Izzy threw her against the wall. “Let me tell you something, bitch. I know all about your reputation. Take you and your daddy issues and get the hell on. The next wife might kill you.”


	66. Chapter 66

“Who do you think you’re calling a bitch?” “You, you dumb bitch, young bitch, silly bitch, dead bitch. She’s got a gun, bitch,” Amanda said from behind Izzy. “And she’s the best shot in the department, so if I was you, I’d consider that a hint,” Erin said from the other side of Izzy. “Maybe next time, you might want to do your research on the wife before fucking another one of your professors,” Izzy told her before Rafael pulled her away from Tiffany. “You need to leave, Tiffany. Now.” Izzy, Amanda, & Erin watched as Tiffany and her two friends left. “Okay, Charlie’s Angels, no more negative,” Carisi laughed. Izzy downed the rest of her bourbon. “I’m ready to go, Rafa.” “Sure.” 

“You realize she can press charges on you? Amanda & Erin too for threatening her.” “Like I give a fuck,” Izzy said putting an ice pack on her hand. “You could lose your job.” “She’s not that stupid.” “You don’t know that. I mean after what Amanda found out about her…” “What are you so worried about? You told me she initiated it, you just didn’t resist.” “And that’s true.” “Okay, I’m going to regret this but walk me through this one last time.” “Mi amor…” “Rafa, please.” “Okay. We had been fighting. That night, I went to my office just to be alone. I forgot she would be working on recording grades and things like that. I was sitting at my desk and I had just finished my drink when she walked in. She asked why I was there and I told her. She poured herself a drink, I didn’t really mind. We kept talking, I revealed way too much about what was happening between us. She told me how smart and good-looking I was. She came over to me and started kissing me. I told myself it was wrong but then she took my pants off. Is this too much?” “I need to hear it.” “Anyways, she got me hard and sat on my desk, I started but then a light went off and I told her that I couldn’t keep going. She asked if it was the alcohol and I said no it’s my wife and she doesn’t deserve this. That was it. I got sick when I got home over what I had done.” “Okay.” “How’s your hand?” “It’s fine. I didn’t break anything on her. I took it easy on her.” “I saw. You still are a badass, you know that?” 

“Lieutenant?” “What’s up, Harris?” “We got a job off a 911 call. You want me & Nick to…” “Uh, I think the Sergeant and I will take this one.” Fin and Izzy got to The Evelyn Hotel. “People screaming in room 240. When we got up here, nobody answered the door. Security let us in,” the patrol officer told them as they walked in the room. “We got a bloody steak knife in the sink here.” “It is nasty, but why call SVU,” Fin asked. “Take a look in that ice bucket.” “Aw! Come on.” “If I'm not mistaken, that's a set of testicles. I would know, I mean I see my husbands all the time,” Izzy laughed. “Aw, jeez. Take a picture of that and send it to Barba. He won’t ever fuck up again. He won’t forget an anniversary or anything.” “You found these on ice?” “They were on the bed. I put 'em in there.” “Good thinking,” Izzy said as she patted the patrol officer on the shoulder.


	67. Chapter 67

The man the testicles belonged to was Jason Karr. After running circles around the case, it turned out it was 3 of his former students that set up and carried out the plan. Jack had asked Barba to prosecute the case due to the nature of it. "The three women got together 20 years after high school, and within a few hours, one of their teachers was found castrated in a hotel room,” Izzy said as she sat down the file on her desk. "What's the presumed motive?" Rafael asked. "It wasn't for giving them all C's,” she joked, “it’s sexual no doubt.” "Explains why Karr won't talk,” Erin added. "Yeah, I can't prosecute the assault unless the victim makes an ID.” "Okay, so how about we charge the three women with obstruction?" "For asserting their Fifth Amendment rights,” he asked his wife. "After they lied to us and obfuscated our investigation." "Obfuscate. Yummy." They just stared at each other, both with a smirk. “Should I leave you two alone?” “Sorry, Erin. If you can’t prove the crime, prove the cover-up.” "You'd have reasonable cause for an arrest, but my advice is, get Jason Karr on board, or this train is going nowhere,” he said as he grabbed his briefcase and walked out. They didn’t even talk about the case at home. That was one that stayed in the office for sure. “Hey.” “Hey, mi amor. How was your day?” “Let’s keep with not talking about it,” she said picking up Quinn. “Did you let Molly leave already?” “Like an hour ago. The girls have been fine and the twins were asleep.” “Is there anything you can’t handle, Rafael Barba?” “That picture of what was in that ice bucket.” “Hey, you’re talking about the case.” “Sorry. I’m just saying, I’ve had mine cut on but…” he said making a pained look on his face. 

It was time for closing arguments. Rafael sat at his table, scribbling on his note pad while the defense attorney delivered hers, before he delivered his own: "Hasn't he suffered enough? My vote is yes, he has. I mean, Jason assaulted Evelyn. Evelyn assaulted him back. That sounds fair to me. Sounds like justice at work." He walked to the jury slowly as he spoke, putting his hands on the rail as he kept going, "To be just, it has to be fair. I mean, that's what Ms. Rivers asserts." He motioned to her before looking back at the jury, "You know, I can't really disagree with that. In purely pound of flesh terms, Mr. Karr certainly gave up a hell of a lot more than he got. Fair? Not a chance. To be totally fair, you should give Jason one of Evelyn's breasts. An arm, maybe. That's only fair. And as we have now decided, that means it's just." Nick looked at Izzy. “Oh, he’s going somewhere,” she whispered as they watched her husband continue. He hadn’t prosecuted in months, but he hadn’t lost a step. "Jason Karr forcibly raped Evelyn Bundy when she was little more than a child. But to tack a prison sentence on Mr. Karr's already gargantuan suffering would tip the balance of justice in Ms. Bundy's favor, and hey, there's no way that's fair, so there's no way that's just. A man whose store burns down rushes out, buys some gasoline, a book of matches, and sets the house of the arsonist on fire. Hey! It's fair, so that means it's just! A man whose children have been murdered buys a gun and splatters the brains of the killer's children all over their bedroom walls. It's fair. It's just. Why bother with cops or courts? If it's fair, it has to be just!" Let the blood flow in the streets, I say! Oh wait, you don't like it? I say get a bigger pair of boots." “Well, that was certainly entertaining,” Erin whispered. “Or a mental breakdown of some kind,” Izzy laughed under her breath. It only took the jury an hour to find Karr guilty of rape.

Harper was staying the night with Jessie, Khloe was with Lucia while Stella and Anthony took the twins for the weekend. “Well, we’re all alone.” “What shall we do,” Izzy said. Rafael took off his shirt. “I had an idea or two.” “Did you, now. Maybe I had an idea. You ever think of that?” “So, sorry, mi amor. What did you have in mind?” “Strip.” She usually let him take control, but she was feeling a little controlling herself. He did as he was told. She motioned for him to come to the bed. He climbed on top of her and started kissing her. She took her leg, wrapped it around his, and flipped him over. He was a little surprised by his wife’s actions. He was even more surprised when she took her handcuffs from under her pillow and cuffed him to the bed. She started kissing his neck, sucking on his earlobe, driving him crazy. She crawled off of him and off the bed. “What are you doing?” “I didn’t say you could ask questions,” she said as she admired her husbands huge, rock hard dick. She went over to him and lightly stroked at which sent shivers up his body. “Does Papi want my mouth on his dick?” “Please,” he managed to get out. “Hmm, maybe in a minute.” The look of shock on his face was priceless as she turned to walk out of the room. She came back with a piece of ice in her mouth. She ran it over her lips while he watched, trying not to bite a hole through his lip. She came back over to the bed and put her cold hand on his cock. “Oh my god!” “Shh. I haven’t even gotten started yet.” She sucked on the ice until it was almost melted before taking him in her mouth. The feel of the ice in her warm mouth caused him to thrust deeper into her mouth. “Do that again, and I’ll stop. Control yourself, Counselor.” “Sorry, mi amor.” “Now, if you promise to behave, you can have one hand free,” she loved when he ran a hand through her hair when she gave him head, so this was more for her. “I promise.” “Okay.” She got her keys and started unlocking the cuffs. He proved to be a little faster than she thought as he grabbed her by her ass and flipped her over. He pinned both of her arms down as the cuffs dangled from his right wrist. “Looks like Papi’s back in charge,” he said biting her neck. She let him have a little fun for a minute or two, let him think he was back in charge. He was kissing her so fervently, she almost forgot her objective. She managed to flip him back over and get his right arm cuffed back to the bed. “You didn’t behave but I’m still going to let you have that one free hand. I’m going to need it.” He stared at her with smirk on his face. She got off the bed and slowly started undressing. She climbed back on top of him and started sucking two of his fingers. She then took his hand and slid his fingers into her. “You’re going to make me come with that free hand. Then I might suck your cock some more.” He started working his fingers inside her, the way he knew she liked. “That’s it, keep going.” He worked even harder until she finally came on his fingers. “Was that good, mi amor?” “It was sufficient, for now.” She worked her way back down. “You can put your hand in my hair, but you are not allowed to pull it.” She knew that would drive him crazy, but he did as he was told. She could feel his cock pulsating in her mouth, signaling that he was getting close. She quickly came up before he could let it go. “You’re not coming yet,” she said as she sucked on his bottom lip, “it’s my turn again.” “Tell me how I can please you, mi reina.” She placed herself on his face and he went to work, holding her ass with his one free hand. She had one hand on the rail of the headboard and the other pulling his head into her. He used his tongue to give her a mind-blowing orgasm. “Will you free my other hand?” “Hmm no. Sit up.” He did as he was told. She kissed him as she rubbed herself against his cock. “Let me inside you,” he whispered. “You’ve been pretty obedient, for the most part anyways. I guess I can grant you one request,” she said as she started lowering herself onto him. He grabbed her with his free arm and held her as they rocked each other to one of the most intense orgasms they’d ever had. She finally freed his other arm. No words were spoken as he grabbed her face with both hands and kissed her. She finally got off of him and laid down. She had clearly worn both of them out that afternoon.


	68. Chapter 68

“Happy Thanksgiving,” Liv said as her Brian, Noah, & Brittany walked into Izzy & Rafael’s. Rafael & Nick were watching a football came so Brian joined them as Liv joined Erin & Izzy in the kitchen. Amanda & Sonny came in shortly after with their kids and Fin came with his grandson, Jayden. “Remember, Izzy you want to put the marshmallows in concentric circles.” “No, Liv, you want to put them in concentric circles, I want to do this,” she said shoving one in Liv’s nose. “Every year,” she said as she blew it out. “Whose kitchen is this?” “Aunt Izzy did Mom tell you I made the basketball team?” “She did, Noah. Way to go.” “Uncle Rafa said you were a good basketball player.” “I was when I was younger.” “What position did you play?” “Point guard. I could sink shots from half court.” “No way.” “Yes way. My parents used to have these ancient things called videotapes as proof.” “I know what videotapes are,” he laughed, “Okay, I’m gonna go watch the rest of game with Dad.” “Okay, sweetie. Tell your dad to check on your sister.” “Dad,” Erin asked, “how long has that been going on?” “A few months now. Brian likes it.” “Hey guys.” “Peter, you made it.” “Thanks for inviting me.” “Of course. The guys are watching football in the living room, which is around the corner, if you want to join them. I’m sure Rafael has already busted out the good scotch.” “You guys don’t need any help?” “No, this is what we’ve been doing for the last 4 years. The guys & Amanda watch football while we slave in the kitchen.” “Well an extra pair of hands in here won’t hurt.” “Alright then. Can you handle making a salad?” “Are you kidding? That’s my specialty,” he laughed. Liv, Erin, Izzy, & Peter were in the kitchen. Rafael came in and he didn’t appear happy to see Peter joking with his wife. True, Rafael was his boss, but Izzy & Peter had went from not getting along, to respecting each other, to actual friends and he didn’t care for it. Anytime he knew she was in the building, he would make it a point to go to Stone’s office. 

Rafael was in a meeting with Jack and a few of the other ADA’s when Izzy had stopped by to see if he wanted to go to lunch. Since he was unavailable, she asked her second favorite ADA to go. They went to a Deli not far from 1 Hogan Place. “So, you and Barba have been together for 20 years?” “Well, we were broken up from 2006-2012.” “But still in love with each other.” “Pretty much.” “So, 20 years then,” Stone laughed. “You could say that.” “I don’t think you’ve ever told me how the two of you met.” “He was my brothers best friend and roommate at Harvard. Tony brought him to Thanksgiving in 1999 cause his parents went to Florida and he didn’t want to go.” “Love at first sight?” “Sort of. Erin & I had gotten stoned before we got to my parents, so of course we had the munchies. I was inhaling my food and he actually smarted off to me about chewing my food.” “And no one said anything?” “No, everyone laughed. They thought it was hysterical.” “It does sound pretty funny.” “So, then we went out for drinks with him & Tony. Tony & Erin had a little friends with benefits thing going on at the time so they came back to our apartment. Rafael & I sat in my room, talked, and drank beer and that was that.” “That’s amazing, really.” “You know what’s amazing?” “What’s that?” “How many times we’ve had sex on your desk when that was his office.” “Oh my god, I didn’t want to know that!” Izzy laughed as Stone dropped his sandwich and covered his face. “I was going to save that for when you pissed me off, but it’s been long enough that I’ve kept that to myself.” “I’m gonna need an old priest and a young priest.” 

Izzy was sitting in her office, going through timesheets on the computer after Liv told her there was too much overtime coming through. “Heard you came by the office today,” Rafael said as he sat down. “Well, hello to you, too, love.” “How was lunch?” “Uh, it was fine.” “You use my money to buy Stone lunch?” “I used my debit card that goes to our joint account. Is there a problem?” “You’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately.” “We’ve been working on this case…” “No, I’m talking outside of work. I’ve noticed how close you two have become over the last few months.” “And? He’s a friend. You know I get along better with guys; other than Liv, Amanda, & Erin.” “Is that all he is, really?” “Um, yeah?” “Hmm. Okay.” He was acting very strange. “Are you okay?” “Yeah. I gotta get back. I’ll see you at home.” “Okay. I…” He shut her door before she could finish…”love you.”


	69. Chapter 69

“Lieutenant Barba?” “Yes, Carmen?” “The Chief ADA wants to see you in his office.” “Okay, tell him when I finish with Mr. Stone I’ll head up.” “Will do.” “Okay, now where were we?” Stone & Izzy went back to the files they had been pouring over. “Who the hell spends $500 on sex toys a month?” “A freaky ass priest apparently,” Stone laughed. “Look it, ball gags, cat-o-nine tails, a swing…now that might be interesting.” “You mean you don’t already have one?” “Where would we put it? We have a house full of kids.” They both started laughing even harder. “Did Carmen not give you my message,” Rafael said as he walked into Stone’s office, obviously angry. “Yes, and I said I’d be up when I finished my work in here.” “Yeah, you two really look like you’re working.” “We just found humor in…” “Stop, Stone. I need to speak with my wife.” “You know what, Lieutenant, why don’t I grab us some lunch?” “She’s fine.” “Yeah, thanks anyways, Stone.” “What the hell is your problem?” “Why am I having to hear about you being in Stone’s office constantly?” “We are working on this case that you gave him, by the way.” “You couldn’t bring another detective with you?” “They’re all busy questioning and going through witness statements.” “You know what, you want Stone that bad, I’m not going to stop you. I deserve it,” he said as he walked out. 

She got home a little after 6. Stone had invited her for a drink, but she declined. She brought Chinese food since the girls had asked for it before she had left for work that morning. Rafael came home and went to his office. “Papi must’ve had a bad day,” Khloe said. “Yeah, he did.” She took him a plate of food and set it on his desk. “I’m not hungry,” he said with his chair facing the wall. “You need to eat.” “I said I’m not hungry.” “You could’ve acknowledged the kids.” “I will be down in a minute,” he said sternly. “Fine,” she said as she walked out. She didn’t know tears were falling from his eyes. He finally came downstairs and kissed the kids. “Did you have a bad day, Papi?” “Yes, I did, Khloe. A very bad day.” She squeezed his neck. “Does that make it better?” “Yes, it does, princesa. Thank you.” Quinn put her arms up so he would pick her up.

“Are we going to talk about what happened today?” “I don’t see much point.” “You don’t?” “Look, I get it. You find him attractive, you get along well.” “There is nothing going on between Stone & me.” “Are you going to tell me you don’t want there to be?” “Yes, I am. Where is all this coming from?” “I know it’s been months and we’ve worked through everything, but I still have to look in the mirror every day knowing I hurt you.” “You still feel guilty and you think I’m going to get back at you with Stone?” “Why wouldn’t you? I deserve it.” “You have punished yourself for too long and you have to stop. It’s almost Christmas. We don’t need anything bad between us.” “You’re right. I’m sorry.” “You know the only thing I want for Christmas?” “What?” “Is for you to forgive yourself. I did months ago.” “I’ll do my best.” “And when Stone & I have lunch or have a drink, we talk about you.” “No, you don’t.” “Yeah, we do. He brings you up. I think he has a man crush on you like Carisi used to, or still does,” she laughed.


	70. Chapter 70

“I know they say it’s not possible, but the black Amex has to be maxed out.” “No, it’s not,” Izzy said rolling her eyes. “You have 800 boxes from Amazon in the guestroom. Our kids don’t need that much stuff.” “There’s not 800 and it’s not all for our kids.” “Who is going to wrap all of it because I know you’re not going to.” “I have that taken care of. Molly is going to take them to be wrapped.” “She’s our nanny, not our maid.” “I’m paying her extra.” “On top of her Christmas bonus?” “Yes.” “Okay. So, what do you want for Christmas?” “I already told you.” “I meant something material.” “Hmm, a vacation house in the Hamptons?” “Is that all,” he laughed. “No, I don’t care. You’ve never disappointed me, except when you shaved your beard.” “There’s too much gray in it for me to keep it.” “You are the sexiest 45-year-old on this planet,” she said as she sat on his desk. “Is that right,” he said as they leaned to each other only to be interrupted by Stone. “Oh, Mr. Barba, I’m sorry. Carmen didn’t tell me the Lieutenant was here.” “Hey, Stone.” “Hey, Izzy.” “What do you need, Stone?” “Have you had a chance to look over the notes for the…” “Yes. I can’t let you move forward without more evidence.” “You heard him, Izzy.” “I’ll call Liv.” “Why don’t you two deliver the news in person?” “Copy that, Counselor.” She gave him a quick kiss before she & Stone left. “Didn’t mean to interrupt.” “It’s fine,” she laughed. 

“Hey, are you ready? We gotta be at church…” “Let me put these files away and I’m all yours, mi amor.” “Sorry to bring this so late.” “It’s fine Stone. It can wait until after Christmas.” “Okay. Great.” “Hey, Stone?” “Yes, Mr. Barba?” “Do you have plans for Christmas?” “No, sir, I do not.” “Well, you do now.” Izzy was shocked to say the least. “You know my wife can cook so you are more than welcome to join us for dinner.” “Are you sure?” “Of course, he is, Peter.” “Sure, okay. Thank you.” “5:00. My wife is strict about time.” “Yeah, that’s why I get to work late three days a week.” “I will see you guys then.” “What was that about?” “I’m feeling a little less, you know, me this year.” “Well that was very sweet of you.” “Poor guy has no family to speak of anymore and I know you guys are close. The holidays are the worst time to be alone.” “Just when I think you can’t amaze me anymore.” “I’m still full of surprises after all these years.” “You most certainly are.” 

They were woken by the kids jumping on their bed. “Okay, we’re up.” “Didn’t we just go to sleep?” “It feels like it.” “Come on, get up, Mami.” “Mami has to collect her thoughts, Khloe.” The kids were more than pleased with toys and electronics. Izzy had bought Rafael a new Cartier watch he had his eye on. “Harper, come here,” Rafael said motioning for her. He whispered something in her ear and she ran off to his office. “What is she doing?” “She’s going to be get something for me.” “And it had to be a secret?” He just kind of shrugged. She came back with a small bag and handed it to Izzy. “It’s from Papi.” “And it had to be hidden?” “You’re nosy, mi amor.” She dug through the tissue paper to find a small box. She opened it and found a green diamond halo ring. “Rafa…” “Your engagement ring is 15-years-old, even though you’ve only had it for 5. I thought it was time for a new one.” “Why the green diamond?” “What is the thing you said first attracted you to me 20 years ago?” “Those eyes.” “Right. So, give me your other ring.” She handed it to him and he put the new one above her diamond wedding band. “Perfect,” he said as he kissed her. 

Peter showed up around 4:15. “I hope it’s okay that I’m early.” “Sure, come on in. Can I get you a drink, Stone?” “That would be great, Mr. Barba.” “Peter, we’re not in the office. It’s Rafael.” “Or just Barba,” Izzy said coming out of the kitchen to hug Peter. The two of them went upstairs to Rafael’s office. “Knock, knock.” “Erin what are you doing here?” “Oh well, merry fucking Christmas to you, too.” “I didn’t mean it like that, asshole. I thought you were spending the day with Nick and meeting Zara.” “Change of plans.” “What do you mean?” “We sort of broke-up instead.” “What? Are you okay?” “I’m fine. I’m just pissed. Another fucking waste of time.” “Well come on, help me in the kitchen. Fix yourself a drink.” “Who’s here?” “Stone.” “What?” “Rafael invited him.” “Really? So, what, are you guys gonna have a 3-way to rid the tension between the two of them.” “What?!” “Let them share the woman they both desire for a night?” “You are disgusting.” “Like Stone doesn’t want you.” “I am married, and I am very satisfied. I need no one but my husband's dick. Thank you."


	71. Chapter 71

“Thanks again for inviting me.” “No one should spend the holidays alone, Peter. Plus, I wanted to talk to you.” “Okay.” “I owe you an apology. I haven’t been the nicest person to you, ever. I know you had a job to do.” “I didn’t enjoy a minute of it, just so you know.” “It’s fine. You made sure my wife got to the hospital safely when she went into labor with Quinn and Connor. You’ve become a good friend to her.” “She’s not the easiest person to get along with.” “Trust me, I know. She cares a lot about you though.” “She was there for me during…” “I know she was. My wife likes to play it close to the chest but she…her heart is amazing. It took quite a beating from me this year and yet, it’s still as big as ever. I know that’s when you two started getting closer.” “I never judged you.” “You should’ve.” “We’ve all made mistakes. That’s why my marriage ended, actually.” “You were married?” “She was my high school sweetheart. Mine wasn’t a one-time thing.” “Really?” “When you’re a professional baseball player, on the road more than you’re at home…” “I see.” “So, that’s why I never judged you and I never questioned how you felt about Izzy. I still love my ex-wife, even though it’s been years.” 

“Izzy, dinner was wonderful.” “Thanks, Peter.” “I helped.” “Erin, you took the bread out of the bread maker. Your idea of cooking is offering somebody gum.” “I can cook.” “You can microwave, bitch.” “Have they always been like this,” Stone laughed. “I met them the year after they first met, so, yeah. Come on, Stone. As you learned at Thanksgiving, the women cook, we clean.” “Sure thing, boss.” “Come on, Erin. Help me with the kids.” “I didn’t come here to work.” “You think I give a shit?” “I’ll take the oldest ones.” “Oh, you suck. They’re the easiest.” “So, they seem to be getting along pretty well.” “I know. Carisi better watch out, Stone might take his place.” “Why is Carisi still a cop with his law degree?” “I’m not supposed to say anything, but he interviewed for a job with Jack & Rafael three days ago.” “Really?” “Yep.” “And?” “Rafa said that Jack is probably going to offer him a job.” 

The four of them sat around trying to find something on TV besides “A Christmas Story”, “It’s a Wonderful Life, the 800 other Christmas movies that were on TV. “What about the time-honored tradition of your favorite Christmas movie, Izzy?” “I totally forgot, Erin.” “What’s your favorite Christmas movie?” “Don’t ask, Stone. Just let her…just…you’ll see,” Rafael said as he rolled his eyes. “Are you serious? ‘Lethal Weapon’ is your favorite Christmas movie?” “Do not tell me it’s not a Christmas movie, Stone. It takes place during Christmas so therefor it is a Christmas movie.” “Hey, if ‘Die Hard’ can be considered a Christmas movie, then by God, so can ‘Lethal Weapon’.” Izzy stretched out on the couch, laying her head on Rafael’s lap. “Don’t start that.” “Erin, get your damn mind out of the gutter. I’m just laying down.” He gently stroked her hair. It always relaxed her when he did that. Erin & Stone were sitting on the other end of their huge couch. “Did I say you could put your feet on me, Detective?” “I need room.” “Ugh, fine. Only because it’s Christmas.”


	72. Chapter 72

Rafael nudged Izzy who had almost fell asleep. Erin was asleep against Peter and they both looked pretty comfortable. “Should we wake them?” “Nah. Let’s just leave them be.” The crept off to their bedroom. “Guess it’s not going to take long for her to get over Amaro.” “Oh, come on. We just ate too much and had a few to drink. They’re just relaxed,” Izzy laughed. “I think they’d be good together.” “Really? I guess you two must’ve gotten pretty close in a few short hours.” “We have more in common than I thought. He’s actually a good lawyer. I can see why you get along with him so well.” He started kissing her neck. “You know there’s another Christmas tradition we haven’t partook in tonight.” “Well, we had company.” “And they’re asleep.” “And who is coming out tonight?” “Just me,” he said cupping her face and bringing her lips to his. “Well, then by all means, Rafael.” 

“I hope uh, you guys don’t mind…” “It’s fine, Peter. You looked comfortable and we didn’t want to wake you,” Izzy said handing him a cup of coffee, “where’s Erin?” “I’m right here. Do you two not know how to be quiet?” “What are you talking about?” “I could hear you two last night, ‘don’t stop, right there, baby, you’re so big Rafael’.” “Fuck off. This is my house and my husband & I can make love whenever we want.” “Is he still asleep?” “Yeah.” “You must’ve made him do all the work.” “Well you were listening, so you should know.” “I wasn’t listening. It was hard not to hear. I’m surprised your kids didn’t wake up.” Peter just sat drinking his coffee, laughing at the two old college roommates going back and forth. “Oh my god, I used to hear you & my brother going at it and you & Dawson.” “You had sex with Halstead with me in the dorm room!” “Once because Dawson was having a three way in their room and you had headphones.” “Are you talking about Jay Halstead from Chicago PD?” “One in the same. Him and Izzy had a short fling right before she met Barba, then they dated after her & Barba broke up.” “We did not have a fling. We slept together once in college, right before we got kicked out of the dorms.” Rafael came in and kissed Izzy on the cheek before getting a cup of coffee. “Tired, Barba?” “Christmas wears me out, Erin.” “I’m sure it was the holiday.” He rolled his eyes knowing what she was insinuating. 

Erin & Nick were able to get along after they broke up; it probably helped that Nick only worked 3 days a week. “Hey Lieutenant.” “Hey, Stone. What brings you to my neck of the woods.” “Can I talk to you about something?” “Uh, sure. Is this a glass of scotch talk or cup of coffee talk?” “Neither.” “Whoa, what’s going on?” “You’ve known Erin for 20 years?” “21 actually.” “What kind of guys does she usually go out with it?” “Oh, I see. Well, she really doesn’t have a type. She likes someone that can make her laugh, someone good-looking, independent, smart. Someone that understands her job.” “Do you think I might have a shot?” She looked out and noticed Erin looking into her office. “I think so. You want me to put in a good word for you?” “Would you,” he laughed. “I’ll see what I can do.” “Thanks.” 

“Hey, Lieutenant. You have a visitor.” “Who is it, Nick.” “Uh, Alex Munoz of all people,” he laughed. “Uh, okay? Send him in.” “Hey, Izzy. I’m not interrupting anything…” “Impossible. I work for the government. Come in, Alex. Have a seat. What brings you around here?” “Well, I stopped by Rafael’s office, but he was in a meeting. So, he’s the boss now.” “Sort of.” “And so are you, I see.” “I’ve done okay.” For some reason, she felt really uneasy sitting across from him. “Are these your kids?” “Yep, that’s Harper, Khloe, and the twins Quinn & Connor.” “They’re beautiful. Connor is every bit his Papi.” “Yes, he is.” “Have you had lunch?” “Actually, I have but thank you.” “Well, at least let me buy you a cup of coffee.” She knew she wasn’t going to get rid of him unless she gave into something. “Sure,” she said grabbing her jacket. “Yelena served me with divorce papers while I was in prison. I served my five years. What I did, I mean I hurt her, my family. I think it’s my karma for what I did to Rafael; but if Yelena and I hadn’t done what we did, he might have never met you. He was always happiest when you two were together.” She nodded politely. “I’d like to talk him sometime.” “Do you think that’s a good idea?” “I just want to let him know there’s no bad blood. I mean, Eddie will not speak to me at all.” “Well, I mean I can see what I can do.” “I’d really appreciate it. Does he speak to Eddie?” “Occasionally they grab coffee or dinner.” “Oh. Well, at least Eddie still speaks to one of us.”


	73. Chapter 73

“Alex came to your office?” “Yeah. He wants to talk to you.” “I have nothing to say to him.” “Well, I told him I would try but I didn’t promise anything.” “Good.” “He told me Eddie won’t talk to him.” “And why would he? He almost landed Eddie in prison. I was the one that kept him out.” “I remember.” “You tell the squad if he comes back, to tell him you are unavailable.” “Okay.” “Look, I know I’m sounding controlling and…” “No, I get it. I didn’t want him in my office anymore than you want him in there.” “So, are you going to talk to Erin about Stone?” “Eventually. I’m not going to push anything just yet.” “Well, I like Stone, but he has a history of cheating.” “I know.” “Erin’s your best friend and I wouldn’t want to see her get hurt.” 

“Hey, Lieu, this came for you,” Rollins said handing her a manila envelope. “Thanks,” she said as she opened it. She felt dizzy as pulled out it’s contents. “Are you okay?” “I think I’m going to be sick.” “Sit down. Fin!” “What’s wrong?” “Look,” Amanda said as she handed the pictures of Rafael and Tiffany to him. “I’m calling the counselor.” Stone & Barba showed up within a matter of minutes. “Get these to TARU and see if there’s any way to authenticate them.” “They’re real. They’re from that night. I remember what I was wearing.” They had worked so hard with each other & Dr. Lindstrom to get past what had happened and now there was physical proof. Izzy had a hard enough time with the mental images. “There wasn’t a note in there of any kind,” Liv asked. “This isn’t blackmail. This was to retraumatize my wife. Find this girl and put an end to this.” “Amanda is already tracking her phone to find her location.” “She set you up,” Stone said. “In the meantime, why don’t you take Izzy home.” 

“Who sent the pictures, Tiffany?” “I don’t know!” “Oh, you know. You know who took them and you know who sent them,” Fin said angrily, “Well, here’s how this is going to go. You can either give up the person that sent these pictures to my Lieutenant or Mr. Stone here will find some way to charge you with unlawful surveillance, stalking, and possibly extortion.” “You don’t have any way to prove extortion.” “Oh, I can find a way,” Stone assured her, “because you know what this says to me? You knew exactly what you were doing, and you were after one thing and one thing only. We already know about your settlements from Stanford, UCLA, Duke, & Columbia. These detectives are going to do a lot more digging and they are going to find out every single thing about you. You messed with one of their own. In case you don’t realize, Lieutenant Barba is a member of the biggest gang in the city, they always have her back, as well as me and the DA’s office.” 

Izzy had taken some Xanax and went to sleep after Rafael got her home. Neither of them spoke on their way home. He knew she was dying inside but he also knew not to push her too hard. He just let her sleep. After he made a few calls, he went and laid next to her. She was asleep, but it was like her body knew he was there and she rolled over to him. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to his chest while placing a kiss on her forehead.


	74. Chapter 74

She found him in the living room floor with the twins while Harper & Khloe played on their iPads. “Hey.” “Hey,” she smiled back. He left Connor & Quinn as they continued stacking their blocks and went over to his wife. “Glad I got to see a smile.” “I’m fine.” “Are you sure?” “Yeah. Has anybody…” “Fin & Stone questioned her, but she denied knowing anything about the pictures.” “Oh, she knows.” “You have to recuse yourself, you know that, right?” “I know. Probably for the best. I’d lose my shield if I got put into an interrogation room with her. So, what shall we have dinner?” “Mi amor, don’t push this down.” “I’m not. Yes, I was upset but we have worked too hard to save our marriage and our family. She wants to fuck with someone, she picked the wrong Italian from Bensonhurst, Brooklyn to do so.” “Stay away from her. Do not…” “I’m not going to do anything stupid. I have Erin for that.” “Don’t let Erin do anything stupid either.” “I can’t control that crazy woman. You know that. Or Amanda for that matter.” 

“What’s wrong, Carisi,” Erin asked. “You know how every week, Amanda & Izzy let me & Barba go out and have drinks one night. You know, guys night cause we do the same for them?” “Your little man date, yeah I know.” “He’s blown me off since Christmas.” “When I took some files to Stone a little bit ago, Barba was in his office talking to him, and I think they were heading to a Knicks game.” “Are you serious?” “Yeah, they went to Rangers’ game last week, I think.” “Oh.” He walked into Izzy’s office. “Hey, Carisi.” “When did your husband and Stone become such good friends? I thought he hated him.” “He had Christmas dinner with us and they got to know each other, and they’ve been hanging out here and there. Why?” “We haven’t hung out in forever.” “Are you jealous, Sonny?” “No. No. No.” “It’s possible for my husband to have more than one friend.” “That’s not what I’m saying. We’ve done the same thing every week for a year and he just started blowing me off.” “I’ll talk to him.” “No, it’s fine. No big deal."

Rafael came in from the game a little after 11. “Have fun?” “I did.” “Good. We need to talk.” “What’s wrong?” “I’m glad you & Stone are becoming such good friends and all but you’ve kind of been ignoring someone.” “You?” “No. Every week for a year, what did you do one night a week?” “Have drinks with Carisi.” “I think he’s feeling a little left out.” “Well, I mean it’s not like Stone had three tickets, he had two.” “I know but maybe you need start making time for Carisi too.” “We agreed one night a week each.” “Well maybe one week you hang out with Stone and the next Carisi; or the three of you get together. They get along just fine.” “I am 45-years-old and have to choose between my friends,” he laughed. “You said it to me yourself, Carisi was like the little brother you never had.” “The annoying little brother.” “I know you grew up an only child, but you know me, Tony, Michael, & Bella get together at least once a month. We still have to have our time together.” “Can I have one more night this week?” “Yes. That means I get two next week.” “Whatever you want,” he laughed.


	75. Chapter 75

Rafael & Stone walked into the precinct a few days later. “There’s Barba and his #2,” Carisi said rolling his eyes. “Oh my god, Sonny. Stop,” Amanda laughed, “you two hung out the other night and got completely hammered and came home with mine & Izzy’s badge numbers tattooed under your wedding rings. If that’s not male bonding, I don’t know what is.” “What are you two doing here,” Izzy asked as Stone shut her door. “This,” Rafael said handing her a file. “Two of the professors Tiffany screwed had to take restraining order’s out on her? Why am I not surprised? You two know I can’t have anything to do with this; per both of your instruction and Liv’s.” “Barba still thought you should see it, plus Liv is out today.” “So, one was at Stanford and one was at UCLA? Amanda! Sonny!” “What’s up, Lieutenant?” “Ever been to California?” 

Izzy, Amanda, & Erin were supposed to meet for their weekly night out. “Have you not heard from her?” “She said she was going to home to change and she’d meet us here, Erin.” “Her phone is going straight to voicemail. That’s not normal. I’m calling Barba.” “Well?” “He hasn’t heard from her since she left two hours ago.” “Something's not right. Call Liv now. I'm calling Stone and Sonny and everyone else," Amanda instructed. 

“Okay, what do we know so far?” “The last ping from her phone was a call to Barba right outside their building.” “She was reminding to give Khloe her medicine, which I forgot to do,” he said as he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. Stone, Nick, Fin, Amanda, Sonny, Erin, Liv, Brian, & Barba all sat around the precinct trying to find out where Izzy might have been. “Everything’s been okay since the pictures…” “Yeah, everything’s been fine. She wouldn’t just abandon me & the kids.” “Okay, Amanda & Erin start running through Tiffany’s phone records, EZ Pass, everything. Fin, take Sonny and go talk to Felipe Heredio, see if he might be involved or know anything at all. Nick you and I will start going through prison phone calls.” “And I’m supposed to just what sit here while my wife is god knows where?” “No, you need to go home and be with your kids.”

She came to surrounded by white walls but it was dark. “Enjoy your nap, Lieutenant?” Her head pounded. “Alex?” “Before you ask why, just think of everything Rafael took from me.” “He didn’t take anything from you.” “He took my freedom and the woman I loved, who took my girls. You know my daughters won’t even speak to me? He gets 3 and mine have nothing to do with me.” “He didn’t take…” Before she could finish, he smacked her. She never gave any indication that it hurt. “He didn’t prosecute your case.” “No, he just went to McCoy with everything, and look where he is today. The second most powerful man in the DA’s office. I would’ve been Mayor if it wasn’t for him.”


	76. Chapter 76

“So far there’s been no hits on anything of Tiffany’s. Erin & I figure is she is involved, she’s using a burner.” “Oh, she’s involved, Amanda. What about you, Fin?” “Heredio says he had nothing to do with it and he doesn’t know anyone that would’ve.” “And you trust him?” “You know, I don’t see what he would gain by lying.” “Okay, Brian and Nick are still going through prison phone calls of anyone that might have a grudge against either Barba or Izzy.” “Maybe we’re looking too far out.” “Oh, here comes Nick’s paranoia.” “No, just hear me out, Fin. Alex Munoz showed up a few weeks ago.” “He was here,” Liv asked shocked. “Yeah, he came in, wanting to talk to her. They went out and got a cup of coffee. She came back, and she said that he wanted to talk to Barba.” “Has Barba talked to him?” “Izzy never said. I doubt it though. I do know that Barba said under no circumstances was Alex to be allowed back in her office.” “Barba told me he hadn’t and he had no intention of doing so,” Stone interjected. “Of course, he did,” Carisi scoffed. “What’s that?” “Nothing.”

Her hands were numb from the zip tie around her wrists. “You know, I really tried to let this all go. I tried not to let things escalate to this, but he left me no choice, or rather you didn’t.” “What are you talking about, Alex?” “Oh, I believe you know my associate.” Tiffany walked around the corner of what could only be an abandoned hospital. It was too similar to the dungeon Johnny D had held his girls in. “Is your self-esteem that low that you would stay with a man that screwed someone half his age?” “Fuck you, Alex. It’s not like he was exchanging pictures with a 15-year-old.” This was probably the 5th or 6th time he had smacked her, finally busting her lip. “You know your husbands dick was the biggest I’ve ever seen?” “I find that hard to believe, as many as you’ve seen.” Tiffany got her first lick in on her. “He wanted me from the day he met me. In fact, he told me that he had been wanting to leave you for a long time but every time the opportunity arose, you got knocked up.” “You’re lying.” “Is she?” “I know my husband.” “You didn’t know he was paying off a heroin addicts kid after he gave her mother the money for the drugs that caused her overdose.” 

“Captain, we got something.” “What is it?” “Alex Munoz is smart but he’s not that smart,” Fin said opening his laptop. “The moron used his cell phone to make a call to a burner cell about an hour ago.” “Where’d the signal come from?” “Abandoned hospital in Queens.” “That’s where we found Johnny D,” Nick pointed out. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” “It’s been 36 hours. Tell me you’ve found something.” “Barba, I thought I told you to stay at home.” “I can’t. I haven’t slept. I want my wife home.” “Who’s with the kids?” “My mom. Now tell me you have some news.” Liv told them what they had found. “What are you waiting for?” “I’m getting everybody rounded up. You have got to step away. We don’t know how dangerous this situation could be for the both of you.” "I'm going." "I will arrest you if I have to," Liv scolded, "let us do our job."


	77. Chapter 77

“If you know your husband so well, did you know he would fuck a 23-year-old?” “Well, he had a little help,” Tiffany laughed. “That’s right, he did.” “What did you do?” “When he turned to get something from his bookshelf, I dropped a half a Xanax in his drink. I wanted him to feel more relaxed. Still can’t believe he grew a conscience before he could experience the best night of his life.” Alex was stupid. He had left Izzy’s legs loose and she kicked the fuck out of Tiffany. “Okay, I’m tired of these games,” Alex said as he grabbed Izzy off the chair and threw her onto a dirty mattress. 

“If you won’t let Barba go, then I’m going.” “Stone, after your sister…” “That is my sister in there.” “Peter…” “Look, I couldn’t save Pam. I can help save Izzy. She was there for me after Pam before anyone else. Her & her husband are two of my closest friends. Let me help.” “Fine, Erin, get him a vest.” “Let’s go, Stone.” He followed Erin to get a vest. “I think it’s very brave of you to go in with us again.” “I owe it to Barba and to Izzy.” “You’re a good friend.” They sort of shared a look as Erin strapped him in his vest. “Take this,” she said handing him a stun-gun, “I know it’s not the artillery we have but at least you’ll have something.” 

“I’m going to do everything Rafael does to you, only better,” Alex said as he kissed down her neck and slipped his hand down her pants. Tiffany stood there watching the whole thing. “After Alex is done with you, he won’t want you anymore.” She was fighting the urge to throw up so bad. “Tell me what Rafael does to you, what you like.” He kept going; it felt like a pelvic exam. Izzy thought of Rafael, the kids, the squad. She’d rather die than let this go any further. As he started kissing her stomach, trying to work his way down, her knee connected with his face, and she was able to get away from him. “NYPD!!” The squad busted in with ESU. Alex grabbed Izzy and held her gun that he had taken from her to her head. “One more step, and your pretty little Lieutenant’s brains will be everywhere.” “Alex, you don’t want to do this.” “How do you know what I want? I almost had what I wanted until you had to ruin the party.” “Nick, just…” “Did I say you could speak, Izzy,” Alex said as he pulled her by her hair. “Munoz, let her go.” “So, Rafael can have his happily ever after while I rot in prison?” He cocked the hammer and Izzy knew she would never see her kids or Rafael again, but Nick didn’t even chance it and pulled his trigger. Blood went all over Izzy. She just fell to the ground, exhausted, numb. Tiffany had run when the cops busted in, but she came back with a gun. “Harris, look out,” Fin yelled. Erin turned, fired her gun, and one shot went through Tiffany’s chest. “That’ll teach you to fuck with my best friend and the NYPD again,” Erin said as she stood over her body.


	78. Chapter 78

Peter rushed over to her, “Are you okay?” “He was about to shoot me.” “It’s okay, I got you,” he said wrapping a shock blanket around her and walking to the ambulance outside. He rode with her; all she could do was just sit and stare. She felt nothing. She just wanted her husband’s arms around her and her kids jumping on her and Alex’s blood off of her. “Is she okay?” “She’s got a broken wrist, a few fractured ribs, some bruising on her face.” “Can I see her?” “I told them to get his blood of her before you saw her. You don’t need to see her like that. There’s uh, there’s something else.” “What is it, Liv?” “He…uh…he assaulted her, sexually.” Anger, panic, sadness all ran through Barba at once. “Did he…” “No, we got there, and she had actually gotten away from him at that point.” “If he wasn’t dead already, he would be soon.” “Captain?” “Yes?” “She’s asking for her husband.” “He’s right here.” “Mr. Barba, I’ll take you to her.” The doctor walked him to the room. There she sat, bruised and beaten. He walked up to her slowly. “Elizabeth?” She was too worn out to argue with him and just welcomed him into her arms. He held her like he was never going to let her go. “I am so sorry.” “This wasn’t your fault.” “Yes it is. If I hadn’t…” “Don’t blame yourself, Rafa.” “I’m going to hate myself for allowing you to get hurt because of me, again, for the rest of my life.” They both wiped the tears from each other’s cheeks. “Here, I brought you some clothes.” “Thank you,” she said as she went to change into her favorite oversized sweater and leggings. He knew that was the one outfit she liked to relax in the most. “Lieutenant?” “Yes?” “You’re free to go.” “Thank you, Doctor.” “Come on, let’s get you home.”

“Where are the kids,” she asked as they walked into their condo. “Mami has Harper & Khloe and your parents have the twins. I thought you could use some rest before you see them.” “That’s probably a good idea.” “Why don’t I run you a bath?” “That would be nice,” she smiled. It was nice to relax and more over scrub Alex off of her. She couldn’t close her eyes without seeing him on top of her. She held her knees to her chest as she cried. She didn’t know that Liv had told Rafael what had happened, so she was thinking how was she going to tell him. Would he still love her knowing another man had touched her? Would it change the way he looked at her? “Hey, hey,” Rafael said as he bent down and pulling her to him. He didn’t care that he was getting soaked. “Come on, let’s get you out and into bed.” He helped her dry off and get dressed. He gave her his old Harvard t-shirt that she had worn to bed since they were first together and a pair of shorts. All the years working with sexual assault and rape victims helped him move with her slowly. What she needed, what she wanted was to be kissed by the man she loved but she knew he was scared because she had just spent 40 hours being beat on and god knows what else. He brought her a pain pill and some water. “Are you hungry, mi amor?” “A little,” she shrugged. “What do you want?” “Just whatever you feel like ordering is fine.” “How about I go pick up some Sushi?” “No, don’t leave me,” she said grabbing him. “Okay, okay. I won’t,” he said as he stroked her back while he held her. “Rafael?” “Yes, mi amor?” “Kiss me.” “Izzy.” “I need to feel you still love me.” “Of course, I still love you. Why wouldn’t I?” “Alex…he…he…” “Shh. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” “You know.” “Liv told me, but she didn’t go into specifics. You don’t have to tell me until you’re ready,” he said as he granted her request. “Tiffany said you wanted to leave me…” “What?!” “She said that you told her you had been wanting to leave…” “Please tell me you didn’t believe her.” She shrugged. “I gave you my heart when I was 25 and I never got it back. Do you think I would’ve fought so hard for us after what I did if that was true?” “No. Speaking of…Tiffany drugged you.” “What?” “She put a half a Xanax in your drink.” “Wow, no wonder I felt so weird. That still doesn’t excuse what I did.” “But it makes sense now.” “I know this is a terrible thing to say but I’m glad they’re both dead.” 

“Liv.” “Sorry to just drop by like this, Izzy.” ‘It’s fine.” “Where’s Barba?” “He’s gone to get the kids.” “Well, I’ll make this short, so I don’t interrupt any of your time with them when they get back. You are not to come back until you are fully healed, and I want you to see Dr. Lindstrom.” “I know, Liv.” “No, not just for clearance. What happened to you is going to be hard to get over. You know what I went through with Lewis and you’ve worked SVU enough to know…” “Liv, I’ll be fine.” “This isn’t a request, Izzy. This is an order. You’re going to need help with this.” “I know.” “6 weeks at the very least. Understood?” “Yes.” “I don’t want to rain on your day, I just want you better.” “I know.” “Okay, I’ll get out of your hair. You’re going to be okay.” “Thanks, Liv,” she said as they hugged. About 30 minutes later, she heard the door unlock. The kids all ran to her. “Oh, my babies. I missed you so much.” “We missed you, too.” “Mami, who got you?” “Khloe don’t…” “It’s okay, Rafa. A very bad man but Uncle Nick, Uncle Fin, Aunt Amanda, Auntie Liv, Uncle Brian, Uncle Peter, and Aunt Erin saved me.” “I’m so glad they did,” Harper said grabbing her neck. Izzy winced a little because of her ribs but she didn’t mind. “Harper what did we talk about?” “Sorry, Mami. Papi said you’re hurt.” “I am but it will heal eventually.” “Kids go put your stuff up and then when you come back, we’ll turn on a movie or something.” They all ran towards their rooms. “We couldn’t get home fast enough. They were so excited to see you. They missed you so much.” “I missed them and you,” she said resting her head against his chest. “When he was…uh…trying to…”, She couldn’t even say the words, “all I could think about was you guys. I was afraid I’d never see you again.” Tears filled her eyes. “Shh. Hey, I got an idea. Why don’t we let the kids get in their pajamas and we just all get in our bed and watch something on Netflix.” “It’s 2:00 in the afternoon.” “And?” “I love you.” “I love you,” he said placing a kiss on the top of her head, “you and I are forever, remember?” “I remember.” They all piled up in Rafael & Izzy’s bed and started the “Hotel Transylvania” trilogy.


	79. Chapter 79

“Get away from me!” “Hey, it’s just a nightmare, I’m here,” Rafael said grabbing Izzy. She was in tears. “It’s just me. I’ve got you,” he said as he held her. “I’m never going to get better,” she cried. “Yes, you are. Dr. Lindstrom said you can’t rush this. It’s only been 3 weeks.” “I still see him and her…” “It’s going to take time, mi amor. You are doing great.” “No, I’m not.” “Baby you are suffering from PTSD. It takes time.” “I’m hurting.” “I’ll get you a pain pill,” he said as he got out of bed. “Here you go.” “Thank you, Rafa.” “Of course, my love.” “I know this has been hard for you.” “We said in sickness and in health, for better or worse just about 6 years ago, remember?” “Yes.” “I meant that then, I meant that before, and I mean that now, mi vida. Now, let your Vicodin kick in and try to get some rest.” “When are you going back to work?” “When you’re better.” “Rafa…” “You know Jack gave me back all of my vacation & personal time I didn’t use before. I have more than enough time, just like you do with your 52 weeks of accrued vacation time.” “How did I get so lucky?” “Are you kidding? I’m the lucky one. You gave me the four most beautiful children, you’ve stuck by me through so much…” She drifted off to sleep as he talked. His voice was soothing to her. “Te amo, mi reina,” he said as he kind of chuckled. “Te amo, Rafael,” she said in a little less than a whisper.

“Izzy, you’ll eventually have to tell Rafael what happened,” Dr. Lindstrom told her. “Why? Why does he have to know?” “You tell me you tense up when he touches you. The man that you’ve been in love with for over 20 years.” “That’s to be expected.” “Have you been able to be intimate with him?” “No. First it was the panic attacks and then the last time we tried, I started crying and he hasn’t tried since.” “You’re supposed to go back to work in a week and I’m not quite sure you’re ready.” “I’m going crazy being at home.” “I understand but you seem to keep trying to bury what happened.” “Part of being Catholic,” she laughed. “No deflection,” he scolded, “It’s still eating you up. The reason is because you haven’t told Rafael, I think.” “What if he looks at me differently after?” “Why do you think he would?” “Because I didn’t fight until the very end.” “You were scared. Alex beat you for almost two days. Just because you’re a police officer, it doesn’t mean you’re not supposed to fear for your life sometimes. You told me that you would have rather died than allowed Alex to have sex with you.” “Yeah. Just the thought of him…I still get sick to my stomach.” “When you kneed him in the head, what were you thinking?” “That I was going to try and get out of there and if he or Tiffany shot me at least Rafael would know I tried to get away.” “So essentially, you fought because of Rafael and your kids.” “Yes.” 

“Hey, how’d your appointment go?” “Fine. He doesn’t think I’m ready to go back next week.” “Why?” “He doesn’t think I’m dealing with this properly.” “And why do you think that is?” She looked at her husband as he was unloading the dishwasher. She decided Dr. Lindstrom was right and she needed to tell him. She began telling him everything Alex did to her while Tiffany watched. He took her in his arms and let her get it all out. She felt better afterward. She felt relief for the first time in weeks. “How long until Molly gets home with the kids?” “Two hours. Why?” She took him by the hand and led him to their bedroom. “Izzy, you don’t have…” “I want to. I need to.” “Are you sure?” She nodded. He started kissing her as they undressed each other. He ran his hands all over her body. He had been wanting to touch her like this for weeks. “Make love to me, Rafael.” He pushed slowly into her, making her moan very loudly. “Are you okay?” “I’m fine. It’s just been a while.” For the next 20 minutes, all he was worried about was her comfort, her state of mind, and also her pleasure. “Why are you crying? Did I hurt you? Are you…” “I’m fine. I guess I just needed you more than I realized,” she said taking his face and kissing him. “Thank you.” “For what? The orgasm?” She laughed, “For everything and yes that, too.” “I love you, mi reina. Nothing will ever change that.”


	80. Chapter 80

“What is all this, Rafa?” “Just an anniversary celebration. We’ve been married 6 years, we have 4 beautiful children. After everything we have been through, I wanted to make this day special.” “It’s only our 6th…” “But we have been in love for nearly 21 years. Just go with Liv, okay?” “Okay.” Izzy went into their guestroom and Liv brought out Izzy’s wedding dress. “Liv…” “Just put it on.” “I doubt I can fit into it now.” “Just put it on.” She was a size 2 when they got married and now she was a size 10, she was convinced the Vera Wang gown wouldn’t fit her anymore but it did, perfectly. Amanda, Erin, & Liv were in matching strapless hot pink dresses. “What is going on?” “It’s a surprise,” Erin said as she handed Izzy the bouquet of specially dyed rainbow roses to Izzy. Anthony came in. “Are you ready?” “For what, Pop?” “To remarry your husband.” “What?” “He did everything he could to keep it a secret. I can’t believe my grandkids were able to keep quiet.” Christina Perri’s “1,000 years” started playing and Izzy knew it was time. “Come on, slugger,” Anthony laughed. Liv, Erin, Amanda, Harper, Khloe, Quinn, & Connor made their way down the aisle. I have died everyday waiting you for you, darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years, I’ll love you for a thousand more…” Izzy was crying harder than she did at their first wedding. Carisi was best man with Stone and Nick acting as groomsmen. Connor was standing by Rafael with the rings as his sisters threw flower petals as their mother made her way to their dad. Anthony handed her to Rafael, “This is not a loan,” he joked. The Catholic priest, who was also Sonny’s cousin, did the first prayer. “And now, I think Rafael has something he wants to say something to his bride.” “I met you almost 21 years ago and I thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. We didn’t get off to the best start but the longer the night went on, the more time we spent together, I was convinced you were mi alma gemela (my soul mate). I have loved you for almost 21 years. I know I will continue to do so for 21 years more and 21 years after that, and 21 years after that.” Izzy tried to compose herself to think of something to say back. She was crying so hard, it took her a little bit. “Rafael, you have always been the love of my life. You gave me four beautiful children, a home, a purpose. 21 years ago, you saved me from myself. I don’t know myself without you and I love that. And I love you, Rafael Eduardo Barba.” “Rafael, repeat after me…” Sonny’s cousin Father Mark started.

“Papi are you going to dance with Mami?” “Of course, I am, Khloe. You stay with Abuelita, si?” “Si, Papi.” “Mi amor, I think everyone is expecting a first dance.” “Again,” she laughed.” “Si, mi amor.” “Okay.” They were in the same dress and tux they had worn 6 years previously but instead of Elton John’s “Something about the way you look Tonight” being their first dance, Rafael had picked the song that made Izzy give him another chance; The Killers’ “Here With Me”. “I can’t believe you were able to keep this quiet.” “It’s a wonder our kids didn’t give it away.” “I love you so much, Rafa.” “Not as much as I love you, Izzy.” They shared a kiss as they danced. “Did you have my wedding dress altered?” “Guilty. I wanted you to wear your wedding dress tonight but like me, you’ve put on some weight.” “Rafa!!!” “It is not a bad thing at all, mi amor. I love that your ass is a little bigger.” “You are terrible, Mr. Barba.” “Am I, Mrs. Barba?” The girls wanted to dance with their Papi and Connor wanted to dance with his Mami. 

After their reception, they got home and got the kids out of their “formal wear” and into bed. Izzy stood in front of their full length mirror looking at herself in her wedding dress. She had went from a size 2 to a 10 in 6 years. “You are still as beautiful as the day I married you, mi amor,” Rafael said as he put his arms around her from behind and kissing her neck. “Are you sure?” “Abso-fucking-lutely.” “How did my dress move up 8 sizes?” “I might have had a little to do with that, giving you so many kids so soon. Is it that big of a problem,” he laughed. “No,” Izzy smiled. “I will love you no matter what, mi amor. You have more muscle than anything anyways,” he laughed. “That is true.” I love you, Lieutenant Elizabeth Barba.” “Rafael.” “Come on, you have to give me that one,” he said as he kissed her and ripped the buttons of the back of her dress off.” “Rafael, this is a $9000 dress!!!” “Like we can’t afford to have it fixed,” he said as he lifted her dress and started going at her. “Oh my god, Rafa….” “What do you want, mi amor?” “I want Papi to fuck me….in my wedding dress.” “He can do that,” Rafael said with that smirk.


	81. Chapter 81

“Well, Carisi, I’m not going to lie and say we’re going to miss you around here.” “Don’t you mean ‘you’re not going to lie and say you’re NOT going to miss me’, Lieutenant?” “Nope,” Izzy smirked. “Thanks a lot, Lieu.” “Oh, she’s only kidding,” Amanda laughed. “Yes, get the sand out of your vagina, Carisi. Eat your cake.” “Thanks a lot for this, guys, really,” he said referring to his going away party. “Are you excited about finally becoming a lawyer?” “Yeah, I am, Erin. I think it’s time to move forward; plus working under Barba and with Stone, it’ll be good.” “I’d think before I spoke on that one,” Izzy laughed earning a pinch from her husband. “I don’t take it easy on Stone, so don’t expect any special treatment.” “We actually have another announcement,” Carisi spoke up, “Amanda & I just found out we are expecting another baby.” “Does the world not have enough Carisi children?” “I technically only have one, unlike the 4 you have running around, Barba.” “And the world will be a better place because of my 4 children.” “Okay, you two. Congratulations, Amanda,” Izzy said hugging her. “So that’s why you were drinking water when we out the other night.” “You are quite the detective, Erin," Liv laughed. "Yeah, you can't get anything passed her," Izzy sarcastically remarked. 

“Mi amor, you okay?” “Huh? Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” “You’ve seemed a little distracted since we got home from work.” “I was just thinking.” “About?” “You regret the vasectomy?” “No. Do you?” “No, I don’t know.” “You’re not wanting another baby, are you?” “I kind of miss having them so small.” “Harper is about to start kindergarten, Khloe will be going to Pre-k and the twins are about to turn two & start potty training. I think we have our hands full.” “You’re right,” she smiled. “I do miss them being babies, though, myself. They were a lot less complicated,” he laughed. "And it's only going to get worse," she laughed. They could hear Harper and Khloe fighting from one of their bedrooms. “Case in point,” Rafael said as he went to see what was going on. Izzy came in to find him pulling the girls apart. “Papi is too old for this. What’s the problem?" “Khloe has my hair bow.” “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” “It’s mine, Harper!” “No, it’s not!” “Girls, I have the bows in one box for all 3 of you to share. I put this one in Khloe’s hair this morning so why is it a problem now?” “Mami, you know the rainbow one is my favorite.” “Well, I’m sorry, kid but Khloe picked it out. End of story.” “Fine.” “Harper go to your room.” “But Papi…” “Ahora!” “Fine.” “Ask me again if I regret getting a vasectomy.” 

Izzy walked into Barba’s office to find him, Stone, & Carisi having a drink, laughing about something. “Am I interrupting some sort of male bonding?” “Hey, Lieutenant. Carisi was just telling us the story about how you two first met.” “Yeah, I walked up on him talking shit about my husband.” “I pissed her off to say the least. I think she called me pornstache for a month, even after I shaved.” “Thank god you did. Amanda and I actually had planned on drugging you and shaving it ourselves if you didn’t. That was horrible.” “Yeah, Stone, I still have nightmares that the motherfucker is coming to get me,” Rafael laughed. “So, what do you boys have planned for tonight?” “Peter got us tickets to the Mets game.” “Eww!” “Sorry, Lieutenant. I know you’re a Yankee’s fan.” “Until the day I die. I thought my husband was too.” “I am, mi amor, but they’re on the road so…” “Well, since you are going to the Godforsaken Citi-Field tonight, I’ll invite the girls over. Amanda can bring Michael & Jessie to play, Erin can get drunk.” She walked over behind the desk and kissed her husband. “Don’t stay too late.” “I won’t. I love you.” “I love you.” “Did you ever see us like this?” “Like what, Carisi?” “You know, kids, marriage, all that.” “It was obvious to everyone that you and Amanda wanted each other.” “You know I tried to make a move on her once, it was months before we actually got together but remember that case with the MMA fighter and that weird chick down in West Virginia?” “Fuck yeah,” he said rubbing his forehead. “We went to this bar, had a few drinks, got into a bar fight of sorts…” “Oh my god, I’m having an Izzy & Erin flashback.” “Anyways, I walked her back to her motel room and tried to kiss her, but she stopped me. You know the next morning, that fucking bartender was coming out of her room?” “And you still pursued her after that,” Stone asked. “I backed off. She had to come to me.” “Carisi thinks he had game, huh?” “Pssh. Obviously.” “Please. I’ve been with the same woman for basically 21 years. Hell, I’ve forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you’ll ever know. Settle down, son.” Carisi just shook his head as Stone laughed. “So, Stone, you ever going to make a move with Erin?” “What do you mean, Barba?” He raised that eyebrow and just looked at Stone. “We get along, but I don’t think she’s looking for anything right now.”


	82. Chapter 82

“You look like you could use some company,” Stone said as he found Erin sitting at the bar alone. “I guess it would be okay. You know someone?” “I see you have jokes.” “I’m kidding, Barba Jr. Have a seat.” “So, what’s bothering you?” “Who said anything was bothering me?” “You haven’t been yourself it seems lately.” “Well, hell. I mean I’ll be 40 in November, still single, no kids.” “I thought you didn’t want kids.” “Well, when you watch your best friend, who met the love of her life before she was old enough to drink, surrounded and loved so much by her 4 children, it’s hard not to think about what I missed out on.” “You still have time. I haven’t given up yet.” “Oh, no?” “No. I mean, I’m the same age as you & Izzy and I still have hopes of meeting someone and starting a family. Barba is almost 46 with two-year-old twins. He’ll be in his 60s when they graduate high school,” Stone laughed, “so I still like to think I have a little time left myself.” “Well, here’s to hope,” Erin said raising her glass to him. 

“You don’t look happy,” Izzy said as she laid her keys on and purse on the table when she got home. “Did you give birth to a child or a cat?” “What do you mean?” “I mean, your son has spent his day, marking his territory like a cat. The Ficus belongs to him now, as does two throw pillows from the couch, Khloe’s ballet slippers, my book on Contract, Tort and Restitution Statutes from 1865 to 1923, and…and why are you laughing?” “I wasn’t.” His green eyes narrowed as he looked at his wife. “Maybe we should get him a litter box and be done with it. Just put in the corner of his room and that’s it.” “Rafa, we have been told boys are harder than girls when it comes to potty training.” “Mami look.” “Quinn! What are you doing with that?!” “You know what? I just heard the bell; tagging you in, partner,” he said as he tapped Izzy on the arm and walked away. “I go pee-pee.” “Yeah, I see that, but you’re supposed to use the…you know what…just let Mami have it. And oh my god, let’s wash your hands.” 

All the kids had their baths and got in bed after dinner. Izzy took Rafael a glass of scotch. “You read my mind,” he laughed. “It’ll get better.” “I know. I just couldn’t seem to do anything right with the twins today.” “What do you mean?” “I’d go in one direction and they’d go the complete opposite.” “They’re headstrong like their father. I’ll take tomorrow off, and you go to work.” “No, I already told Jack I had to take off because Molly was having surgery. I’ll be fine.” “I’ll take tomorrow off, and we will work with Quinn & Connor together.” “I don’t remember it being this hard with Harper & Khloe.” “That’s because Molly & I did most of it,” she laughed, “Plus we weren’t potty training two kids at once either. Come on, let’s go to bed.” “Just to sleep, right?” “Excuse me?” “I can’t tonight, mi amor. I’m tired.” “Fine but don’t wake me up at 2:00 in the morning trying to get some because that is just not happening.” “I make no promises.” “But I do. I mean it. I don’t want to wake up with your face between my legs.” “I thought that was your favorite way to be woken up?” “It is but not at 2 in the morning.” 

"I'm not ready for this." "You were fine her first day of Pre-K," Izzy said as they walked Harper to her first day of Kindergarten. "That was different. That was just preschool, this is actual school. Everything starts today. We take her in there today and before we know it, she's graduating high school." "It's going to be fine. We have to do this next year, too." "Do you have to remind me?" They got to Harper's classroom and spoke with her teacher for a bit. Harper knew most of the kids from Pre-K and she more than happy to see her friends after the summer. Rafael wouldn't let her hand go. "Papi, I have to go to school." "I know, Princesa," he said as he bent down to her. "I'll miss you, Papi." "I'll miss you, too, mi amor. Te adoro," he kissed her on her forehead and let her go. "Come on, Rafa, we're going to be late."


	83. Chapter 83

Things were pretty slow one day so Izzy decided to call her husband. “Hey, Carmen.” “Hey, Lieutenant.” “My husband isn’t answering his cell.” “No problem. I’ll put you through.” The only phone calls Carmen was allowed to send directly through to his office phone were Izzy’s so when a call came without her announcing it, he knew who it was. “Hey, mi amor. How’s your day going?” “Slow. I’ve been going through time sheets and some other bullshit Liv needed me to do while Noah’s having his tonsils out. What are you doing right now?” “Pretty much the same thing as you. There’s an issue with overtime and Jack is pissed.” “I thought you all worked on salary.” “The ADAs do, not the secretaries, paralegals, or clerks though.” “So why are you going through it?” “I’m having to find out why certain ADAs are keeping their secretaries so late, looking through the case files to see if it’s warranted. As if I don’t know why some of them are.” “So, you feel like taking a break?” “I could use one.” “Then I need you under my desk in 15 minutes.” He was apparently taking a drink of something cause he started coughing when she said that. “I’m sorry, what?” “You…under…my…desk…15 minutes.” “Have your panties off before I get there,” he said as he slammed his receiver down.

“Aren’t you supposed to be under my desk?” “There’s plenty of room under mine for you,” she smiled. “Well, let me under there then,” he said as he threw his jacket on the couch in her office and loosened his tie. She had pulled up her skirt and sat on the end of her chair as he started in on her. He held by her ass, so she didn’t fall the rest of the way out of her chair as his tongue drove her crazy. She pulled his hair as he kept going. He kept getting her close but then he’d stop and start over. She was keeping herself as quiet as she could, this was her idea after all. Carisi came barging in her office. “A shut door means something, Counselor.” “Sorry but here’s the warrants you asked for.” “Oh, uh, that’s…really good.” Next thing here came Erin, “Hey, we’re ordering Chinese for lunch. Same as usual?” Izzy held her hand over her face to mask her expressions because Rafael was making her pay. “Hmm-mmm. Yeah, that’s perfect.” He was finally letting her come, wanting to see how she would hide it from Erin & Carisi. He jerked her closer to him, “Oh my god!” “You okay?” “Yeah…it was my leg.” They finally walked out and shut the door. Rafael came from under her desk with the proudest look his face. “You could’ve stopped when they walked in,” she said as she caught her breath. “That wasn’t an option for me,” he said kissing her. “You going to stay for lunch?” “You really want me to answer that,” he said putting on his jacket and straightening is tie. “Oh, and these will be safe with me for the rest of the day,” he said taking her panties out of her jacket pocket. “I still have to work.” “Don’t bend over. Love you.” She couldn’t even say anything back.

“So, that was interesting today,” he said kissing Izzy on the cheek as she cooked dinner. “Yes, it was. Can I have my panties back?” “Why? We’re at home.” “Still.” “Well, they’re actually in my desk drawer.” “Those are one of my favorite…” “Oh mine too and now I can see them anytime I want.” She stood with her hands on her hips. “You can have them tomorrow. I honestly just forgot them. I had them in my pocket with my phone and I just forgot. So anyways, I was in my office, I was talking to Stone, Carisi calls my cell and guess what I pulled out with my phone?” “What?!” He just shrugged. “Stone saw my panties?!” “That’s why I hurried up and put them in the drawer. I couldn’t even finish my conversation with Carisi cause Stone & I were laughing so hard.” “How embarrassing. I won’t be able to look at him ever again.” “It will be fine, mi amor. I’m gonna check on the kids unless you need some help in here?” “I’m good. Go see your minions.”


	84. Chapter 84

After getting the kids bathed and ready for bed one night, Rafael & Izzy were both reading over files for a case Jack was having him prosecute instead of Stone or Carisi. “I give up on this,” he said throwing the files down on the bed. “Don’t get frustrated. We know he used to hypnosis to rape her.” “It’s proving it that’s the problem. You remember I’ve been through this before.” “Yes, fastest felony acquittal in Brooklyn at the time.” “Ugh, don’t remind me.” “Come here, let’s take our mind off the case for a while.” “I like that idea,” he said as he started kissing her. After 30 minutes of pure bliss, there was a knock on the door. They quickly covered up, told the kid behind the knock to come in. “Hey, Harper what’s up?” “Mami, I think the washing machine is done.” “What are you talking about,” Izzy said very confused. Izzy could feel the bed shaking and she turned back to find Rafael trying so hard to stifle a laugh. That’s when it hit her, Harper must have heard the headboard hitting the wall. “Oh yeah, I was washing towels. Thanks for letting me know. Now go back to bed, honey.” She shut the door and Rafael lost it. “That’s not funny!” “Yes, it was. You know it could’ve been so much worse,” he said with tears in his eyes, “At least she waited until the washing machine was finished and didn’t just bust in here.” Izzy took her pillow and hit him.

“Off to kiss more bureaucratic ass, Lieutenant?” “That’s what happens when your husband is running for District Attorney, Fin.” “How many days till the election?” “7?” “He’s been ahead of Strauss this whole time. He’s gonna kick his ass.” “So, he can count on your vote?” “Mine, Teresa’s, Ken’s, Alejandro’s, my whole family.” “Thanks, Fin. Well, I better get home, so I can get dressed. We have to take the kids tonight. Give off that whole ‘perfect family’ vibe.” “Since when aren’t you the perfect family?” “Shut up.” “Hey, Lieu, heading out.” “Yep, gotta go play cookie cutter family at some function, Nick. I don’t even know what the fuck it is this time.” “And since when you are playing that?” “What is with you guys?” “You have the well-behaved children, the beautiful house, the husband that adores you…” “And I’m still a foul-mouthed cop, covered in tattoos. And my children are far from well-behaved." 

“You want breakfast?” “I can’t eat, mi amor.” “It’s going to be a long day if you don’t.” “I know it’s just everything is riding on today.” “Hey, you’ve been leading that idiot by a pretty large margin for weeks.” “Yeah but that’s all preliminary stuff. Today is what matters.” “You are going to win. You are going to take Jack’s place as DA. You have worked your whole life for this and Jack personally endorsed you.” “More like groomed me.” “This is what you wanted, right?” “Yes. I’m just nervous. I’m so fucking nervous, I can’t even tie my tie.” “Here, I’ll help you.” She took the purple silk tie and started working on it. “How did I get so lucky,” he asked as he ran his hands along her arms. “Hmm, well 21 years ago, my brother brought is handsome roommate home for Thanksgiving and the rest as they say is history,” she smiled as she finished up. “You have been so good to me throughout the whole campaign. I know that wasn’t easy for you.” “Some days weren’t so bad. It’s all over tonight.” He leaned down and kissed his wife. “Can you be a little late,” he asked softly. “I’m sure my boss won’t mind.” It had been weeks since they had made love. He had been so busy, not to mention a wreck they would just go to sleep. He backed her over to the bed and he took off his tie. The rest of his clothes were off before she could attempt to help him. She was still in her tank top and pj bottoms. He helped her get undressed just as fast. He didn’t waste any time as he buried his face between her legs. She ran her hand through his perfectly fixed hair as he drove her to an orgasm she had needed for weeks. Without saying a word, he pushed into her slowly, while kissing her. They both let out a soft moan as they connected. He took his time as he ran his hands along her body. She had her arms wrapped around his neck, playing with his hair as he would kiss her neck, shoulders, lips. He wanted to drink in as much of his wife as he could, to get his mind off the election, even if only for 30 minutes.


	85. Chapter 85

They sat around the TV after the polls finally closed; waiting on the results. Nick, Peter, Erin, Liv, Brian, Amanda, Sonny, Fin, Lucia, Tony, Bella, Michael, Stella, Anthony, Jack, Dodds, and several ADAs stood around nervously. Rafael couldn’t take it and went outside. “Is he okay?” “He’s nervous, Nick. He can’t sit still when he’s nervous. You saw him when I was in labor.” They were about to announce the results. “Should one of us go get him?” “Just leave him be, Carisi. I’ll go check on him.” She grabbed her coat and went outside. “Hey.” “Sorry, I just had to get some fresh air.” “I know. Where’s your coat?” “My blood pressure must be up cause I’m not cold,” he kind of laughed. She pulled his face to him and started kissing him. They heard everyone start screaming inside. “Must be good news,” she smiled. Jack came outside, “Congratulations, Mr. District Attorney.” “Really?” “74% to 26%.” “What,” he kind of laughed. “Come on, let’s go back inside.” Everyone congratulated him and finally cleared out about an hour later. “So, Mr. District Attorney.” “Yes?” “I think we should celebrate,” she said kissing his neck as they laid in bed. “How do you propose we do that?” She put her hand down his boxers and started stroking him, causing him to shudder in excitement. She slipped his boxers off and started sucking his dick slowly. He was moaning as he gently tugged on her hair. After a little bit she stopped and got undressed. “Your turn, mi amor.” “No. It’s about you tonight,” she said as she positioned herself on top of him, slowly sliding onto him. “You feel amazing, mi amor,” he said as he held her ass as she rode him into him ecstasy. “Again, thank you for standing by me throughout of all this.” “It was worth it.”

“So how does it feel to be the youngest ever District Attorney of Manhattan at 46?” “Pretty fucking good, I have to admit.” “Who’s going to take your job?” “Well, there’s O’Dwyer but rumors are that he has been talking to the ACLU for the past few months, Stone…” “What about Carisi?” “He mentioned it but he’s not ready. He’s only been an ADA for 6 months. I don’t need a scandal right out of the gate by giving my best friend my old job.” “What about Stone?” “Well, I can get away with that. He has a lot more experience.” “Speaking of, we are having dinner with him, Erin, Sonny, Amanda, Liv, & Brian Friday night.” “Stone & Erin, huh?” “They are taking things slow. She hasn’t even slept with him.” “You’re kidding.” “Nope. Call me crazy, but I think she might’ve found the one finally.” “Mi amor…” “What? This is totally unlike Erin not to sleep with a guy so soon.” “You make her sound like a…” “Like a what?” “A very sexually active woman.” “Uh-huh.” “Well, come on, Erin has always been a little on the slutty side.” “Oh, she knows,” Izzy laughed, “Hell, she took pride in it.” “Are you feeling a little slutty?” “As fun as that sounds, I am due in court in 30 minutes.” “I can be quick.” “No, you can’t,” she laughed. “Well, that’s because I love being inside of you. You still feel as good as that first night,” he said kissing her neck. “Rafa, come on.” “I remember that first night like it was yesterday. I had never been in someone so tight.” “I had never someone so big inside of me either.” He kept kissing her neck, placing bites from her neck to her shoulder. “You have 10 minutes and I’ll still be able to make it on time.”

“Finally!” “Hey, I’m here aren’t I, Stone?” “We have 5 minutes…oh, I see why you’re running late.” “Leave me alone,” she laughed. “Can you two not have sex without him marking you up?” “I guess that’s his way of marking his territory.” “Everyone knows you’re his,” he laughed. After Izzy testified for Stone, the two of them went to lunch. “So, what’s going on with you and Erin?” “We’ve been hanging out, having fun.” “You still haven’t slept together.” “Of course, you would know that,” he laughed, “She wants to take it slow.” “And you’re okay with that?” “Yeah. Erin’s…she’s….” “Oh my god.” “What?” “I know that look.” “What look?” “You’re falling for her.” “What?” “You are!” “She’s not like anyone I’ve ever met. She’s a lot like you, which has never been my type.” “Oh, thanks. I’m sure she’d appreciate that, too.” “I don’t mean that in a bad way. You both say what you’re thinking, no matter how crude it is. You live by your own rules. Maybe that’s what I need in my life. I mean, it worked wonders for Barba from what I’ve been told.” “Well, I’m happy for you. For both of you. Just hurry up and get her pregnant will ya.” “Funny, Lieutenant. But, after my ex-wife, Erin is someone I could see myself with, for the long haul.” “She’s a Yankees fan, so you know.” “Oh, I know,” he laughed.


	86. Chapter 86

Stone and Erin came over one night so he & Rafael could work on a case involving a well-respected director being accused of molesting his daughter. She seemed over coached, but more details were coming out that did make him seem guilty. Erin helped Izzy cook dinner. She didn’t just stand around, drink in hand, and doing some measly little task, she actually helped. “What is going on with you? You are learning to cook, you haven’t slept with him yet…” She just smiled. “Erin Lindsay Harris, as I live and breathe, I never thought I’d see the day.” “What?” “You’re in love with him.” “What are you talking about?” “Drop the rock, dude. It’s all over your face.” “Do you have to rub it in?” “Yes, I do. All the shit you used to give us, wait still give us, it’s my turn now. You didn’t act like this with Nick.” “Okay, he’s amazing. Really.” “Yeah, he’s a good guy.” 

After dinner, the guys kept working on the case in the living room instead of Rafael’s home office. Connor came in with two rubber balls he had gotten from his pre-school. “Papi, look I have two balls.” “I used to have two balls.” “What happened?” “I married your mom.” “Rafael!” He hadn’t even looked up from his laptop until Izzy yelled at him. “Did I really just say that,” he laughed. “Yeah and something tells me you’re in deep shit.” “When am I not, Stone? That’s marriage, or at least our marriage.” “What did Papi mean by that?” “Nothing Khloe, just ignore him. Way to go, honey.” “I’m sorry,” he laughed. “Yeah. We’ll see how sorry you are later.” “Really?” “That’s not what I mean, and you know it.” “Looks like I’ll be taking care of myself in the shower tonight.” “And tomorrow night and possibly the night after that.” “You wouldn’t.” “Wouldn’t I?” “So damn evil.” “Get back to work so I can arrest that bastard.” “Who’s the district attorney?” “And who’s the acting commander of the department that’s handling this case?” “That’s the only card she has to play,” he told Stone. “That’s the only one I need. Plus, I have pretty awesome boobs. What else do I need?” “She’s got you there,” Erin laughed. 

“Hey, Liv.” “Hey, I’m not interrupting anything, I hope.” “Of course not, come in. You want to a drink?” “Sure. Whatever red wine you might have is fine.” “So, what’s going on?” “I was going to wait until our{kid-free} trip to the Bahamas next month to tell you this but I can’t keep it in any longer.” “Okay?” “After we take our trip, I’m not coming back.” “What?” “I’m putting in my papers. I’ll use all my vacation time first, which is nearly a year, but the squad will be yours. Of course, you know the Commissioners rule,” she said handing her a brown a folder. “Ah yes, the Captains exam.” “It wasn’t that bad really.” “You’re really doing this?” “I am. I’m tired of being Captain Olivia Benson. I just want to be Olivia Cassidy.” “Well, I’m happy for you,” she said giving her longtime friend a hug. “Keep it a secret until next month?” “Of course.” “Not even Barba.” “Oh, come on you can’t do that to me!” “Sorry. You’re the only that knows besides the Chief and Brian.” “I hate you.” “No, you don’t,” she laughed.


	87. Chapter 87

It was still a few weeks before Liv was going to make her announcement and Izzy had a hard time keeping it from Rafael. Dodds had told each and every one of them he expected them at he Policeman’s Ball; Izzy, Amanda, & Erin didn’t really have a choice since they were all involved with DAs. She had laid out her new blue & green floor length dress on the bed with a strapless black bra and matching panties before she stepped into the shower. She came out to find the panties she had picked out had been replaced by a different pair of black panties. Rafael stood in the doorway, already in his tux with a scotch in his hand, watching as Izzy picked up the new panties. “You like?” “Why these, Rafa?” “Put them on,” he commanded and so she did. The minute she slid them on, he took a remote out of his jacket pocket and pushed a button. “Oh my god!!” “Papi wants to have a little fun tonight, putita,” he said as he bit the back of her neck hard. “Rafa!” “Shh.” “Give me the remote.” “What is it you always say? Oh yeah, ‘hell…to…the no.” “This isn’t fair.” “Who said anything about fair, mi amor?” “You are going to torture me tonight.” “You read my mind, mi vida,” he said kissing her as he pushed another button on the remote. “God damn it.” “You never say that, mi amor.” “Well, I must have a reason.” 

They were sitting at their table with Brian, Liv, Nick, Fin, Peter, Erin, Sonny, & Amanda eating their $500 a plate dinner. Izzy was deep in conversation with Liv when Rafael hit a button on the remote. “Yeah, I know…oh…my…god!” “Are you okay, Izzy?” “Yeah, uh, I’m fine, Liv. Just a…pain in my back,” she said as she tried to reign herself in. He obviously pushed the ‘stop’ button after Liv & Brian went to dance. Erin scooted over to her so they could talk. Half way into their conversation, he hit the button again, but instead of the low setting, he had it on the medium. “Oh yeah Erin, I know exactly what you’re…fuck!.” “What did you eat?” Izzy slammed her hand on the table not wanting to give in and then Rafael apparently hit the stop button again. “You sure you’re okay?” “I’m fine.” Rafael knew her enough to know when she was close, so he kept stopping when she’d get almost there. “What the hell are you doing to me?” “Well, maybe you’ll think twice before cutting me off,” he said with that smirk on his face. “I’m going to the bathroom.” “You come back and you don’t have those on, you’ll be in even more trouble when we get home.” 

“You don’t listen very well, do you,” he said pushing her against the wall as soon they walked into their bedroom. “You should’ve known.” “You have 3 minutes to get undressed, on your knees, on the bed and yes, I’m watching the time.” She did what she was told. “15 seconds to spare,” he said as he started undressing himself. He lined up behind her, reaching around. “Ready for me so soon?” “Yes, Papi.” “Hmm, I don’t know if I should give it to that quickly.” “Please, Papi?” “I think you can wait,” he said sliding two fingers in her and smacking her ass, making her moan. He threw her onto her back, his fingers still inside of her. Her knees had come together, and he pushed them apart with force as he placed his face between them. Her hands traveled over her own body and down to his hair. He promptly grabbed them and held them down. He got her right to the edge before coming up. “You want me to fuck you, Mami?” “Yes, Papi, please. I need you inside of me.” “You think you deserve my cock?” “Yes!” She was so overstimulated at that point, she knew she wouldn’t last long. He bent down and kissed her hard before slamming into her as hard as he could. He pounded her into the mattress harder and faster each time she called his name. His hand reached up to her neck and started squeezing as he knew they were both getting close. A few seconds later, her head felt cloudy as she came hard all over him. They laid in silence as they came down from the enormous high both of them had just experienced. “We’re not getting too old for that kind of stuff, are we,” he laughed. “Oh please, I’m sure there are couple much older than us that are into more than a little erotic asphyxiation and it doesn’t happen that often anyways.” “I love you, mi reina.” “I love you, too, Rafa. Now, let’s get some sleep. I know I could use it and I’m 6 years younger than you.” “Oh ha ha.”


	88. Chapter 88

“Mr. and Mrs. Barba, thank you for coming in,” Harper’s Principal said as they sat in her office. “Sure, no problem.” “Can you explain to us why we had to come down here, though?” “Mr. Barba, first off, Harper is extremely intelligent and she’s very well mannered.” “Thank you.” “She’s also, very honest.” “Well, I am the District Attorney for Manhattan and my wife is a Lieutenant for the NYPD. Our child being honest shouldn’t be a surprise.” “I understand. She’s just too honest.” “Okay, I’m going to need a little more,” Izzy laughed. “One of her classmates brought their tooth that they had lost for show & tell. She told how the toothfairy left her $5 but said she could keep the tooth, you know made up this whole little story. Anyways, after said child finished, Harper told her and the rest of the class that her mother put the money under her pillow and there is no toothfairy because she’s dead.” They looked at each other, both of them trying to keep a straight face. “Well, I honestly couldn’t tell you how or why she got that into her head, but I assure you, my wife and I will speak to her about this.” 

“She told her class what?” “You heard me, Peter,” Izzy said as she shook her head, “I don’t know where she got that idea. I just hope doesn’t find out about Santa Claus anytime soon and break her classmates, sisters, & brother’s hearts.” “Well, she just tells it like it is, much like her parents.” “We have 3 others just like her, too. Maybe we should’ve thought before reproducing so much,” she joked. “So, I need a favor.” “Stone, I’m running on empty on here, dude. If my husband sent you…” “No, no. It’s more of a personal favor. We leave for the Bahamas in a week so I’m kind of pressed for time on this.” “Oh okay.” “I mean I did talk to Barba about it and he told me to come to you.” “Do you need money?” “I need an opinion.” “Alright, tell me how I can be of service.” 

Everyone took different flights because dealing with baby sitters and what not. Rafael & Izzy were flying with Sonny & Amanda who had been fighting over God knows what. “You’re getting on my nerves,” they heard Amanda say as she & Sonny walked up. “You know something, Amanda, you are 10 feet of pain the ass shoved into a 5-foot sack.” “I still carry a gun, you don’t.” “Oh yeah? Well some rope, some duct tape, and three bags of concrete doesn’t cost much.” “Ooh, okay Sonny Corelone.” “I’m not dealing with this the whole flight,” Rafael whispered to Izzy. “Hey, hey! You trying to get us kicked out of here?” “Sorry.” “Yeah, Sorry, Lieutenant.” “Mentioning your gun in the fucking airport. Are you trying to get us detained?” “I said we’re sorry.” “Get on the plane and get a fucking drink.” “Yeah, that’s what she needs.” “Sonny.” “Okay, okay.” After the flight took off and they were able to get out of their seats, Amanda came over. “Barba switch me seats.” “I don’t want to sit next to your husband any more than you do.” “Just for a minute?” “Ugh, fine. Don’t touch my scotch when it gets here.” “What’s up, Rollins?” “Besides the fact I want to kill my husband?” “I want to kill Rafael at least three times a week. So?” “He has been extremely moody lately.” “Is he manstrating?” “It seems like it. It really does. It’s like no matter what I say, he just flips out. I’m criticizing him, or I don’t respect his job.” “Rafael gets like that from time to time.” “So, what do you do?” “I ignore him and send him out with your husband or Stone, occasionally out with Nick.” “Maybe that’s what he needs. Since Emma was born, he just doesn’t seem to do anything but work and come home.” “Get him out of the house. Make him leave. Set it up yourself, like I do.”


	89. Chapter 89

“Well that was the longest 3-hour flight of my life,” Rafael said to Izzy as they waited for their luggage. “You’re telling me. I felt like I was on the fucking SS Minnow and about to be stranded on Gilligan’s Island with the two of them.” “We’ve had our rough patches too, though.” “I know but fucking-A. If I wanted to sit by Amanda the whole time, that’s how I would’ve booked the tickets.” “I know, mi reina. Here they come. Surely they won’t ruin this week for everyone.” “We can hope.” “Hey, guys, the car is out there waiting on us,” Carisi said, sounding a little exasperated. “We’ll be right out.” “Copy that, boss.” 

They got to the house they had all pitched for. “You finally made it,” Erin said handing Izzy a drink. “Don’t worry I’ve got the luggage.” “Rafael.” “I’m only kidding.” “Sonny?” “I’ve got them, Amanda!” “Fuck it, I will help you.” “Are they still fighting?” “They met us at the gate fighting, Liv. I had planned on getting a blanket and doing some hand stuff to my husband during the flight…” “Izzy!” “BUT, Liv, I couldn’t because once we were able to move around, Amanda made him switch seats with her. I spent 3 hours listening to her bitch about Sonny and I didn’t drink near enough alcohol.” “What is there to fight about? This is the Bahamas and you guys are all away from your kids for a week. That in itself should be enough to keep all of you happy.” “You would think,” Izzy said rolling her eyes. “Oh, why don’t you just shut up,” they heard Amanda say as she and Sonny headed back downstairs and outside. Rafael came behind them. “If we do this next year, we are getting here first. I am not sleeping in the room next to them.” “Is his caseload that heavy?” “Not any worse than mine ever was.” “Yeah but we’re talking about Carisi, not you.” “I guess I can have Stone start taking some if that’s a problem. I mean I still prosecuted when I was Chief ADA. Maybe I should take a few myself and get out of the office.” Amanda & Sonny came back inside and they all got quiet. “Hey, Brian & Stone are on the beach with the jet-skis if you guys are interested,” Liv said. “Sounds good to me. Barba?” “Let’s go,” he said as he followed Carisi out the door. “Excuse me?” “Lo siento, mi amor,” he said as he kissed her. “Have fun.” “Why can’t my marriage be like yours and Barba’s?” “Amanda, as I said on the plane, you’ve just hit a rough patch. You’ll get through it. If we can get through everything we have in 21 years, you guys can get through this.” 

“So, what’s up with you and the missus,” Brian asked Sonny. “I don’t even know. We are always fighting and never over anything important.” “Well it was important enough to ruin my flight.” “What are you talking about, Barba?” “My wife was going to give me a handjob on the plane, that’s what! But oh no, your wife made me switch seats, so she could sit with mine, to bitch about you, I’m sure, so that went out the window!” “So sorry.” “Damn, Barba, do you just keep Viagra on hand?” “Cassidy, I am only 46 and I can assure you I need no pharmaceutical help in that department. You’re the same age as I am anyways. Are you saying…” “My wife is satisfied, thank you.” “Well mine apparently isn’t.” “So, it’s a sexual problem, Carisi?” “No! No! No! It’s just when we fight, we don’t have sex.” “The complete opposite of Izzy & Barba,” Stone laughed. “You’re damn right. Angry sex is the best; especially with my wife. Nothing turns that blond Italian’s crank more than when we fight.” “I just don’t know what to do.” “Barba back me up on this,” Cassidy started, “marriage isn’t a job, but it’s work, and it takes two people willing to work at it; not one.” “Brian’s right. Izzy & I have to work at our marriage every single day. We love each other, sure, but there’s days we wanna rip each other jugulars out.” “More foreplay.” “Shut it, Stone. Yeah, we are a lot alike in a lot of ways…” “Smartasses,” Brian faked coughed earning a glare from Barba. “But we’re also different in a lot of ways. Everyone knows what we’ve been through in the last year and a half and we were so lucky to make it out of that, but it was worth it.” “You’re not fucking around on Rollins, are you,” Cassidy asked. “No, never.” “Is it the work? Do I need to have Stone take some of your cases from SVU? I mean, all you have to do is say something.” “Yeah, I have no problem going back to prosecuting if it’s causing problems in your marriage, man.” “It might not be a bad idea. At least for a little bit.” “Fine. When we get back to New York, I’ll lower your caseload; but can I give you some advice?” “Sure, Barba.” “Maybe a few appointments with Dr. Lindstrom wouldn’t hurt. He saved my marriage.” “And he saved Olivia after the William Lewis debacle,” Brian countered. "Amanda doesn't think you should pay someone to listen to your problems." "Well, sometimes that's the only way to get any actual help in solving them. It worked for Izzy & I tremendously. And I was able to finally able to forgive myself for hurting the only woman I’ve ever loved." "Aww, blech!!!" "Fuck you, Cassidy. We all know what you told Liv a few years ago." "Yes, Liv was, is, and always has been the love of my life. I know what you're talking about, Barba. I just have to give you shit."


	90. Chapter 90

The ladies had gotten changed and sat about the pool with drinks. “Why are men such assholes? I mean seriously?” “Amanda, you know what you need to do?” “What, Izzy?” “The next time Sonny starts an argument about something, just go sit on his face. That’ll shut him up.” “Not everything can be solved with sex, Izzy.” “That’s what you think.” “So, what you guys fight and then no make-up sex?” “Why would I want him touching me after fighting with him for hours, Erin?” “Are you kidding?! That angry sex is the best way to get your aggression out. Pull his hair, slap him around a little bit.” “Is that what you do to Stone?” Erin turned bright red. “Wow, I’m impressed, I gotta say,” Liv laughed, “I thought Izzy & Barba were the only two that went at it like animals.” “Hey! We don’t just go at it like animals!” The three of them gave Izzy the “yeah, right” look. “Okay, so maybe we do but it’s not just about the animalistic urge with us. It’s about the closeness, the passion, the intimacy.” “Puke.” “Shut up, Erin.” “Izzy’s right, though,” Liv agreed, “when you’re really in love with someone, it doesn’t matter how you do it. It’s just about being with that person in that moment.” “Word.” “Do you still love Sonny?” “Yes. He’s just been driving me crazy. I’m scared that with all the fighting we’ve been doing, he’s going to…” “He’s going to what?” “Nevermind.” “He’s going to cheat on you like Barba did me?” “Well, yeah.” “I seriously doubt that would happen.” “You never thought Barba would do it to you.” “True but we later found out that dead slutbag slipped a fucking Xanax in his drink. I mean, he said that didn’t excuse his behavior, but his head wasn’t as clear as it would’ve been either. Plus, if you feel that way, then you need to tell him. That was our biggest problem; not communicating properly.” 

“Carisi, let me ask you something,” Brian said as he took a drink of his beer, “what kind of sex do you & Rollins have?” “What?!” “Just listen to me. Is it straight sex or do you change it up?” “What do you mean?” “Oh my god, are you that fucking dense,” Barba laughed, “he means do you just get on top and do your thing in bed or does she ride you on your fucking couch after the kids are asleep?” “Well, I mean we change positions, yeah.” “You’ve got to step out of your comfort zone sometimes, bro,” Peter added. “Exactly what Stone said.” “Erin & I fight and then get into that angry make-up sex. She scratches the hell out of me, slaps me around a little. It’s actually pretty hot.” “You ever slap Izzy…” “Only her ass. If I slapped her in the face, Carisi, I’d have a 9mm Beretta pointed at my balls in no time. Don’t be scared to take control sometimes, though. For that matter, let her take control, too.” “You two are freaks, aren’t you?” “Whatever do you mean, Cassidy?” “Like none of us have noticed marks on your wrists that your watch can’t hide. I know what makes those marks.” “We get a little experimental at times. So, what? It’s healthy.” “She uses her handcuffs on you?” “Don’t act surprised, Stone. Where do you think Erin got the idea from?” “WHAT?!” “God, Erin tells her everything.” “Is this something you just started…” “Oh hell no. We’ve been doing that type of stuff since we first got together. But seriously, sex aside, if you don’t have intimacy, you don’t have anything.” “Barba’s right, man. You have to decide if all the fighting you’ve been doing is worth it.” “All marriages go through shitty times. Ask yourself this question and answer it honestly: Can you live without Amanda?” “Well, I mean, yeah.” “Okay, now do you want to?” “No.” “Then start working it out, no matter what it takes.” 

The guys came back after about an hour and a half. They all watched as Sonny went over to the chaise Amanda was sitting on, sat behind her, and wrapped his arms around her without saying a word. He whispered something to her and they went inside. “Okay, what did you three to say to him?” “We just told him to get his shit together.” “Bullshit, Cassidy,” Erin laughed. “Look, we don’t ask you what you talk about. I think we should be afforded the same courtesy,” Rafael said. “Fine. Be a smartass.” “You don’t want to play this game with me, cariño.” “Okay, we’ve only been here for a few hours. Can you two not keep it in your pants until the sun sets.” “We could but that wouldn’t be near as fun, Erin. We haven’t been away from our kids since the weekend we conceived Khloe.” “Knock it off, Rafa. We’re here to spend time with our friends, not just screw.” “Amanda and Carisi are upstairs right now…” “And?” “Okay, then. You asked for it.” “I am petrified,” Izzy laughed.


	91. Chapter 91

“So, what did Barba mean when he said, ‘you asked for it’ earlier,” Liv asked as they worked on dinner. “Oh, he’s going to try and be ‘funny’ in bed later. That’s okay. I brought my handcuffs.” They all just laughed. “Hey, Izzy, I wanted to ask you something.” “Ask away, Amanda.” “You know that choking thing Barba does to you?” “You guys are into that?!!!” “It’s not that big of a deal, Liv.” “Do you know how dangerous that…” “He researched it in college, he knows what he’s doing, and we don’t do it all the time.” “Wow. Just when you think you know someone,” Liv shook her head. “What about it, Amanda?” “Wait, so does he use a belt or his tie?” “Oh my god, Liv, he uses his hand.” “Then what was the whole show during Adam Cain’s trial?” “Well, we had never used a belt, so he was actually curious, and he only does it to me, I don’t do it to him. Anyways, Amanda, what do you want to know?” “How long are usually passed out for?” “Maybe 30 seconds. It’s never very long. Just enough to send this sensation through my brain as I’m having an orgasm that just amplifies it by like 100%.” They all just stared at her. “What? She asked a question.”

After dinner, they sat around the pool with drinks talking about everything from work to their kids. “No, the funniest time was when Khloe busted in the room, Rafael on top of me, mind you, and tells us to stop fighting because apparently we were being way too loud.” “No, no. Brittany comes in on Brian & I one night and asked if there were wild animals in our room because of all the noises she could hear.” “I think I have a better one,” Amanda spoke up, “we were going at it not that long ago, and Jessie comes in. Sonny threw the blanket over us real, quick and asked her to leave. We finished up and told her to come back and she got about 6 inches from Sonny’s face, as serious as she could, asked him ‘What were you doing to my mama?!’.” “Okay, that is funny.” “Yeah, we think it’s funny but we’re scarring them for life,” Carisi said as he rolled his eyes. “Like you never walked in on your parents, Carisi?” “Ugh, yes, Izzy. What about you?” “I’d rather not discuss that. Let’s just say, they should’ve both been at work, and I was way too old to see what I saw. It wasn’t like I was 5-year-old that didn’t know what was going on. I was 17.” 

Rafael was kissing Izzy’s neck as they laid in bed. “This was a good idea.” “Yeah…it was.” “What’s wrong?” “How terrible would it be for me to say I miss the kids?” He kind of laughed, “There’s nothing wrong with missing the kids, mi amor. We’ve never been away from them but they’re fine. We talked to them three hours ago and they’re okay. Molly is helping Mami with them and your parents will get them in a few days. We’ve been needing something like this for a long time. We had our vow renewal last year, but we didn’t take a second honeymoon because of the campaign and we just had our 7th anniversary last month. Harper & Khloe turn 5 & 6 next month, the twins will be 3 in June. I think we deserve some time away.” “You’re right.” “Of course, I am,” he said as he started kissing her. They kept is slow and soft that night. Carisi and Amanda were busy making up. They were making up so much, no one could get any sleep. Izzy, Erin, Peter, & Rafael were in the kitchen, eating leftovers when Liv & Brian came in. “You guys can’t sleep either?” “Fuck no,” Erin laughed. “What are you all doing.” “Eating and talking about sex,” Izzy laughed. “Well, I prefer eating. You don’t have to wait an hour for seconds,” Liv laughed. “Then Brian’s doing it wrong,” Rafael said as he & Izzy high-fived without even looking at each other.


	92. Chapter 92

“Are you nervous, Peter,” Barba asked. “Extremely,” he said as all the guys sat at the dock after riding the jet-skies for a couple of hours. “It’s going to be fine. Just don’t ask her during sex like Barba asked Izzy,” Carisi laughed. “You weren’t even around then. How could you possibly…oh your wife has a big mouth.” “You proposed to Izzy during sex and lived to tell the tale,” Stone laughed. “Believe it or not. I had been planning on asking her, it had been weighing on my mind for about a week. I wanted to the plan this romantic night out, make it perfect, and we were making love one night and just as we were both about to come, I blurt out, ‘marry me’.” “What did she do?” “She pushed me off of her, got dressed, and went out on the terrace of our old apartment. Of course, I got dressed and went after her. She yelled at me for a little bit, rightfully so. I went and got the ring, which I had designed for her in 2004, it took me two years to pay it off, as I hadn’t been at the DA’s office long enough to make a decent salary. I had finally paid it off about a month before we broke up the first time. I never got rid of it, so technically I had bought it for her 10 years prior to that night. Anyways, I told her that, but I apologized and started to walk back in, but she told me to ask her again, right there on our terrace, in our pajamas. So, I did.” “That is actually kind of sweet.” “Yeah, but you couldn’t pull it off, Stone. You haven’t logged as much time with same woman as I have.” 

Erin & Peter left in a town car to go to dinner. “This is so exciting,” Amanda said after they left, “They’re going to come back engaged.” “Finally, Erin found someone that could put up with her.” “Rafael Eduardo Barba!!” “Yes, Elizabeth Michelle Barba?” “I can’t believe you’d say something like that.” “How long have I known her?” “Yeah, okay,” Izzy laughed. “They are a good match,” Liv added. “Stone has brought out a different side to her. You guys haven’t known her as long as I have. She has never made any attempt to settle down.” “At all,” Cassidy asked. “I thought [Antonio] Dawson might have but she didn’t like his baby mama drama.” “I just hope Peter is good to her.” “What do you mean, Barba?” “He cheated on his first wife.” “He was married before,” Liv asked. “To his high school sweetheart. They were married while he was a pro ball player.” “He gave into the temptations on the road, huh?” “Pretty much, Cassidy.” “Well, we’ve all seen the stories about professional athletes not being faithful, so we can’t be shocked, but I don’t think he’d do that to Erin,” Carisi added. “I did it to Izzy.” “Baby, stop. It’s been two years.” “I know. Doesn’t mean I still don’t hate that part of our story.” She took his scruffy face in her hands and kissed him hard. “EW!” “Leave us alone,” Izzy shot back at Carisi’s exclamation. “Upstairs, mi amor?” “Si, Papi.” 

“Glad we weren’t trying to sleep,” Carisi joked when Izzy & Rafael came back downstairs an hour later. “Do not go there after our first night here,” Barba scolded. It had been hours since Erin & Stone had went to dinner. “They should be back by now,” Izzy said pacing back and forth through the kitchen, “God, I hope she didn’t turn him down.” “Mi amor, calm down.” “I can’t. This is a big deal. When he came to me about this last week, I told him to go for it. What if I was wrong?” “You weren’t.” “I helped him pick the ring. What if she saw it and…” “We’re back,” Erin announced as she & Stone came in, both covered in mud. “So, what’s up, Barba asked with that ever-present smirk. Erin held out her left hand, showing the ring Peter had given her. “Oh my god!!!” “Izzy, I know you already knew.” “Yeah, I did,” she laughed. “And I know you helped pick the ring.” “And?” “I love it,” she said hugging Izzy. “Okay you’re getting mud all over me.” “Yeah, we kind of celebrated on the beach before we came back here.” “Eww, you just hugged me after screwing Stone? No offense.” Everyone offered their congratulations to Erin & Stone.

“Okay, this has been a wonderful week with some of my best friends,” Liv started as they enjoyed lunch out by the pool. “Yes, it has,” everyone agreed. “Peter & Erin, congratulations. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Now, on to my announcement. After this week, I will not be coming back to SVU.” Everyone but Izzy & Brian let out a collective “WHAT?!” “I have started my paperwork for my retirement.” “But you’re not at mandatory retirement age.” “I know that, Rollins but I’m ready to just be a wife and mother; nothing more.” “So, what now,” Erin asked. “Well, Izzy will be now known as Captain Barba.” “What,” Rafael asked, shocked. “Is that okay?” “Are you kidding? Why didn’t you tell me you were taking the Captain’s Exam?” “Someone made me promise to keep this quiet. You’re not mad, are you?” “Are you kidding? I think it’s wonderful. Felicitaciones, mi amor. Estoy tan orgulloso de ti (I am so proud of you).” “Gracias, Rafa.” “Wow. Captain Barba. That sounds weird,” Erin laughed causing Izzy to throw a meatball at her, resulting in a very messy food fight.


	93. Chapter 93

“Hey, Captain. You got a minute?” “Sure, Fin. Come in. What’s up?” "Well, I’ve been doing some thinking,” he said handing her some papers. “You’re retiring, too?” “I think it’s time. I’ve been on the job for almost 40 years. Everyone is moving on with their lives, I think it’s time for me to move on, as well. Plus, your husband has offered me the investigator job at his office.” “Well, Fin, we’re gonna miss you around here.” “I’ll still pop up here and there.” She came from behind the desk and hugged him. “Let me take you and the squad for lunch since I know you don’t like parties.” “That sounds great, Captain.” “Nick, Erin, Amanda, come on. We’re going to lunch.” “What’s the occasion?” “Well, Sergeant, looks like we will have an opening for a Lieutenant in a few weeks.” “What?” They were all shocked at Fin’s news. “Don’t worry. I’ll still be at all of our little family functions. I haven’t missed a piano or dance recital, or a baseball or basketball game and I don’t intend to.”

The twins were 8 and on their way to third grade, Khloe was 10 heading into the fifth grade, and Harper was 11 going into the sixth. “When did they grow up,” Rafael asked as he rubbed Izzy’s calves since she & Amanda had chased a perp up 7 flights of stairs. “I don’t know. When did we get old,” Izzy laughed. “I’ll only be 52 and you’ll only be 46 in October. We’re not old.” “I feel it. My legs are killing me.” “Well, you did quite a work out.” “Ripped one of my favorite shirts when I tackled the bastard.” “Well, I’m sure we can afford a new one,” he said as he reached over and started kissing her. “Uh, ew.” “What is it, Harper?” “I need to talk to the two of you.” “Okay.” “I’ve had the same phone for 6 months. I think I need a new one.” “Excuse me,” Izzy said at her daughter’s request. “You just got that phone for your birthday, against my wishes, mind you, so you’ve only had it 3 months,” Rafael corrected her, “and why do you think you need a new one?” “Because there’s a new iPhone out.” “So, because they released a new model, you think you need it when the model you have isn’t even a year old?” “Yeah.” “Nice try, Harper.” “But Papi, we’re rich. It’s not like we can’t afford it.” “Okay, first of all, your mother and I are rich, you have nothing, and we weren’t born that way. Your mother and I have worked for everything we have. There are kids all over this city that have less than you do, a lot less. Now, if you want to keep being ungrateful for everything you have, then we will gladly take it all away and give it to those less fortunate children. Sound good?” “No.” “I didn’t think so.” He got up and went to the kitchen, Izzy followed close behind. “How did she get so spoiled? We’ve never done more for her than the other kids.” “I think it has to do with some of her friends.” “Maybe we should put her in public school then.” “You know that wouldn’t solve a thing, Rafael,” she said wrapping her arms his neck. “I will not allow any of our daughters to turn into Regina George.” “God, I haven’t seen that movie in forever! It’s so old now.” “Not the point, Izzy,” he said rolling his eyes.

“Okay, Harper, do you want to explain to your mother & I why we have a meeting with your English teacher & the principal tomorrow?” “I didn’t do anything, Papi.” “You’ve done something, and it will be a lot better for you just to tell us now. “Okay, you know Christopher Braden that’s in my class?” “Yes.” He was the son of Matthew Braden, the defense attorney that represented Fin’s step-son Darius in his murder trial all those years ago. Rafael couldn’t stand him. “Okay, you know how he acts like he’s so special because his dad is a lawyer. I mean, I don’t act like that.” “That’s your opinion but continue,” Rafael said. “Well, Mr. Allen was going over our homework and he said he wasn’t going to do it. He said we should start a revolution and yeah, I’m revolting. All I said was, ‘yes you are’ and he got his feelings hurt.” “Go to your room.” “Papi.” “Go, ahora, Harper.” “Yes, sir.” They waited as she left Rafael’s home office. “You know, I honestly can’t be mad,” he laughed, “I can’t stand Braden, never could. He’s a dirty lawyer.” “He was one hell of a dirty cop too. I got jammed up by IAB for him breaking that suspects arm because I witnessed it. After that mess with Darius Parker, I don’t see how he wasn’t disbarred.” “We have to take time out of our day because our daughter brought another student down a peg? Seriously?”


	94. Chapter 94

“Who was that woman I just saw leave your office, Stone?” “My ex-wife.” “And why is your ex-wife visiting you from Chicago?” “You’re treating me like a suspect, Barba,” he laughed. “I’m just asking a question. I’ve seen her in here more than once…” “Her husband is an attorney in Chicago, he’s filed for divorce, and trying to screw her out of…she just wants me to look through the papers to make sure everything’s on the up & up.” “There wasn’t a lawyer in Chicago that could’ve done that?” “Not without her husband finding out.” “Fine. Just remember you have a wife and a 4-year-old son.” “Got it, boss.” 

As the kids had gotten older, Izzy & Rafael tried to quiet down when they’d have sex, even though the kids, bedrooms were upstairs and there’s was downstairs. It was around midnight and all the kids had been asleep since around 10 so they figured they were safe and Izzy let loose as Rafael fucked her hard and fast. Afterwards they were so spent they just fell asleep. The next morning, she looked at her phone to find texts from Harper. 11:44 pm: “You’ve officially scarred me for life.” Then at 11:48pm: “I can hear you & Papi all the way upstairs…that’s NOT something I want to wake up to.” Then at 11:58 pm: “Turn up the TV or something next time.” Izzy was mortified. “She’s in the sixth grade, she knows what we were doing.” “That’s not the point.” “I know. We’ll sit her down and talk to her about it or you can sit her down and talk to her about it.” “Me?” “I’ll handle Connor when it’s time.” “Oh, like that’s going to be so traumatizing.” “You know the conversation my dad had with me about sex?” “What?” “Don’t get a girl pregnant or your out of my house.” “Sweet.” “Wasn’t he,” he said as he rolled his eyes. Izzy was making breakfast when Harper came in, “Uh, I’m just going to get some juice.” “Stop, Harper.” “Yes, Mami?” “I got your text messages. Sorry you heard me and your dad…you know.” “I know what you were doing. I learned about it in health class. They just didn’t teach us about the sounds you were making…” “Okay, uh, god this is uncomfortable.” “Okay, I’m just going to say it and get it out there,” Rafael said walking into the kitchen. They waited for him to speak. “Okay, I can’t do this. Let’s go in my office.” They sat down, and he tried to start again. “You know what, you can do it when you’re 40 and I’m dead. End of story.” “Rafa!” “Are we done?” “For now, Harper.” “Thank, God.” “Well, that went great,” he scoffed. “We have to do this sometime, you know that.” “I don’t mean to put it all on you, but the girls should probably hear it from you and not me. They may be scared to ask questions if I’m around.” 

The next year two years proved to be really tough. Rafael and Izzy lost Stella & Lucia within months of each other, Anthony 6 months after Stella. Connor proved to be quite athletic, playing basketball and hockey. Khloe was more into books and learning, just like her father. Quinn was involved in so many dance classes, Izzy found it hard to keep them straight some weeks. Harper was a cheerleader and carried the attitude that came with it; of course, teenage hormones were a lot of the problem too. Izzy had one way to make sure her boyfriends were proper. She’d let Harper invite them to dinner and in the middle of dinner, she’d remove her gun from her hip and sit it on the table. The other kids and Rafael found it pretty funny; Harper not so much. “He probably won’t speak to me again like Josh cause of your little gun trick.” “Well, you’ll get over it. You’re not gonna meet the love of your life at 13. Besides, it wasn’t loaded.” “Keep laughing, Khloe. Wait till she does that to you.” “Hey, if a boy can’t handle my moms gun, he can’t handle me.” “That’s my girl,” Rafael said as he walked down the hall. “Hey, Mom?” “What’s up, Quinn?” “I gotta do that family project for school and I can’t tell if this is an older picture of you and Dad or a recent one because you pretty much still look the same,” she laughed. “That is from your Aunt Liv’s birthday party in 2018, right after you & Connor were born.” “Oh my god, that was so long ago!” “This is why I don’t like to invite my friends over. They have to tell me how hot my mom is, and I just don’t want to hear that,” Connor said as he rolled his eyes. “You don’t think I have to hear about Dad? Sarah is like in love with him,” Harper laughed. “Okay, everyone finish your homework and get ready for bed.” She found Rafael laying in their bed, reading over a file. “What’s so funny,” he said looking up. “Did you not hear our kids?” “I heard them,” he laughed, “must be hard for Connor.” “And Harper, too, apparently.” “They should be proud to have such good-looking parents,” he said as he started kissing her. “You trying to start something, Counselor?” “I might be,” as he continued. “Well, you better lock the door.”


	95. Chapter 95

Izzy walked in from work to hear a door slamming. “Oh, what now?” “You can deal with her. I’m done. I’ve had it.” “You’ve had it with her since she was 9,” Izzy laughed. “Khloe has never acted like that. Quinn doesn’t act like that.” “So, what’s the cause of all the drama today?” “Why don’t I let her tell you?” “Fine.” She walked into Harper’s room. “You can’t knock, Mom?” “Knock on a door, in the house that I own? Have you lost your mind? Get in the den.” “Ugh, fine,” she said as she slammed her History book shut. “Okay, so tell me why, after a day of testifying in a rape case, I come home to the sound of your door slamming.” “Madison’s parents are throwing her this big birthday party this weekend.” “Okay? Madison as in the Freshman you’re on the cheerleading squad with?” “Yes. Madison Pierce.” “Okay, I know there’s obviously more so keep going.” “Well, I asked Dad if I can go.” “And he told you no? I’m sure he had a reason.” “Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. Keep going. Tell your mother why I said no.” “Her brother has invited some of his friends.” “Her brother is a junior in high school if I remember correctly, so now I see why your dad said no.” “Seriously?” “You are not going to a party where there will be 17 & 18-year-old boys. Do you not remember what it is I do for a living?” “Yes, Mom but…” “But nothing. Do you know how many rape cases involving teenagers your Dad & I have dealt with over the years?” “I know.” “No, you don’t. You have no idea some of things we have seen over the years.” “I already got this speech from Dad.” “Good! And now you’re getting it from me. Have I never told you about the case with the 15-year-old girl being drugged, sexually assaulted, stuffed in a suitcase, and left for dead?” “Yes.” “Okay, that should serve as cautionary tale for you.” “Is Sarah going?” “No. Her parents won’t let her.” “And why not?” “I don’t know, Dad.” “Well, I’m not her parents but I’d be willing to bet it’s for the same reason we said no.” “Fine. I just don’t know why you guys are so strict.” “You’ll understand when you have kids of your own, when you’re 35,” Rafael laughed. 

“So, Harper is staying the night at Sarah’s, Connor at Sonny & Amanda’s, Quinn at Liv’s?” “Yep. It’s just us and Khloe tonight.” “We should take her to a movie or something. She never really gets any alone time with us, mi amor.” “We could do that. Oh, Nick just walked in. I’ll see you this evening.” “Okay, I love you.” “Love you.” “Are they ever gonna get us a new detective that actually sticks around?” “Good question, Amaro. I’ll talk to Dodds.” “I can’t believe he hasn’t retired yet.” “Why would he? He’s got it made.” “True.” “So, how are things with you & Cynthia?” “Pretty good. She doesn’t like Gil’s girlfriend but big surprise there,” he laughed. “How’s Zara doing?” “Getting big.” “How much longer does she have?” “3 months.” “Is she sure there is only one baby in there?” “God, I hope so.”

“Get rid of my sisters and brother more often,” Khloe laughed as they walked home after grabbing pizza and going to a movie. “We didn’t plan it.” “I know, Mom, but it’s nice for me to get time alone with you & Dad.” “I know what it’s like to be 2nd born. Feel overlooked, sometimes, huh?” “Sometimes.” “Princesa, you know we don’t mean to make you feel that way.” “I know, Dad and I’m lucky I’m not an only child like you were. Still, this was fun, just me.” “It was. We’ll start doing this once a month. Just the three of us,” Rafael said as he put his arm around her. 

“Who’s calling,” Rafael whined as Izzy’s phone rang while they getting ready to have sex. “It’s Nick.” “Remind me to pay him back one night.” “Shh. Hey Nick, what’s up?” “Hey, Captain, we got a call about a party at a loft in Chelsea.” “Okay and why is that SVU’s problem?” “A girl left the party, having been sexually assaulted, ran into a patrol officer as she ran out of the building. He called the local precinct who went in and busted the party, found underage drinking, there were drugs, and well, you and Barba just might want to come down to our office.” “Uh, okay. We’ll be down there in about 20 minutes.” “What’s going on?” “Nick wants us in the office. I’ll tell you about it on the way. Go see if Khloe is asleep yet. She’ll just have to go with us.” 

“Where’s the fire, Amaro?” Nick started explaining the case to them, Rollins was at the hospital with the 16-year-old victim, waiting on her parents. Erin had taken Khloe to her desk. “Okay, so why call us out in the middle of the night,” Rafael asked. “Come here,” he said leading them to the window of one the interrogation rooms. “That is not our 13-year-old daughter sitting in there,” Rafael said with so much anger in his eyes. “She was picked up at the party, I got her before they could take her to the juvenile center with the others. She begged me not to call you, but I told her I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t smell alcohol on her, so I don’t think she’s been drinking.” “Oh, well, there’s the silver lining of my daughter partying with high schoolers,” he scoffed. He opened the door. “Have fun?!” “Dad, I…” “Your mother’s office, now.” “Thanks a lot, Uncle Nick.” “Whoa. Stop right there. If it wasn’t for your Uncle Nick, you and your mouth would be at the juvenile center with your buddies.” “Sorry.” “And what else?” “Thank you.” “Keep walking.” They walked into Izzy’s office and Rafael slammed the door so hard, it made Harper, Khloe, & Erin jump. “My parents are pissed.” “Khloe!” “What? It’s true. Don’t tell them I said that, Aunt Erin.” “Your secret’s safe with me,” she laughed, “although as long as I’ve known your mom, I doubt she would be too surprised.” 

“So, let me see if I can get this straight. First off, you lied to us about where you were going to be tonight.” “Only because…” “You will not speak until I say you can. So, on top of the lying, you go to the party that we specifically told you that you couldn’t go to, which ended up being busted. Alcohol and drugs were found there, a 16-year-old was assaulted by one of the football players at the party.” “I didn’t…” “What did I tell you?!” “Sorry, Dad,” she said sinking down further in her chair. “Now, do you understand why we said no? That could’ve been you! You think we just make rules to, what, keep you from having fun? No! We make rules to keep you safe.” She looked back and forth between her parents as they stood against Izzy’s desk as tears streamed down her face. “Give me your phone.” “Mom?” “Do what he said, Harper. Now.” She handed Rafael her phone. “When we get home, you will give me your iPad and your laptop. You can use your laptop under our supervision and only for homework. The only electronic allowed in your room will be your TV and I’m being very generous with that. You will go to school and come straight home, every day.” “I have cheerleading…” “Not anymore you don’t. You’re done for the year.” “But basketball season…” “I don’t care! Monday morning, you will go to school and turn your uniform in. It’s not up for debate. We might let you try out for next year.” “Okay.” “And as of this moment, your trust with me and your mother is out the window. It will be a very cold day in hell before we trust you again.”


	96. Chapter 96

“Can you believe Harper is graduating high school?” “Then we have Khloe next year.” “You know, I’m thinking after the twins graduate in three years, I’m going to retire.” “Seriously?” “Yeah. I mean we have enough money to send them all to school. I love our kids but I’m ready for it to just be you and me again.” “Well, actually I was thinking that after Khloe graduates, I may put my papers in myself. I mean I’ve been a cop since I was 21.” “I always thought you’d make it through retirement age.” “I did too but I’ll make more if I leave than if I stay.” “It’s whatever you want to do.” “Mom, Dad, come on. I can’t be late to my own graduation.” “We know this,” Izzy laughed. “Can you believe I made it?” “We were just dropping you off at kindergarten it seems.” “And Papi wouldn’t let me go.” “You’re my first born. It was a tough day.” "He was just as bad with Khloe and the twins, too." 

Izzy was working on packing up her office when Rafael knocked on the door. “Hey.” “Need some help?” “Sure.” He started taking down pictures off the shelf. “Wow.” “What?” “This picture of you and Amanda.” “Her birthday, 2017.” “Oh, I remember that night. You passed out while I was going down on you.” “Oh my god, I forgot about that. Hey, you’ve fallen asleep on me before.” “Well, not technically on you.” “You know what I mean, and I didn’t pass out, I fell asleep.” “No, you passed out. You were enjoying yourself and then dead silence. I tried to get you back up and it was not happening.” “Well, I was relaxed.” “Oh, hell no. That excuse didn’t work for me when I fell asleep during a blow job and I actually did fall asleep because I was the most relaxed I had been in weeks. You cut me off for two weeks over that.” “What?” “Don’t act like you don’t remember. Those two weeks are the only time you dressed ‘professionally’ for more than one day at a time. Low cut shirts, the skirts, and then you’d wear the skimpiest stuff to bed. All to fuck with me.” “Oh yeah. That was fun.” “For you.” “You never fell asleep during a blow job again, did you?” “Fuck no. I learned my lesson. Look at this.” “What?” “Mami and the kids.” “That was one of the best pictures of them.” “I think I’m gonna put this in my office, if that’s okay.” “Of course, it is.” “I miss her so much.” “I know you do.” They packed up the rest of her stuff. “Well, I guess that’s everything.” “Well, are you ready?” “Yeah, I finally am.” They each grabbed a box and walked out the door. Erin ran to her in tears and hugged her. Then came Amanda. “It’s going to be so weird looking over in that office and not seeing you every day.” “Erin will be there.” “Yeah but it won’t be the same. I can’t go to Erin when Sonny’s tried something weird in bed or just pissed me off,” Amanda laughed through her tears. “I’ll still have my phone and it’s not like we won’t be seeing each other.” “I know.” “So, do I get a hug?” “Of course, Nick. Well, Lieutenant Stone, they’re all yours.” “I’ll take care of what’s left of the squad.” “I know you will. They’re in good hands with you.” After saying her good-byes, she took one more look around the squad room and left.


	97. Chapter 97

{2056}  
“Everyone here knows me as Rafael and Elizabeth Barba’s only son, Connor. First of all, on behalf of my sisters and myself, I would to thank everyone for coming today. I’m not going to stand here and talk about all of my father’s professional accomplishments. If you knew him at all, you know most of them already. He worked as an Assistant District Attorney in Brooklyn fresh out of Harvard Law, taught for a year at Columbia, then served as Chief ADA for Jack McCoy until he became the Manhattan District Attorney in 2020; a position he held until 2036. He retired after my twin sister Quinn & I graduated from high school, so he could spend more time with his wife, our mother. Our father always said that graduating top of his class at Harvard wasn’t the best thing that happened in his life. It was the day his best friend and roommate, our uncle Tony, introduced him to our mother, followed by the days we were born. He loved her every day for 57 years. Like most marriages, they did have their problems, but at the end of the day, the love they had for each other outweighed anything bad. He doted on our mother. When he first became an ADA, he didn’t really make a lot of money, but he was determined to design and buy Mom the biggest engagement ring he could. It took him two years to pay it off. Unfortunately, they split before he could give it to her. In 2012, their careers caused them to cross paths again and he was finally able to give the ring a year later. They were split for about 6 years, but he always told me that he never stopped loving her for a minute. Last year, when our mom got sick, he sat at the hospital with her day in and day out. They’d watch TV, he’d read to her, they’d reminisce & joke about their younger days. He held her hand as she took her last breath. When we found out that he needed surgery to repair something in his heart and he had refused, my sister’s and I were naturally upset. We thought he was being selfish and we told him so. Our parents taught us to always be honest. It wasn’t until that day that we were arguing with him, he told us there was no way to fix his heart. That’s when it dawned on us. His heart had literally been broken when he lost our mom. That last day we sat in the hospital with him as his breathing got more and more shallow. Quinn bent down, kissed him on the cheek and told him to go be with our Mom. We all swore a tiny smile appeared on his face as he took his last breath. Papi is reunited once again with the only woman he ever loved.”


	98. Chapter 98

“Connor come on. You know we have to do this.” “I know, Khloe. It’s just…it’s hard.” The four of them started going through Rafael & Izzy’s stuff. “Wow. Have you guys ever seen this picture,” Quinn asked as she held up that picture Erin took of them asleep on the couch that snowy weekend in 2000. “Aunt Erin took that,” Harper said. “Look how young they were.” “I can’t believe they were together so long,” Quinn chuckled. “Papi didn’t get rid of one thing of hers,” Harper said as she walked into their closet. “Her perfume and make-up still sits in the bathroom, where it always did,” Connor said before he broke down. The four of them only had each other now. 

“Have of you girls ever read this?” “What is it, Connor?” “It’s a letter Dad actually wrote to Mom.” “Does it say when?” “Their 10th wedding anniversary, Quinn.” “Well read it.” “Just because you’re the oldest doesn’t mean you have to be so bossy, Harper:   
‘My Dearest Elizabeth’ bet Mom loved that, ‘Another year has gone by like a blur. Who would’ve thought we’d make it this far? I still remember the first day I ever laid eyes on you. You were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Did I ever think you’d even spend a minute of your time engaging me in conversation? Did I think you’d give me a second look? Did I dare to imagine being your man? Definitely not but look at us now. Here we are, another year together, four beautiful children, and stronger than ever. Our entire relationship has been filled with ups and downs, highs and lows. But at the end of the day, we know that our love for each other is stronger than anything life throws at us. Happy 10th anniversary to the love of my life. I look forward to the rest of the years we’ll get to spend together’.” They were all in tears by the time Connor finished. “They really loved each other,” Khloe said. 

The four of them sat looking at pictures of their parents when they were younger. “Connor, you look just like Papi. It’s almost scary,” Quinn laughed. “Hey, he was a good-looking man.” “Same ego, too,” Harper scoffed. “God, I can’t believe Mom’s gone, Dad’s gone, Aunt Liv’s gone.” “Uncle Brian and Uncle Nick didn’t look good at Dad’s funeral,” Khloe added. “So, Connor, did you get Mom’s engagement ring?” “Papi gave it to me two months ago.” “And you still haven’t asked Emma to marry you?” “I’m working on it. Uncle Sonny’s already given me permission. Just everything with Papi happened and so I had to put something’s on hold, Quinn.” “What do you think Mom said when she saw Dad again?” “She probably told him it took him long enough, Harper,” Khloe laughed.


End file.
